Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

  “Daddy, Mommy is bleeding,” I tell him, fat tears welling in my eyes.

  His head snaps over to glare down at me. He’s never looked so scary before. I can smell his stinky beer scent mixed with sweat. It makes me feel like puking.

  “Are you a whore like Mommy?” he taunts, his lip curling up as if he thinks I’m disgusting. My heart aches at the look on his face.

  “What’s a whore?”

  Mommy cries some more but my eyes are locked on my daddy’s angry ones. He sits down on the sofa in front of Mommy and grabs a handful of her hair. When he turns her head to face me, he spits out his words. “This is a whore. Are you a whore, Kady?”

  I look at Mommy’s pretty blue eyes that are red from crying. Her hair is dark and messy like mine. Everyone says I look just like her. “Yes, Daddy. I’m a whore like Mommy.” I lift my chin bravely at him.

  His eyes flicker the way the neighbor’s pit bull Butch does when I sneak him bacon leftover from breakfast. Hungry. Starved. Scary almost. At least a fence is always there to separate me from Butch. There’s no fence between me and Daddy.

  “That’s what I thought,” he slurs. “Go get the first aid kit and bring it here.” His voice softens and I pray he’s going to stop being mean to Mommy. I run from him. Once I’ve located the kit, I scurry back into the living room where Mommy still kneels in front of Daddy.

  “Come sit in my lap and fix up your whore mother,” he instructs, patting at his thigh.

  Mommy starts crying harder, shaking her head, but I beam at her. This time, I’m the one with secret powers. I tell her in my mind that I can fix her and Daddy. When I crawl into his lap, he situates me to where I face her. He strokes my hair gently while I play doctor on Mommy.

  I look over my shoulder to smile at Daddy who smiles back.

  See, I fixed it.

  Turning back to Mommy, I finish making her all better.

  I made everyone happy.

  When the memory dissipates, I feel slightly disoriented. It takes a moment to realize I’m standing in front of the steakhouse waiting for my ride out of here. My entire body shudders as the past lingers heavily in the air. I miss my mom so much. She was sweet and beautiful. Too young to leave this world. My mother wasn’t even as old as I am now before she left me. A burning ache surges through me and clutches at my heart.

  Fucking Norman.

  As if just thinking about him might suddenly make him materialize, I shudder away any impending thought of him. Instead, I try to think about things that make me happy.

  Yeo.

  Piano.

  Presley and Agatha and Bones and Aunt Suzy and Officer Joe.

  Whiskers.

  Rainbow-flavored snow cones.

  Beethoven and Justin Timberlake.

  “Get out of here, Kady Baby. I’ll let Yeo know you’ve gone,” Bones assures me, his voice calming me down. “And don’t you worry about Norman. The moment I get ahold of his ass, I’ll gut him. That’s a motherfucking promise.”

  Bones may be a flake most days but when he makes a “motherfucking promise,” I know he won’t stop until he makes good on said promise.

  I don’t even turn around to thank him before I make my escape.

  * * *

  Yeo

  Ten years old

  The moving truck is backed up to the old grey house and curiosity is killing me. Mom told me to leave them alone—whoever they are—but I can’t. I have to know if the new people have any kids to play with. Sometimes I play with Jake next door, but he’s closer to Barclay’s age. Whenever Dad brings Barclay and Dean over, Jake tries to act older and sides with my brothers instead of me. It annoys me that he’s too good to play with me when they’re around.

  A car honks at me and I swerve out of the street. My tire hits the curb, which causes me to fly off my bike and into the grass in front of the grey house. It’s the biggest house on our street, but it’s also the ugliest. Sometimes I hear someone playing music. When I’m being bad, Mom threatens to sign me up for piano lessons with the old lady who lives there. So far I’ve been able to talk my way out of it every time.

  I sit up on my knees and inspect the scrape on my elbow. It stings but it doesn’t dampen my curiosity any. I’m dying to know who’s moving into this house. I wait for what seems like hours for any sign of kid life. I’ve almost given up when I see her.

  Long dark hair swept away from her face in a white headband. Wide blue eyes that seem sad. An almost fragile looking, tiny body. Worry surrounds me as I wonder if a breeze would take the girl who seems to be around my age and blow her right away from me.

  With a grunt, I climb to my feet and dust off my knees with my palms. The girl plops down on the bottom step as movers carry furniture into the house. Her jeans have holes in the knees and her T-shirt looks three sizes too big. If my brothers were here, they’d probably tease her and call her a boy. The thought makes me angry. I quickly push it away.

  “Hi.”

  Her bright eyes lift and find mine. They don’t flicker and shine with playfulness like I’m used to seeing from most kids our age. Instead, they hide secrets. Secrets I decide right then I’ll do anything to discover. “Hi.”

  I run my dirty palm through my hair and attempt a smile. But she’s not smiling which makes me unhappy. I’m dying to know if her eyes shine when she smiles.

  “I’m Yeo.”

  Her lips twitch and I give myself a mental high-five for almost making her smile.

  “I’m Kady.”

  “Like a katydid?”

  She scrunches her nose up in a cute way. “What’s a katydid?”

  “A bug. It imitates things like leaves. I did a report on it in the third grade.”

  Her eyes narrow and she regards me thoughtfully. “I can imitate my new cat, Whiskers. My friend gave him to me,” she boasts and then crawls on her hands in knees in front of me. “MEOOOOOW.”

  I laugh. “Your cat sounds awful.”

  “He’s not awful.” She pouts. “He’s a sweet orange and black tabby cat. Want to meet him?”

  Shaking my head, I hold my palms up to her. “I’m allergic to cats.”

  “MEOOOOOW,” she mewls and nuzzles her head against my knee.

  I reach down and pet her soft hair. “You’re a strange girl, Kadydid.”

  She stands up and grins a toothy smile at me. I’m taller than her by several inches but I like that she’s smaller than me. I feel big and strong beside her. Like I could be her protector.

  “You’re strange too. Are you Chinese? Grandma sometimes takes us to a Chinese restaurant where they give us fortune cookies. Last time my fortune said, ‘Keep your eye out for someone special.’ Are you special?” she questions, her nose doing that cute scrunching thing again.

  “Not really. I was born in Seoul, South Korea. I’m not Chinese. There’s a difference,” I tell her with a raised eyebrow. I’m trying to impress her but I’m not sure I even know what the difference is between being Chinese and Korean. Only what Mom tries to teach me of my birthplace and heritage. Half the time I’m too eager to go ride my bike or pester Barclay to care about listening as she goes on about the Gyeongbokgung Palace or the time she took Dad to The Korean War Museum where he made a fool of himself trying to speak Korean. And failing horribly, the way she tells it. I’d always listened with one ear but had been distracted by everything else. Now, I wish I’d paid more attention. For Kady.

  “Sounds special. I was born here in Morgantown. I’m not special.” Her eyes fall to my Star Wars shirt and I suddenly feel embarrassed. My brothers wear cologne and nice shirts. Dean even drives now. I feel stupid under her gaze.

  “I’m not special,” I assure her. Then, I lift her chin with my finger so I can see her sad eyes again. “I certainly can’t meow like a cat from hell.”

  She giggles and pushes me away. “Bones would like you. He says bad words too.”

  “Is Bones your dog?”

  At this she cackles and dramatically rolls in the grass
beside the walkway clutching her stomach. “He’d be so mad if he knew you thought he was a dog!” Her howling laughter makes me laugh too.

  “Is he your brother?”

  She sits with her legs crossed and picks a long blade of grass. “He’s like a brother, yeah.”

  My smile grows knowing I’ve gained not one friend but two. I don’t need Jake anymore. I have Kady and Bones.

  “Bones!” she yells toward the house.

  I look up and an older woman, probably Kady’s mom, stares at me. Her lips are drawn down into a frown. She has a black eye, like the one Dean got that time Barclay punched him for making out with his girlfriend. It’s purple and swollen and ugly. The woman swallows and then retreats back into the house.

  Kady stands and shields her eyes against the sun as she peers up at the house. “Maybe he’s begging my grandma for a snack. This is weird. He always comes when I call for him.” She turns her head back to look at me. She chews on her bottom lip while she mulls over his nonresponse.

  “Maybe next time I come over I’ll bring some tteok since he likes snacks. They’re yummy. Way better than dumb fortune cookies,” I tell her with a grin.

  Her eyes twinkle in the sunlight and I decide right then that she’s going to be my best friend. I like looking at her pretty eyes and sad smiles. I hope her sort-of brother likes me too.

  “What is tteok?”

  “Kinda like rice cakes.”

  She makes a pretend gagging noise. “Gross! Bones will most definitely not like that. He likes Cheetos. Bring those.”

  “Deal.”

  It’s rained for three days straight. I’m dying to go back over to Kady’s and meet Bones. But Mom won’t let me ride my bike in the rain.

  “Why don’t you invite Jake over to play video games?” Mom questions, sipping her hot tea, the smell of lemon and honey filling the air.

  I groan but don’t leave my perch by the front window where I can just see Kady’s front yard. “I don’t want to play with him. Plus, he likes Barclay better than me anyway.”

  Dad’s paper rustles from behind me and he clears his throat. “Yeo, come here.”

  With a sigh that I don’t let Dad hear, I stand and walk over to him. He pats his knee and I sit in his lap. It’s a good thing Barclay and Dean are with their Mom today or else they’d tease me. They always say I’m Dad’s “baby.”

  “What’s got you down, son?”

  He hugs me to him and I frown. “I met a new friend. Her name’s Kady. It’s rained every day and I want to play with her.”

  His body stiffens at my words which causes me to look up at him in question. He scowls before barking out his words. “Norman and Louise’s kid?”

  I shrug my shoulders. “I don’t know.”

  He cuts his eyes over to Mom and gives her a slight shake of his head before turning back to me. “Does Kady live in the grey house down the street?”

  I nod.

  “I don’t want you going over there. Do you understand me?”

  At this, I jerk my head over to Mom and plead with her. “What? Why not? Mom, tell him Kady’s nice.”

  Her gaze falls to her tea and she sips it. “Listen to your father.”

  Angry tears well in my eyes, and I slide out of his lap. “You’re a mean dad!”

  Rushing from the living room, I leave my parents behind as they argue in hushed tones. When I get to my room, I slam the door and dramatically fall onto my bed face first. Why would Dad tell me not to play with Kady? What could possibly be bad about a girl with pretty eyes and a sad smile?

  I’m crying hot, angry tears when I hear the door open and close. I know it’s Mom because she smells like ginger. Her comforting scent only makes me cry harder. She pulls up my desk chair to my bed and pats my back.

  “Your dad knows things you don’t know, Yeo. He’s wise.”

  I sniffle and shake my head. “Not about this, Mom.”

  She’s silent for a bit while she strokes my back. “Ja-gi-ya,” she says after some time, “you’re a smart boy. I trust your judgment. If you say the girl is good, then she’s good. Always be careful, though. I’m afraid Dad’s more worried about her parents than her. Norman isn’t nice like your dad. It’s not okay for you to play there if Norman is home. Can you at least promise me that?”

  Rolling over to my side, I look at my mother. She’s smart and beautiful. I can see why my dad picked her to be his wife. “So I can play with her? Right now?”

  She grins at me. “Yep. Just make sure your behind is home by dinner.”

  Mom doesn’t have to tell me twice before I’m bounding down the stairs, making a quick pass through the kitchen, and running into the rain without another look back. She calls out for me to grab an umbrella but I’m too excited.

  “Is Kady home?”

  I’m soaked to the bone which means Mom will be upset at me for not listening and running out into the rain without the umbrella. I probably look like a drowned rat. The lady with the black eye doesn’t look any better. In fact, she looks like she might break at any moment. She’s pretty but not like my mom. She doesn’t look smart like my mom either. This lady looks lost and confused. Messy and lonely.

  “Uh,” she looks over her shoulder before glancing back down at me. “She’s not feeling so well at the moment.”

  “Can Bones play then?” I question holding up a bag of Cheetos. “I brought his favorite.”

  Tears well in her eyes and they spill down her cheeks. “You want to play with him? You’re not afraid of him?”

  “Why would I be afraid of him?”

  She swallows and waves me into the house. For a moment I worry about my allergies to their cat but am thankful I’m not bothered right away. Maybe it’s an outside cat. Poor thing…it’s pouring outside.

  I sit down on the sofa while the woman wanders off somewhere in the house. A few moments later, footsteps bound down the stairs. I see a flash of skin and dark hair as a kid runs by. Then, my Cheetos are stolen right from my grasp.

  “These are for me. Kady said you’d be back.”

  I gape at the kid who runs by in nothing but a pair of underwear.

  “I’m Bones.”

  Bones lives up to the name. Rib bones protruding out. Nothing but knobby knees and elbows. Bruises mar the kid’s pale midsection. It makes me angry. Is Norman responsible for these bruises?

  “I’m Yeo. But you already know that…”

  “Yep, Kady told me. She said you were cute, but I don’t see it. Kind of fugly if you ask me. Why does your hair stick up? Your eyes look weird. Do you eat cats? Kady will kill you if you eat her cat. Just sayin’.”

  Before I can respond, an older woman walks in and smiles at me. “You must be Fletcher and Gyeong’s boy. Yeo is it? Your mother approached me about possibly taking some piano lessons this summer. I’m Ruth.”

  I give her a polite smile. “Yeah, it’s Yeo. Nice to meet you.”

  She sits down in the armchair and regards me, her grey eyebrows bunching together. “I see you’ve met my granddaughter’s friend Bones. He’s a troublemaker but we love him anyway.”

  He rewards her by dropping a handful of Cheetos into her palm. “Yeo eats cats. Poor Whiskers,” he whispers loud enough for me to hear.

  My skin heats at his words and I shake my head at her. “I swear, Miss Ruth, I don’t eat cats.”

  She chuckles. “Bones likes to fib. Don’t mind him. So you’re here to see Kady, huh?”

  I dart my gaze over to Bones who is now sucking cheesy remnants from each finger before giving up and wiping them on the couch. My mom would throw a fit if I did that. Cringing, I turn to look at the old lady.

  “Should I go?”

  Her features become more wrinkled when she frowns. I don’t like how sad she looks. Everyone in this house is sad. It makes me sad too.

  “I think if you could stay for a bit, Kady might feel well enough to see you. Can you stay for her?”

  Bones drags out a Chutes ‘N Ladders game. Each pie
ce gets stained with Cheetos’ goo as he sets it up. “I’ll go first since I’m the coolest. If Kady were here she could go next. She’s almost as cool as me but waaaaaaaaay cooler than you. Since she’s not here, you can go after me.”

  I frown and shoot Ruth a questioning stare. She simply smiles at me.

  “Boom!” Bones yells, making my ears hurt. “Beat that, Kitty Muncher.”

  Groaning, I spin the wheel to take my turn.

  My new friends are strange.

  They’re still better than Barclay’s butt kisser Jake though…

  * * *

  Yeo

  Present

  By the time I untangle myself from Mom and Dad’s concerned lecture and make it outside, it’s too late. She’s gone.

  I sigh when I see Bones leaned up against the wall puffing on a cigarette. At least he’s dressed and at least he’s not smoking pot. Small victories.

  “Where’s Kady?”

  He shrugs and starts walking toward the parking lot, clutching the purse Kady left behind awkwardly in his grip. “Home.”

  Following after him, I curse myself at how I let things get so out of hand. Bringing her here was a mistake. She and I have always done best when it’s just us two. Everyone else only complicates things.

  “Need a lift back to the house?” I ask.

  He stops sauntering away from me and turns to look my way. “They attacked her, man. That’s what your family does. Attack.”

  Flinching at his words, I can’t help but agree. “I know. I’m sorry. I should have known better.”

  For once he isn’t doling out his bullshit. He looks hurt too. I’m fucking up all over the place today.

  “Why’d you come back? She was happy, goddammit,” he growls.

  Running my fingers through my hair, I grumble in frustration. “The plan was always to come back, Bones. We both know this.”

  His gaze bores a hole through me for a long minute before he shakes away his anger. “Where’s your car? I’m hot as fuck. I’m about to take this shit off.” When he motions to his clothes, I cringe. If my dad got a look at Bones stripping down in the parking lot of his favorite steakhouse, he’d have a coronary. I may be a doctor but I’m not that kind of doctor.