Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

  Clenching my jaw, I try desperately to keep the words in my mouth. Words that will sting. Words that will flay my beautiful Kadence Marshall. But the words are too strong, too violent, too demanding in their need to be said. “For us to move on, his survival isn’t necessary. In fact, it’s a burden.”

  As soon as the words leave my mouth, I want to gather them frantically from the air and shove them back inside until I choke to death on them. Fuck. Fuck. Fuck.

  She shuts down. Just like I motherfucking knew she would.

  I just broke her heart.

  And I broke mine in the process.

  * * *

  Yeo

  Two years ago…

  “I need to see her!” I roar, my voice a storm of fury and anger. “Fucking find her and bring her to me!”

  Bones laughs—fucking laughs at me—as he tips the bottle of tequila back, drinking straight from the bottle. Once he swallows with a wince, he regards me with heated eyes. “She’s not coming. You know this.”

  “BECAUSE YOU’RE HIDING HER FROM ME!”

  I sway and curse myself for getting drunk with him in the first place. I’m home for a week before I have to get back to Connecticut. Like always, I came over in hopes of getting her to talk to me. And like usual, she hid. It pisses me off something fierce.

  “Calm down, Yeo. Let’s talk.”

  He takes a step toward me and I hold up a palm. “Talking with you ends badly.”

  His eyes light up and he smirks. “I didn’t hear you complaining last time.”

  “It’s not right,” I seethe through clenched teeth.

  He saunters straight over to me and clutches my jaw in his brutal grip. His eyes are dark pools of blue as he glares at me. “It doesn’t feel wrong, Kitty Muncher.”

  At this, I can’t help but smile. And he makes his move. His palm slides down the front of my jeans so he can grip my hardening cock through the material. I close my eyes and think of her. Always her. It isn’t fair to Bones but I can’t help it.

  “Bones…” My attempt at an argument is weak and trails off as he works me roughly, making my dick angry and eager for him. “We can’t…”

  He laughs. “Actually, we can. We can do whatever the fuck we want. Do you see anyone stopping us? Hell, we’re in Agatha’s kitchen and she’s not telling us no. This isn’t like when we were kids, Yeo. Nobody dictates what we do. Just us. Now shut the fuck up and let me make things better.”

  My jeans loosen as he undoes the top button. I let out a rush of breath when the sound of my zipper echoes in the kitchen. As soon as my pants are loose, his hand dives inside of my boxers to grab my cock.

  Stars.

  Motherfucking stars.

  I’ve whacked off more times than I can count between my visits back to Morgantown. I haven’t strayed from Kady’s world. The only time I come, not by my own hand, is when Bones steps in and releases the sexual tension. It’s wrong and sick but I don’t think I could have survived this long without it. She hides from me. She freezes my heart with her indifference. And yet…I still keep coming back for more. Bones gives me what Kady refuses to. It’s fucked up beyond all reason, but I can’t stop.

  My jeans fall to my ankles, and I groan when he shoves my boxers down along with them. I refuse to open my eyes. I can’t look at him. It fucks with my head if I do. I’m lost in thought when his warm mouth slides over the tip of my cock. A hiss rushes from me and I spear my fingers into his long hair. I grip him hard but let him dictate the speed at which he sucks me off.

  “Oh, God…”

  His expert hands are stroking my cock and fondling my balls as he takes me deep in his throat. My mind is on her. Kady. Kady. Kady. I miss her. Jesus Christ, how I miss her.

  “Kady,” I whisper. She loves it when I whisper. “Come back to me.”

  But she doesn’t. Bones keeps sucking my cock like he was born to do so. I try not to drown in my self-loathing. How I pretend it’s Kady who’s about to make me come. Always Kady.

  “This isn’t right.” Reality attempts to claw me from the delicious way my balls tighten with the need to come. Bones is a motherfucking pro at sucking cock.

  He doesn’t respond but instead takes me so deep, his teeth are at the base of my dick. His throat seems to swallow me. That’s when I lose all control. My release tears through me like a lion ripping open the gut of a zebra. The groans and pleasure-filled grunts pour from me like a symphony of satisfaction and desire.

  “Fuck!” I roar, my cock gushing into him like Niagara Falls. “Fuck!”

  I’m pissed and drunk and goddamn stupid.

  His mouth slides from my cock. I sneak a peek. I can’t help it. Shimmering blue eyes look up at me as slobber drips from his chin. Fucking breathtaking sight. My thumb strokes his temple and I tell him with my eyes what my voice cannot.

  Not one to get sentimental, he wipes the drool away with the back of his hand and tucks me back into my boxers. He stands and saunters off to the cabinet while I pull my jeans back up and right myself.

  “Want some Cheetos, Kitty Muncher?” he questions, his back to me.

  My heart threatens to rip from my chest. This is all so fucked up. So fucked up. “Bones, listen…”

  He turns around and grins crookedly at me. “You’re not gay, I know.”

  I shake my head and rake my fingers through my hair. “You know that’s not what I mean. I don’t give a damn about that shit. What I mean is,” I say with a grumble and sigh, “I’m sorry.”

  His gaze drops to the floor for a moment. When he speaks, his eyes don’t meet mine. “Kady misses you so fucking much.”

  A lump forms in my throat. “I miss her too.”

  “She’s a dumbass for avoiding you.”

  “She has her reasons,” I argue.

  “They’re stupid, fucked-up reasons.”

  I swallow and go to him. My arms wrap around his bony frame so I can hug him to me. Bones isn’t affectionate but he lets me this time. We stand there together, our hearts thundering against the other for what seems like forever.

  Then Agatha is here.

  Soothing my broken heart with words of encouragement.

  “She’ll come back to you eventually, pumpkin.”

  I know this.

  Deep down, I do.

  But it doesn’t hurt any less.

  “I hope so.”

  * * *

  Yeo

  Present

  She left.

  Just up and left me mid-conversation.

  Granted, I said some hurtful shit that I didn’t mean and wish I could take back.

  But I can’t and she left.

  “Fuck,” I grunt, gripping at my hair so it sticks straight up. “Fuccccck.”

  The front door creaks open and my heart soars. She came back. My Kady is strong and she came back. Yet, as soon as the person rounds the corner, I see that it’s not her.

  “Where’s Kady?” Mom asks as she tosses her purse on the table. Dad follows her in and takes his seat in his recliner.

  “We had an argument. I said something I shouldn’t have,” I admit with a frustrated sigh.

  Dad’s ears seem to perk up and he leans forward in his chair, resting his elbows on his knees. “What’d you say?”

  I swallow and send an uneasy glance to my mother. She doesn’t know everything but she knows enough. And after the ice cream shop run in with Kady, Dad is starting to piece it together. They both have always assumed she’s just a loon. Only I know why she behaves the way she does.

  “I told her Bones’s survival wasn’t necessary. That we’d be better off without him right in the middle of our relationship.”

  Mom’s eyes widen. “That wasn’t very nice, Yeo.”

  “I know,” I growl. “But she…” I trail off and stand. “Whatever. It doesn’t matter. I’m going to patch things up with the both of them.”

  Dad frowns and he regards me with a look I don’t recognize. Worry. He’s worried about me. Hell, I’m worried abo
ut me. I thought with how well I knew Kady…with all of the education I received…with all the rotations in the psych ward that I’d have a grip on all of this when I came back.

  But I’m just as lost.

  Just as frustrated.

  Just as confused.

  Why can’t I fix everything?

  “We’re still on for that dinner on Friday?” Dad questions, his voice soft and gentle. It’s unusual coming from him and it makes me want to crawl into his lap like I used to do when I was a small boy.

  “Yeah, Kady may bail. In fact, I know she’ll bail. I’m not sure who I can get to come but Agatha is pretty good about keeping her promises to me. She’ll cook. But please,” I say, looking at each of them. “Please tell Dean and Barc and everyone that they need to come over prepared to listen. I won’t have them burning her at the proverbial stake like some witch. Promise me everyone will be prepared to listen. Kady is a part of me. I’m going to marry her. She’ll be a part of this family. And if you all love me, you’re going to have to love her too.”

  Mom’s eyes well with tears and she hurries over to hug me. “Of course.”

  My gaze flits over to Dad and he gives me a nod.

  “Thanks, guys. Seven is good. Text me who all is coming and I’ll have Agatha make sure to prepare enough food,” I tell them as I head to the door.

  The walk to Kady’s is quiet on this warm night. I doubt she’ll be there. She wants me to talk to Bones, so I will. I’ll end the sort of weird relationship we had going on while she was avoiding me all those years. He’ll be devastated—I know this—but true to Bones, he’ll try and hide it with jokes and insults. It kills me to have to do this. But I need Kady one hundred percent.

  As I approach the house, I can hear sad, melodic piano notes filtering out into the night from the open window in the living room. Sometimes Bones’s and Kady’s music is hauntingly similar. Hers tends to be sadder while his is more angst ridden. It’s hard to believe they both learned from Kady’s grandma Ruth because they have such different styles. Tonight, even though the music is sad, I know it’s Bones. There’s a certain sharpness to the way he hits the keys. A certain amount of abuse the innocent ivory keys endure at his hands.

  With a sigh, I climb up the steps and enter the house. It’s dark inside so I follow the sound of the music. The only thing lighting up the living room is the cherry of Bones’s joint. He’s high. Great.

  “Bones.”

  His music slows but he doesn’t stop. If anything, his playing becomes louder. Harsher. Angrier. Walking over to him, I place my hands on his shoulders and knead the muscles. He attempts to shake me off, but I’m stronger and bigger and win. Eventually his music slows again until it stops altogether. His shoulders hunch and he lets out a sigh.

  “You’re fucked up, Kitty Muncher.”

  “I know this.”

  He takes another hit but doesn’t offer to share. I never partake but I find it odd he isn’t trying to push it on me as usual.

  “I didn’t mean what I said to her. You know that. I was just angry and frustrated.”

  “You wish I weren’t here. That it was just you and Kady without me sandwiched in between you two.”

  Do I wish that?

  How would I feel if I never spoke to Bones again?

  Sick. Devastated. Broken.

  “Of course I don’t wish that. You’ve always been a part of her. You’re my best friend, Bones. I don’t wish that shit and you know it. I’m just trying to figure out a way to spend more time with her. She’s always running…and you’re not. I’m sorry, okay?”

  He shakes away my touch and stands. When he goes to stalk off, I snatch his bicep. In the dark, I can’t make out his expression, but I do feel his rage. It rumbles and cuts through the blackness like a gnarly knife.

  “She already told me what she wanted. That you were going to come here and what, Yeo? Give me a goodbye fuck and then pretend I don’t exist? Fuck you, Yeo. FUCK YOU!”

  He never calls me by my name. I’ve royally messed shit up. His arm jerks from my grip and he storms upstairs. I’m hot on his heels. No words are coming from my lips. Every apology, every regret, every promise—they all scratch to escape but I grit my teeth to keep them contained.

  His bedroom door slams, but before he can lock it, I’m shoving my way through. He throws his shirt at my face and I swat it away. When I hear the springs creak on his bed, I know he’s attempting to avoid me by going to sleep. Tearing off my shirt and kicking off my shoes, I climb in after him.

  The bedroom is pitch black because he covers his windows with blackout curtains. But I don’t need to see him to know what he’s feeling. His hurt hangs thickly in the air. Sidling up behind him, I wrap my arm around his middle and pull his back to my chest. He’s tense as fuck but doesn’t push me away.

  Progress…

  I can repair this between us.

  “I’m sorry, Bones.” I whisper against the back of his head. His scent is familiar—a scent I love.

  “Words, Kitty Muncher. Motherfucking words.”

  A growl escapes me and I nip at his bare shoulder. I know what he wants. And therein lies the dilemma. When Kady disappears and abandons me and forces me on Bones, I don’t know what’s right or wrong. Truth is, Bones is my best friend. I love him. It’s unhealthy and wrong, but I do.

  I bite him again, this time harder, like I know he likes. He grunts which makes my cock harden. Licking away the sting of my bite, my fingers creep to the nipple I know has my name inked on it. He did that for me.

  I can do this for him.

  With a delicate touch that is a stark contrast to the way I nibble at his shoulder, I run circles around his nipple until he’s panting.

  “Bones,” I whisper against his flesh. Bones likes whispers, too. “Why do you make my life so fucking hard?”

  His chuckle is throaty but at least he’s laughing. “That’s why you like me, Kitty Muncher. Besides,” he says, his voice growing serious, “I’ve never left you. So don’t fucking leave me. Not now, not ever. We’re in this together. Do you remember the summer you turned fifteen? When Kady found those family pictures?”

  My eyes close and I remember with him.

  “HE DID WHAT?” I roar, my chest heaving with fury.

  “He came over, destroyed her fucking room, and then left her a note detailing every explicit thing he wished he could do to her. It was fucked up, Kitty Muncher. Said he’d peel her clothes from her body and—”

  “STOP!”

  “I’m just relaying what happened—”

  “Bones, stop,” I beg. “I can’t hear it. I don’t want to know.”

  His brows furrow together as he regards me. Then, he steps forward and squeezes my bicep, pulling me to him. He hisses out his words into my ear. “I have to endure this shit twenty-four-seven with her. Norman is a fucking psycho prick. Why the fuck won’t he just leave her alone? Why?”

  Emotion chokes me and I shrug my shoulders. I’m surprised when Bones hugs me. And I hug him back.

  “What do I do?” I ask him. “How do I fix this? Jesus, I need to fix this.”

  His body is tense. “If I knew, man, I’d be the motherfucking task force captain leading the goddamned brigade. But I don’t know. Fuck, I don’t know.” He rakes his fingers through his hair and then pulls as if he might be able to tug the answers right from his brain.

  “What does Officer Joe think about Norman showing up here?”

  “He’s all business as usual. Says he’ll keep an eye out. To keep Kady away from bullshit that upsets her. Norman seems to feed off her discomfort. Like he has a sixth sense and knows when she’s at her weakest. Just shows the fuck up and rocks our entire world in the process.”

  “What happened?”

  “Before that fuckface pervert showed up, Kady had been cleaning out a closet like Grandma Ruth had asked her to. She came across a box from her room at the old house. The house before you and me and Grandma Ruth and everybody fucking else. Apparentl
y finding pictures of your daddy and dead mommy smiling when times were happier is a buzzkill. I’m surprised Kenneth didn’t show up and slit her wrists for her. Fucking asshole.”

  Rage blooms in my chest at the very idea of that razorblade carrying motherfucker anywhere near my Kady. “Where’s the box?”

  I’m already storming up the stairs with Bones hot on my heels. When I make it to her bedroom, I see the box sitting right there on the bed, contents strewn out. The pictures in question have dried tear drops on them that have smeared the ink. Without a word, I start collecting all of the items and shoving them back into the box. Bones doesn’t help me. Instead, he sits on top of her dresser and pulls the cap from one of the lipsticks her grandma only recently let her start wearing. With a steady hand, he writes a note on the mirror of her dresser.

  FUCK NORMAN.

  Once I have the lid on the box, I prop it on my hip and make my way over to him. He hands over the lipstick and I add a note of my own.

  I’ll protect you from him, Kadydid. Always.

  Bones nods when I hand the lipstick back to him. He then scrawls beneath our notes.

  Love, Bones and Kitty Muncher—your best friends.

  I flash him a smile before stalking out of the house with her box of upsetting memories. I’ll keep it at my house until, one day, she can handle seeing them. I don’t know if she’ll ever be able to see them. But I do vow to protect her heart. Always.

  “Has Norman come by since I’ve been back?” I question, my hot breath tickling the flesh on his neck.

  “Nope. Neither has Kenneth. Pascale showed up the other night but I haven’t seen him since.”

  I let out a breath of relief. “Good. We can fix this again, Bones. You and I. We did it once before. Let’s do what needs to be done for our girl.”

  “You got it, Kitty Muncher,” he says, a smile in his voice.

  I’m content with nibbling and sucking on his flesh while I play with his nipple but Bones has other plans. His hand cups my dick through my jeans causing me to groan with pleasure.