Whispers and the Roars

by K. Webster

  “So who came next?” Kush questions, dragging me from my inner thoughts.

  A smile tugs at my lips. “Whiskers. I’d always wanted a pet but was never allowed one. Then, one day after crying my eyes out, Bones told me about Whiskers. I like cats.” A pleased sigh escapes me.

  Kush smiles. He likes cats too. “Sounds lovely. But your cat is a non-human alter. Right?”

  My lips tug down into a frown. In my head, it all seems so real. Yeo and I created the book to help us both understand my mind a little better. But I’ve never been forced to discuss in great lengths about each one. Never have I had to determine their origins or face the fact that they aren’t actually living, breathing beings but instead slivers of my psyche formed when it cracked and splintered because of all the mental anguish I’d been through over my twenty-nine years of life.

  “He’s an alter, yes,” I admit.

  Fear trickles through me. Fear of dissecting each part of me. I’m afraid that when I drag them all into the light and under a microscope, they’ll lose their powers. That they’ll disappear and I’ll be all alone. All alone and forced to deal with life by myself.

  “Is this upsetting you, Kady? Am I making you feel uncomfortable?”

  My eyes flip up to his and I attempt a smile but it falls flat. “Kind of. Yeo knows about them, and now so does his family, but we’ve never outright discussed all of it.”

  Kush tugs at the knot on his tie to loosen it just a bit. His voice is low and gravelly. “Why didn’t your grandma ever take you to counseling?”

  The mention of my grandma causes an ache to cut through me like a dull knife. She passed away when I was eighteen. I’d been devastated.

  “She said they wouldn’t understand me. That they’d medicate me and take me away from her. Grandma was so sad after my mother died,” I tell him absently. I remember the way I’d catch Grandma staring out the window as if she’d magically see her daughter come bouncing up the front porch. It never happened.

  “Your grandma loved you very much,” he tells me. “She was protecting you. Just like Yeo protects you. And just like your alters protect you.”

  I smile. Yeo is so fierce when it comes to me. He’s been that way since we first met. Always caring about my wellbeing.

  “But,” Kush says, his tone serious. “I’m not here to protect you.”

  My entire body tenses and I snap my gaze to his. “W-What?”

  His words are firm but he says them in a kind way. “I’m not here to protect you. I’m here to help you. Helping you means talking through the memories you have repressed. Helping you is discussing your alters and finding ways to live life without their help. Helping you means encouraging you to face your fears instead of hiding from them. I’m here to help, Kadence Marshall.”

  The clock on the wall says I still have twenty-one minutes with him. Twenty-one long minutes. I’m not sure I can take that many minutes of cutting open my mind and spilling the contents for him to play around in. That awful part of me is locked up for a reason. Hidden because I can’t bear for it to be free.

  “Kady…”

  Kady. Kady. Kady.

  I’m scared.

  Black. Black. Black.

  “We need to call the police, Louise. They’ve been looking for him since we filed the report last week,” Grandma says, her wrinkled lips pursing together with worry. “He’s violent and crazy and needs to be put away. And now he’s calling all of the time threatening you. When will this end?”

  Mommy’s lip trembles and a tear streaks down her cheek. Her nose is dark purple and still swollen. Whenever she talks, it reminds me of the time she had the flu because she sounds stopped up.

  “That’s exactly why we can’t call them. They won’t do anything and then he’ll retaliate.” Mommy’s eyes won’t meet mine. “He said…I just can’t call them, okay?”

  I drop my gaze to my lap. Dark bruises paint my fair skin. Bruises Daddy put there. A shudder ripples through me. Bones won’t tell me what Daddy did to him. In fact, he hasn’t spoken to me at all. I can sense whatever it was happened to be very painful.

  “I’m getting a gun,” Grandma states, fury making her voice rise a few octaves. “I’ll shoot that bastard if he touches one hair on either of my girls’ heads ever again.” Her tone softens and she gives me a regretful stare. “I wish one of you would’ve woken me up. You know that CPAP machine makes it impossible to hear outside my bedroom door. If only I’d have known he’d come into the house, I could have stopped…”

  Both her and Mommy look over at me.

  I’m panicking under their intense stare when I hear Bones. Finally.

  “She couldn’t have stopped him,” he tells me simply. “He’s a mean fucker. There’s no telling what he would have done to your grandma.”

  Tears well in my eyes and I nod. Daddy might have hit Grandma too. And she’s too old to endure what Daddy does to me and Mommy.

  “I’m fine, Kady,” he assures me. His voice is a whisper. I love it when he whispers. “Besides, who else is going to protect you from that monster? Badass Bones is who. Stop your worrying, silly.”

  The tight ache in my chest loosens and I let out a sigh. Grandma and Mommy talk lowly to one another but I’m no longer focused on them. I focus on Bones.

  Bones will protect me.

  He always does.

  Bones

  This nerdy motherfucker is looking at me like I’ve got the goddamned plague. I want to tell him he’s poisoning me with his dumbass outfit. Who the fuck wears plaid anymore? I feel like I’ve been dumped onto the set of Three’s Company. Oh, God, what I wouldn’t give to fuck the 80s right out of Chrissy. I would make her wear those sexy-as-fuck leg warmers and—

  “Who are you?”

  Nerd Boy narrows his gaze at me and plucks me right from my fantasy. It was just getting to the good part too.

  “I’m Kady and Kitty Muncher’s best friend. Motherfuckin’ Bones. Who the fuck are you?” I demand.

  His eyes widen for a moment but then he steels his gaze at me. “Did Kady send you?”

  “Are we answering questions with questions now?” I throw back at him.

  “Are you always this difficult?

  I scoff. “Are you always the worst dressed idiot in the room?”

  His lip curls up. “Do you always walk around with no shirt on?”

  “Do you want to suck my cock?”

  “Does Yeo know his name is tattooed on your chest?”

  I narrow my eyes at him. “Does your momma know you’re a little bitch?”

  He reaches over and tosses a dress at me.

  The fabric smells like Kady. I sling it back at him. “Do I look like a fuckin’ chick to you?”

  Nerd Boy shrugs out of his jacket and throws it into my lap. “Will you please put this on?”

  Her dress is more preferable to the plaid abomination in my grip. “Do you always dress like your grandpa?”

  His eyes close and he takes a deep breath but doesn’t reopen them. “Let’s try this again. I’m Dr. Pawan. You may call me Kush if that makes you feel more comfortable.”

  I blink at him. With a roll of my eyes, I let his jacket slide to the floor and I lean back against the cool leather. After I prop my feet up on the coffee table, I cross my arms and lift an eyebrow at him. “Okay, Dr. Dweeb,” I tell him with a grunt. “Why the fuck did you scare my girl?”

  He shoots me an exasperated look before quickly closing his eyes again. “I thought she was Yeo’s girl.”

  Just the mention of Yeo’s name has my heart beating out of my goddamned chest. It’s been weeks since I’ve seen him. Kady just seems so…happy. I hate barging in on her shit. As much as I want to see Kitty Muncher and have his cock buried in my ass, I simply can’t. I can’t push my way through to see him when she’s enjoying her time with him. I would never do that to her.

  “Yeah, so?” I admit with a huff.

  “But you love and care for her?”

  Anger swells insid
e of me. “What kind of stupid ass question is that, Dr. Dweeb? Of course I fucking love her. She’s my best friend.”

  He runs his fingers through his bushy hair. I think I rile him up for some reason. “I’m glad she has people who care for her. But…” His head turns toward me and his dark eyes pin me. “You’re not actually a person.”

  My nose flares at his words. Fury surges through my veins and I fist my hands. Keep talking, asshole. Keep talking. “Are you trying to get my size thirteen foot rammed up your ass?”

  His gaze falls to my feet. I frown when I look down and see pink toenail polish. Fucking Presley and her girly shit.

  “Those look to be about a size seven, if you ask me,” he says in a bland tone.

  I wiggle my toes. If I didn’t think it’d upset that little girl, I’d take a black sharpie to them. “Whatever. At least I know why Kady asked me to come deal with you. You’re annoying as fuck.”

  Dr. Dweeb shakes his head. “She felt threatened, yes. I asked her about each of her alters, including you. I asked her to describe how they were born. Do you understand that you are, in fact, an alter? That you’re just a splintered part of her personality attempting to preserve and protect her mind.”

  “You’re speaking gobbly-goo, dude. I don’t know what the fuck you’re talking about.”

  He smiles and it annoys me. “Yeo tells me you all know about the book. That you helped him create it. You’re all aware that you’re simply a part of her. Nothing more.”

  I shrug. I’m three seconds from walking the fuck out of here.

  “I want to work with her on how to deal with stress and anxiety on her own. My goal is to coach her through certain moments. I hope that she could learn to deal with them by herself and not call for her alters when she feels her control slipping.”

  His face is genuine and guilt begins trickling its way through me. I know Yeo asked her to have therapy sessions with this dipshit. He wants her to get better. Now that Kenneth’s gone and the other two have been hiding, she actually has a chance at some normalcy.

  “You’re the doctor,” I tell him, my tone flippant. “Not me. Do your doctory shit and leave me out of it.”

  His lips tug down and he looks sad. “That’s exactly what I’d like to do. Leave you out of it. To leave all of her alters out of it.”

  Uneasiness washes over me. “What exactly are you saying?”

  “Clearly, Bones, you’re the strongest of all her alters. The first and the one she loves the most. You have the power to tell her no. To make the others tell her no.”

  The very idea of Kady calling for one of us and us ignoring her makes me want to throw the fuck up. Dr. Dweeb probably wouldn’t like Cheetos vomit all over his fancy rug. That shit would stain.

  “Not gonna happen. When Kady needs me, I help her. End of.”

  Except that one time…but that’ll never happen again.

  “These are things she can handle.”

  I close my eyes. Norman’s terrifying face glares back at me. “She couldn’t handle him,” I hiss. “I could barely fucking handle him.”

  “Who?”

  “NORMAN!” I roar, my chest heaving with angry breaths.

  “What did Norman do? What happened?”

  I drag my fingers through my wild dark hair and let out a groan. My eyes remain pinched shut. I hate the things he did. They’re forever burned into my head. I work daily trying to cut them the fuck out of my mind.

  “What did Norman do?” he implores.

  “EVERYTHING! He did fucking everything! No child should ever have to go through that shit,” I snarl. “He was sick. So goddamned sick!”

  The room grows quiet and I reopen my eyes. Dr. Dweeb’s eyes are pained as he regards me with sadness.

  “I’m sorry you had to endure that, Bones.”

  I swallow and shrug my shoulders. “Whatever. It is what it is. Better me than her.”

  “You were just a kid, too. You shouldn’t have had to be the recipient of his physical and sexual abuse.”

  My head begins to throb. With the butt of my hand, I pound into my forehead. On occasion, I get these fucked up migraines. They’re brought on when I’m stressed. And when I’m like this, I struggle with my ability to assist Kady. I fade out into oblivion.

  “Bones.” His words are concerned but are quickly turning into whispers.

  I like whispers…

  Bones. Bones. Bones.

  “Bones!”

  I LOVE ROARS…

  My normal strength begins to weaken. And that only means one thing.

  “Dr. Dweeb,” I mutter through clenched teeth as the room spins. “Go get Kitty Muncher. It’s important. Tell him…” I pound at my forehead to drive away the madness. “T-Tell him he’s not packin’ but he’s a comin’ and it ain’t gonna be pretty.”

  * * *

  Yeo

  “I knew this was a bad idea,” I grumble as I cruise down the street looking for Pascale. As soon as Kush barged into my office with horror twisting his features, I knew something had happened. Not just something but someone. By the time we made it back to his office though, Pascale was gone.

  The very idea of him traipsing around town in nothing but Kush’s blazer has me sick to my stomach. When Kush told me about Bones’s appearance, I’d felt an ache in my chest. Bones has been laying low lately. And while I enjoy spending more time with Kady, I do miss Bones.

  “It wasn’t a bad idea, Yeo,” Kush assures me. “This is the only way to help her. If I can learn about her alters and then get them to acknowledge exactly what they are, I believe I can at least urge them to do what’s best for Kady. Bones does seem to care about her. I think he’ll do what needs to be done to help. But…”

  “Her bad alters are still a fucking problem. Yes, I know this.” I shake my head and turn down a road that leads toward one of Pascale’s favorite hangouts. “We already got rid of one of them. The other two are worse, though. Stronger and more destructive. It’s a process.”

  He starts to say something but my phone rings. Absently, I answer without checking to see who it is.

  “Duuuuude,” Barclay says before I even mutter a hello.

  “What? I don’t have time for this shit right now, man,” I snap. The tension in my neck becomes a painful throb. “What do you want?”

  He huffs like he’s running and I almost laugh. The very idea of Barclay running anywhere but after Dad is comical. He’s always too busy trying to get everyone’s attention. To show them how much of a badass he is by running his mouth. Never does he do anything remotely physical.

  “I, uh, Jesus I need to get back to the gym,” he grunts. “I saw, uh, her. Actually, I, uh…”

  “Spit it the fuck out, Barc,” I seethe.

  “What’s the thug one? Um, your girlfriend…”

  I roll my eyes. “Pascale?”

  “Yeah, so I’m driving to the hotel to go over some possible design elements they wanted to add and I see this half-naked chick running down the road. Fuck, ow!” He howls and then lets out another grunt.

  “What the hell is happening?” I demand. I glance over at Kush and shake my head in frustration. Putting the phone on speaker, I toss it on the dash and turn down a road that will take me to another of Pascale’s places.

  “Shit, I think I rolled my ankle. I can’t run in dress shoes, dammit. Anyway, so I recognize the chick as Kady but she’s wearing some old man’s blazer. I’m talking 1983 and shit…” Another grunt. “Get out of the way!” More shuffling. “Anyway, so I’m all like stunned by this ugly ass jacket”—Kush grumbles and shakes his head, clearly annoyed because it’s his jacket—“and then I’m all like, Yeo’s chick is makin’ a dude face. Looking all kinds of grumpy and not like Kady. So I remembered what you’d said and I think it’s the punk personality.”

  “Alter,” both Kush and I groan at the same time.

  “Whatever. So, I jump out of my car and chase after her. Him. Whatever the fuck I’m supposed to call it and—”
>
  “Address, Barc.”

  He rattles off the road he’s running down and I haul ass in that direction. I’m getting closer when I hear a bunch of commotion on Barc’s end of the phone.

  Grunting.

  Snarling.

  Cursing.

  I gas it and when I round the corner, I see my brother. He’s looking proud as punch as he holds my half-naked girl in his arms. God, how she squirms. Barc’s lucky Pascale didn’t come from home. He’d have knifed his ass or something. But since Pascale left straight from the practice, he’d been limited to Kady’s panties and Kush’s jacket.

  “Pascale seems like a nightmare,” Kush mutters as I whip my car over to the side of the road.

  “You have no idea.”

  I bolt from the car and charge over to them. Barc has a death grip around Pascale from behind. When I near, Pascale has the sense to look afraid.

  “Fuckin’ stalker,” he hisses and attempts to spit at me.

  I grip his jaw and get in his face. I’m careful not to bite into his flesh too hard because Kady will be the one to suffer. Not this asshole. “LEAVE!” I growl. “LEAVE HER THE FUCK ALONE!”

  He struggles but Barc’s grip tightens. Pascale lets out a string of curse words.

  “Are you Pascale?” Kush utters from behind me.

  Pascale narrows his eyes at him. “Fuck you.”

  Kush lets out a sigh and approaches him from beside me. He nudges me and I reluctantly drop my grip from Pascale’s jaw. “You’re a figment of Kady’s mind, Pascale. You’re not welcome here. Everything you are is toxic. You have no purpose.”

  Pascale glares at him but then confusion sets in. “What are you? The fuckin’ Oracle?”

  Kush lets out a laugh. “Pascale, have you ever even seen that movie? Do you know the title?”

  The alter blinks at Kush as if he’s the one who’s lost his mind.

  With a rush of breath, Kush continues on quickly. “Kady’s seen that movie plenty of times with Yeo. I know this because he’s told me every detail about Kady. You know about the Oracle because Kady’s seen The Matrix. Not you. You’re tapping into Kady’s memories. You’re nothing but a bad part of her personality. You are absolutely nothing without her.”