A Desperate Road to Freedom

by Karleen Bradford

  We went to the Mill Pond up behind the dam. It had frozen smooth and folks had shovelled all the snow off. We sat down and she showed me how to strap the skates onto my boots, then we stood up. I didn’t stay standing for long, though. Those skates were the most awkward things I’ve ever had on my feet! Before I even got near the ice I fell down three times. Amelia helped me up, but she was laughing so hard she nearly fell down, too.

  Getting onto the ice turned out to be the easy part. There was no way I could stand up on it. I just slipped, fell, crawled back up, then slipped, fell and crawled back up again. I would have given up ten times but Amelia just kept making me try again. Then some children from our class at school came over. They were white children — I’m the only coloured student in my class now that Noah is gone — but these ones were friendly and they decided to help. With Amelia hanging onto me on one side, and a girl named Kathleen hanging onto the other side, somehow or other I managed to stumble across the pond without falling. They weren’t satisfied, though. Made me go back across again. And again. And again.

  And do you know what? Suddenly I could do it all by myself! I couldn’t slide along all smooth and fast like the others did, and I had to sort of take little bitty steps, but I did it. Didn’t fall hardly at all after that.

  We’re going back tomorrow. Amelia says I’ll be skating good as her by the time winter’s over.

  Hard to believe, but I might!

  Tuesday, January 5th, 1864

  Went skating again today. I’m beginning to learn how to slide my feet.

  Wednesday, January 6th, 1864

  I can do it! I can skate! I’m sliding along good as Amelia, almost. Now I have to learn to go backwards. Haven’t got that figured out yet.

  Friday, January 8th, 1864

  I can go backwards now, too. Amelia and I had a great time. We held hands and just swooped around that pond. I love it!

  Boze isn’t too happy about it, though. First day he tried to follow me out onto the ice, but he slipped all over and nearly got mixed up with a boy’s skates. I was afraid he was going to get hurt, so I made him stay off the ice. Now he just sits at the edge and looks worried. When I come back to take my skates off, he near goes crazy with relief.

  Saturday, January 9th, 1864

  Just realized. It’s nearly a year since we ran away. Seems like a whole lifetime. It was so brave of Mama and Papa and Thomas to run and especially to take us young ones with them. I know how much harder it made it for them to have Joseph and me holding them back. They could have left us with Auntie Sal and Bessie — running is so dangerous, some children’s parents do leave the little ones with friends or relatives for safety’s sake — but then they would be mourning us, and Joseph and I would still be slaves and we wouldn’t ever know what had happened to them. Can’t bear to think of that.

  If only Thomas hadn’t gone back.

  Sunday, January 10th, 1864

  We got some truly wonderful news!

  MY SISTER SARAH IS FOUND!

  I guess I better say she found us. I can’t believe it, but she’s in Toronto, staying with Missus Blunt. I’m so excited I can hardly

  I had to sit back, take a deep breath, and begin at the beginning. Maybe even two deep breaths.

  Good. Now I’ve collected myself.

  Yesterday at church Father Miller came up to us, holding a letter. He said it was for us. We couldn’t understand how someone could be writing to us, but he said it was from Reverend Brown in Toronto. Well, at first we were just plain terrified that it was bad news about Thomas. Mama took the letter from Father Miller and put it in her pocket.

  “Thank you kindly,” she said. “We’ll read it when we get home after the service.”

  If you didn’t know her, you would think she never gave that letter another thought all during the service, but I saw that her hand stayed in her pocket and her apron was shaking. Papa just got that grim look on his face and stared straight ahead the whole time. I don’t think he heard a word of the service. I don’t think any of us had any idea whatsoever what was going on in church this morning. Joseph, of course, never knows what’s going on anyway, because he never pays attention. He didn’t pay any mind to the letter and didn’t realize it had to be important.

  I usually like church, but this morning it was just plain torture trying to sit there, and the two hours before we got home were the longest two hours of my life. Finally we got in the cabin and Papa told us to sit down at the table. Then he told Mama to go ahead and open the letter. Mama didn’t have time to learn to read too well in Toronto, so when she opened the letter she handed the pages to me. My hands were shaking so much I couldn’t make the letters out at first.

  The letter was from Reverend Brown. It started off with the words, Dear Mister and Missus Jackson, I have wonderful news for you.

  When I read that, it was as if my whole body suddenly got light and my heart started beating again.

  It went on to say that a young lady and her husband and baby had arrived in Toronto from Rochester, looking for us. Said her name was Sarah and she was my big sister. Reverend Brown told her he knew where we were. He settled her and her family in Missus Blunt’s house and wrote to us right away. He didn’t say any more about how they got there or how Sarah knew to follow us to Toronto, but I expect she’ll tell us all that when she gets here.

  WHEN SHE GETS HERE!

  We sent a letter right back to Reverend Brown — I wrote it, but Mama and Papa told me what to say — telling Sarah that Papa would be there to fetch her as soon as possible. He’s going to try to get the loan of a horse and sleigh. He has to go quick while the roads are frozen, so he can get back before the weather turns too mild. Once the roads thaw out in spring they’ll be so muddy and bad he wouldn’t be able to get there until they dry out in summer. We can’t wait that long to bring Sarah and her family back up here to us and learn how she managed to find us.

  And she has a baby! I’m an aunt!

  Wonder what the baby’s name is? Wonder if it’s a girl or a boy? Wonder how old it is? Wonder what Sarah’s husband is like and where she met him?

  Wonder, wonder, WONDER!

  Monday, January 11th, 1864

  Back to school today. After school I went over to visit with Noah and tell him our good news. His Mama is sure glad to have him with her to help out. She’s doing poorly. My Mama doesn’t seem to have any problems at all carrying our new baby, but Missus Long seems to have one trouble after another. She was happy to hear about Sarah finding us, though. I took over some soup, but Missus Long was feeling too sickly to take more than a few sips of it.

  Mama’s worried about her. So is Noah. I sat with him for a while and tried to get him interested in reading some school books, but I could tell his mind wasn’t on it, so I let him be.

  Funny how I thought at first he was such a pesky boy.

  Papa hasn’t been able to get a horse and sleigh yet. Mama is near crazy with impatience, but he said he’d find someone who would lend him one for the trip somewhere. Mister Cooper who owns the stables is helping him look, but he can’t spare any of his horses or sleighs. They’re all working up in the lumber camps.

  Tuesday, January 12th, 1864

  Sam came by today. Said he’d heard the news about Sarah. He said he could get us a sleigh, and he figured Buck was good for one more trip, so he and Papa are off to fetch Sarah tomorrow. Joseph is howling mad that they won’t take him, but Papa says he will have enough to do to take care of Sarah and her family and they will have to travel fast. Joseph tried to say they couldn’t take Buck, that Buck was his horse now, and he wouldn’t give permission, but Papa put a stop to that talk real quick.

  Wednesday, January 13th, 1864

  Papa and Sam left today. Joseph is sulking. He was born after Sarah was sold off, so he doesn’t know her and he doesn’t realize what a wonderful thing it is that she’s found. He’ll see when she gets here, though.

  Papa figured it would take about two weeks to get to T
oronto, and another two weeks to get back here, travelling as fast as they could. Missus Long lent him their good tent and they’ll stay in that on the way there if it’s not too cold, but Papa’s hopeful that they might find places that will take them in on the way back because of the baby. Fortunately, Papa has managed to save up enough money to pay for that — at least, he hopes so. Mama gave him the rest of the money she’s been saving for the sewing machine, too. If they can’t find a tavern or hotel that will let them in, though, or a coloured family like Mister and Missus Thornton, they’ll just have to camp out and keep Sarah and the baby as warm as they can.

  How am I going to wait a whole month to see them? I am more excited and happy than I have ever been in my whole life. Mama is going around singing!

  I hope that old horse can make it.

  Friday, January 15th, 1864

  How can things be so happy one day, and so sad the next? I hadn’t hardly finished writing that last entry when there was a knocking at the door. It was Noah! He had struggled through the snow to tell us his mama was having her baby! It’s much too early. Mama went over to help her, and the doctor came, but Missus Long lost her baby.

  I feel so bad for her. Noah was crying, though I pretended not to see.

  Sunday, January 17th, 1864

  We had a special service this morning for Missus Long and her baby. Mama’s over with her now. I’m waiting for some stew to finish cooking, then I’m going to take it over.

  Later

  Folks have been so kind. There was so much food over at Missus Long’s that she won’t have to cook for a week. Just as well, because she’s really looking poorly.

  Monday, January 18th, 1864

  I went over to Missus Long’s after school today. Mama was with her most of the day, but she has a pile of washing and ironing to do so she had to go home. I had to help her finish up and it took us until late tonight to do it. Too tired to write more now.

  Tuesday, January 19th, 1864

  Back to Missus Long’s. She’s a mite better, but still not doing too well. Noah is taking good care of her. I never knew that boy could be so gentle.

  Wednesday, January 20th, 1864

  Amelia came with me to Missus Long’s. She never got to know Noah very well at school, and she was shy around him in his house, but he put her at her ease. She brought molasses cookies. I made like I didn’t notice. Noah liked them, though. I guess I can’t expect him to turn them down just because of my feelings. Besides, he doesn’t know a thing about what happened at that church.

  Amelia and Missus Long got on real well. Amelia has a good way about her with people who are feeling poorly. Quiet and kind. I never saw that side of her before.

  Thursday, January 21st, 1864

  Papa and Sam have been gone a week. Wonder how close they are to Toronto? Wonder how Sarah is doing?

  More wondering! When will it stop? I am in a frenzy.

  Monday, January 25th, 1864

  Missus Long is finally getting her strength back, but now she is worried to death about Noah. That boy decided that since his mama is better, he had to be earning some money. I know they must need it, but his leg is hardly healed and he still limps something terrible. The whole bay has frozen over and he has gone and signed up to help cut ice out there. It’s hard work, and it means handling a saw. Missus Long is fit to be tied.

  Amelia and I went down after school today to watch. The men go away out on the ice and mark off where they’re going to cut. Then they saw the ice into squares, haul it out with big ice tongs, and load the blocks onto sleds. There’s a man there only has one arm because of an accident, but he can haul up ice blocks faster than anybody else. Those ice tongs they use are hinged, Noah says, so that you can do it with only one hand. It’s a marvel to watch that man work.

  They haul the loaded sleds back to a big ice house on the shore and pile it up there, with sawdust in between the blocks to keep them from sticking together or melting. Noah says the ice stays frozen in there until well into the summer. He’s real proud to be working again. I have to say I’m proud of him, too.

  Amelia and I went back to reassure Missus Long that he was taking care and he’d be all right.

  I sure hope he will.

  Wednesday, January 27th, 1864

  Papa should be in Toronto by now.

  February 1864

  Wednesday, February 3rd, 1864

  I can’t think of anything else but Sarah and her family. Are they on their way here yet? The weather has been good for travelling. No snowstorms, but cold enough so that the roads will be frozen and hard-packed. I wonder how Buck is holding up? Joseph is still mad as hops at not being allowed to go, and he’s fretting about the horse. Makes me angry that he’s not thinking about Sarah at all, but I guess that’s only normal. He’s so young, he’s almost forgotten Thomas, although every once in a while he remembers and asks about him. Mama and Papa always reassure him and tell him Thomas is fine and will be home as soon as the war is over. Then he goes and starts playing war with his friends. That upsets me, but I tolerate it. Can’t expect too much from him.

  Friday, February 5th, 1864

  Amelia and I went down to watch the ice cutting again today. That ice house is filling up fast. It’s real cold in there. Noah says in summer it will be the coolest place in town.

  Monday, February 8th, 1864

  Now I’m worried about Mama. She just waves me off when I say anything, says she never had any problems carrying a baby before, but I can see that her back is hurting her and she sometimes has a hard time catching her breath. I’m coming straight home from school every day to help her with the washing. Joseph and I are toting the clean laundry back to her customers when it’s done, same as we did in Toronto. That helps a bit.

  If it gets to be too much of a trouble for her, I’ll stay home from school and help out.

  Wednesday, February 10th, 1864

  I told Mama I was going to stay home from school today and she just about bit my head off. Said she was not going to let me miss my learning and she was just fine, thank you.

  My Mama is a stubborn woman. Papa always says that, and he’s right.

  Almost a month since Papa left to fetch Sarah. It’s fixing to storm tomorrow, they say.

  Something else to worry about.

  Friday, February 12th, 1864

  Snowing hard. No sign of Papa and Sarah.

  Monday, February 15th, 1864

  Snow’s cleared up and it’s got a lot warmer. Now I am worried about the road breaking up.

  Wednesday, February 17th, 1864

  THEY’RE HERE! THEY’RE HERE!

  Friday, February 19th, 1864

  Oh, where do I begin? Sarah and her husband — that’s Miles — and her baby — that’s Liza — are here. I am in a daze of joy. And that’s not all! I’m not going to get ahead of myself, though. I’m going to make myself tell everything just as it happened.

  Snow started falling again on Wednesday, and Mama and I were worried. We neither one of us said anything, but we just kept looking out the window. I know we were both thinking the same thing. Where were Papa and Sarah, and how bad was the snow going to get? I flat out refused to go to school and stayed home to help with the washing. Mama did need the help but, truth to tell, I was too fussed to think about school. Then along about dinnertime, Boze started to bark. I flew to the door, and there was the sleigh pulling up in front of our cabin. I just screamed and Mama and I ran outside without even putting a shawl or a coat on. Papa and Sam got down, then they turned to help a young woman who was holding a baby all bundled up in her arms. A tall young man got down after her.

  I wanted to run to her, but I was suddenly taken all over bashful. Could hardly believe this pretty lady was my big sister, and I was shy of that young man. Mama didn’t hold back, though. Sarah started walking toward us through the snow and Mama just rushed at her. Hugged her so hard I thought baby Liza would be squashed. Then Sarah gave Liza over to Mama and held out her arms to me, and we
just hugged and cried and hugged and cried.

  Papa was standing there, smiling so hard it seemed his face would break.

  Joseph, of course, tore out to see how Buck was and didn’t even pay any attention to Sarah and her family. He was patting Buck all over, sure that the trip had been too much for the horse, but Buck looked just fine. Sam told him that the trip had livened Buck up no end. Anyway, Joseph spent the rest of the day out in the snow brushing Buck and feeding him oats and talking away a mile a minute to him. Buck’s ears kept twitching, and honestly, it was hard to believe that horse wasn’t talking back to him.

  Joseph could hardly bear for Papa to take Buck back to the stables, and it was only when Papa pointed out that Buck would really rather spend the night in a warm stall than out in a snowy field that he agreed. Then of course he had to go, too.

  We’ve been talking without hardly taking a pause for breath every waking hour since Sarah arrived. Sarah had to know all our story and we had to know hers. I’m going to write it all down, but it will have to wait until tomorrow. Baby Liza is crying and I’m going to go to her. It is surely the most wondrous thing in the world to hold her and just nuzzle my face down into her neck and smell her delicious baby smell. I love her to bits and pieces.

  I already can’t believe I was shy of Miles. He’s just the nicest man I’ve ever met. He’s so loving and kind with Sarah and the baby, and he treats Mama and Papa with respect. It will be like having another brother around.

  Won’t take Thomas’s place, though.

  Saturday, February 20th, 1864

  Here’s Sarah’s story:

  Sarah was sold off to another plantation owner way on the other side of the Great Dismal Swamp in North Carolina, but she says she determined to run off the first chance she got. The Missus was mean and the Master was meaner. She kept herself apart from the others, all except for one other girl about her own age. That girl knew someone who could put her in touch with a Conductor on the Underground Railroad, so Sarah did the same as we did, waited for a dark night with no moon, and then she ran.