My Tomorrow

by Megan Nugen Isbell

“But, you’re my…” I began and he cut me off.

  “I’m your boss. I know. We both know that, but I don’t give a damn at this point. I care about you, Natalie. We won’t tell anyone if that makes you feel better. Court and Anna Beth and Leslie, they don’t have to know.”

  Drew looked serious. He seemed much more like a friend than a boss and I didn’t want to be alone. I wanted to be with a friend and a friend was standing a foot away.

  I nodded and he smiled as he put his arm around me and led me in the direction of his apartment.

  ~~~

  I couldn’t get over the size and perfection of Drew’s apartment. Just like before, nothing was out of place. I didn’t know how anyone kept a house so clean and then I realized he probably didn’t. Someone that lived in an apartment like his was bound to have a housekeeper.

  “Don’t just stand there, come in,” Drew said and I knew I must’ve looked like a gawking fool as I stood in the entryway, taking it all in again. “Let me take your coat,” he said and he helped me slip out of it. He took it, along with his and hung them on the nickel plated coat rack. He loosened his black tie and undid the top two buttons of his shirt, sliding the tie off and tossing it on the back of the couch as he walked to the kitchen. I smiled at the tie, glad to see he was human and capable of making a mess.

  I continued walking in slowly, the click-clack of my heels echoing in the large room.

  “Can I get you something to drink?” he asked as he looked through the fridge.

  “A glass of water,” I answered and he turned to me with a grin.

  “Are you sure? I thought you might like something a bit stronger after the night you’ve had.”

  “That’s actually not a bad idea. What’ve you got?”

  “Everything,” he said, standing up and shutting the fridge. “How’s wine sound?”

  “Sounds great.”

  “Red or white?”

  “White. Something sweet,” I said and he walked over to a large wine refrigerator. He scanned the bottles and then pulled one out. He grabbed two crystal wine glasses and after uncorking the bottle, filled them both half way and handed me one. I swished it around in my glass for a moment before taking a sip. The smoothness felt good as it ran down my throat and I already felt better.

  “Is it to your liking?” he asked with a grin.

  “Oh yeah,” I nodded, taking another sip. “It’s wonderful.”

  “It’s from my friend’s vineyard in Napa Valley.”

  “You have a friend who owns a vineyard?” I asked as I followed him into the living room.

  “It’s actually just a hobby of his. His real job is a stock broker.”

  “Of course,” I said, nodding my head, but I couldn’t help thinking how different his life was from mine. “I’ve got a couple of friends myself with vineyards.”

  He just laughed and then we sat on the couch and Drew set the bottle of wine on the coffee table before he leaned back, taking a long drink. He took off his black leather shoes I was certain cost a small fortune and kicked up his feet.

  “Why were you at the office so late?” I asked.

  “Like I told you, our conversation earlier inspired me.”

  “How?” I asked and he set his wine glass down on the coffee table before standing up to bring his brief case over. He sat back down and opened it, pulling out the sketchpad I’d seen him working with earlier. He opened it up and then handed it to me. I glanced down at the drawing before me. It was different than the first sketch he’d been working on and I knew he’d taken what I’d said to heart because the building was nothing like the one he’d first shown me. It looked like something you might see in old world Italy and it was beautiful. Classy and elegant and it exuded culture.

  “Drew,” I said quietly, looking up at him. “This is beautiful. I love it.”

  “I decided to take your advice and try something different.”

  “Do you like it?”

  “I do. I never would’ve tried it without your encouragement though. Now,” he said with a smile as he took the pad back from me. “Let’s just hope Tashawa likes it.”

  “He will,” I said encouragingly and it grew quiet while he put the sketchpad away in his briefcase and picked up his wine glass again.

  “I hope the food gets here soon. I’m starving,” Drew said. On the way up he’d asked the doorman to phone in a take-out order. I suspected Drew ate a lot of take-out because the doorman didn’t seem to bat an eye at Drew’s request.

  “Me too. I didn’t get to finish the salad I ordered at Carmine’s.”

  “It shouldn’t be much longer.”

  “I take it this is a regular occurrence for you?”

  “I eat out more than I’d like to admit.”

  “You don’t cook?”

  “It’s no fun cooking for one,” he said and I thought he looked a little sad, which surprised me because I never thought of him being sad. I didn’t ever think of things getting to him.

  “I know the feeling.”

  “You and Ethan don’t cook?”

  “Not unless Ramen and spaghetti-o’s count,” I grinned, finishing off the last swig of my wine. Without a word, Drew sat up and refilled it.

  “Sounds appetizing,” he said with a sarcastic grin.

  “He’s never home for dinner, plus anything else is too expensive,” I said, having to laugh at the situation and he nodded.

  “Is this your way of asking for a raise?” he laughed and I nodded, taking another long drink.

  “If you’re willing,” I grinned.

  “So, things are tough then?”

  “Yeah, things are tough,” I sighed and then sunk back into the couch.

  “New York’s not the glamorous slice of the American dream you thought it would be?”

  “I guess not,” I said softly, taking another sip of wine and then sitting up and setting the glass down. “I’d better slow down,” I laughed. “I haven’t had anything to drink in a while. A couple of more glasses and I’ll be drunk on my ass.”

  “You’ll be fine,” he said, topping off both of our glasses.

  “Easy for you to say. You’re not the one wanting to drown yourself in alcohol to forget about what a douche bag your boyfriend is,” I said, sighing and reaching for the glass again.

  The buzzer sounded just then and Drew stood up to get it. A few moments later, he walked back to the living room and set the food on the coffee table before escaping to the kitchen, returning with plates and forks.

  “Dig in,” he told me and we began filling our plates.

  “This tastes so good,” I said, taking a bite of lo mein.

  “China Wok has the best Chinese food in Midtown,” he said, scooping some sesame chicken into his mouth.

  “That’s good to know,” I said and then smirked. “If I can ever afford to go out.”

  “Are things that tight?” he asked, his face turning serious and I blushed. The wine was bringing my guard down.

  “Pretty much,” I said, knowing I really shouldn’t be discussing these things with Drew, but the wine kept me talking. “Things are expensive in New York and a waiter and an office assistant’s salary don’t exactly keep us living in the lap of luxury.”

  “I could loan you some money if you need it.”

  “No!” I exclaimed, practically spitting out my food. “No way! We’ll be fine. We always are.”

  “I just want you to remember the offer’s good if you need it.”

  “Thank you. That’s really sweet, but I’ll be fine. A coat and some gelato are one thing but a loan is where I draw the line. If I needed a loan, I could grovel to my parents, but then I’d have to sit through a lecture on how I should’ve never come to New York in the first place,” I said and then grinned at him. “What’s it like?”

  “What’s what like?” he asked.

  “What’s it like being rich?” I smiled eagerly, the wine continuing to lighten my spirits.

  He started laughing and leaned ba
ck into the couch.

  “I’m not rich. I’m comfortable. You really need to stop listening to Court.”

  “Since you won’t admit being rich, tell me about yourself before you achieved all this,” I said, leaning back into the couch next to him.

  “I had a pretty typical upbringing.”

  “Tell me about it,” I prodded.

  “I don’t want to bore you with my life story.”

  “You’re hardly boring. I wanna know.”

  “Well,” he sighed, taking a sip of wine. “I grew up in Connecticut with my parents and three sisters. My dad was a bank manager and my mom taught science in high school.”

  “Wait,” I interrupted. “You said you were a native New Yorker.”

  “I said practically,” he corrected me. “Western Connecticut is just an extension of New York anyway.”

  “I wouldn’t know. I’ve never been there.”

  “Perhaps we’ll have to change that,” he said and I noticed the way his mouth curled up into a smile.

  “What about college and stuff?” I asked, changing the subject.

  “I went to Cornell.”

  “I know. I was thoroughly impressed when I saw your degrees in your office.”

  “You found that impressive?”

  “Of course I did. Everything about you’s impressive,” I said and when the words left my mouth I saw the way he smiled and I knew I should be embarrassed by my bluntness, but I wasn’t. Drew had to know I was impressed by him. Everyone was impressed by him. “What about girlfriends?” I continued.

  “You’re getting awfully personal,” he said, but I could tell he was enjoying the conversation as much as I was. He knew too much about me. It was my turn to know about him.

  “I know I am, but who cares. Now tell me about the exploits of Andrew Saben. I hear you’re quite the playboy.”

  “Again, stop listening to Court,” he laughed. “Although the picture he paints of me sounds like a pretty great life. Perhaps I should try it. But, I assure you, I’m not the playboy I’m rumored to be.”

  “You’re not?” I grinned, raising an unbelieving eyebrow.

  “No, I’m not,” he said seriously. “I go out on dates and that somehow constitutes me being a playboy.”

  “No serious girlfriends?”

  “I’ve had a few.”

  “But you’ve not settled down.”

  “Like I’ve told you, I haven’t met the right woman.”

  “Do you want to find the right woman?” I asked quietly.

  “Of course I do. I want to do the whole family thing eventually. I want to share all this with someone,” he said and his face softened in a way I’d yet to see. I still found it hard to believe Drew Saben had any insecurities or unfulfilled dreams. He was too perfect. His life was too perfect.

  “Why haven’t you found the right girl?” I asked curiously.

  “I’m not quite sure. Most are too shallow and some are just interested in me because of who I am. I can see right through them.”

  “So, you dump ‘em before it gets too serious.”

  “If you want to look at it that way, but I don’t see it like that. I don’t let people take advantage of me, Natalie. I don’t like to be made to look like a fool.” The sadness deepened on his face and I suddenly felt sorry for him. I thought he had everything, but he hurt too. “That’s why I understand how you feel. Life can be very lonely, even when you appear to have everything.”

  “I’m sorry, Drew,” I said, reaching over and resting my hand on his knee. He looked down at it and then placed his hand over mine, holding it there for a while and I didn’t stop him.

  “Don’t be sorry. I’m very blessed in my life. A little loneliness is worth it.”

  It was silent again and I finally moved my hand from his knee so I could take a long sip of wine, finishing off the glass and Drew quickly refilled it. I loved the relaxation I was feeling and I’d almost forgotten about how mad I was at Ethan.

  “Enough about me,” he said a few moments later. “Let’s talk about you.”

  “You know enough about me already.”

  “But I want to know more.”

  “Like what?”

  “You and Ethan.”

  “What about me and Ethan?” I asked, shifting uncomfortably. The whole point of coming over was to forget about Ethan for a little while.

  “How’d you two hook up?”

  “I think Ethan and I are well beyond a hook up.”

  “Let me rephrase then. How’d you meet?”

  “Freshman year of college. He lived a couple of floors down in the dorms.”

  “Is he from Iowa too?”

  “Yes. He’s from Des Moines though.”

  “So, it’s pretty serious then?”

  “That’s a dumb question. It’d have to be pretty serious to stay with someone for four years and uproot my entire life for them.”

  “So, no part of you wanted to move here?” he asked skeptically.

  “Well, yeah. Part of me wanted to move. Part of me wanted to try something new, but if it wasn’t for Ethan, there’s no way I would’ve done it.”

  “So, you did it all for him?”

  I didn’t answer right away.

  “I guess I did,” I finally said.

  “You moved to a strange place, left everyone you know behind, and are eating Ramen noodles and spaghetti-o’s every night all for him?”

  “Yeah,” I said quietly, staring up at him, realizing how lame I sounded. “What are you getting at?”

  “What I’m getting at is that you’ve given up everything for him and this is the way he treats you,” Drew said, his voice low and serious.

  “It’s not like that,” I said, suddenly defensive, maybe because I didn’t like hearing it come from someone else.

  “It is, Natalie. It’s exactly like that.”

  “It’s not.”

  “You guys only have each other in this city and he doesn’t seem to realize that. He doesn’t see how he’s hurting you.”

  “He’s busy. He’s working,” I argued. “We don’t all have unlimited financial resources.”

  “I know that, but that still doesn’t excuse the way he made you feel tonight…the way he treated you. He was a dick and that has nothing to do with money,” he said seriously and I opened my mouth to speak, but nothing came out because I knew he was telling the truth.

  “He’s really a good guy,” I said after a few moments of silence.

  “I’m sure he is,” Drew said, but I couldn’t help but notice his skepticism. “I just think he’s taking you for granted. I know if I were in a serious relationship, I wouldn’t bail on plans with my girlfriend and I wouldn’t get pissed off at her for stopping by to say hi,” he said, pausing for a moment before gazing down at the floor and then raising his eyes up to meet mine again. “I’d welcome any chance to see you.”

  I knew I was blushing and my heart was racing as he looked at me the way he was. I may be naïve, I may be from Iowa, but I knew the way he was looking at me was not in the way a boss looks at his assistant or even the way friends look at each other.

  “Ethan’s under a lot of pressure. Not from me, but he feels pressure to take care of me,” I said, trying not to look at him because I liked the feeling he gave me too much.

  “As he should, but taking care of someone isn’t just taking care of them financially. You have to take care of someone’s emotional needs too. It doesn’t matter how much money you have, if you’re not emotionally fulfilled, happiness is nearly impossible.”

  “Again, easy for you to say, Daddy Warbucks,” I scoffed at him, not wanting to hear him speak ill of Ethan.

  “I know money makes things easier, believe me, I know, but being there for each other is just as important.”

  “You seem awfully knowledgeable about this,” I taunted him and he grinned at me.

  “I am a bit older than you, Natalie. I’ve got more experience than you.”

  “Still,
you don’t know about Ethan and me.”

  “I know that people change as they get older and they don’t always change together.”

  “What’s that supposed to mean?”

  “That maybe you and Ethan have run your course. You were great together in college, but college is a bubble. You’re in the real world now and the real world can be a bitch.”

  “Don’t say that,” I said quickly. “Ethan and I have not run our course. We’re just getting started.”

  “I hope that’s the case, but you need to be prepared. You need to be open to other possibilities.”

  “I don’t need to be open to other possibilities.”

  He smiled and shook his head, before sitting up and refilling his wine glass. We both took long sips and when he leaned back, he was closer. Our legs were touching. He smelled so good and his confidence exuded him. I’d never met anyone like Drew and I couldn’t deny the pull I felt to him.

  “Can I ask you something? Something personal?” Drew asked a few moments later.

  “Why not?” I said sarcastically. “We’ve been getting personal all night.”

  “How many serious boyfriends have you had?”

  “Serious?” I said, wondering how I would define serious.

  “Yes. How many serious boyfriends?”

  “I guess just one. Ethan.”

  “One?”

  “Yeah, I dated a few guys in high school, but not for more than a few months. Ethan’s been the only one for the last four years.”

  He nodded and then seemed to be pondering on how to continue.

  “So, I take it you haven’t been with many guys then,” he concluded and I felt my cheeks burn red from embarrassment.

  “Now, that’s getting a little too personal.”

  “I’m just trying to help you see yourself from other’s perspectives. And I’m just assuming you haven’t been with many guys.”

  “No. I haven’t,” I said quickly. “I’ve only been with Ethan. Sex is not something I take lightly. It means something.”

  “That’s a wonderful ideal to have, but owning your sexuality can be very freeing,” he said, but I could see he thought my way of thinking was old fashioned and then his face turned serious. “But you’ve never wondered what it would feel like to be with anyone else?” His voice was low and quiet and I couldn’t tear my gaze from his eyes. They were intense and piercing and I couldn't look away.