The Widow's Choice

by Gilbert, Morris

  The congregation joined together in singing “Just As I Am.” Alona closed her eyes and prayed as she sang from the choir loft:

  “Just as I am, without one plea

  But that thy blood was shed for me.

  And that thou bidst me come to thee

  O Lamb of God, I come, I come.”

  She opened her eyes before the second verse started and saw Jason striding purposefully down the aisle. His head was up, and his eyes were bright as he came forward. Brother Byron had moved down in front of the podium, and the two men embraced each other. Tears came to her eyes, and her throat grew thick, making it impossible to sing. She gave a fervent prayer of thanksgiving to God for what was happening.

  She looked at Oscar, who was sitting with the boys in his usual seat—four rows back on the inner aisle—watching Jason with a blank expression. Oh, Oscar, she thought. Don’t close your heart to your brother.

  Even as she watched the scene before her, she was thinking about what had happened to Jason since his illness. He had recovered fully and had taken a job selling furniture. She had not seen him since, but she kept hearing reports that he had quit drinking. He was such a dedicated worker at the furniture store that Fred Gibbons, the owner, was enthusiastically singing his praises. “Why, he’s a fool for work,” he had told Alona when they had met by chance at the bakery, “and he doesn’t mind getting his hands dirty. He’ll help the guys load the furniture on the truck and even deliver it. He’s a good salesman too, and I’m lucky to have him.”

  Alona had expected Jason to come see her, but he had not. She suspected it was because he wanted to avoid Oscar at all costs. She wanted to tell Jason how proud she was of him, but she realized it was probably best that they not have too much contact. Strangely enough he had not been back to church since his illness three weeks earlier, but she had heard that he was visiting other churches. As much as she had wanted to see him, she knew he was being sensitive to Oscar’s feelings by staying away, and ultimately she knew that was the right thing for him to do. Now it gave her great joy to see him in their church publicly giving his life to God.

  “We will all rejoice together, for Jason Moran has given his heart to Jesus.”

  A chorus of amens and hallelujahs arose, and Byron smiled radiantly. “Jason has asked to say a word to you, so let’s hear what he has to say.”

  “Most of you here today know that I have not been a godly man,” he started. “I have been a slave to alcohol, and it almost took my life. Three weeks ago on a bed of sickness when one of the saints of God came to help me, I found the Lord Jesus Christ. I have long known that I was a sinner, but on that day I finally confessed it to God—” his voice broke and he took a moment to regain his composure—”and asked Him to save me in the name of Jesus. Since that moment, life has been different. I want to apologize to any of you who I have offended with my behavior. I would like to join this part of the body of Christ and follow Jesus in baptism.”

  Immediately Byron said, “Those in favor of accepting this dear brother into the fellowship of our church by baptism, let it be known by saying loudly amen.”

  The amens rocked the room. Alona joined them. She glanced down at her boys in the fourth row, and all of them were grinning broadly. Zac held his thumb and forefinger together and waved it at her. She wanted to do the same but just smiled instead.

  Brother Byron was speaking now, but she heard little of what he said, for she was filled with joy. The only thing that troubled her was the uncaring expression on Oscar’s face.

  “After the benediction, I want you all to come and welcome Jason into our family,” the pastor said. He pronounced the blessing and then many people made their way to the front of the church.

  Oscar shouldered his way out through the crowd. Alona joined the other choir members who were forming a line to greet Jason. When it was her turn, she took his hand and whispered, “I’m so happy for you, Jason.”

  “I’ll never forget you, Alona. As long as I live, I’ll remember how you prayed for me. And I hope you’ll keep on praying for me.”

  “I will, Jason,” she said and then moved quickly on.

  The boys surrounded her, and Tim’s eyes were especially bright. “Isn’t it great, Mom? Isn’t it just great!”

  “Yes, it’s great, Tim.”

  “You think he’ll come back and live at Mr. Oscar’s house?” Carl said.

  “I . . . don’t know. We’ll just have to see.”

  “I hope he does,” Zac said. “I miss shootin’ pool with him and other stuff.”

  Alona had little hope that Oscar would open his home to Jason, but she could not dampen the boys’ enthusiasm. “Let’s go home. I’ve got a nice lunch planned.”

  * * *

  Oscar did not say a word on their way home, although the boys chattered on about Jason’s new status within the church. Alona was apprehensive that one of them might bring up the subject of Jason being invited back into the house, but they said nothing of that. They knew that Oscar made all those decisions.

  When they got home Oscar said, “I’m not hungry. Don’t fix me any lunch.”

  “Don’t you feel well?” Alona asked, studying his face.

  “I’m all right. Just not hungry.”

  Alona went to the kitchen and threw herself into making a good lunch for herself and the boys. Mrs. Darrow had Sundays off, and Alona always enjoyed cooking the meal after church.

  She was making the topping for the blackberry cobbler the boys all loved when the three of them came rushing in.

  “Mom,” Zac cried, “come and listen to the radio!” His eyes were wild with excitement.

  “What’s on the radio?”

  “The Japanese have bombed Hawaii! Come on and listen.”

  Wiping her hands on her apron, Alona went at once into the parlor. The radio announcer was obviously shaken. “We have no reports of how many have died,” he was saying, “but we do know that our navy, which was stationed in Hawaii at Pearl Harbor has been attacked by Japanese planes. The attack comes after the Japanese representatives had been in Washington speaking of peace. Stay tuned as we bring you the late-breaking bulletins as they come in.”

  “Golly, that means we’re at war!” Tim exclaimed.

  “We’ll have to fight those Japanese, won’t we, Mom?” Carl piped up.

  “I don’t know. Maybe it’s all a mistake,” she said.

  “No, they’ve been talking about it, Mom. They’re dropping bombs on our ships there.”

  Alona sank down on the couch in disbelief and listened. The announcer kept breaking in with new bulletins, but it was obvious that the United States was now at war.

  A smothering fear came over her as she sat between her oldest and her youngest son. She was thankful that Tim was still too young to fight, but she thought of all the thousands of mothers who would have to let their sons go to war. She put her arms around Tim and Carl and looked down at Zac, who was sitting on the floor staring at the radio. Oh, God, I’m so afraid, she prayed. Please take care of all those families that have lost sons and fathers and brothers on this terrible day.

  ****

  The day after the deadly and explosive assault, President Roosevelt addressed the nation. “America was suddenly and deliberately attacked by naval and air forces of the empire of Japan,” he said. “We will gain the inevitable triumph, so help us God.”

  War was declared immediately, with only one dissenting vote in Congress: that of Jeannette Rankin, Republican representative from Montana. In his address, the president declared December 7, 1941, a date “which will live in infamy.” America was stunned, and no one who was alive in America on that particular day would ever forget what they were doing when they got the news that the United States was now thrown into a terrible world war.

  ****

  In the days following the declaration of war against Japan, Jason listened to newscasts while he studied maps, following the progress of the war. He took long walks when he wasn’t working
and spent many hours praying. He talked to no one about this, but he finally made an important decision and knew that he had to tell two people—Oscar and Alona.

  He waited until most of the workers at the foundry were gone, knowing that Oscar was usually one of the last ones to leave. He walked into the foundry, where he had spent so many years, uncertain of what kind of reception he would get. He knocked on Oscar’s office door, and when he heard his brother’s gruff “Come in,” he stepped inside.

  Oscar was standing at a filing cabinet, and he turned at once and stared at Jason. “What is it?” he demanded.

  “I won’t be around much longer, Oscar, and I just wanted to come before I left and tell you I’m sorry that I’ve given you such grief. I know I’ve been a bad brother, and you’ve done so much to help me. You’ve been a good father to me—a good brother too—and I care for you deeply. I’d like to ask you to forgive me for all the trouble I’ve caused you.”

  Oscar stood stock-still. His face was hard, and he said gruffly, “I suppose you can’t help being the kind of man you are.” He seemed to brush aside Jason’s plea for forgiveness and asked instead, “Where are you going?”

  “I’m going to sign up with the army. My country needs me.”

  Oscar seemed to struggle with himself, then asked brusquely, “Do you need anything?”

  “No, thank you. I’m all right.” Jason took a step forward and put out his hand. “This is good-bye for a while. Will you shake hands with me?”

  “I don’t believe in sentimentalism. I doubt you’ll make it in the army any better than you did in the navy.”

  Jason dropped his hand. “I’m sorry you feel that way, Oscar. I know I’ve failed in the past, but I’ve got hope for my future. Good-bye.”

  Oscar watched his half brother leave, then when the door closed, he went quickly to the door and grabbed the handle. He started to turn it but then stopped and stood frozen. He finally released the handle. He’ll either be back or I’ll have to go pull him out of a hole again. It’s always been that way.

  ****

  “Why, Jason, I wasn’t—” Alona started.

  “You weren’t expecting me,” he said. “I know, but I need to see you for a few moments.”

  “Please come in.”

  Jason stepped inside the house and saw that she was feeling awkward. “I won’t be but a minute, Alona.”

  “Come into the parlor,” she said as she led the way. “Won’t you sit down?” she offered.

  “Yes, but I won’t be here long. I’ve just been to see Oscar at the foundry.”

  Alona was instantly alert. “What did you say to him, Jason?”

  “I asked him to forgive me for all the trouble I’ve been in his life and told him that I cared for him.”

  “What did he say?” Alona asked, her eyes fixed on Jason’s.

  “He still has some hard feelings, I’m afraid, but I hope he’ll get over them.”

  “I hope so too. You’ve really turned your life around. Mr. Gibbons says you’ll be running the store if you keep on doing as well as you have.”

  He shook his head and smiled. “I won’t be doing that, Alona.”

  “Why not?”

  “Because I won’t be here. This war has changed everything.”

  At that moment Alona knew exactly what Jason was going to say. “You’re going to join the service, aren’t you?”

  “Yes, I am. I’ll be joining the army today, and I hope to be leaving immediately.”

  “You mean the Army Air Corps?”

  Jason looked surprised. “Why, no. Just the army. I’ll be a foot soldier in the infantry, I expect.”

  “Jason, you mustn’t do that.”

  “I’ve got to do my part!”

  “I know that, but there are many young men who can serve in the infantry. You’ve had special training. You could go into the Army Air Corps or you could join up with the navy again and do what you do best, which is flying. How many young men are there out there who already know how to land a plane on an aircraft carrier?”

  “That’s what I used to do best, but you know I can’t go back.”

  “Jason, I don’t believe that.” Her eyes were flashing. “You’ve got to give your very best. Not just for your country but for the Lord. The Bible says, ‘Whatsoever thy hand findeth to do, do it with all thy might.’ ”

  “But I can do that carrying a rifle.”

  “I feel very strongly about this, Jason. I have for a long time. If all this hadn’t come up, I was going to beg you to go back to the navy and try again.”

  “I never even thought of such a thing,” he said.

  “Think about this. When you failed before, you were not God’s man, but you are now. You’re a servant of the Lord Jesus Christ. You can call upon Him, and He will give you the strength to do whatever you need to do. Please, Jason, don’t throw this opportunity away. I think a door has been put before you, and if you don’t go through it, you’ll regret it for the rest of your life.”

  He passed his hand across his face. “You just don’t know what I went through—how awful it was to be filled with fear. When I got in the plane for the first time after the accident, it was as if everything inside me crumbled.”

  “The Bible says that God has not given us a spirit of fear but of power, love, and a sound mind. You’ve got all of that, Jason—power, love, and a sound mind. Jesus is your Savior. I feel strongly that God would have you do this.”

  Jason didn’t know what to say, and Alona went on, “I prayed with you once. Will you let me pray with you again about this?”

  “Sure, Alona. Go ahead.”

  She began to pray, not only for Jason but for all the other young men and women who would be going into harm’s way. “Lord, Jason has a new heart now. He’s not the man he was when he failed before. I know that you can give him the courage and strength to do this job, and I ask you right now to lay it upon his heart to do it. In Jesus’ name. Amen.”

  Jason opened his eyes, and she saw a startled look on his face. “It’s happened again,” he said, a grin pulling at his mouth.

  “What’s happened?”

  “When you prayed for me back in the rooming house, I sensed the immediate presence of God. And it’s happened again.” He took her hands in his and gave them a quick squeeze. “Alona, I’m going to try.”

  “That’s wonderful, Jason. I know God will be with you.”

  “I’ll join the navy if they’ll give me another chance, but I’ll join the army as a regular soldier if they won’t.”

  “The boys and I will be praying for you every day.”

  “I’ll need it.” He stood and said, “Well, this is good-bye for a while.”

  “Good-bye, Jason, and God keep you.”

  She followed him to the front door, and when he opened it he turned around and studied her, memorizing her features. As far as he knew, this might be the last time he’d see this woman. He took in the self-possessed curve of her mouth, her fair complexion, and the smooth ivory of her throat.

  He had loved her for a long time but had never said so because of her marriage to Oscar. Now he couldn’t leave her without letting her know his true feelings. “Alona, I know it won’t ever come to anything—there are too many things against it—but I want you to know . . . I love you. I’ve loved you for a long time.” Without another word he left, walking away at a rapid gait. He got into his car and drove off without even a wave.

  Alona stood there shocked and shaken. She felt tears flood her eyes and she began to sob. “O God, forgive me, but I love him too. Take care of him, Lord, and keep him safe.”

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  “He Can’t Cut It!”

  Staring out the window from his desk in Pensacola, Florida, Commander Lloyd Baker should have been happy, for the weather was beautiful. Having grown up in Boston, he was accustomed to heavy snows, freezing weather, and generally miserable conditions. Miserable for flying, that is, which pretty much consumed his life. Now the
sun shone bright and brilliant, even in mid-December. He noticed a group of his pilots throwing a baseball around laughing, most of them wearing shorts and T-shirts.

  “They’d better enjoy that,” Commander Baker growled deep in his throat. “Where they’re going, they won’t be tossing a baseball around very much.” Glancing up at the calendar on the wall, he noted the date: December 15, 1941. Only eight days since Japan had opened the door to an all-out war for the United States of America. The bright sunshine outside made a stark contrast with the dark gloominess that filled Lloyd Baker’s mind. He, along with other pilots who flew for the U.S. Navy, had foreseen the situation coming. It had infuriated Baker, but he had been unable to convince any of the higher-ups of the military world, and certainly not of the political world, that Japan was not going to lie down and roll over.

  Getting up from his chair, Baker walked over and looked out the window at the landing field. He counted the Douglas SBD-3 Dauntless dive bombers and the Douglas TBD Devastator torpedo bombers and shook his head. “Too few,” he said loudly. “Not near enough.”

  A knock interrupted his thoughts, and he barked, “Come in!” Baker had the habit of speaking sharply even when he gave a cheery good morning to the men in his command. As he expected, Captain Hack Odom came through the door and saluted sloppily. Odom does everything sloppily, the commander thought as he returned the salute crisply. Everything, that is, except fly the Dauntless aircraft. That he did with precision, speed, accuracy, and a deadly attitude toward the enemy. But the man’s uniform, as always, looked as if he had slept in it, and he seemed to have a perpetual problem with standing at attention. The commander had to laugh. “You look like you just got out of the drunk tank in Boston, Hack.”

  “I’m disappointed you should say that, sir. I paid a lot of attention to my personal appearance this morning.”