My Tomorrow

by Megan Nugen Isbell

  “Well,” I hesitated. “I was a little taken aback when I saw him. I guess I thought he’d be older.”

  “One would assume. He’s 30 actually. He’s been a partner at the firm for almost two years now. He’s actually pretty amazing at what he does, hence the success at such a young age. It used to be Taylor and Westwick, until Westwick left and Saben slid in.”

  “Well, I’ll try and concentrate then,” I joked. “I should be fine though. I’ve got a boyfriend anyway.”

  “So, Miss Vasser is spoken for then?”

  “Completely.”

  “Is it serious?”

  “Yes,” I answered, amused at Court’s bluntness.

  “How serious are we talking? Co-habitating? Engaged? What’s the scoop?”

  “Co-habitating right now, as you so eloquently put it,” I laughed. “We’ve been together for four years.”

  “So, your status should be changing to engaged soon then?”

  “I don’t know!”

  “If he likes it, he’d better put a ring on it,” Court sang, mimicking Beyoncé and I started laughing as we completed the tour of the office and returned to our desks.

  “Did I miss the joke?” a voice said and we looked up to see Drew standing near Anna Beth’s desk.

  I stood there frozen, unsure if Drew approved of our laughter or not. The rest of the place had seemed so stuffy, I wondered if joking was frowned upon. Then a smile cracked his face and I felt better.

  “I was just showing Natalie around the office,” Court told him and Drew nodded, turning his gaze to me.

  “And what do you think of it?”

  “It seems like a wonderful place to work, Mr. Saben.”

  “Again, as I told you yesterday, please call me Drew,” he said, smiling at me with those green eyes. “I’m glad to have you as part of the team, Natalie.”

  “I’m excited to be here.”

  “If you need anything, Court’s the man to go to,” he said and then turned his attention to Anna Beth. “Could you get Mr. Tashawa on the phone please?”

  “Sure thing,” Anna Beth said as Drew walked into his office.

  “See, very hard to concentrate,” Court whispered once the door was shut and I had to stifle a laugh.

  The phone buzzed on Court’s desk and Leslie’s voice came through the speaker.

  “Could you show Natalie to James’s office? He’s ready for her.”

  “Will do. C’mon. Follow me,” he said and then took my arm and led me down the hall and into James’s office.

  ~~~

  The afternoon went by fast. I was busy combing through all of Drew’s accounts and before I knew it, it was five o’clock.

  “Well, I’m heading home. I hope your first day was tolerable,” Anna Beth said as she gathered her things and straightened her desk.

  “It was great,” I replied. “Have a good night.”

  “Thanks, you too,” she said, flitting her fingers in a wave and leaving.

  “We should probably get going too. It’s not often we actually leave at five, so let’s take advantage of it while we can,” Court said, closing the notebook he was looking through and placing it back in the filing cabinet. “I’m going out for drinks with some friends later. You interested?”

  “No, thanks though. I think I’m just going to go home and relax,” I told him, not wanting him to know the real reason I couldn’t go out: money…or lack thereof.

  “Alright, we’ll catch ya next time. I’m gonna head out. You coming?”

  “I just need a few minutes to finish up.”

  “Alright. See you tomorrow,” he said, patting me on the back and slipping his coat on before heading out.

  I turned my attention back to the file I was looking at. I actually found the whole thing fascinating. I didn’t know the whole business of architecture was so complicated and I was thoroughly impressed with Drew’s accomplishments.

  “Staying late on your first day? Trying to gain some brownie points with the boss?” a deep voice said, and my head jerked away from the papers in front of me.

  Drew was standing above my desk, smiling down at me.

  “Oh, no, I uh…” I was stuttering and then I just shut up and quickly closed the notebook I’d been browsing through. “I just didn’t realize how interesting architecture is. I never really thought about it, I guess. I see a building and don’t really think about the process of how it got there.”

  “It’s an art really.”

  “How do you do it? I mean, where do you get your ideas from?” I asked and then I shook my head, realizing I shouldn’t be getting so chummy with my boss. “I’m sorry. You probably want to get home. I should just stop talking.”

  “Don’t stop talking on my account. I like that you’re curious. I like that you want to know more about what I do,” he said and then paused for a moment. “I see it my head. It just appears. I don’t know how really.”

  “Did you always want to do this?”

  “I did. I was quite the accomplished Lego builder by the age of five,” he said with a grin that invited my quiet laugh. “Follow me, Natalie.”

  He brushed past me, walking into his office. I stood up and followed him inside. He was standing behind his commanding cherry oak desk, rifling through a drawer and I took a second to look around. There was a smaller desk in the corner and I assumed it was where he designed his blueprints. The walls were decorated with framed pictures of various buildings. Some I recognized and some I didn’t. A wall of windows stretched behind the desk and then my eyes focused to his list of impressive credentials, focusing on the Bachelors and Masters of Architecture from Cornell. Not only was he good-looking, but smart as well.

  “Here it is,” he said, pulling out a beat up looking manila folder and setting it on his desk.

  “What?” I asked, moving closer to the desk as he opened the folder and pulled out a piece of paper. It was stiff and yellow and obviously old. “This was my first sketch. I wanted to design a castle themed hotel. I went through a Renaissance phase as a kid,” he said with a laugh. The drawing was surprisingly good with pillars and turrets and draw bridges. “I was eight when I drew this.”

  “It’s cute,” I said, moving even closer, taking the paper from him and looking more closely at it. “Why are you showing me this?”

  “I keep this drawing so I can remind myself of how this all started. I had a goal and I made that goal happen. I know you have goals too and I’m showing it to you to show you that you can have anything you want as long as you want it badly enough. Whatever you want tomorrow to bring, you can make it happen. You choose your tomorrow, Natalie.”

  The way he said the words, I knew he was serious and then he took the paper from my hands, putting it back into the folder and returning it to the desk.

  “Well, hopefully someday I’ll get what I want in life,” I said, meeting his gaze and I thought I noticed his eyes moving over my body. Perhaps I was imagining it, but I felt a heat in my own body when his eyes were on me.

  “You will. I can already tell you’re a hard worker and I like a hard worker,” he said, taking a breath before continuing. “That’s why I insisted Leslie hire you.”

  I was quiet for a moment, taking in the words he’d said.

  “I didn’t know you had. Thank you for taking a chance on me.”

  “No need to thank me,” he said, stepping closer to me so I caught a light hint of his cologne. I loved the smell of men. I always had and whatever he was wearing was nice. “I’m a good judge of character and I liked you instantly, Natalie.”

  “Thank you. I hope I don’t let you down.”

  “I’m sure you won’t,” he said, sitting down behind his desk chair and gesturing for me to sit down in the chair across from him. I sat down, crossing my legs and folding my hands in my lap as I waited nervously for him to speak. “How was your first day, Natalie?”

  “It was good, thank you.” I made sure my voice was steady and strong. He couldn’t know how
nervous I actually was.

  “Tell me about it,” he said, and I realized I was staring at him. Court was right. He was alarmingly attractive. He looked like someone you’d see in a chic magazine spread with an equally beautiful woman, not sitting five feet from me. I couldn’t recall ever seeing someone that looked like him in person.

  “Court showed me all of your active accounts.” He just nodded, but was quiet and I shifted uncomfortably in my seat. “I never realized building things was so complicated,” I said, feeling as if I had to say something and saying the first thing that came to mind and instantly regretting it. I sounded like an idiot, but I couldn’t take it back, so instead, I just smiled.

  “It is quite complicated, but it’s a beautiful thing,” he said, grinning back. “Hopefully you’ll be around long enough to gain the same appreciation I have for the business.”

  “I already have.”

  It was quiet again and Drew was looking at me inquisitively, as if he wanted to say something, but he didn’t.

  “I should probably get going,” I finally said and he nodded, almost as if my words had pulled him back from some deep thought he was lost in.

  “Yes, you should. You’ve had a busy first day and it’s only going to get worse from here,” he said, his green eyes lighting up as he stood from the chair and I did the same. I felt his hand on the small of my back, leading me out of his office and back to my miniscule desk. I gathered my purse and I saw Drew take his coat from the coat rack, sliding it on.

  “I’ll walk out with you,” he said, and I was surprised when he stepped in beside me.

  “That’s alright. You don’t have to do that.”

  “It’s no big deal. You’re leaving. I’m leaving. Why not walk out together?”

  “Okay,” I smiled and I was surprised to feel his hand on my back momentarily as he led me out.

  “Good night, Leslie,” Drew said as we passed her office. She was busily working at her desk and looked up.

  “See you tomorrow. I hope your first day went well, Natalie,” she said in her usual flat voice.

  “It did, thank you,” I replied and Leslie bowed her head to get back to work without saying another word. “I can’t tell if she likes me or not,” I whispered to Drew as we walked past the reception desk and towards the elevators.

  “She’s a tough nut to crack, but I’m sure she likes you and if she doesn’t, let me know and I’ll take care of her,” he said and I wondered how serious he was.

  The elevator door opened then and I was surprised to see it was empty. The elevator was never empty. I stepped inside, my black pumps seeming to disappear in the dark gray carpet as I stared at the ground. Drew hit the ground floor button and the elevator began its descent. We were silent during the ride, but I was overly aware of the way he smelled and the way my nerves were heightened being so close to him. I was grateful when we stopped on the eighth floor and a group of people stepped on. The fact we weren’t talking was less obvious then and I had something else to concentrate on other than him.

  When the elevator door opened on the ground floor, I stepped off and Drew followed. I thought we would go our separate ways once outside, but to my surprise Drew fell in stride with me. It was hard to tell with all of the skyscrapers in the way, but the sun was starting to set. The sky had a grayish-yellow hue and I felt the air had the same chill I’d walked in with.

  “You didn’t bring a coat? It starts to get chilly here this time of year.”

  “That’s on my list of things to get,” I said, folding my arms to fight off some of the chill.

  “Take mine,” he said, stopping as he began taking it off.

  “No, I’m fine. Thank you though…for the thought.”

  “Are you sure?”

  “Yes. I’d probably just swim in it,” I laughed. Drew had to be over six feet tall, well above my five foot five and the broad shoulders of his coat would swallow me up.

  “Don’t forget I offered though. I can’t have you telling people what an asshole I am.”

  “You’re hardly an asshole,” I said, smiling over to him as we continued walking again. He was smiling back and I told myself to look away. “I get on the subway here,” I said a few moments later, stopping at the entrance.

  “You really shouldn’t take the subway. It can be a dangerous place.”

  “I’ll be fine, but thank you for your concern.” He just smiled, more of a smirk really.

  “I’ll see you tomorrow, Natalie. Again, I’m glad you’re part of the team.” Drew held out his hand and I took it, surprised at how warm it was despite the coolness outside.

  “Thank you. See you tomorrow,” I said, turning to head down the stairs. Once I was at the bottom I looked up and saw he was still standing there. He smiled and waved and then I turned quickly, making my way to the platform, anxious to get home.

  Six

  Work kept me busy. Court made me laugh at least once an hour and an unexpected trip to Boston for Drew took the pressure off me as I got used to things around the office. Life at home was the same though. I felt like Ethan and I hardly saw each other anymore. It was like we just passed each other now, talking when he got home as much as we could, but our conflicting schedules and lack of funds kept us from spending much quality time together. In truth, I’d felt like that ever since we moved to New York.

  I told myself it was only temporary as I sat at my desk. Like Ethan kept telling me, things would get better. Life wasn’t easy. It wasn’t supposed to be, and I kept reminding myself so many people had it worse than me.

  Court tried to convince me to go out for drinks again, but I told him no. It was one of Ethan’s rare nights off and we were going to spend it together, or so I thought. I made my way towards the apartment and I noticed the bare spot in front of it. The old Jeep hadn’t moved since we pulled in that first day, but it wasn’t there now and I wondered where Ethan had gone.

  When I opened the apartment door, he was there, sitting on the couch, messing around on his laptop.

  “Hey,” I said, closing the door behind me. “I didn’t think you were here.”

  He looked over to me and shut the computer.

  “Well, I’m here.” I was surprised by his tone. He seemed annoyed or bothered and he didn’t smile when he saw me like he usually did.

  “I didn’t see the Jeep out front,” I said, setting my purse on the counter.

  “That’s because I sold it.”

  “What?” I exclaimed and he stood up to face me. His mouth was chiseled into a stern line and then he looked away, brushing by me into the kitchen to get a glass of water. I didn’t say anything for a few seconds. I didn’t know what to say to him. He loved that Jeep. He’d had it since he was sixteen years old. “Why?”

  “Because we need money.”

  “You didn’t have to sell the Jeep, Ethan.”

  “Yes, I did. Rent’s due next week and we can’t cover it.”

  “We would’ve been fine. I’m working now.”

  “You haven’t even gotten paid yet so that doesn’t do us a damn bit of good, now does it?”

  I stood there for a few moments before replying. I knew he was stressed out. We’d both been stressed out since moving here, but the bulk of the stress was on Ethan because until recently, he’d been our only source of income.

  “I’m sorry it took me so long to find a job,” I finally said, walking towards him, reaching my hand out to him. “And I’m sorry you had to sell the Jeep. I know how much you loved it.”

  “It’s just a Jeep. We don’t need a car in the city anyway. We needed $2000.” I could see him trying to smile, but I knew he was hurting. It wasn’t just a car to him and it wasn’t just a car to me.

  “I loved that Jeep too,” I said, moving closer to him until my body was pressed against him. I expected him to warm to me, to feel his arms around me, but I didn’t. He stayed rigid and I started running my fingertips along his jaw line, stretching up to kiss him. I moved my lips over his, hoping t
o feel him respond, but he gently pushed me away and headed towards the bedroom. His rejection stung and I didn’t know what to say or if I should go after him. I decided to follow him into the bedroom where he’d flopped himself on the bed, staring up at the ceiling, his hands folded behind his head. “How long are you gonna be mad at me?” I asked, standing in the doorway.

  “I’m not mad at you. I’m pissed off at this whole situation. It wasn’t supposed to be like this.”

  “Everything’s fine.” I hesitated at first, but then made my way into the room, sitting down on the bed beside him. He continued to stare at the ceiling as I looked at him. I hated seeing him like this. He’d never admit he was afraid, but I knew he was. I kicked off my heels and laid down, conforming my body to his as I rested my head on his shoulder while tracing lines on his chest with my finger. I worried that he’d push me away, like he had when I kissed him, but he didn’t and a few moments later, I felt his arms drape around me and we remained there in silence for a little while.

  “I miss this, Natalie,” he finally said, his soft voice breaking the silence.

  “Me too,” I replied and it grew quiet again until he spoke.

  “Do you ever think about going back home?”

  “No,” I answered quickly and without hesitation.

  “I worry if you stay though and things continue like this, you’ll resent me.”

  “I won’t resent you. I never would’ve done something like this if it hadn’t been for you. It’s kinda fun living like this,” I said and we both started laughing a little because we both knew I was lying. “We should do something fun this weekend. We haven’t been out since we went to Times Square and I think some time together would be good.”

  “Just tell me where we’re going and we’ll go.”

  “It’ll be fun,” I said, the wheels already turning in my head as I thought about where we could go. I pushed myself up so I was looking down at Ethan. His eyes were still focused on nothing. I reached up, moving some hair off his forehead. “I’m sorry you had to sell the Jeep.” My voice was low and gentle as I leaned down, pushing my lips against his, trying to stir any sort of reaction from him. When he began kissing me back, I took it as my cue to go even further, thinking a distraction would be good for him, but when I started inching my hand under his shirt, I felt his kisses stop and he sat up.