My Tomorrow

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “I’m sorry, Nat,” he began quietly. “I’m just not feelin’ it right now.”

  I didn’t know how to respond. Ethan never rejected me, but he’d rejected me twice in recent memory and it hurt knowing he didn’t want me and that I wasn’t what he needed to feel better.

  “Can I make you something for dinner?” I finally asked as he scooted off the bed, pulling a sweatshirt over his head.

  “No, thanks. I think I’m just gonna go for a walk.”

  “Want some company?” I asked, afraid of what his answer would be.

  “You just got home. Relax for a bit. We’ll watch a movie or something when I get back. I won’t be gone long.” And with that, he left, the door echoing loudly as he walked out.

  Seven

  Ethan hadn’t stayed out long and when he’d returned, he seemed to be in a better mood. I didn’t press him about it and we didn’t speak about the Jeep anymore either. Life went on. I was anxious for Sunday though. I’d finally planned our day out: Central Park, the Museum of Modern Art and then dinner. I still had to get through Friday until the weekend was officially here though.

  It was ten a.m. I’d been at work for two hours and most of that time had been spent trying to organize a file for a presentation Drew would be giving in a couple of days. I kept my eyes focused on my work, but I’d be lying if I said they didn’t drift around the room on occasion, looking for Drew. He was supposed to return from his trip to Boston, but I had yet to see any sign of him.

  I’d just finished inputting some data into a pie chart and stood up to get it from the printer across the room. As I straightened my black slacks and indigo blouse, I wondered how much longer I could pull off the corporate look on my limited wardrobe. I’d paired it with a chunky crystal necklace to dress it up a bit and left my hair straight and loose, but I knew I’d have to scrounge up some money or run up my credit card more and buy some new clothes. And that would have to happen sooner rather than later.

  “Good morning, Natalie.”

  The voice startled me and I turned to see Drew walking into the office. He slid off a black trench coat and hung it on the coat rack, revealing meticulously pressed black pants and a black button up shirt with the sleeves rolled up to his elbows. Flashes of black and white images plastered high above Times Square popped into my head because he looked like he’d fallen from one. I looked down at his shoes and realized his whole outfit probably cost more than mine and Ethan’s rent and I suddenly felt like I was wearing thrift store clothes compared to him.

  “Good morning. How was your trip to Boston?”

  “It went well. I’m glad to be back though,” he said, walking past me to his office. He shut the door and I grabbed the graph I’d just printed and walked back to my desk.

  “How’s everything going?” Anna Beth asked a few minutes later, hovering over my desk. I liked Anna Beth, but I still wondered what she thought of me. Anna Beth was smart and confident, a native New Yorker and I worried she thought I was just a country bumpkin.

  “I think this proposal is just about finished. You wanna take a look at it?”

  “Sure,” she replied, reaching down and grabbing the binder. She took it to her desk and began thumbing through it while I went to the bathroom. I was too nervous to sit around while she checked it out. When I returned, the proposal was back on my desk and Drew was sitting in my chair looking through it.

  “Nice work, Natalie,” he said, closing it.

  “It’s alright?”

  “It’s perfect,” he said, standing up. “Now, I’m heading over to the site for the Tashawa proposal and thought you might like to join me.”

  “Me?” I asked, the surprise evident in my voice.

  “Yes. I always take an assistant when I’m prepping a new proposal.”

  “Oh,” I said, looking over to Anna Beth who nodded. “Sure. That sounds exciting.”

  “Get your stuff and meet me at reception in ten minutes,” Drew said, striding past me, leaving behind a trail of that scent, fresh and masculine, that I was beginning to associate with him.

  I waited until Drew was out of earshot and then closed the short distance between mine and Anna Beth’s desk.

  “So, what should I expect? What does he do at a site?”

  “He just looks around, ya know, familiarizes himself with it. Looks for inspiration, I guess is what you could say. You’re there to take notes and stuff,” Anna Beth said nonchalantly. She didn’t seem to think it was a big deal, but I did. I was still new to this job and I was accompanying Drew to a site. I still had no clue what I was doing and now I was going to be assisting him.

  “Quit your yappin’ and get moving.”

  I turned and saw Court poking his head around the corner, coat on and ready to go.

  “Where are you going?” I asked him.

  “Duh,” he smirked. “To the site with you and Drew.”

  “I didn’t know you were coming too.”

  “Well yeah, you don’t think he’d trust you to take care of his business by yourself yet, do you?” he laughed, but I didn’t. “Get your stuff. If Drew is one thing, it’s punctual, so get your ass movin’!”

  I just rolled my eyes, grabbing my purse and following him to reception, where Drew was already waiting. His trench coat and brief case made him look serious and older than his 30 years and I couldn’t tell if he was annoyed at us or not for making him wait.

  “Alright, let’s go,” Drew said and we followed him to the elevators. We were silent until we reached the ground and walked outside. I hugged my arms to my chest, thinking it would’ve warmed up by now, but it was still chilly.

  “No coat again, Miss Vasser?” Drew asked, raising an eyebrow.

  “It’s not that cold out here,” I lied.

  “Yes, it is. Especially with this wind. It’s gotta be cutting right through that thin blouse,” he retorted.

  “I’m fine,” I insisted.

  “No, you’re not. C’mon. We’re taking a detour.”

  “To where?” Court asked.

  “To get Natalie a coat.”

  “I have a coat,” I interrupted. “It just doesn’t go with my work clothes.”

  “Which is why we’re going to get you one right now,” Drew said as he stopped at the curb, hailing a cab.

  “No, that’s really okay.”

  “Don’t be ridiculous. We’re getting you a coat because I can’t have Court and I looking like a couple of asses in our coats while you walk around in nothing but a blouse.”

  A cab stopped then and Drew opened the door. Court climbed in and then I felt Drew’s hand on my back, encouraging me inside. I knew better than to argue and I got in, Drew following behind me so I was stuck snugly between the two of them. Drew spouted off some address I wasn’t familiar with and a second later we were battling the crowded streets of Manhattan.

  “We really can just continue to the site. I’m fine,” I said as we drove.

  “It’ll only take a second,” Drew said and I was beginning to get annoyed at his insistence, but he obviously didn’t pick up on cues.

  “I’d rather not,” I said, my voice turning quieter. I’d tried being nonchalant, but he wasn’t getting it. “I…I really can’t afford a nice coat right now. I’ll get one though.”

  Drew was silent and I looked over at Court who seemed uncomfortable.

  “Not a problem,” Drew finally said a moment later. “I’ll take care of it.”

  “No!” I said adamantly.

  “It’s not a big deal.”

  “I said no,” I repeated. This was not a conversation I was comfortable having with my boss.

  “How about I buy it now and you can pay me back?” he asked, smiling over to me, but I remained skeptical. “It’s only going to get colder and I hate to think of you walking around with no coat.”

  “You make me sound like a hobo,” I said, almost insulted at his comment.

  “Please don’t take it that way,” he said and I looked over to h
im. I could see the sincerity in his eyes and deep down I knew he hadn’t meant to offend me. I also knew he wouldn’t let up until I relented. “Let me take care of it and you pay me back when you can.”

  Court looked over discreetly at me and he raised his eyebrows.

  “Fine, but I’ll pay you back when I get paid.”

  “Whatever,” Drew smiled and I could tell by his smug grin he was happy he’d gotten his way.

  The driver stopped in front of a trendy looking boutique and I was intimidated just looking at it. The feeling intensified when we got out of the cab and walked inside and saw the fancy clothes hanging off the chic mannequins and the perfect sales girls walking around. They stopped the moment they heard the door open and stared over to Drew. It was as if Court and I didn’t exist the way the salesgirl made a beeline straight for Drew. I wasn’t surprised though. Drew seemed to eclipse everything when he was around.

  “Can I help you find something?” a leggy blonde asked. She seemed uppity and full of herself.

  “We need a jacket, for the lady,” Drew said, gently nudging me forward. I noticed the girl’s eyes spanned up and down my body and I couldn’t help but feel as if she were critiquing every bit of me.

  “Of course. Coats are over here,” the girl said and we all walked to the back of the shop. “What kind of coat are you looking for?”

  All eyes were on me and I hated being in the spotlight.

  “Just something casual, something that will go with my work clothes,” I finally answered.

  The girl processed the information momentarily, looked over at me again and then turned to the racks.

  “How about one of these?” she asked, holding up a waist length white pea coat and a similar black one.

  I turned to look at Drew and Court, hoping for an opinion.

  “They’re both nice,” I said when neither of them said anything.

  “You should try them on,” the girl said, handing me the black one. I slid it on and looked in the mirror. There was nothing to get excited about. It was a coat. Its job was to keep me warm. I had to admit it was comfortable though. The girl handed me the white one and I tried that one too. I felt the scratchy tag scraping against my wrist and I tried discreetly looking down at it, doing my best to stifle the jolt in my body when I saw the price. $250. I swallowed hard, wondering how I could get out of this mess. I’d figured $50, maybe $100, but $250 was definitely not in the cards.

  “I like the white one,” Drew piped in. “What do you say, Court?”

  “Definitely the white,” he agreed.

  “What do you think, Natalie?” Drew asked.

  “Um, yeah, the white is nice,” I said quietly, quickly taking it off and handing it back to the sales girl.

  “I’ll go wrap this up for you,” she said.

  “Not necessary. She’ll be wearing it out,” Drew told her and she nodded politely and headed to the register. We started following her and I knew I had to do something. I could not afford that coat. Not now. Not when I got paid. Not for a very long time.

  “Drew,” I said softly so as not to draw attention to myself. He stopped and looked at me curiously and I started stuttering. “I…I um…I can’t…the jacket…I mean…”

  “What are you trying to say?”

  “Um…to be perfectly honest…I can’t afford it. I didn’t think it’d be so much,” I said quietly.

  His grin turned to a frown and I could tell he was trying to decide how to handle my revelation.

  “I’m sorry….I just didn’t think it’d be so expensive and I…I just can’t afford that right now. I just got my job and we spent all of our money getting here,” I continued to blab.

  “I’m sorry,” he said gently. “I’m sorry I put you in this position.”

  “It’s okay, but I just can’t.”

  “Let me get it for you.”

  “No. Absolutely not!” I said adamantly. “Please don’t insult me like that.”

  He didn’t say anything for a moment, but I could tell by the way his eyebrows creased that he was concerned.

  “I assure you, insulting you was never my intention. I just want to help you out. I understand what it took for you to move here. I never meant to make you uncomfortable,” he said, pausing for a moment. “Can I ask you what can you afford?”

  “Maybe $100.”

  “Then pay me $100 when you can. I’ll get the rest,” he said and when I opened my mouth to complain, he held up a finger to stop me. “No arguments.” And with that, he turned and headed to the register.

  ~~~

  Despite the drama of obtaining it, I had to admit the jacket was comfortable and when the wind picked up, I was grateful I had it. I just tried not to think about the price tag or the fact that Drew had paid for it. We spent the afternoon at the site and I found the whole process fascinating. I was amazed by Drew’s vision and the picture he painted with his words while Court vigorously took notes. When he was done, I could almost see the arts center, even though it was currently just a bare field and I couldn’t wait to see the finished project.

  We’d gone back to the office for a while once we were done at the site. Court and I continued working on the proposal, adding the new details from the site visit and Drew holed himself up in his office to work on blueprints. He was still in there when I left at six o’clock.

  The apartment was empty and lonely when I got home. Doris wasn’t even outside, which disappointed me more than I expected. I hated coming home to nothing. I was loving my job. I found it stimulating and fulfilling, but I missed Ethan. He was always sleeping when I left for work and he was never there when I got back. I was usually asleep when he got home and no matter how hard he tried not to, he woke me up when he’d return from his shift. He’d apologize quietly and climb into bed and I’d curl up next to him and go back to sleep, until I woke up and the whole process started over again.

  Tonight was no different. I went to my room and threw my clothes in the hamper. The blouse landed on the floor, but I just shrugged instead of picking it up. I’d be doing laundry soon, so what did it matter if I picked it up? I’d get it in the morning. I changed into a pair of comfy sweats and a t-shirt and went into the kitchen. It was nearly seven o’clock after my commute home and I was starving. My mouth watered as I thought of my mom’s rosemary pork chops and mashed potatoes. Take out and sandwiches were getting old. I looked through the pathetic cupboards and decided on Ramen. We had a ton of it because it was cheap and not half bad, especially if you added some vegetables to it. I looked in the fridge and realized we had no produce. My heart sank a little, but resided myself to the fact that I’d be having plain Ramen alone tonight.

  Eight

  I slept in longer than usual Saturday morning. Ethan had gotten home late like always and I loved snuggling next to him all night until we both dragged ourselves out of bed at ten-thirty. We lounged around until he had to leave for work at two o’clock. Once he left, I got myself ready and headed out to increase the balance on my credit card. I avoided Bloomingdale’s knowing I’d be able to get maybe two outfits with their prices. Instead, I decided on H&M. Even though I opted for a cheaper store, I still spent nearly $400, but was able to get enough clothes that I could mix and match and make it look like I’d spent a lot more.

  When I got back to the apartment, all I could do was watch more Mad Men and wait for Ethan to get home. I hadn’t stopped thinking about the day we had planned. After my first week of work and having not gone anywhere together since that first night in Times Square, I was ready to go out and explore and finally be with Ethan.

  When I woke up the next morning, Ethan was still in a deep sleep. I decided to take a shower and let him sleep a little longer before I woke him. Once I was done, I sat, wrapped in a towel, next to him on the bed. He was still sound asleep, but it was almost nine a.m. and I wanted to leave by ten o’clock. I nudged him gently until he began stirring.

  “Hey, wake up,” I said softly. “It’s time to get up.�
� His eyes opened slowly, but they still looked heavy. “You need to get in the shower so we can go.”

  “What?” he asked, his voice heavy and groggy.

  “It’s nine o’clock. You need to get up so we can go.”

  He closed his eyes for a moment, then ran a hand through his hair before sitting up. His hair was a mess, but I thought he looked adorable in just his boxer shorts.

  “About today,” he said, his voice low and his mouth in a slight frown.

  “What about today?” I interrupted, hoping this conversation wasn’t headed where I thought it was. He took a deep breath before speaking and I felt my heart sink.

  “I have to work,” he said and I could feel the air leaving my lungs when I exhaled.

  “What?”

  “I have to work,” he repeated.

  “I heard what you said, but what are you talking about? Today’s your day off. It’s your first day off in like two weeks. We had plans,” I said, trying not to get mad yet, even though I could feel myself getting angrier by the second.

  “I know. I know we had plans, but a shift opened up and I offered to take it.”

  “What?” I exclaimed, knowing the tone and pitch of my voice made me sound like a total shrew. “You volunteered for this? How could you? You knew we had plans. You knew how much I was looking forward to this. I thought you were too.”

  “I was. And I’m sorry, Nat,” he said until I interrupted again.

  “You’re not serious, Ethan,” I said softly, trying to control the tone of my voice from the shrill shrieking a moment before. He didn’t say anything. He just sat there, looking pathetically at me. “All I’ve been able to think about since we planned this was finally getting to spend some time with you. How could you, Ethan?” My voice was soft because I didn’t have the energy to yell at him.