Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

  “STOP TICKLING ME YEO ANDERSON!” she screams, her face turning bright red.

  “Shhh,” I chide with a laugh. “You’ll wake up your grandma.”

  I’ve settled between her milky thighs on the sofa and have her hands pinned with one of mine. My free hand rests on her sensitive ribs. I can’t help but stare at her plump pink lips. So shiny and full. Bitable. “I could stare at you all day,” I tell her while grinning.

  Her always troubled eyes become soft. The sudden tenderness has me releasing her hands so I can stroke her face. “So stare,” she breathes, her mouth parting open.

  And so I do.

  I inspect her smooth forehead. It’s still red, along with her cheeks, from exertion at being tickled. Her dark eyebrows match her hair perfectly and are drawn together as she watches me too. Bright blue eyes shine with love and clarity. So brilliant I’m almost blinded by it. Her pert nose flares with every ragged breath she takes. It’s her lips though that I want to see more of.

  Cupping her cheek, I rub my thumb along the edge of her mouth. Always so soft. I never tire of being with her.

  “Am I too much for you?” she questions in a despondent tone.

  I curl up my lip as if she’s suddenly grown three heads. “Are you for real right now?”

  She presses her sweet lips together into a firm line, her eyebrows drawing together, and nods.

  Dipping down, I brush a gentle kiss to her lips. When I lift back up, she has them parted again. “Kady…”

  Her nose scrunches in a cute way. “Yeah, Yeo?”

  “I’ll never get enough of you.”

  Hot breath against my neck draws me from my memory. “I’m nervous.” Jesus, I’ve missed this girl. When we’re together, it’s just easy. The staying apart was what was difficult.

  “I’m nervous too. It won’t be easy,” I say with a sigh and squeeze her to me. “But that’s okay. Nothing ever worth having was easy. If things get too uncomfortable in there, we’ll bail.”

  She nods and I reluctantly release her. I grab my jacket from the backseat and shrug it on knowing Dad will have a fit if I’m not dressed to impress. Threading her fingers with mine, I take a deep breath to fortify myself against the shit storm we’ll no doubt encounter. Earlier, Dean called and went fucking ballistic on me over the phone. You know how Dad feels about her, he’d said. He’s going to flip when she shows up, he’d threatened. And I pretty much told him to go fuck himself because I didn’t care.

  I don’t care.

  But I know she does.

  That’s where shit gets tricky.

  “I feel like no time was lost,” she murmurs, mostly to herself as we approach the glass doors to the front of the brick building.

  “You know I’ve always been there for you, Kadydid. Checking up on you. Sneaking glimpses of you. Worrying my head to the point of insanity over you. Just because you didn’t see me that often doesn’t mean I wasn’t there for you.”

  She flashes me a shy smile. “Agatha told me. Sometimes I’d sneak on her Facebook to check up on you too. Why didn’t you ever date anyone?”

  I stop before we enter the building and turn toward her. Tracing my fingertip along her jaw, I furrow my eyebrows together and regard her. Her blue eyes are clear—the storm that used to brew in them is temporarily calm. The lips I’d missed for far too long are plump and slightly parted. With each breath she takes, her nostrils flare slightly. If it were up to me, I’d freeze this moment so I could stare at her for years and years and years. Uninterrupted. Easy. Mine.

  “It’s only ever been you, Kady, who had my heart. You know this. Did you date anyone?” I question. I already know the answer but I ask anyway.

  “No.”

  I dip down and kiss her lips.

  Her murmured words against my mouth send a thrill of excitement coursing through me. “But surely you slept with someone while you were there. That’s a long time for a man and—” I silence her with a deeper kiss, reveling in the minty fresh taste on her tongue. When I finally break from our kiss, she’s panting and I’m sporting a big-ass hard-on.

  “If my hand counts, then yes,” I say, offering her a smoldering grin at which she giggles. “But to be honest, I was intensely focused on my studies. Then, my internship stole all of my time. Even if I’d wanted to—which I didn’t—I had no time to date or fuck around. Bones can attest to this.” I swallow down my unease and pin her with a firm, loving stare. “When my head finally did hit the pillow, you were on my mind. Always.”

  Her shoulders seem to relax at my words and her lips quirk up on one side. “He did keep me in the know. I thought about you too. Always.”

  Clutching her hand, I guide her inside the dark restaurant. “No more thinking or longing or wishing. We’re together now.”

  I feel impenetrable with her in my grip. Dad will play his games. But it doesn’t matter anymore. Kady is my other half—always has been, always will be—and now that my internship is out of the way, we can carry on with our life together.

  “There he is,” Barclay booms from one corner of the restaurant. He saunters over to us, all six feet and five inches of him, a gigantic grin on his face that looks so much like Dad’s, it’s spooky. “Man of the hour. Dr. Froot Loop.”

  I bristle at his comment but thankfully Kadence doesn’t seem to catch on. “Barc. Long time no see.”

  Pulling my hand from hers, I offer it to my brother for a brief handshake that turns into one of those manly half-hugs with a shoulder slap. As soon as our display of affection is over, my hand is back in hers.

  “Miss Kadence. How are you these days?” His smile is forced but at least he’s trying. More than I can say for the rest of my family.

  She drops her gaze to the floor, her anxiety thick and clouding the air around her. “Fine. Busy.”

  His eyes flicker to mine and I shake my head. “How’s business?”

  He launches into an animated recount of his latest “piss-ant” client. How Dean ended up taking the fucker because he was about to run his fist through his nose. I try not to roll my eyes at his over-exaggerated tale. My gut tells me he wants Dad to be the proudest of him. And truth be told, Dad is the proudest of him. But it doesn’t keep him from always trying to hold that title. Neither Dean nor I are fighting for the crown, though, so I’m not sure why he wastes all of his energy doing so.

  “Come on. Everyone’s waiting,” he finally says and leads the way through the restaurant to a long table by the windows that overlook the Monongahela River.

  Everyone is present and accounted for. Dad heads up one end of the table, his chiseled jaw set with concentration as he listens to Evelyn gab at his left. Mom, her black hair tied into a neat bun, listens intently as well at his right. Beside Mom is Larnie, the older twin, who stares at her phone and beside her Lacey, the youngest, who also stares at her phone. Both girls have light brown hair straightened to perfection, a spitting image of their mother Patty. Patty attempts to chat with a younger woman with silky red hair who sits between her and Dean. I’m presuming the redhead is his newest girlfriend. Dean’s arm is slung over the chair behind her and he visually feasts on her tits spilling out of her dress as the two women converse.

  As if they all realize we’re here at exactly the same time, the table grows quiet and they all look over at us. They go from laughing and chatting to frowning. Kady’s palm grows clammy in mine and I become overwrought with worry about this dinner. It’d been my intention to barge in here with her on my arm, basically tell them all to fuck off in the nicest way possible, and then carry on without another care in the world. I should have known it wouldn’t be so easy.

  Dad stands and his hardened gaze skips over me to disdainfully take in the appearance of my Kady. Evelyn reaches a hand up to calm him—something I’ve seen her do often over the years. But he doesn’t calm. His jaw ticks as he clenches it and a muscle in his neck tightens. It’s my mother who actually settles his storm, though.

  “Oh, Fletcher,” she says to
him as she stands beside him. “Our boy is officially a doctor now. And look at Miss Kadence. What a handsome couple they are.” Her English is perfect, something she worked at diligently over the last thirty years, but her accent remains thick.

  Dad softens at her tone and nods once—clipped and irritated—before striding over to me. He’s never been affectionate with my brothers, but for some reason he babies me, even as I stand nearly as tall and every bit as broad as him. I’m tugged from Kadence’s grip and smashed into one of his bear hugs. “I’m so proud of you, son.”

  When he releases me, I attempt to snatch Kady’s hand in mine but Patty is already ushering her over to meet the redhead. It should comfort me that they are trying to make her feel welcome, but it doesn’t. I promised her I’d keep her by my side.

  “Ja-gi-ya,” Mom coos and pulls me into a hug. She’s tiny and nearly half my size. “Don’t fuss about your father. He’ll come around.” We had a long discussion today over lunch about what my father’s reaction would be about my decision to make Kady a part of my life again.

  My eyes flit over to Kady and her arms are crossed over her chest. A signature defense move of hers. It makes me straighten. “I hope so.”

  Releasing my mother, I hurry over to Kady and pull her against my chest. Her body is tense but she relaxes against me. “I’m here now, Kadydid. Let’s get some food into you.”

  “They hate me,” she murmurs.

  I stroke her long brown hair and shake my head. “Nobody could ever hate you.”

  * * *

  Kady

  He’s wrong.

  I hate me.

  And they definitely hate me.

  He is one of the few people who don’t hate me.

  I can sense the distrust in their eyes. The worry of how this little poor girl will embarrass them in their big affluent world. And I will. It’s just how I am. At some point tonight, no matter how hard I try not to, I’ll make a fool out of myself and everyone here.

  Yeo knows this and yet he doesn’t care.

  Which makes my heart bleed.

  He should have stayed away.

  Dinner has gone smoothly so far, thank God. With Yeo’s constant touch, he distracts me. His soothing presence helps me focus on him and not everything around me. Everything in me. Everything about me.

  “What are you doing these days, Kadence?” Patty questions.

  I jolt at her words and my eyes fly to her pretty green ones. Her smile is forced and I hate that she has to pretend to be nice to me. At least Fletcher doesn’t pretend. He may by Yeo’s asshole father, but I know where I stand with him. Always. And that place is pretty much along the lines of dirt on the bottom of his expensive loafers.

  Their eyes are all on me, waiting for me to answer. But my tongue is sticky in my mouth. I reach for my now empty wine glass and opt for the full glass of water instead. Once I’ve gulped down half the glass, I dart my eyes from Fletcher back to Patty. “Stuff.”

  One of the twins snickers at my comment and a heated blush creeps up my neck. Yeo leans in, presses a soft kiss to my cheek, and whispers, “Relax. Tell them about Kyra.”

  At this, I do let go of some of the tension in my shoulders. “Um, I’ve been teaching piano to some neighborhood kids. Kyra is my star student. Has an ear for music and responds well to my critiques.” I chew on my lip and shoot Yeo a nervous glance. His warm, chocolate eyes twinkle with adoration which gives me the strength I need to continue. “Business has picked up. I’m teaching nearly every evening but now that summer is here, I’ll most likely fill the days up instead. Thanks, um, for asking, Patty.”

  This time, she actually smiles at me. Her real smiles are pretty.

  “I’ve tried to talk the girls into getting some lessons before they go off to college but—”

  “Mom, ew. No.” Lacey’s lip curls up in disgust and she shoots Larnie a secretive look only twins can interpret.

  “Put the phones away,” Barclay orders with a growl before turning his scrutinizing gaze on me. “Brennan said he saw you over on Fifth Street last week. Nothing but drug dealers and whores out that way. Not a safe part of town for a nice young lady.”

  Yeo stiffens from beside me and I panic. The napkin in my lap suffers at my abuse as I twist and tug at it, unsuccessfully attempting to rip the fabric in half. “I didn’t go to Fifth Street. Besides, Officer Joe told me it’s a bad part of town. I stay mostly at the house.”

  Barclay shrugs as if he didn’t just accuse me of something awful. “Who is this Joe you speak of? Brennan’s been a detective for three years there and I’ve never heard him mention him.”

  I frown at him. Officer Joe is the best cop in Morgantown. It was him who promised me everything would be okay. That he’d look after me no matter what.

  “Officer Joe works in another department,” Yeo says, his teeth clenched together as he speaks. “Brennan is an idiot. Back the hell up, man.” His warning to his brother is loud and clear. Barclay laughs and then launches into an animated story about how a new hotel is breaking dirt in a few weeks. Apparently he’s a part owner. Apparently he’ll hook everyone up with a night in the penthouse suite. Apparently they’ve named it after him.

  I stifle a giggle remembering what Bones said once about Barclay. “The man’s so worried about pleasing his daddy that he lives up to his name.” He starts barking obnoxiously like a dog. “Bark!” Then he coos. “Laaaaaay.” It had gotten me through an embarrassing moment when I’d showed up at Yeo’s as a teenager looking for him. Barclay had called me all sorts of names and ridiculed me. When I ran back home crying, it was Bones who came up with insult after insult about Yeo’s brother that ended up turning my tears into uncontrollable laughter.

  I wish Bones were here now.

  He’d know exactly what to say.

  How to deal with Barclay.

  “Well,” Fletcher announces and rubs at his stomach before reaching for his wine glass. “Now that we’ve made it through dinner without incident”—his eyes cut to mine before landing on Yeo—“I just wanted to congratulate my youngest boy on his accomplishments. Yeo, your family is proud of you. We’ve never had a doctor in the family before, and I know everyone is incredibly happy. I’d tossed the idea around back and forth with your mother, and we decided instead of a house or a car or money, we’d gift you a building for your achievement. You’ve let it be known that you’d like to open a private practice. We want to aid in your endeavors. So next week, we’ll head out together and find something that’ll suit your needs. We’re glad to have you home, son.”

  He raises his glass and everyone follows. I raise my half-empty water glass with a shaky hand.

  “To Dr. Anderson. May he help all of the quacky ducks in Morgantown,” Dean blurts out, his voice loud and slightly slurred. Elena, his girlfriend, frowns at his toast before cutting her eyes apologetically over to mine.

  The twins start snickering under their breath. I drop my gaze to my barely touched food and try to drown out their voices. Evelyn and Patty both scold them. Yeo is snapping at his brother, words spoken so harsh and quick I don’t even pick up on them. I can feel Fletcher’s penetrating gaze dissecting me. Bile rises in my throat, causing me to jerk my hand from Yeo’s.

  “I, uh, I…” I trail off as I stand on wobbly legs. Everything around me darkens. All I can think about is getting away from this table. Away from their ridicule and disdainful glares. “An emergency came up at home. I need to leave.”

  Not waiting for anyone’s permission, I bolt, digging in my purse along the way. I need Bones. He’ll get me the hell out of here. When I find my phone, I clutch it in my grip as I push out of the chilly restaurant and suck in deep, cleansing breaths of the warm late spring night.

  I’m attempting to find my center. To calm the hell down but the opposite happens. Memories consume me. They claw at me and drag me down into their fiery depths of the abyss.

  I wake from a nightmare and my skin feels cold. But it’s sticky and wet. It’s then I r
ealize I awoke from shouts, not a nightmare. Mommy and Daddy are arguing in the living room. Every word can be heard through the paper thin walls. My palms go to my ears and I attempt to smash away their sounds. Sounds of glass breaking. Crying and screaming. Cussing.

  “Twinkle, twinkle, little star…” I whisper as I try and drown out their roars. “How I wonder what you—”

  “YOU’RE A FUCKING WHORE!” Daddy screams just outside my door.

  I jump and scramble to the head of my bed before dragging my blanket up to my chin. When I asked my babysitter what a fucking whore was last week, she yanked me up by my elbow and spanked me. I was confused as to why I was in trouble. All I wanted to know is why Daddy calls Mommy that all the time.

  “Norman,” Mommy begs, “you’ll wake Kadence. Shhh.”

  Mommy doesn’t know I’m already awake. I wish Daddy would be quiet, though. I don’t like when he yells at her and calls her mean names.

  “Maybe she needs to know what a whore you are!” he roars. “She’ll probably grow up to be just like you. Spreading her legs to half the goddamned neighborhood. Is she even fucking mine?”

  Mommy sobs and I shiver.

  “Of course she’s yours. You see the way she…you know that…” she trails off.

  “That she’s fucked in the head just like me?” he says with a hateful laugh. “Of course she is! We have to live with you! Your bullshit makes us crazy fucking mad!”

  “No!” Mommy argues.

  Everything goes silent when I hear a crunch. And then an ear-piercing wail. “I’m bleeding!”

  Bravery I didn’t know I possessed has me scrambling off my bed and out my bedroom door. Mommy is on her knees in the living room, her nightgown half torn from her shaking body showing her booby. Daddy stands over her, his hands fisted as he breathes heavily like a monster. Blood covers Mommy’s hands. Her frantic eyes meet mine. It’s almost like she has a superpower and is silently telling me to go back into my room. I can feel her words inside my head. Go, baby. Go back to bed. But I don’t go. Instead, I run toward Daddy and tug at his wrist.