Claiming His Forever (Battle Born MC Book 8)

by Scarlett Black

  I resist the urge to wrap my legs around him and beg him to take me and finish. I don’t, because it would lead us back into the same never-ending cycle of torment. I want better for us, for me. I want it all. “I want to love you. I want to pull you so far into my life that it would be impossible for us to separate. I want it all, Spider, and I won’t settle for less.”

  His fists slightly unclench from their grip at my waist. There is a tenderness I can see in his eyes when I turn back to him. His eyes dart back and forth, reading my eyes, taking in my words, my truth. “What do you mean?” Spider’s words whisper across my cheek.

  “I want a man to worship and protect me. Someone who gives me themselves as much or more than I give. That is what I need. A man who fights for me, for a family. None of this is what I should be stating, asking for, or demanding.” Lifting my hand, it feathers across his forehead, pushing his hair back. “I know that I cared for you. It’s not enough to fight over the past. Let me go and find the woman who you want to have those complications with. One who you will fight and kill for.”

  It’s literally the hardest words I have had to utter out loud. But my choice is clear—I choose me, and I love myself more than anything. It’s time that I’m selfish with that. “No more fighting. Be safe and goodbye, Spider.” Taking his head in my hands, I lay a gentle kiss to his lips. Pulling back, my fingers ghost over his throat and the spider tattoo there. We need peace, and if that is apart, then so be it.

  His chest heaves and he shakes his head. He pulls me to him, holding on to the bitter end. I let him for a few moments, not willing to let it all go for a few stolen moments more. My arms wrapped around him. The heartbreaking truth is, this is the most intimate we have ever been, our hearts truly open and bare to each other. No more running.

  “Be safe, Spider.” Taking one backward step, then another, I walk away. If we keep going and hurting each other, when will we ever find ourselves or peace? This time, I don’t expect anything in return. I shut the door and I fight my heart and instinct to run back to him. It would be wrong. Spider is not ready for what I need and want in a man and a family.

  Chapter 17

  Spider

  Her words hurt as if she blew up my world with an atomic bomb. She’s letting me go? I stand there and recycle them over and over. She wants a family. Jazzy wants a man who protects her above all. Frozen to the spot, I can’t move. I want to chase after her, but she’s right, what am I chasing her for? What do I want? Because if I don't want an Ol’ Lady, I need to let her go, forever.

  Backing away, I straddle my bike and turn on the engine before placing on my helmet. I have no answers tonight. Her challenge to make me think differently about my life and choices is all-consuming for one night.

  Revving the engine, I speed off and put miles between us. The road, I hope, is enough to soothe the beast inside. Her soft touches awoke an animal I didn’t think existed in me. I never thought it was possible to love. The question is, do I love her enough to want to change my life?

  Love.

  The word is foreign, and on my tongue, it tastes unfamiliar. I have never loved a woman in my life. Sex was geared to giving and receiving. Never did I allow the control of emotions into my life. I didn’t want it and I kept that locked out. Emotions enable me to think and do my job. A family makes me and others a target. I’ve spent the last few years cleaning all this shit up, all of it because of women.

  Rolling into the clubhouse parking lot, I head into my office. With a bottle of bourbon in hand and an empty glass, I pour myself a drink and then another. Washing away the words. Drowning the questions I don't want to answer. One thought is clear—I wouldn’t be thinking of this if it were any other woman. That screams for attention, attention I don’t want to deal with.

  Tank smirks as I walk into the garage looking for him. “Well, what pray tell is the reason you have graced us in our fine establishment?” He rubs his hands together, wiping grease onto a rag before tossing it aside and placing his hands on his hips.

  “Don’t make a big deal about it or I’m out of here.”

  “So it’s not a business call. Interesting. A woman then. The B’s of life, brother—bitches, bud, booze, and bank. They all mix together. Sit.” Placing his fingers to his mouth and giving a high-pitched whistle, Pawn and Axl look up from their bikes with questioning glares. “Team building, ladies, front and center.” Tank pulls together stools and a few chairs while Axl and Pawn groan. Is this a thing here? Pawn follows the drill and passes out beers. “Part of the team building, bro, just go with it.”

  I should run, but for some unspoken reason, I go along with his antics and sit on a stool. “I’ll go first.” Tank brags, “My B’s are in perfect order. My next B is a baby, although convincing Kat may take some effort. A task I’m up for.” He raises his eyebrows suggestively, then points his beer can to Axl.

  He clears his throat, commanding the attention from the garage, as if there is anyone of importance. I look around and behind, just to be certain. Yep, no one is here. “Dana and Maddy are doing great. I even got her a motorized baby scooter. Working her up for a bigger bike as she grows. We’re on target.”

  Are they kidding me with this bullshit? Another B. At least I’m getting a hang of this. Pawn looks at me apologetically and he gives his update. “Tami,” he pauses, “I’m going to ask her to be my Ol’ Lady and wife. She’s having my baby.”

  Tank and Axl congratulate him and deliver back smacks. Just to think, I thought not long ago his life was one gigantic pile of shit. I even felt a little bad for prodding him to run after her, but he’s happy and fought for the life he wanted and got in the end.

  “You’re happy settling down with her? It doesn’t worry you that you’ll lose them if you make a mistake?”

  The brothers turn their attention to me and answer one by one. “I’m the only man on this earth that I want to look over them. It’s not a distraction. If anything, I work harder for them,” Tank comments.

  “Without them, I wouldn’t be the man I am today. I would have stayed in the dark hole I was in after my dad died. My girls are everything. Not having them is the same as dying. As long as I am on this earth, we will be together,” Axl adds.

  “I believed at one point it was better to be alone. But it was hell without her—before, during, and after prison. Until I believed in myself and what I deserved, I didn’t see the truth. Tami and Cash are a part of me, as I am them. I fought like hell for them. She’s the strength I look for when it storms,” Pawn finishes, and their testaments to their lives and experiences makes me think that maybe I could.

  Tank shifts in his seat and holds my gaze. “Brother, we know you’ve been holding in your problems. We’re here for you. We’re a family. That’s what the garage is for, team building. We talk through our man shit, until we figure it out.”

  Nodding, I think over their words. “I’m going to go think.”

  “Take your time, Spider.” Axl holds his can up to salute, “Battle Born.”

  “Only until you Battle,” I add.

  Tank holds up his next and says, “Are you born.”

  “Battle Born,” Pawn finishes.

  After taking the last drink, I toss my empty can in the trash, then head back into my office. I think over their words and also what Blade said to me. During that time, I ignored any information on Jazzy and pushed aside my feelings. Shit got all fucked up and I need to know everything. Maybe it will help me piece things together and understand why things happened the way they did.

  I scour through any records I can online and information I can dig up on her. There isn’t much personal information that I can find. The dates of her opening the tattoo shop. Scrolling through her media pages, she ignores most chats but posted a thank you to her clients at the beauty shop. She retired from doing hair.

  One of her friends, Angela, asks if she’s feeling better. That strikes me as odd. After a few keystrokes, I log into her hospital records and my gut is punched w
ith the news I read. She had a miscarriage.

  I fly back in my chair and my hands are off the keyboard. They shake violently. Anger and betrayal threatens me to kill the bastard that knocked her up. How could she do this to me? By the dates of the report, it was close to when we were together. Seeing it confirms what I didn’t want to see—her end game was to get Kilo back in her arms and bed. She was clever and used me to get what she wanted. Played the sidelines until it worked out. White rage takes over all rational thought and I’m out of the building like a flash and down the freeway. If she hasn’t left yet, I will be shaking the truth out of her with my bare hands. She fucking lied to me and I want to hear the truth spill from her lips. Then I can move on and forget the woman I was protecting from afar.

  Chapter 18

  Jazzy

  “Abuela,” I whine, “we need to hit the road before rush hour, or it’ll take us twice as long to get there.” No amount of complaining will get her to move faster. She doesn’t believe in rushing life, and being that she doesn’t visit here often, it’s a useless attempt on my part. I should grab a beer and just stay the night and head out early tomorrow morning.

  “Quiet, mijita. I’m cooking for mis bebés.” She's been cooking enough food for an army of men, not two tiny people. But who am I to point that out?

  “That smells delicioso.” I pick up Easton, one of Vegas’s twins, and walk him into the kitchen to take in the cinnamon and vanilla smell. “Say, arroz con leche, rice with milk.”

  Little man tries to repeat the words after me. My heart swells at his misuse of the pronunciation. I plant a great big kiss on his chubby cheek until he squirms to get away from me. I understand Vegas a little more, and my abuela. Vegas spoils these kids rotten, and rightfully so after she lost her baby. I would do the same given the chance. Abuela always takes her time because these moments are the greatest gifts. I need to slow down and savor life more.

  Gathering the boys, I set them at the table and Abuela spoons the rice pudding into their bowls. Vegas comes charging through the front door after one whiff of the food. “Oh my god, arroz con leche.” She dumps her bags on the floor and gives Abuela a big hug and kiss. “Te amo mucho, can you move in?”

  Abuela bats her away, but the smile on her face is pure joy. “Come, mijita, feed my other little bebé.” She hands her a bowl and then one for me. The three of us join the boys at the table and we collectively groan.

  “I can never make this exactly like her,” I complain.

  “Me either.”

  We scarf down our food and catch up on our day. What surprises me is the sound of a bike. Vegas looks at her phone. “That can’t be Blade.” She peers out the window and mumbles, “I’m guessing this one's for you.”

  “What?” I get up from my seat and look out to find Spider fuming towards us. “Fuck, what now?”

  “Mija!” Abuela scolds.

  “Sorry!” I exclaim back. Spider bangs his fist harder than necessary and Vegas strolls to open the front door.

  “Hello, can I interest you in a bowl of rice pudding?”

  I bite my lip, stifling a laugh at her antagonistic comment. With the scowl he gave her, he could care less about a bowl of food.

  “Jazz. I need to talk with her.”

  “Please, come in and say hello to our grandmother.” She smiles and holds the door open for him to enter and the annoyance is written in his features, but he doesn’t dare to piss off Abuela.

  “Hello, nice to see you again.”

  “Buenas tardes. Hazla llorar y te cortaré,” Abuela comments before taking another bite. Spider looks at both of us before Vegas takes pity on him, joyfully.

  “Make her cry and Abuela will cut you. Okay, pumpkin?” She bats her eyes at him.

  “Noted,” he remarks with a snarl and heads in my direction.

  Resigned, I headed out the kitchen and down the hallway to the room I stayed in last night. Shutting the door behind us, I brace myself for his temper and what he could have possibly been upset about now.

  Spider

  Not a goddamn thing could calm down the fiery flames of temptation to kill the man who knocked her up. I get now why she brushed me off. At least she didn’t try to pin the kid on me. “Who the hell knocked you up?” I shout at her and she holds firm, her once passive face now turns guarded and cold.

  “Why do you want to know?” she spits back at me.

  “Did he at least take you to the hospital when you lost your baby?”

  “No. He didn’t know about the baby.”

  “Why in the fuck didn’t he know?”

  “Because… that motherfucker called me while he was fucking another bitch on the other end. He was indisposed at that moment,” she growls and her face grows red holding back the rest.

  Ice water could have doused my body and it wouldn’t compare to the chill wrapping itself around me. “Is that all you wanted to know? Yes, Spider, I was knocked up with your kid. You called and I lost the baby a couple of days later. So, no, I didn't bother you with those details.” She turns her back to me and stares out the window of the small room, glancing into the backyard. Her eyes blink rapidly with her chest taking in shallow breaths. “You don’t need to worry about it, it’s over.”

  “None of this makes any sense, Jazz, none of it. Why didn’t you tell me that you were pregnant with my baby?” My teeth grind each word out. I didn’t want kids and I never thought I would have a woman in tow. I never saw my life with love and a wife. My life is hard and relentless, and I wouldn’t put that burden on anyone. As cruel as it can be alone, it’s harder when you add emotions into a world that wants to drag you helpless to your knees.

  “It’s not like you were extra careful. You came on me and you screwed me without putting a condom on. How the hell would I know for sure? I was going to tell you, after I figured it out. I made sure Kilo knew we were done. I was planning a trip up here. With the shop opening, it wasn’t easy to find the time. I thought I had time, I wasn’t far along. The night you called, I just barely got home that night, ready to call you and tell you I was coming that weekend. It all just happened so fast. She was there, and then gone…” Jazzy holds her arms tight and her voice is whimsical, thinking about the future she thought she had in her grasp.

  “After time, I let her go. She wasn’t meant for us. I’ve accepted that now. One day, maybe it will happen for me.” Slowly, she turns. “I don't expect anything from you. You don’t have to even say anything. Now, you know.” Her face is strong with determination to hold herself up.

  More than anything, I want to touch her, feel her skin, and worship her for her sacrifice. But my emotions shut down. I can’t move past the wall that she built with her words. I wasn’t prepared for this. I wasn’t the father in my head. We were going to fight this out and then move past this, but this… I don't know what to do with this.

  The walls close in as the memories of the past start to cave in on me. Burying my brother and then Solo, it was all my fault. They died because I couldn’t protect them. Jazzy miscarried my kid because I’m that motherfucker that did that to her.

  My voice cracks, “How do you know it was a girl?”

  She shrugs her shoulders, “I only know what I feel. She was a part of me. It just… felt right.”

  Shame forces me to look away. I can’t do this. I can’t be here. It's hard to inhale. My hands shake and the anxiety crawls at my throat, choking me. Before I understand what’s happening, my hand rips the door open, slamming it against the wall. The faces in the living room are a blur.

  Once the fresh air hits my nostrils, I can exhale and take in a full breath again. My leg swings over my bike and the last thing I remember was one of Vegas’s twins waving goodbye to me from the window.

  Chapter 19

  Spider

  On the freeway, I speed as fast as possible. The past is chasing me down like a rabid beast looking to claim my soul for the evil things I’ve done. They want their blood as payment for the sins I have co
mmitted against my brothers. The guilt claws at me, wanting to drag me down to the depths of their hell to bury me once and for all.

  I welcome it.

  Cars honk at me as I cut them off. I could give a fuck. They don’t matter to me at all. Memories flash before me of Jason’s then Solo's faces. All of their blood is on my hands, including the baby. My baby.

  I tried.

  Solo died because I didn’t catch them sneaking up on the feed.

  He lost his life because I was looking up what Jazzy was doing and not my job.

  To this day and even at his funeral, I held it all. All the guilt and agony I deserved. I carry this mistake on my back and no one else's. A truck swerves right and barely misses me. My tires screech as I fight for control. I think for a split second, I should let it all go. The pain would stop, and I could sleep again.

  Jazzy’s face comes to mind, then the boy at the window waving goodbye. My fists clenched tighter and my arms flex, holding on. Car horns blare and I manage to slow down and pull over to the side of the road. My muscles give way and I fall over the gas tank. Catching my breath, I clench my eyes shut and try to control the rapid beat of my heart.

  I start to gag. Vomit pushes itself up in my throat. Quickly, I jump off my bike and hold onto my knees as I puke on the side of the road. Once my stomach is empty, I take out my phone to have a prospect come get my bike before I kill someone on the road. But there’s a text from Blade. Pawn, Tami and Cash were pulled over, then Pawn was beaten within an inch of his life before Cash was kidnapped. The Prez wants my ass back STAT.