Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy)

by Shandwick, K. L.

  “I’m so sorry for what happened in London. I should never have left the room, but I panicked. I want to tell you something, and it may take a while. When I’m done, you’ll have to decide what happens next.” I closed my eyes, I didn’t want Alfie to see my reaction to what he was about to tell me.

  “When I first saw you Lily, I couldn’t stop staring at you. You didn’t see me at all. You walked past me, you’re cute little face smiling up at the sun, and I knew there and then, I had to have you. I’ve never had a reaction to anyone like the one I had when I first laid my eyes on you.”

  My eyes were still closed. He wasn’t telling me anything I didn’t know already. He had asked me to be his ‘fuck buddy.’ “Did you think sitting in front of me on the lawn was the first time I saw you?” My eyes flicked open, and he smiled shaking his head. “I was leaving that day, when you arrived in the parking lot. I had to find out who you were, so I followed you back to the registrar’s office. When I heard you getting directions to the canteen for the meet-and-greet, I strategically placed myself so that you would walk past me.” I was dazed and confused to hear this, nothing was as it seemed that day.

  “If you felt like that about me, why didn’t you let Kara go? Why put me through all the shit if you wanted me? You didn’t want to know who I was. You just wanted to have sex with me. Well Alfie you got what you wanted, so well done, your plan out worked for you.”

  I closed my eyes again. “Are you going to let me speak or are you going to constantly interrupt me to rant at me. I thought we’d already established that I was a first-class bastard already.” Alfie retorted. I sighed, but didn’t move, still lying on the bed. “Look at me,” he instructed me. I kept my eyes closed.

  He exhaled blowing out between his lips. “You asked if I loved you. I do. I was going to tell you on New Year’s morning in London.”

  My eyes flew open again, tears dropping onto my pillow, but I still didn’t move. He continued, “I was being honest when I said I can’t love you. What I meant was I’m not in the position to love you the way you deserve to be loved. I can’t commit to you the way you deserve, and I won’t pretend it could be any other way.”

  I whispered, “Because of Kara.” Alfie looked pained, his eyes closed and he nodded, swallowing hard. His jaw clenched as he struggled with whatever he was going to say next.

  CHAPTER 19 – PRIORITIES

  “Kara needs me, Lily. I can’t let anything or anyone get in the way of that.”

  I felt weary. “This is getting boring, Alfie. You said this before. Why? Who is she?” He ran his hand through his hair and stood up, then sat nearer me.

  “Sit up,” he said, pulling me up.

  I scooted up against the headboard. “What I am about to say… I can’t believe I’m going to tell you this…” He swallowed and closed his eyes. He was scaring me. I sat quietly letting him pull together whatever he was going to say.

  “Kara is my best friend’s girlfriend… was my best friend’s girlfriend.”

  I smirked at him. “She left him for you, and now you don’t think you can leave her because of it?”

  He shook his head. “You really think so little of me, don’t you?” He looked sadly at me, his mouth stretched into a line.

  “Gary was my best friend all through high school; he was a hero. When I started college, he signed on for duty and was deployed overseas with the US Army. He was on patrol during one of the conflicts. He was only two days out from finishing his tour of duty when the vehicle he was traveling in ran over a land mine. He was killed instantly.”

  He closed his eyes as he took a minute to think. I sat silently too, but I couldn’t see what this had to do with us. My voice broke the silence softly.

  “So you’re helping his girlfriend? That’s commendable, but why the secrecy? She isn’t your responsibility, unless you took up with her, either when he was away or since he died, maybe?”

  He looked annoyed with me. “If only it was that simple.” He smirked, then leaned forward and tucked my hair behind my ear.

  I shivered. “Don’t touch my hair, Alfie,” I said deadpan. He swallowed and held my gaze, then leaned back on one arm on the bed, letting his other hand run over his firm torso, smoothing his t-shirt down.

  He glanced at my bedside table. “Mind if I have some of your water,” he asked, leaning across and picking up the half-empty water bottle I had left there on my way to the bathroom earlier.

  He opened the bottle, placed it to his mouth and took a long draw from it. It was almost empty when he pulled it away from his mouth. He replaced the white top on the bottle and set it back down again, before wiping his mouth with the back of his hand.

  “The next part is for your ears only. Kara and Poppy’s lives depend on it.” His eyes flicked to mine, his face looked as if he was still struggling that he was going to actually tell me.

  “You need to swear never to speak to anyone about it.”

  I stared at him. “Really?” I sounded ticked at him, but when I saw how serious his face was, I realized how childish I sounded. I twisted my mouth at him and nodded obediently.

  “Kara was Gary’s sweetheart since high school. They were planning on marrying in a couple of years. They lived together off base on the other side of town. When Gary died, Kara wasn’t taken care of by the Army. She wasn’t a wife or a fiancée.” Alfie stared at me, but I don’t think it was registering that he was looking at me. He was absorbed in his thoughts for that moment.

  “She’s estranged from her parents, Lily. She left home at eighteen against their wishes to live with Gary. After he died, I took her back to see them; she was a fucking mess. They opened the door, took one look at her, and closed it again. I’ll never understand how a parent could do that to their child,” he said shaking his head, sadly.

  His eyes looked up at me then across to the window. “Three weeks after Gary’s death, I got a note he’d written for me in the event that he didn’t come back. He asked me to take care of ‘his Kara’ for him and keep her from harm. I really wanted to honor that. I loved Gary, he trusted me with her, and he was a fucking hero. I figured he died for his country, protecting all of us. The least I could do for him was to protect and take care of the one person that meant the most to him when he was alive.”

  His eyes filled with tears, but he exhaled sharply, cleared his throat, and shook his head. He blinked back the tears and controlled his emotions from engulfing him.

  “Kara lost her home. She only worked part-time in a supermarket and couldn’t make the rent. She moved in with me, and we were fine at first, but she still needed something to make the difference, for her to kickstart her life again.

  She begged me to get her work as an escort. She knew I used that line of work to pay my tuition through college.” He looked visibly frustrated. “I tried hard to dissuade her from getting involved, but she’s a strong willed girl. When I wouldn’t introduce her, she started to go down the glamour model route. She’s a pretty girl after all. The thing is, she was mixing with sleazy guys and the places she was putting herself out there were seedy. I knew she was going to get herself into something she wasn’t prepared for if I didn’t help her.”

  This protective, considerate, selfless guy that Alfie was describing himself to be, wasn’t the person I knew him as at all. The Alfie I knew couldn’t be trusted.

  With me, he was ruthless in his pursuit of me for his own pleasure, utterly fucking selfish, and he couldn’t have cared less about anyone else, especially me.

  I sat up, and pulled my knees up, hugging them, as I listened to what he was telling me. Alfie’s hand reached out and stroked the back of my arm. I flinched, and he closed his eyes.

  Swallowing hard, he dropped it to rest on the bed again. His eyes flicked up to my face; he looked hurt and apologetic at the same time. He inhaled, then began to talk again.

  He looked at the bed. “Would you mind if I sat up there?” He pointed at the other side of the bed and waited for me to reply.


  I shrugged. “Fine, but finish your story.” My voice sounded stilted, and I was wary of any moves he might think he could make.

  He walked around the bed and the mattress dipped beside me as he crawled on to the bed. He adjusted himself, moving the pillow up behind his back and settled his body alongside me with a sigh. “It isn’t a story, Lily,” he whispered exasperated.

  His face told me he was annoyed at my description of his explanation. “A story implies what I just disclosed isn’t my reality.” He smirked and let out a snort. “I wish that was the case, but the past two years have been too real as far as I’m concerned.”

  I turned my head and his eyes met mine. I could see the sincerity in them, he was definitely hurting, I could concede that much at least.

  “Kara’s behavior and her constant nagging talked me into introducing her to my escort agency. Only, she wasn’t as clever as me about how she went about things. I’m very careful about my clients. I only have about a dozen, and they have been regulars now for the past five years. If there are any ‘one off’ jobs, these are from personal recommendation of my regulars only. It’s not as bad as it sounds. It’s a good compromise for the women who don’t want a relationship, but don’t want to attend social or evening business events alone.”

  His eyes flicked up to meet mine, he knew what I was thinking. “No, not once… I’ve never crossed the line and provided extras, as lucrative as that may be. I would never prostitute myself no matter how much I needed the money or how hard up I was feeling.”

  As he was talking, a comment he had made right at the beginning of our ‘arrangement’ sank in. He made it after an argument we had following a chance sighting I had of him with another woman the same day as he’d had sex with me on my first day at college.

  He had thought I had followed him one evening. But really, Mandy and Neil had invited me to a gig, which just happened to be at the same place.

  In the heat of the argument he’d told me, “They picked me, Lily, I picked you.” I could see how he’d come to that statement, it made sense now that his statement was in context for me.

  There was another thing that nagged me. He wasn’t a student anymore. He didn’t need money for his tuition, so why was he still escorting? “I don’t understand Alfie, why do you need to escort when you’re getting good money with the gigs you do? Plus, you get paid to mentor at college, right?”

  Alfie smirked. “Good question, I said you were clever as well as beautiful.” He smirked. “I financially support Kara.” His statement was clipped.

  “You support her? I thought you said she was escorting, and where does she live now?”

  He inhaled deeply again, turned to me, and shook his head. “Sorry Lily, I can’t tell you where she lives, and she doesn’t escort now.”

  I retorted, “That’s not good enough, Alfie.”

  I positioned myself to face the opposite direction on the bed, kneeling beside him now. “You support her…completely? That’s why you need all the money? Why are you supporting her Alfie?” He shifted down the bed and lay on one side facing me, perching his head on his elbow.

  “She got herself into some real big shit, and she needed my help with that.”

  I was confused. “What shit?”

  He paused, staring at me. “She had a client who was bad news, a guy loosely related to a drug cartel. He had her escort him to some event, and she fell for him.” He shook his head. “He was everything Gary wasn’t. He was flash, loud, brash, dishonest… a real fucking thug,” he spat.

  “Anyway, she got in way over her head and got knocked up. He came back one night with some crack head friend. They were both high, so she called him out for bringing the guy back to their place. They raped and beat the shit out of her for it.”

  I couldn’t imagine what this girl had gone through. She was only a few years older than me, yet she’d been to hell and back. “That isn’t the end of it, Lily.” He swallowed, tilting his head up to look at me.

  I moved and hugged my knees tight and stared back at him, waiting for him to tell me the rest. “When she fell pregnant, she didn’t know who the father of the baby was because of the rape.

  “She knew she had to get away from him though. She avoided his calls, telling him through one of his buddies that she wasn’t going to see him again. You don’t make the rules with those kind of guys.

  “He came looking for her, his buddy relaying a message to her that she was dead when he found her. These guys don’t make idle threats. So she went into hiding. She came to me, but I wasn’t taking her back to live in my home, that might have compromised both of us.

  “She lives in staff accommodation on campus. I mentor and instead of them paying me, they give me an apartment. She has no lease and no rent. She and her two-year-old daughter Poppy are safe as long as they remain there, at least until I can figure out what to do next.”

  He sat up and took my hand. I stiffened, but he continued to hold it, and moved closer to me. “Lily, I tried not to get involved with anyone because I couldn’t allow something to shift my focus from them.”

  He drew a deep breath. “They need me, they aren’t safe, and I’m all they have. Do you understand that?” I did, and as proud as I felt about him helping them, I felt bereft that he had been torn about this all this time.

  “Yes, I can see why you are helping her,” I stated quietly.

  “No one else knows about her. Not even the college. They think we are a family,” he stated.

  What he was telling me, even now that I knew, was that I was still not able to be with him. The college had a no fraternization policy, and he was a mentor, but worst still, Kara and Poppy were his ‘family.’

  Tears began dripping from my face before I was aware I was crying.

  I was so hurt by the whole situation and still I couldn’t do anything about it. I could offer money, but that wouldn’t solve the situation. Alfie needed to find a way for her to be independent of him.

  “I love you, Lily,” he whispered. He was sitting back on his knees now, on the bed, facing me. “I think I have since our first time together. You wreck me, and my heart is most definitely yours.”

  I loud sob escaped my throat, and I leapt off of the bed, running for the bathroom. “NO!” Alfie leapt after me, jamming his arm and leg in the door frame preventing me from closing the door.

  “Don’t run, Lily, please, don’t run. I love you.” Alfie’s voice was soft but cracked as he said the last three words. He pushed the door back and came around it to find me curled down on the floor hugging my knees again.

  “C’mere,” he cooed, and pulled me upright. He swamped my frame with his, his mouth finding my neck, and he inhaled sharply. “God, I’ve missed you so much,” he whispered.

  He pulled his head back to look at me. “I’m so sorry, honey. I’ve been between a rock and a hard place since I met you, but I’m figuring a way ahead for us. Trust me.”

  I so wanted to believe that this could all be resolved, but it was difficult. Trusting Alfie was a huge gamble, considering his previous mind games and the torment that I had been subjected to.

  “I’m not sure I can do that,” I muttered, my voice sounding small. “How can I have a relationship with someone that’s wrapped up in a web of lies about his makeshift family?”

  He held me tightly and rubbed my back. “We’ll make it baby, with time, trust, and love,” he murmured. He kissed my temple and inhaled sharply, speaking with his voice vibrating from his chest into my face.

  I wanted to believe him more than anything, I just wasn’t sure I had the faith to do that now. “So where do we go from here, Alfie?” I whispered.

  CHAPTER 20 – GOOD TIMES

  “I’m gonna work it out, Lily. I need you in my life like I need to breathe.” I felt a mixture of emotions now that he was finally telling me what I wanted to hear. I was elated, but not totally convinced. He hadn’t exactly made good on anything he’d told me before.

  I wondered
if my face showed my feelings because he shook his head vigorously. “I’m not letting you go this time, if you’ll give me another chance.”

  I pushed past him and widened the bathroom door so that I could leave the confined space we were in. He stepped back, and I walked out into the bedroom. “How can I give you another chance, Alfie? We’ve never been together, we never had a chance.” He smirked and opened his arms.

  “Lily, who were we kidding? As far as I’m concerned, we’ve been together since the first time we kissed in the long grass back at college, the day I met you. I knew I wasn’t able to commit to you, but I still had to claim you in some way as mine.”

  He came closer and knelt before me. His scent had been disarming me all the time he’d been next to me on the bed. I wanted to grab his t-shirt and pull him towards me.

  My eyes flicked to his lips, then met his gaze. He brought his hands up either side of my face and held me still, just staring into my eyes. He smiled, and I responded by smiling back.

  He looked amazing, well, even that wasn’t a good enough description, but I couldn’t find a bigger adjective to do him justice. “You look so handsome when you smile,” I whispered, my eyes feasting on his face.

  I shocked myself, I was more thinking it, but said it out loud. “You look so damned beautiful no matter what.” He smiled, his hands lacing mine.

  “I’ve treated you so fucking badly, Lily. Can you ever forgive me?” I stared into his eyes, knowing that I would forgive him of anything, always.

  I couldn’t let him know that, especially when he had put me through so much already. “I don’t know, Alfie, treating me badly is pretty much an understatement.”

  He swallowed hard and nodded, acknowledging how he failed me. “Are you going to leave me stranded if Kara calls you? What about if I need you too? Who are you going to choose? Right now, I have to believe it would be her, if for no other reason than her child.

  “How am I supposed to compete with that?” I asked.