My Tomorrow

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  ~~~

  I was still blushing as I started working on organizing the apartment. Ethan had been gone over an hour now, but I couldn’t stop thinking about earlier in the bedroom. I missed him already. I’d always needed him, but never more than now. He was the lone soul I knew in this giant city. Now that he was off wandering the streets of New York, I’d never felt more alone.

  I decided to push my loneliness to the back of my mind and focus on getting the apartment together. The bedroom was first priority. I couldn’t stand living out of a suitcase like we were on vacation. This was our home now and I needed to be able to find my things when I needed them. There wasn’t a lot of space in the small closet, but I did my best to squeeze both of our clothes inside. There were also a few plastic drawers Ethan had picked up on his initial trip to get the apartment. I filled those with socks and underwear and when I was done, the room looked almost presentable, but I made a mental note to get some curtains when we had the extra dollars, but for now, at least we could find our clothes.

  I tackled the kitchen next. It took a couple of hours to clean it and put away the dishes and pots and pans, but when I was done, I was happy with it. It was cute and quaint and I couldn’t wait to cook Ethan dinner on the miniature stove.

  I worked on the bathroom next, putting away the towels and the rest of the toiletries, again making notes on ways to decorate it and make it our own.

  The living room was last and there wasn’t much to do. There was a small table and a beige loveseat that had seen better days. It definitely wasn’t my dream living room set, but when the super said we could keep it, Ethan had jumped at the chance. He assured me we’d get a new couch once we could afford it. Until then, I decided to spread a white sheet over it and pray the previous tenants had practiced good hygiene.

  When I was done, I was a sweaty mess and the living room was a pile of empty boxes. I decided to go outside and see if there was anywhere to dispose of all the cardboard. I opened the door and poked my head out into the hallway. The door to the apartment across the hall was open a crack. The TV was on too loud and I could smell the faint scent of a cigar wafting into the hallway. Other than that, there was no sign of life.

  I pushed the door open the rest of the way and stepped into the hall, quickly taking the stairs to the bottom level and opening the door. The city was alive with people strolling up and down the sidewalks and cars creeping by. I couldn’t quite get used to the smell of New York. It was almost stale, like standing water with occasional hints of rotting fruit. It was the smell of too many people living in one place. As I stood on the stoop, I looked up and down the street for a dumpster, but all I saw were piles of trash on the curb waiting to be picked up. With a sigh, I turned back into the stillness of the hallway. I still couldn’t believe how dead the whole place looked. We’d been here almost twenty-four hours and yet to see another soul in the building. We hadn’t met a single neighbor, but I had to remind myself I was in New York City, not Cedar Rapids. No one was going to be showing up at our doorstep with an apple pie and a smile.

  I headed back to the apartment, wondering what would become of the boxes. When I got to the top of the steps, I looked towards our apartment and saw an old woman standing by the door where the overly loud TV had been coming from. The woman was short and round, with dyed jet black hair and wrinkly skin. She wore a black dress sprinkled with tropical flowers and it hung over her body like a tent.

  “You live here?” the woman asked as I got closer. Her voice was deep and raspy as if she’d been smoking two packs a day for forty years.

  “We just moved in yesterday,” I said, putting on my best Midwestern smile.

  “You left your door open. Never leave your door open,” the woman said gruffly. I couldn’t tell if she was being condescending or just passing on some friendly advice. It was hard to tell the difference with New Yorkers.

  “Oh, I didn’t realize I had. I’ll be more careful,” I said, resting my hand on the doorknob.

  “I’m Doris. Gene’s inside. He’s deaf as a doornail,” she said, gesturing towards their apartment. “The old coot refuses to put his hearing aides in. Insists his hearing is fine. Drives me nuts.”

  I couldn’t help but smile. Doris was proving to be quite a character.

  “I’m Natalie.”

  “You gotta boyfriend, Natalie?”

  “He’s out right now. His name’s Ethan. He’s tall with dark hair, in case you see him wandering around and mistake him for some kind of criminal or something,” I said with a laugh.

  “Not married?” she asked with a questioning raised eyebrow.

  “No.”

  “Living in sin, huh?”

  “If you wanna put it that way, I guess we are.”

  “Good for you,” Doris laughed. It was a deep, raspy bellow and I loved it.

  “We’ll get married someday,” I added quickly.

  “Don’t rush anything. You’re young. Enjoy it, because before you know it, you’ll look like this,” she said, holding up her hands in a pose.

  I liked Doris. It was nice to talk to someone and I thought maybe Doris and Gene would be good neighbors, even if the TV was too loud.

  “You’re not from New York, are you?” Doris said, eyeing me curiously.

  “No. Cedar Rapids, Iowa.”

  “Iowa? Do you miss all that corn?”

  “A little.”

  “Well, if you kids need anything, let me know.”

  “Actually, I was wondering if you might be able to tell me where I can put some cardboard boxes.”

  “Take a right off the stoop and there’s a spot to dump your trash tucked away below the sidewalk.”

  “Thanks, Doris.”

  “No problem,” she replied and walked back into her apartment and closed the door, but not before I heard her shouting at Gene. “Turn down that damn TV!”

  I laughed to myself and went back into the apartment and gathered up the boxes. It took a few trips, but eventually, all the cardboard was cleaned out and it almost looked like a home. When I was done, I flopped myself on the sheet covered couch and checked the time. It was nearly five o’clock. Ethan had to be coming home soon and I was still a mess from cleaning.

  Begrudgingly, I got off the couch after resting for just a few minutes and got into the shower. It was small and the faucet looked like it was original to the building, but the hot water worked great and that was all that mattered.

  It was just past six o’clock when I finished getting ready, having put on a pair of jeans and a white blouse, leaving my auburn hair hanging in waves down to the middle of my back. I was ready for dinner and a night of exploring the city. All I needed now was Ethan to come home.

  As I waited, my stomach started to growl since I hadn’t eaten anything since the peanut butter sandwich I’d made around noon. I hadn’t heard from Ethan all day and even though I told myself not to, I started to worry. I was about to call him, but just as I pulled out my phone, I heard the rustle of the doorknob, Ethan walking in a moment later. I tried reading his face, but he was giving away nothing and I had no clue whether or not his long day away had been worth it.

  “Hey!” I said, smiling up at him from the couch.

  “Wow,” was all he said as his eyes spanned the apartment. “It looks awesome in here. I can’t believe you did all this, Nat.”

  “I had to do something to pass the time,” I said, getting up from the couch and walking across the room to meet him.

  “Thank you for doing this. Seriously, it looks awesome,” he said.

  “You’re welcome.” I took a deep breath, almost afraid to ask. “So,” I began. “How’d it go today?”

  His mouth formed into a stern line and the way his forehead crinkled made the pit in my stomach deepen.

  “Well,” he began quietly and then the pit in my stomach began to dwindle when his mouth curled up into a smile. “I found a job.”

  “Really?” I exclaimed, swatting at him playfully.

&nb
sp; “Yes,” he said, taking my hand and leading me to the couch.

  “Tell me about it!”

  “It’s not much. Just waiting tables at an Italian restaurant in the theater district, but it’s something till I can find a job in a show and it’s close to all the theaters, so maybe I can meet some people in the business.”

  “It’ll happen, Ethan. I know it will,” I said encouragingly, squeezing his hand.

  “I’m glad you’re so confident.” I could hear a hint of doubt in his voice.

  “You’re not having second thoughts about moving here, are you?”

  “No. No second thoughts,” he said, brushing a piece of hair behind my ear and smiling. “I am so excited to be here…in New York…with you.”

  “Me too.” I smiled as he held my hands. “Especially now that you’re home. I’ve missed you.”

  “I missed you too, but I’m back and ready to take you to dinner. You’re obviously ready. You look great by the way,” he said, kissing me quickly before standing up. “Let me just change my clothes and we’ll go.”

  “Hurry up. I’m starving!” I said in an overly dramatic fashion.

  “I think you’ll survive. I’ll just be a minute.”

  He disappeared into the bedroom and I stood up and followed, leaning against the door jamb as he looked through the closet. “It’s nice not having to dig through the suitcases to find our clothes,” he said, his back still turned to me.

  I watched him as he undid his shirt, peeling it off and tossing it onto the bed. His back muscles rippled as he looked through the closet, deciding on a black t-shirt. He skirted out of his black slacks, tossing them onto the bed next to the shirt. I couldn’t stop staring at him as he slid on a pair of jeans and I grinned, feeling as if he were putting on a private show just for me.

  He turned around and grabbed his wallet from the slacks on the bed and put it in his back pocket.

  “Ready to go?” he asked, seemingly unaware that I’d been watching him.

  “Definitely ready,” I said, grabbing my purse and walking to the front door, followed by Ethan a moment later.

  It was almost dark when we walked outside and the streets were relatively quiet.

  “So, where should we go?” Ethan asked as we stood on the sidewalk.

  “Times Square,” I said without hesitation.

  “Time Square it is then,” he said and started walking down the street.

  “How do you know where to go?”

  “Well, we live Uptown and Times Square is in Midtown, so we’re heading south till we see a subway entrance,” he said, matter-of-factly.

  “Look at you, Mr. New Yorker,” I laughed. “Have you lived here your whole life?”

  “Very funny,” he said, taking my hand as we walked until we spotted a subway entrance.

  I couldn’t help but feel excited for my first subway ride. My only source of reference was what I’d seen on TV and I’d concluded nothing but bad things happened on the subway. As we descended underground, I wondered what awaited us: murder or getting stuck in the middle of a gang fight?

  Ethan held my hand as he led me towards the crowded platform and then to the kiosk to buy our Metrocards. Once they were purchased, Ethan showed me how to swipe the card and go through the turnstile. I sidled up as closely to him as possible as we waited on the noisy platform, trains whizzing by. Everyone looked like they knew exactly where they were going. I had no idea what the hell I was doing.

  “Isn’t that our train?” I asked as one stopped behind us.

  “No,” Ethan answered.

  “But you said we need A, C, or E train.”

  “We do, but that train’s going Uptown. We need one that says Downtown,” he explained.

  “I don’t think I’ll ever fit in here,” I said, shaking my head.

  “It’s only your second day. Give it a chance.” He squeezed my hand as a train squealed to a stop in front of us. It was packed to the brim, and when the doors opened, hardly anyone got out, but Ethan began walking towards it.

  “Wait,” I said, pulling him back. “Shouldn’t we wait for another one?”

  “No, it’ll be fine. Everyone just squeezes in. C’mon.”

  He took my hand and we bustled our way onto the train and squeezed into a corner. Ethan held onto an overhead railing and I held onto him as we made our way downtown. As we traveled beneath the city, I couldn’t help but look around at all the interesting people. There were people of every shade and walk of life and I couldn’t help but think how different it was than Cedar Rapids. It wasn’t even just the different nationalities, it was the eccentricity of the individuals. The whole scene made me feel even more out of place than I already did, but I smiled and held onto Ethan tighter until the train made another stop and Ethan started heading towards the open doors.

  “We get off here,” he said, leading me off. It seemed like half the train came with us and we followed the crowd up the stairs into the open air. It was dark now and I stood frozen, staring up at all the neon lights. I craned my neck as far as I could, but still couldn’t see the tops of the buildings. It was even brighter and more colorful than it seemed on TV. There was an energy in the air I couldn’t explain and I was completely overwhelmed.

  “C’mon,” Ethan said, tugging at my arm. “We’re gonna get run over if we just stand here.”

  I shook my head, bringing myself back to reality, and began following Ethan.

  “I can’t believe we’re here. I mean, I knew we were here, but being here, in Times Square, I mean, this is a big deal, Ethan!” I squealed, linking my arm with his as I grinned a smile so big it could hardly be contained on my face. When I turned to him, he was looking at me with a quiet smile. “What? Why are you looking at me like that?” I laughed.

  “I just like seeing you like this.”

  “Like what?”

  “So happy. So excited,” he said, pulling me to him and I blushed. Even after four years together, he could still make me feel like the most special woman in the world.

  “I am excited,” I said as the world rushed by, but as he held me, it felt like we were the only two people in New York. “I’m scared, but I’m excited.”

  “There’s nothing to be scared of. We’re gonna be fine. Actually, we’re gonna be great,” he said, stealing a quick kiss.

  “What if we’re not though?” I said doubtfully.

  “We’ve made it this far, so what could stop us?”

  “Nothing,” I grinned back. “Nothing’s gonna stop us.”

  He started laughing and then busted out with the old song, “Nothing’s Gonna Stop Us Now” from the 80s. I started cracking up and then wrapped my arms around him. He held me tightly and I felt at peace with our decision to leave Iowa. This was crazy. The whole idea had been crazy, but as long as I was with him, I was happy to go crazy.

  Three

  Times Square had been awesome. We’d spent the night walking up and down the neon streets, eating until we nearly burst and taking in everything that made New York so unique. We forgot about real life and the fact that we were practically broke for a few hours and just had fun.

  The night in Times Square was just a memory though and my days were now filled with sitting on the sheet covered couch streaming TV shows and movies on my computer while filling out job applications. We were too broke to even afford cable, so old movies and TV shows would have to do to help pass the time. I occasionally spoke to Doris on my trips down to the market and to do laundry, but cabin fever was settling in. Ethan worked late, so he slept late, and when he was awake, he was tired. He brought home decent tips every night, so our $500 had grown, but it had to be saved to pay our rent and other bills. I needed a job and I needed it desperately. I’d applied to businesses all around the neighborhood. I guessed I wasn’t as determined or likeable as my boyfriend because I was still unemployed. I’d even gone out on limb and dropped my résumé by some publishing houses, hoping for anything. I wanted one day to be an editor, but for now, I�
��d settle for even emptying the trashcans in the offices of editors. I was certain those résumés were now in those trash cans now. Maybe someday I’d get to utilize my English degree, but I doubted that time was now. A temp agency was my next try, but I hadn’t heard anything from that endeavor either. We’d been in New York almost two weeks and every time I saw Ethan leave the apartment, I felt guilty for not contributing and I was beginning to worry about making the rent. Ethan assured me he didn’t mind working. “As long as you’re here when I get home, it’s all worth it,” he’d say, but I still felt guilty. He was working his butt off while I stayed home.

  “Everything’s going well then?” my mother asked on the phone one evening, suspicion evident in her voice as The Notebook sat on pause.

  “Yes. Everything’s fine,” I replied, trying to sound extra confident to alleviate any concern.

  “I just worry about you, honey.”

  “It’s okay. No need to worry. You should come out and visit actually. New York is amazing.”

  “We’ll see,” she said doubtfully before continuing. “So, tell me about Ethan’s job.”

  “He’s a server at an Italian restaurant.”

  “So, nothing with a show then?”

  “Not yet,” I replied quickly, starting to get annoyed with my mom’s questions. She had a way of being condescending while trying to sound sweet and concerned. The truth was, she wasn’t just asking questions, she was conducting an inquisition. “Something will come up. He’s doing this until he finds something.”

  The line was quiet and I just wanted to hang up.

  “And what about you? Any job offers?”

  I sighed involuntarily, hoping my mom hadn’t heard. I didn’t want her to know she was getting to me.

  “I’ve applied to a temp agency. I’m just waiting for a call now.”

  “Natalie,” my mom began and I could hear the frustration in her voice. “I just don’t understand why you had to go all the way to New York. Your father and I spent all that money on your education and you’re doing nothing with it.”