Outing of the Heart

by Lisa Ann Harper

  ‘This is a surprise.’ She heard Sidonie’s voice in her ear, low and musical. ‘I didn’t expect to get a message from you for two weeks, at least. It’s a pleasant surprise I might add.’

  It was wonderful to hear those slightly gruff tones again, but she couldn’t continue in this self-indulgence. ‘Sid, there’s been a change of plan – a change of my plan, that is.’ She took a deep breath and plunged on. ‘I have to go into hospital this afternoon.’

  ‘Tenille, what are you telling me?’ her consternation acute. ‘What’s happened?’ A stab of fear took possession of her, twisting her heart.

  ‘It’s okay. I’m not sick. It’s just that I’ve had an accident.’

  ‘An accident. Oh my God – you’re hurt.’

  ‘No Honey. Let me explain.’

  After filling her in an all the details, she heard a sigh of relief from the other end of the line, but Sidonie was puzzled at Tenille’s apparent calmness. ‘You must feel dreadful about missing this wonderful opportunity with Los Flamencos,’ she observed: ‘But you’re not expressing it how I thought you would.’

  ‘I know Sid. I’m surprising myself,’ she sounded perplexed. ‘I’ve thought about it and I should be more racked, but really, I’m more happy I don’t have to go two or three weeks without seeing you.’ She let the words hover down the line as the silence between them lengthened. Sidonie felt her heart begin to thump against her chest as it began to sing. What she had wanted all along was happening. Tenille would rather give up this wonderful chance to further her dancing career, although the situation had been forced, than be apart from her. Surely this must be love. Oh, by all the stars in the night sky, she could never feel more happiness than this. Now she was absolutely sure of it. They were made for each other.

  ‘Stay right there, my lovely. I’m coining over. Together we’ll get you prepared for the hospital.’

  Tenille laughed with joy at the happy sound in Sidonie’s voice as she began to plan what would be needed to be done. She could picture her face, flushed and excited at the prospect of their spending time together, her eyes bright with anticipation, when just moments before her thoughts must have been of separation.

  ‘Sid. Slow down. I’m ready for admission, but I would so like you to be with me. Is that okay?’ she enquired, tentatively, although in her heart she already knew the answer.

  ‘What a Dodo you are, Ten. “Is that okay”. I’ll not even bother to reply to that one.’ Laughter broke from her throat. ‘All right Precious, I’m on my way and … and Ten …’

  ‘Yes?’

  ‘I love you.’

  Sidonie hung up and stood still, contemplating her plans for the day. She would phone Milka. No, later. She didn’t need to take up the time now. Better to grab some overnight gear. Who knew what would be going down in the next few days? She raced back to the dorm and went quickly round her room, selecting items at random and hoping that by the end she’d picked something of use. She really wasn’t thinking straight – that was a good one, but her heart was beating in her ears and she felt she could explode with happiness.

  Driving settled her as she resisted the temptation to be her usual racy self. It would be too dreadful to have some sort of run in with the police or worse, land up in hospital herself. She was stopped at the lights. If Tenille wouldn’t be operated on until tomorrow, there was all the rest of today together. Green. She pulled away feeling ready to shout and holler and do a jig. Instead, she very politely slowed down and invited an older lady driver into her lane, receiving a pleasant smile of acknowledgment for her pains. She continued to drive automatically, her thoughts leading her at their whim. She marvelled at how ‘down’ she had been, feeling sorry for herself, alone and unloved. Now here she was, hastening to be with her wonderful Ten.

  ‘She is a 10, too. Great Goddess. I’m so lucky.’

  It was nearly two o’clock by the time she arrived at #226. She had stopped to pick up some Quiche Lorraine and a double serving of Waldorf salad. Other people would turn up bearing flowers. Not she. Too practical. Still, she was sure Tenille would appreciate lunch. Time enough for flowers. She turned on the car radio and sat back enjoying a cut from the Deep Forest CD, BOHEME. This wasn’t her usual style of music, but today, everything was giving her pleasure and she liked its ethnicity. Next they played ANASTHASIA from the same CD. It was only short, but most enjoyable.

  Traffic had been heavy along Bloor, but turning off into the quiet side roads, no one would guess this was a Friday afternoon with the heavy build up of weekend traffic. A lucky park, right out front. She felt her body so excited, her breasts taut against the T-shirt and the butterfly feelings, flitting around inside her pelvis as she walked up the path, would give her no peace. She knew desire was hot within her, but considered this would be the last thing Tenille needed.

  It was Mrs. Sandrelli who responded to her knock. She told her she was expected and to go right down. She wasn’t sure what to say, but since she and the older woman had met on a few occasions now, some sort of exchange was in order.

  ‘I’ve brought lunch.’ She held up the bag.

  ‘Oh, good. Wait, uno momento,’ Serafina requested. ‘I cut up cantaloupe this morning. I give you a bowl to have for dessert.’ She disappeared and returned soon, bearing a plastic bowl covered in saran wrap. ‘Will you be taking Tenille to the hospital?’

  ‘Thank you. Yes, after we’ve eaten.’

  ‘Bene. Good. That much better than going by cab.’ They said goodbye, Serafina returning to her kitchen; Sidonie proceeding to Tenille’s quarters. She knocked gently on the door.

  ‘Come in Sid. It’s open,’ Tenille’s light, clear voice came floating through. Once inside, Sidonie rushed over to the bedside, dumping her gear as she ran. She knelt down and gathered Tenille’s hands in hers.

  ‘Darling. My darling. I’m so happy to be with you and so sorry you’re hurt. I feel guilty I’m pleased this has kept you in Toronto, when I should be commiserating that you’re not in Florida.’ She was kissing Tenille’s hands throughout this declaration all the while Tenille was looking ecstatically at her, feeling wonderful they were together again. With some tugging, pulling and manoeuvring, she managed to get her up onto the bed beside her. At last, with their bodies stretched out, they quietened down into dreamy contentment, holding each other close, hands gently caressing, murmured endearments soothing their stretched nerves and finally calming them.

  Sidonie sat up and suggested Tenille tell her exactly what had happened whilst she prepared them a bite.

  ‘Sid, I’ve got very little in,’ she bemoaned in consternation. ‘I let stocks run down, you know, thinking I’d not need anything.’

  ‘Worry not, dear heart, you have Sid to the rescue. I bought us lunch,’ she declared, triumphantly.

  ‘Oh, you wonderful, thoughtful girl; kiss me again before you go.’ She reached up and pulled her back down.

  ‘All right. Just one,’ Sidonie replied with mock severity. ‘Otherwise we’ll run out of time … What time are you supposed to check in, anyway?’ extricating herself from clinging arms to head for the kitchenette.

  Tenille watched her lithe body moving about in the confined space, reminding her of a caged animal; powerful energies scaled down, but capable of being unleashed. She loved feasting her eyes on this girl. The sunlight, pouring through the window above the sink, danced across the top of the fridge before sparking off her shimmering, golden head. Tenille’s fascination was endless. Sidonie turned around and caught her watching. She laughed aloud. ‘A penny for them.’

  ‘No.’ Tenille exclaimed perversely, ‘you’re too young and innocent.’

  At that, she dropped the forks she’d been about to place next to the slices and made a running leap to the bed, landing heavily and making Tenille bounce on the mattress. She straddled her thighs with her knees and placing her hands on her shoulders began to shake her as she said: ‘What was that I heard? Too innocent did you say?’ She moved her hands down and b
egan to tickle her ribs. Tenille was beginning to feel helpless with laughter. ‘And what do you know about it Miss Smart Ass?’ she growled.

  This sudden release of energy directed at her, made Tenille’s body leap with stimulation. She was ready to surrender herself, but totally, to her assailant’s touch. Desire burned within her. She could feel her wetness and yearned for caresses; her passion wild. She reached up her arms to pull Sidonie down against her breasts, just as the girl, in one bound, leaped over the side of the bed, saying through her laughter: ‘Now look what you’ve made me do. Our coffee will be cold … you temptress. It must be something to do with seeing you lying here … on this bed.’

  ‘I’m tempting you.’ Tenille responded in mock indignation. ‘You’re the one parading your body in front of my eyes in those hip hugging, thigh revealing shorts … not to mention that suggestive T-shirt,’ she added archly.

  ‘My T-shirt, suggestive? You’ve got to be kidding,’ Sidonie corrected as she brought their lunch over on a tray to the night table.

  ‘You should see it from my vantage point,’ she teased. This made Sidonie stop dead and she knew her face had colored. She was embarrassed at this reference to her breasts, for although not large, they were very responsive where this woman was concerned.

  Tenille, noticing the moment of discomfort, hastened to make amends. ‘Just funning you, Honey. Don’t get serious.’ She reached out and took her hand, pulling her gently to a sitting position. ‘What did you bring us? Show me.’ She stroked Sidonie’s back and was rewarded by seeing the bright lights return to her eyes, as she proudly set the tray before her.

  ‘The cantaloupe is courtesy of Mrs. S.’ She was back to her usual, carefree self. ‘She obviously wanted you to have a well-balanced meal.’ She collected the other pillow for Tenille’s lap. ‘Mrs. S. likes you a lot, doesn’t she?’ she observed as she began to dig her fork into the rich, eggy mixture. Being with Tenille had made her appetite for food disappear, but she needed to put up a good show, and she wanted her to stay in this happy mood. ‘Tell me all the details while we eat,’ she suggested. There was companionable ease between them, once more.

  She caught Sidonie up on the events, except an account of Raoul’s heated and headstrong outburst.

  ‘I’m glad Devon was there to help, but I wish it could have been me,’ she lamented. Tenille’s eyes snapped up, surprised. ‘Sorry Babe. It’s just I want to be the one you turn to.’

  ‘You are the one,’ she told her earnestly, leaning forward to kiss the part she could most easily reach, which happened to be her tattoo. ‘You have a beautiful body,’ she observed, the words out before she really realized what she was saying.

  ‘Do you think so?’ she asked as she handed over the dessert.

  ‘No more, Sid, please. I’m about to burst as it is … and yes, I do. I began to admire it as long ago as your show at Yorkdale and I’ve continued ever since.’

  ‘You could turn a girl’s head with talk like that,’ she remarked lightly, enjoying the compliment nonetheless. ‘I know we could dally here all day but, we’ve places to go … things to do … and people to see.’

  ‘Who’s dallying?’ Tenille asked as she leaned forward and ran her hand lightly over Sidonie’s shoulder and down her arm, to drop more heavily onto her thigh.

  ‘Forward woman,’ she responded as, with exaggerated care, she picked up the straying hand and placed it on the bed. She regarded her intently, saying: ‘Things to do and I don’t mean those sorts of things.’

  Tenille made a little pout as the dishes were gathered up.

  ‘I’ll wash these before we go. You don’t want to come back to mouldy plates. What about the fruit?’

  ‘Put it in one of my plastic containers Honey, and take it for you to eat tonight. I’ll just hop to the toilet, then I’m all set.’

  It was nearly four o’clock by the time they got under way, but the hospital was reasonably close so it didn’t take long. She dropped Tenille off at the door, then went to find parking. On her return to the admissions section, she found her idly leafing through an old back issue of WHO magazine, which she chucked onto the pile as soon as she saw her.

  ‘Not an easy job,’ she observed, ‘judging by the length of time you’ve been gone.’

  ‘Not too bad. Just a bit of a stretch,’ plonking down beside her. ‘What do we do now, wait?’ she asked, placing the overnight bag on the floor between then.

  ‘Yes. The nurse reckons about twenty minutes, then it’ll be my turn.’

  The waiting area was small, but there was only one other person so they could talk quietly together.

  ‘How do you feel about going under the knife, Ten? I must say, I hate hospitals and I’m sure I’d not be as calm as you,’ she confessed.

  ‘It’s not so dreadful. For one thing you’re asleep at the time and for another … I’m used to hospitals remember. I had a placement here one summer, just before my final year.’

  Sidonie had been sitting and watching Tenille’s lips as she spoke, fascinated by their soft, curving lines. She could sit and listen to her talk all day. Tenille finished her explanation with: ‘ …So you see I don’t view the whole thing with great trepidation. It’s more an inconvenience than anything.’ She waited for Sidonie to respond, but since she remained silent, still looking at her, she felt impelled to ask if she’d been listening.

  ‘Oh yes,’ she replied hastily, jolted out of her contemplation of that desirable, beautiful mouth. ‘I was so listening,’ she defended herself.

  ‘Then tell me what I said,’ she challenged.

  ‘Er..r, you don’t feel badly about it,’ she hazarded.

  ‘Mm..m, I guess you pass,’ she laughed.

  Sidonie reached out and placed her hand over Tenille’s. ‘Will you really be OK?’ searching her face for signs of trying to hide inner feelings, but as usual, there was no dissembling. ‘I’ll come visit you, as soon as they let me,’ she promised. A frown creased her brow and she ran nervous fingers through her hair in that way she had. ‘I wish I could phone you. I’ll be that worried not knowing how you are. I’m not next of kin, so the nursing staff won’t tell me anything. For all that you don’t consider there’s much to this repair, it’s still major surgery and you’ll be under the anaesthetic for quite some time,’ she worried.

  ‘You will be able to call me, Sid. My parents are renting me a phone. They offered a TV too.’ Sidonie’s face cleared at this news. ‘As soon as it’s put in I’ll leave a message at the track.’

  The relief Sidonie experienced was short-lived as worry returned.

  ‘Don’t worry, darling, I’ll be fine. It’s not as though I’m really sick or anything, is it?’ she explained.

  ‘No..o, I guess not. But I can’t help it. I still don’t like it and I’ll be glad when it’s all over and we’re through to the other side.’ Her hand gripped Tenille’s tightly for a moment, then she released her grasp and sat back in the chair. Tenille felt sure all would be well, but Sidonie’s concern touched her deeply. Great Goddess. She loved this girl. So strong most times, but now feeling helpless and full of worry. It endeared her to her, even more. They sat silently, awaiting the inevitable, but the hands of the clock moved slowly. The waiting stretched on for almost an hour and they jumped when the receptionist’s voice called: ‘Miss Fenech?’ Tenille started up, grabbing her crutches. Sidonie picked up the grip and carried it to the desk.

  ‘Would you please complete this form, it’s just to list the possessions you’re bringing in with you. The porter is on his way.’ Tenille turned to Sidonie and smiled. ‘Thank you for waiting with me. I’ll call you as soon as I can.’

  A little secret look crossed her face as she added: ‘ …And thank you for lunch.’

  She put down the bag and leaned over to give her a light, goodbye kiss, on the cheek. ‘I’ll be thinking of you,’ was all she said, as she turned away and made for the exit.

  Tenille stood, standing on one leg, looking at the door through w
hich she’d gone, suddenly feeling terribly alone and not nearly as brave as when they’d been sitting close together, her hand warm on hers, giving comfort and support.

  ‘Don’t forget to sign it,’ the receptionist reminded her, as she was about to put down the pen.

  ‘Yes, of course.’

  The porter arrived with the wheelchair. They would be off to the second floor of the old wing and to her new lodgings for the duration. With her belongings in her lap and the crutches propped across the chair from footplate to back, she was on her way to give up all control over her body; to relinquish her autonomy to hands she hoped would be competent and caring.

  CHAPTER 10

  Sidonie could not face spending the evening alone at the residence, nor did the prospect of one of the bars appeal. She decided, instead, to give Reine and Thea a call; see if she could pop in for an hour or two; enjoy their company. The receiver was picked up on the first ring, hearing Reine’s hearty, good natured response already made her feel better able to cope. She told her to come right over and just one favor: pick up a carton of half-and-half from the 7-11.

  ‘I’m there.’ Sidonie smiled into the phone. She passed a Becker’s on the way, so when the plaza came into view, pulled over. Whilst in the store, she picked up a large bottle of Cranberry juice too, not wanting to get stuck into beers. She knew what Reine could be like.

  In the lobby, she buzzed #109 and again heard Reine’s voice, this time inviting her up. On the threshold, she handed over her purchases feeling good to be with old friends. Reine motioned her to the chesterfield as she called to Thea. At the raised voice, Scully came out from somewhere in back and ran the length of her body against Sidonie’s legs.