Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

  There, standing on my front porch in all of his masculine beauty, is Yeo Anderson. He’s clearly been working out because his usual tall, slender form is slightly filled out. His upper arms and chest are leaner. More defined. The white button-up shirt he dons fits him like it would a GQ model. His black tie is sleek and thin, the color matching his slacks perfectly. He wears a shiny pair of dress shoes. Clean, polished, and without a single scuff. Just like the boy himself.

  Yeo looks expensive.

  I don’t remember him looking this expensive.

  Swallowing, I flit my gaze down to my Walmart dress. I look inexpensive.

  “Kadydid.” His nickname for me is a whisper. I like whispers. He knows this. “You look beautiful. Even more so than I remember.”

  At this, I lift my eyes to meet his heated brown ones. He lifts up a dark eyebrow and smiles. Yeo’s smiles are blinding and brilliant and perfect. The boy—no—the man dizzies me and confuses me whenever he’s near. I can’t stay locked up inside my head because he’s too busy distracting me by working his way into my heart.

  “It’s been so long…” I trail off, tears forming in my eyes.

  He takes a step forward. Then another. And then his fingertips are brushing a stray brown strand of hair away from my cheek. His touch jolts me to life. Electrifies my entire being. Resuscitates my dead soul. When he dips down, I can’t help but lean in to him. To inhale his new scent. It’s unfamiliar, yet still smells like him. More masculine. Older. Wiser. Yum.

  “Yeo…”

  And then his fingers are on me. Touching me. Owning me. Distracting me. The words I was going to say fizzle and fade as the fire that only we create rages back to life. A fire I’d assumed died after over a decade.

  He was supposed to find a new life.

  A new girlfriend. A wife even.

  Move far the hell away from me.

  Yet, here he is. His fingers curling around the back of my neck. His lips flitting over my ear, whispering secrets before brushing along my cheek, and finally crushing my own mouth. My gasp of relief is my only response—my only confirmation that what he’s doing is okay—before he’s kissing me like the world might end tomorrow. Hell, I’d want it to if it meant I could continue to kiss him just like this until that time.

  I’m about to beg him to carry me upstairs, like old times, when he pulls away. His eyebrows are pinched together, pain screwing his face into something sad and ugly.

  “Why wouldn’t you see me? Why did you refuse to speak to me?” His voice is accusatory. Broken.

  Emotion chokes me and I fist my hands. “You weren’t supposed to come back, stupid man.”

  He smirks. Oh, Yeo and his perfect smirks—smirks that used to get him slapped upside the head by his mother. “I was always coming back, Kadydid.”

  I can’t help but melt at the way he says my old nickname. A name he’d given me when I was just nine years old. When I fell head over heels in love with a ten-year-old boy and his broken camera.

  “You deserve better,” I try. But I don’t try too hard. Truth is, I’m selfish. I missed him.

  He laughs and I swear to God my soul rejoices. Everything about Yeo is magical and soothing. Quiet and beautiful. “I don’t deserve anything. But I’ll do whatever it takes to have you.”

  When I let out a sigh, he hugs me to him. His lips are against the top of my head and he presses a kiss there before speaking.

  “I’m going to fix us. Today starts the process of making everything better. For good, my sweet Kadence.”

  At one time, he had fixed everything. My life was calm and serene. He’d been instrumental in keeping Norman away. Those assholes Pascale and Kenneth never came around as long as I was with Yeo. He protected me from the bad people in my life and loved the good ones. We’d become a team. And we were unstoppable.

  Until I put a stop to us.

  “This doesn’t feel real,” I tell him with a teary laugh.

  He backs me up to the doorframe and presses his hips against mine. I can feel his erection poking into my stomach. “Does that feel real? Because it sure as hell feels real to me.”

  I stand on my toes and tilt my head back. My mouth is already missing his. It practically waters for him. “Kiss me again.”

  His lips hover over mine and he whispers his words against them. “I’ll kiss you again and again and again until the end of time.”

  I let out a whimper when his tongue pushes its way into my mouth. His urgency and my neediness make for a hungry, eager kiss.

  I think we might kiss for eternity when his phone blares from his pocket. He groans and reluctantly pulls away to answer it.

  “What?” His frustration is evident. I flick my gaze to his slacks and can’t help but smile at seeing his cock straining through his pants. God, I missed him.

  He darts his eyes over to me and winks. That one action sends a thrill running through me. It chases away the despondency that always grips me and leaves sparkly Yeo remnants in its wake. When he’s around, my mind is hopeful and damn near free.

  Yeo is my drug.

  And I willingly give my biggest vein to him to inject his life into me.

  I chew on my bottom lip while he gripes at what sounds like Dean on the other end of the line. Anxiety filters back through me, causing me to grow tense with worry. When it’s just Yeo and me, it’s easy to forget everything else. But just hearing his brother’s raised voice on the other end of the phone is a harsh reminder that it isn’t just us.

  His family.

  Mine…

  Too many people who were pulling us apart back then when all we ever wanted was to be together.

  And this is what made me force him to leave in the first place.

  “We’ll be there soon. Tell Dad to have a cocktail and calm the fuck down,” Yeo snaps.

  I jolt at his tone. Upon realizing this, he softens his features and reaches for me. Of course I grab on to his hand. How could I not? He runs his thumb over the back of my hand while he hisses whispered words to his brother. And then he hangs up.

  “We just have to make an appearance is all, Kadydid. They need to know my intentions right off the bat. Then we can do whatever you want, okay? Don’t let my father upset you. Please,” he says softly before tugging me to him.

  I know he wants me to calm down but my brain is beginning to work overtime. Scenario after scenario replays in my head of the worst possible outcomes for this dinner. All of them involve his father becoming red-faced and screaming about how I’m not good enough for Yeo. He’s said it before and I know without a shadow of a doubt he’ll say it again.

  “Shhh,” he murmurs against my hair. “We’ve got this, okay? Don’t overthink it. I need you.”

  Twelve years is a long time to go without someone you love wholeheartedly.

  But with Yeo?

  It all comes rushing back.

  Love. Memories. Sex. Laughter. Friendship. Us.

  He’s always been stored away in a part of my heart. I’ve never let him go from there, despite my attempts to physically. And from what Bones and Agatha pass on, I know he hasn’t let me go either. Deep down, I knew he never would. I held on to a sliver of selfish hope in my heart no matter what my mind told me was the right thing to do. I’ve been Yeo’s since the moment he showed up on my grandma’s front lawn with his big brown eyes and crooked smile. It comforts me on a cellular level knowing that time, just a blip in the grand scheme of it all, still couldn’t keep us apart.

  Nodding, I swallow down my emotion as I pull away and plaster on a smile for him. “I’m here. With you. Not going to worry about what I can’t control.”

  I’m so tired. For so long I’ve had to be strong. To put up walls I didn’t want to erect. And Yeo crashes through them anyway. I don’t have to be strong because he’s strong enough for the both of us.

  His brows knit together as he searches my face. Probably for my deception. Finally, after not finding any, he lets out a relieved breath. “We can do this. Together.�
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  My mind leads me down memory lane and I gladly follow.

  “We can do this,” he assures me, holding my hand tight. “Together.”

  I want to believe him. I truly do. Yeo has never lied to me.

  But I’m scared.

  When he senses that I’m still hesitating, he turns and gives me a lopsided grin that melts me right to the linoleum floor I stand on. “It’s just you and me, Kadydid.”

  No teachers.

  No students making fun of me.

  Nobody.

  Just Yeo and I.

  I smooth out a non-existent wrinkle on my silky dress and give him a wobbly smile back. His hand squeezes mine again before he pushes through the gym doors and guides us into the fancily decorated room. Normally, I hate the gym. Gym class is where I receive a ton of ridicule. The teacher doesn’t seem to notice or care when the other girls call me “skinny ass” or “stupid girl” or how they say Yeo is too good looking for me.

  Tonight though…

  Tonight it is breathtaking.

  Midsummer Night’s Dream is the theme. Just like Shakespeare’s story we’re reading in eleventh grade English class.

  Trees have been made of paper mache. Glittery lights hang from every corner. The dance floor is covered with a blue, shiny covering made to look like water and colorful handmade lily pads are scattered across it.

  When Yeo asked me to go to his senior prom, I’d been horrified at the idea. I didn’t want people to make fun of us dancing. Or tease me about my outfit. Their roars would have been crushing. I’ve seen Carrie by Stephen King enough to know what happens when people make fun of the weird girl at a school dance.

  But I couldn’t tell him no.

  He was so excited.

  Went on and on about how he was going to buy me a corsage and teach me to dance. That he’d already spoken to my grandma about getting a frilly dress and getting my hair done for the event.

  I just wanted to make him happy.

  Turning, I chance a look at him, expecting him to be admiring the décor. Instead, I find his penetrating gaze boring into mine. All insecurities fly out the window when he looks at me as though I am his entire world. We’ve been through so much together in the past eight years. Surely we can get through this too.

  “May I have this dance?” he asks, his eyes twinkling in a way that’s more captivating than the strands of lights all around us.

  A small smile breaks out on my face. Yeo makes me smile. “I’m not good at it.”

  He chuckles and leads me to the faux lake. “That means you’re still ten times better than me, Kadydid.”

  Can’t Help Falling in Love by Elvis Presley starts to play around us. Everything disappears when he pulls me into his warm embrace. We aren’t dancing…we’re hugging and rocking. Yeo kisses me on the top of the head and strokes my bare upper back. The strapless dress feels weird but when I saw his hungry stare when he picked me up, I knew I had chosen well.

  His scent intoxicates me. A hint of his sexy cologne mixed with the lingering bit of soap. I can even smell his toothpaste. I inhale him and rest my cheek on his chest. Strong, capable hands slide to my waist, creating shivers in their wake.

  My body seems to hum in response when his hot breath tickles my hair. Completely off key but so very Yeo, he sings along with the song as if the lyrics were meant for me.

  “You know I love you,” he murmurs. “Always. No matter what. Forever.”

  I swallow down my emotion and nod. He’s made it clear that after I graduate, he wants to marry me. Even though spending my life with Yeo seems like the best gift I could ever receive, I can’t help but feel a twinge of guilt. I would always be his burden. Always. And forever.

  Lately, it’s all I can think about. How I’m not enough for him. How he deserves so much more than me. One day he may want kids and I’m not even sure I could give that to him.

  “Get out of your head,” he says in a low tone that reminds me of a growl. He pulls away just enough so he can see me. When I don’t look up at him, his finger lifts my chin. Our eyes meet and all worry bleeds away. “What are you thinking about?” he questions, a frown marring his handsome face.

  I chew on my bottom lip. “The future. Where you’ll be…” I trail off. “Where I’ll be.”

  A fierce scowl forms on his face and he pulls me closer. “Our future is us. We’ll be together.” And then he whispers, “Forever.”

  This too, I want to believe.

  So, for now, I do.

  “I love you,” I tell him, a broad smile curling my lips up. My smiles never fail to draw out his.

  And that will never change.

  My memories fade but the love never does. It’s always pounding hard just below the surface. With a genuine smile, I let him lead me toward his shiny, expensive car that sits next to my dull, inexpensive one and attempt to ignore Bones’s irritated warning from earlier today when he found out I really was going to do this dinner.

  “It’ll all go to shit. Just like always, Kady Baby. Call me when it happens and I’ll come save the day. Just like always.”

  Maybe I won’t need Bones to save me this time.

  Love and Yeo are all I need.

  * * *

  Yeo

  On the way to the restaurant, I keep my hand clasped with hers. With Kady, this is how it is. Touch her. Kiss her. Hold her. It’s the only way to keep her. She’s stubborn like that.

  “Agatha posted a video on Facebook the other day. Of one of your students playing the piano. You’ve really found something you’re good at. The girl played the song flawlessly,” I tell her, cutting my eyes over to her.

  Her cheeks turn pink and she grins—a look I love on her. Pride. Accomplishment. Joy. “Kyra. She’s so talented. Her dad Jason is a little weird. I hate when he’s the one to bring her by, but she’s definitely my favorite kid to work with. Presley adores her. Sometimes they play after practice.”

  “Agatha posted a picture of the girls’ muddy feet. She said she had to spend three hours cleaning the floors that day,” I tell her with a chuckle.

  She kicks off her flats and curls her feet up under her. For a moment, panic seizes me, but when she flashes me her signature Kady smile, I relax.

  “I would have helped but when I came downstairs it was already clean.” She shrugs her shoulders and smooths her dress over her knees. “Yeo?” Her tone turns from playful to serious. Another spike of anxiety shoots through me.

  “Yeah, Kadydid?”

  “Why me?”

  Frowning, I turn to regard her. Her bright blue eyes, such a stark contrast to the sad soul that lurks behind them, widen at me with curiosity. I hold her gaze for a moment before focusing back on the road.

  “I just knew. That first day. I’ve told you this before.”

  “So tell me again. I don’t understand.”

  I let out a sigh as I turn into the parking lot of LeBlanc’s. Once I’m parked, I turn my body to look at her. “You were so alone…”

  “But I wasn’t,” she argues.

  I laugh. “You’re never alone. True. But sometimes the loneliest people are surrounded by noise. You, Kadydid, were always surrounded. Yet…” I trail off, searching for the right words, “you were sad. Something was missing and I wanted to fill it. I wanted to fill your heart with me.”

  She drags her face away from mine and peers out through the windshield. “You do fill my heart. But then…”

  “You made me leave,” I remind her.

  “You weren’t supposed to come back.”

  We’re going to go round and round about this, clearly. “I did as you asked, Kady. Did Agatha tell you I got my degree? I did this for us because you asked me to. Now stop your arguing and let it happen. It was always going to happen…you just delayed the inevitable.”

  Her head bows to her lap and I’m afraid I’m losing her to her dark thoughts. Taking her jaw in my gentle grip, I turn her to face me. “I’m not going anywhere. You can push all you want, but I
have nowhere to go but here. I’ll just drag you right along with me. So give it up.”

  “I forgot how bossy you were,” she complains, her lips quirking up into an amused smile.

  “I learned it from you, if you remember correctly. I was just a quiet boy from down the street. You pulled me out of my shell and forced me to play all of your stupid girl games.”

  “I didn’t force you.” Her huff is meant to be in irritation, but I know she remembers our childhood as fondly as I do.

  “You did. And paybacks are a bitch. Now, I’m forcing you to be my girlfriend again. I’m going to force you to go places with me. To kiss me. To remember us.”

  She sighs. “Maybe Norman will leave me alone now that you’re here.”

  Anger surges through me and I press a soft kiss to her lips so she won’t see my fury. Breathing against her lips, I vow, “The bastard won’t show his face while I’m around. Pascale and Kenneth can fuck off too. Bones is debatable.”

  Her sweet laughter warms me through and through. “Bones is our friend. He looks after me. He looked after me when…” And just like that, her words become heavy and distant. Jesus fucking Christ she’s so fragile. I’m so glad I’m home to put her back together.

  “I’m here now. Bones can hang out with us as long as he wears a shirt. Nobody wants to see that shit,” I tease, hoping to pull her back to me.

  Her blue eyes flick to mine and brighten. “I know he owns T-shirts. I swear Aunt Suzy buys him a new one each time she goes out. All black, just like he likes them. But the damn fool never wears them. Most of them still have the tags on them.”

  “I’ll make him wear them. Now, let’s get this dinner over with so I can make love to you.” I climb out of the car and saunter over to her side. When I open the door, she offers her hand to me. I pull her out and into my arms getting high on her high-pitched squeal.

  As I stare at her face I missed so much, I can’t help but remember the past.