Everything She Needs (The Everything Trilogy)

by Shandwick, K. L.

  “Sorry, I got a new phone. This is my new number, save it to your contacts.” I then remembered that Alfie may ask him about me. “Will, don’t give my number to Alfie, promise me?” Will sounded surprised. “Alfie? I haven’t seen him since the day he came to my place looking for you.” His voice was flat.

  “I know Will, he’s been in the UK, I saw him there.” Will was silent for a few seconds before responding.

  “Did he follow you there?”

  I sighed. “No Will, he was playing a gig supporting Cobham Street.” Will gave a low whistle down the phone. “Seriously? WTF, his band must be amazing.”

  I smiled. “Yeah, they are amazing, but I’m avoiding Alfie. I’ll fill you in later.” I really didn’t want to rake over old coals, but I knew that I would have to bring him up to speed if he was going to help me stay clear of Alfie.

  “Don’t drive today, I’ll pick you up, and you can fill me in on the way to campus.” I cringed at having to do that, especially as I had slept with Will that one time and have yet to be fully convinced we were okay after that.

  I figured actions have consequences, though, so I guessed it was only natural that I faced mine. Will rang me from his car to say he was downstairs. I gathered up my rucksack, notation books, and trusty guitar and headed down to meet him.

  He smiled and got out, helping me with my stuff and laying my guitar in the backseat, before opening the passenger side door for me. I smiled back, and we had an awkward moment before he closed the door and ran around the hood to get in his side.

  I explained everything on the way over to campus, and Will was pissed about Alfie’s behavior towards me.

  As we drove into the parking lot on campus, my eyes scanned for any sign of Alfie’s car. It wasn’t there, and I felt relieved. I hurried through the walkways and into the booth that Will and I had booked before the end of the last semester. We planned to lay down tracks together for our assignment this term.

  I seemed to duck and dive all day, avoiding anywhere I thought I might run into Alfie. Mandy was walking towards me with Neil, and her face broke into a smile when she saw me. “Lily, honey…” She ran with her head going side to side, and flung herself at me in a hug. “Happy New Year! God, we missed you!” she gushed at me.

  Mandy had a heart of gold, I’d decided. She took me under her wing the first day of lessons on campus. She and Neil, her boyfriend, played together and had been giving Will and me guest spots during their performances, helping us to showcase ourselves in some great venues around Miami.

  “Come over to dinner tonight. Neil is going out with Nick and some of the others to some bachelor party, it will be a quiet night just the two of us.” I was more than up for some female company.

  “I’d love to, I’ll bring the wine.” I smiled. We hugged again and passed each other as we set off in opposite directions.

  I was celebrating getting through a day without Alfie when I spotted Will in the parking lot. As soon as I saw who he was with, my heart sunk to the pit of my stomach.

  I decided there and then that I needed to get this over with as soon as possible. I knew it would only be a matter of time before I’d run into Alfie anyway, and it would be better to do it with someone else there with me.

  A week away from him had strengthened my resolve, so I walked with purpose towards Will as both men turned to watch me coming towards them. Alfie’s face looked serious, like he was full of concern. To be honest, I couldn’t give a shit how he felt right then. He’d cut me to the bone, and I’d bled out.

  Will stepped forward and opened his arms for a hug. It was the first time we’d shown any affection for each other since I had come back, but it felt absolutely right in this moment.

  I let his strong arms envelope me and buried my face in his chest, taking a deep breath. He kissed the top of my head. “Hey, honey, all set to go?”

  I pushed back, smiling up at him and nodded. Alfie’s eyes were searching my face. I kept my feelings to myself, not wanting him to see how much he could still affect me.

  He looked stunning as ever, and even from here, I could smell the bodywash he used. He looked tired, though, like he hadn’t been sleeping. Good! I wanted him to feel as badly as I did, but I doubt that his loss of sleep would have had anything to do with me.

  He tried to give me a small smile, and I deadpanned him. Turning to Will, I gestured to his car and shook my guitar case. “Let’s get out of here, I have plans tonight, and I don’t want to be late.” Will unlocked the car and took my stuff from me, settling it in the backseat like before, taking care not to knock my guitar.

  Alfie spoke, his voice gruff. “Are you not going to give me a chance to explain anything, Lily.” I stared him down, standing still for what seemed like the longest time. The fucker stared back, not backing down.

  “Nope, I really don’t care what you want to say, I’m done with you, leave me alone.”

  Before he could gather his thoughts I had deposited myself in Will’s passenger seat. Luckily Will had taken my lead and had already gotten in his side, partly because he anticipated a quick getaway, and partly to give us some privacy.

  “Drive Will, now!” I commanded. Will started the car and drove away from where Alfie was standing. I didn’t look back, so I have no clue what he did as we left.

  “Fuck, Lily, you destroyed him with your attitude there.” Will commented chuckling raucously. “Remind me not to get on the wrong side of you any time soon.” He smirked.

  I wish I had felt as confident as Will thought I was. Seeing Alfie standing there like that had a devastating effect on me and reminded me that he had my heart in his hands, and he used it as a stress ball for his convenience.

  He looked so fucking incredible, and it hurt me to disrespect him that way in front of others. I knew deep down we’re going to have the talk at some point about what happened in London. I just wanted to be strong enough when that conversation came about.

  Will dropped me off, and I showered and dressed for dinner at Mandy’s place. I found it a welcome change that I didn’t have to wear tons of clothes and go out feeling like I was wearing a duvet like I had last week in London.

  I wore some jeans and a red tank top, and grabbed a cardigan as the night air was cooler in January. Some people were wearing coats. I thought that was ridiculous. It was fresh at times, but no way did I feel like I needed an outer garment.

  I arrived at Mandy’s, and as soon as we sat down, I felt relaxed. She made a fabulous egg pasta with a spicy tomato sauce, and we talked at length about music. She had no idea about Alfie and me. So it made a welcome change that I didn’t have the drama of discussing him with her.

  She put her karaoke machine on, and we sang together. She kept telling me that she loved the tone of my voice. I’ve agreed to sing a song with her at one of her gigs in the near future. Maybe when the wine has worn off, I’ll retract that particular verbal contract.

  CHAPTER 18 – COMING CLEAN

  I took a cab back to my place, having decided to accept the second glass of wine, and then a third. The cab dropped me outside my apartment building.

  Before I could get inside Alfie suddenly appeared, gripping my arm. “I have nothing to say to you. Leave me alone,” I spat as I struggled to free myself from his grasp. His hand felt so warm through the thin material of my cardigan, and my heart pounded in my chest as I looked at him.

  He pulled my arm roughly, slipping his palm down to grip my wrist, turning me to face him. “No! You don’t get to walk away again, not this time. Not without at least hearing me out.” His face looked menacing and angry.

  I smirked at him, but he looked in no mood for humour. “No, Alfie, you’re the one that walked away. You lost any ground you made with me that night when you got dressed after fucking me and left the room. Oh, but then again, you only left me because you needed to call your girl back, right?”

  He stifled a sigh, and was about to speak, but I cut in again. “Look Alfie, you owe me nothing, you told me
in the beginning that you weren’t a ‘hearts and flowers’ type of guy. Why are you even here? You left me to deal with her. You.Left.Me,” I hissed softly, staring at the ground.

  He stroked my wrist with his thumb. “I’m here now, Lily. I want to be near you.” I looked up at him feeling even more angry than anything else. “You’re here now… Now? Why aren’t you with her?”

  His tortured face was so sad and hurt looking, and I couldn’t understand why, when he was the one blocking us from being something more. “It’s complicated,” he said slowly, his shoulders slumped, and his voice defeated.

  He looked around him, as if he didn’t want anyone else to hear him. “I’m not doing this in the street Lily, I can’t.” I knew we were getting nowhere quickly with this.

  “You can come upstairs and we’re going to settle this once and for all, then you leave me the fuck alone, you hear me, Alfie?”

  Alfie’s eyes met mine, and I saw the relief on his face. “Sure, that’s all I want, for you to hear me out.” I nodded and held my wrist up. He loosened his grasp, and I walked in front of him pushing the door open and entering the building.

  Waiting for the elevator, he stood near the wall, his head hung low, his hands pushed into his front jeans pockets. I looked at his profile, he looked tired, still jet lagged, I presumed. He wasn’t used to the time changes between his country and mine.

  We traveled up to my apartment in silence, not making eye contact once. I unlocked the door and walked directly through to my bedroom. “Wait here,” I ordered. I dumped my purse on the bed and went into the bathroom.

  I stood looking at my reflection in the mirror wondering why in the hell I was putting myself through all this again. I took a deep breath, and turned, shaking my arms to loosen my shoulders, stretching my neck from side to side, trying to relieve some of the tension I felt.

  I walked slowly back to the sitting room, and he was standing by the balcony door looking out.

  The sight of him made me ache for him so badly. Despite all the shit that man had put me though; all the hurt, the anger, the mind games, I just wanted him to wrap his arms around me and hold me.

  I stared at him, not speaking, and he turned to look at me. His lips curved slightly, not quite a smile, but the hint of one, and he began walking over to me. “Thanks,” he muttered softly. I sat on the edge of the couch and looked up at him.

  “I’m tired Alfie, I really can’t do this anymore. If you keep coming around me like this, I’m going to leave and go home for good.” I’d been thinking about it before Christmas, and I knew I couldn’t do another semester like the last one with him.

  He sat beside me and his knee brushed against my leg. “Lily, what happened between us was amazing, the times I spent with you were the best of my life.” I bunched my brows, my sarcasm rising in my throat, choking me, as if a hand was squeezing it.

  “They were? What part was amazing, when you got to finally fuck me again or the part where you left me to call your girl?” I spat loudly, not caring who heard me.

  “Who is she, Alfie? You thought I didn’t know about her, didn’t you?” His eyes searched mine. My eyes glanced over his face, breaking his stare, trying to look for the answer to something I’ve been wanting to know for two months now.

  “She’s important. She needs me more right now. Nothing can come between her and me.”

  His words hit me like a knife in my gut, hearing his admission of what she meant to him. Tears pricked my eyes and I blinked hard, willing them to stay back.

  I stood up and began to walk to the door. “Thank you. Now I know. I feel sorry for her Alfie. Poor girl, being with me is your way of not allowing anything to come between the both of you? You cheated on her with me, how is that not going to come between you?”

  Alfie shook his head and pushed himself off of the couch. “I’m not sleeping with her Lily.”

  I came to a sudden halt and spun to face him again.

  “I’m not having sex with her.” I walked around the breakfast bar to the kitchen and slumped against the counter for support. I wasn’t sure whether to feel better or worse that he wasn’t having sex with her.

  On the one hand it made me feel that what we did was closer to normal, than if he had been sleeping with both of us at the same time. On the other hand, I felt perhaps I was being used to fill a gap in his relationship with Kara.

  “So I’m the sex in your relationship with your girl, because she won’t put out?” I was almost hysterical by now, my shrill voice getting louder as my fists clenched, my nails digging into my palms.

  “I’ve never had sex with Kara,” he stated quietly, “It isn’t like that, but she needs me. I can’t commit to anything with anyone else because she has to come first.” I had no clue what in the hell he was talking about, but one thing was clear to me, she was always going to take precedence over me.

  “Do you love her, Alfie?”

  He nodded. “Of course I love her. She’s an amazing person.”

  I sighed. “Hmm, you said that about me. So do you love me too?” Alfie ran his hand through his hair, and his face looked pained. He was uncomfortable with my question and put it back to me.

  “What do you think? Do you love me?”

  I laughed forcibly at him. “No! I asked you, you don’t get to turn the question back on me,” I hissed, turning to open the fridge and pulling out a bottle of water. I thought about offering him one but decided I wasn’t in the mood to meet Alfie’s needs on any level.

  He squirmed around on the couch, his eyes welled up with tears. It shocked me.

  He sighed, and rubbed his hands up and down his thighs as if he was nervous, or as if he was formulating a sentence before verbalizing it.

  “Can you come over here?” He patted the couch, his eyes pleading with me.

  “No,” I hissed, “I don’t want you to touch me.”

  He sighed again, and spoke softly. “Then I can’t answer your question,” he said dryly.

  I pulled the pony holder out of my hair and shook it out. “Is this another one of your mind games Alfie…”

  He cut me off, and put his hand up to signal me not to continue talking “No! It isn’t, you asked me a question. I don’t want to answer you with a fucking kitchen counter between us. If you want me to speak to you, you’ll come and sit down like a normal adult and stop fucking running away,” he scowled, his voice sounding angrier than I’d ever heard him.

  I turned on the faucet and drew my hand under the cool water, turned it off and dried it, stalling for time whilst I considered whether I should risk sitting near him. I wasn’t sure whether it was that, or whether I was scared to hear what he was about to say.

  I took a deep breath and walked slowly over to where he was sitting. Alfie’s eyes followed me. A small half smile curved his lips. “Thank you,” he almost whispered.

  We both looked at each other, which quickly turned into a gaze, the silence between us holding our future in whatever he said next. “I shouldn’t, but yes,” he commented, but I wasn’t sure what he was talking about.

  “You shouldn’t love her?”

  I was confused, and my eyes searched his, but when I stared at his beautiful face, I couldn’t stand it, depending on what he said next, this might be the last time we were this close.

  His index finger reached out and stroked my pinkie finger. He leaned forward, his voice almost a whisper. “I didn’t want to tell you this way. I wanted it to be different.” I felt panicked. I didn’t want him to say any more.

  I didn’t want him telling me that this was it, he was hers, and he was sorry. Tears welled and fell onto my jeans making the material instantly darker. I lifted my hand, but before I could reach my face to wipe it, he caught my wrist, and leaned over to kiss the tear that was running down my cheek.

  I crumbled and somehow became enveloped in his arms and held on tightly as I melded into his chest. “Shush.” He kissed my forehead. I tried to push myself away, but he held me tighter to him.<
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  “Look, I’m going to take care of you, then I’m going to talk, and you’re going to listen. When I’m done, whatever you say, I’ll respect, I give you my word this time.” I looked up at his worried face, and the look of concern he had for me made me feel a little less angry.

  “Wait here,” he commanded. He left the room and went into my bedroom. I heard the faucet in my bathtub running, then he came back took me by the hand and led me to the bathroom.

  “Get in and soak, I’ll wait in the other room.” He left me, and I caught sight of myself in the mirror and was horrified at how distraught I looked.

  I slowly stripped off my clothes and stepped into the warm bath. The water was perfect, and I lay back trying to forget that Alfie was sitting feet away from me. The bath did nothing for me except make me clean; it didn’t sooth me. I was scared to go back to face whatever the truth was going to be.

  I stepped out and dried myself, pulling on my white towelling bathrobe, and stood facing the bathroom door. It wasn’t the end of the world what was on the other side, but for me; to lose Alfie, it might as well be.

  I cracked the door open, and he was sitting on the corner edge of my bed. His legs open, leaning forward, his hands hanging down between his legs. His head looked as if he were looking down at them.

  When he heard me, his head snapped up, and he began to stand. “C’mere. Lie down,” he cooed and guided me by the elbows. I was exhausted. Both from the shock of him being there and what he’d said already; the wine at Mandy’s place hadn’t helped either.

  I crawled onto the bed and lay down, my legs slightly curled up. I glanced over at him, and he was looking intensely at me. “Okay, say whatever you want, I’m done talking.” I sounded shattered, which was exactly how I felt.

  Alfie rubbed his hands together. They made a swishing noise as he did this. He wrung them together. He inhaled deeply and exhaled with equal force.