All of Me

by Vi Carter

  “Are you not sitting?” Evelyn’s disapproval of eating on the go filled her words.

  I kissed her quickly on the cheek “I’m late. So just this once.” I smiled while she wiped crumbs off her cheek from where I had kissed her.

  She called goodbye as I left for work.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  I ended up making it just in time. Ashley was already stocking the shelves when I arrived, and we had a few customers. Dropping my bag in the back room, I came back to ring up the customers. A few hours passed before the rush settled down. It was Friday, which explained the increase in customers.

  “It always breaks now until the afternoon,” Ashley said, appearing behind me.

  “I'll go on the floor, and you can take over the till,” I offered, feeling bad. The till was the easier part work-wise, but for me it was harder, dealing with so many customers. All of them were Hispanic. I didn’t mind, but I got a lot of suspicious looks. One woman told me I was taking a job that wasn’t mine. I would keep that to myself; she was old and maybe had a point.

  “No. I prefer to keep busy.” Ashley looked tired as she leaned against the counter, and dark circles pulled the normal brightness from her eyes. Picking up a ballpoint pen and pressing the feed on the till roll, she whipped off a large clear piece of paper. Her hand moved swiftly across the paper, her little strokes of instructions soon filled the page. I wasn’t sure how to proceed. We didn’t really know each other that well, and I didn’t want her to think I was nosy by asking her if she was okay. But I also didn’t want her to think I didn’t care.

  “Is everything okay?” I focused on her list only glancing at her briefly. She gave me a tired smile while tilting her head to the side.

  “Nicco was up a lot last night. He was sleeping when I was leaving this morning. I wanted to climb into his crib and cuddle up beside him.”

  A small laugh burst from me, picturing her with her son. “Do you have a picture of him?” Ashley’s eyes lit up as she bounced out back to get her purse.

  I couldn’t stop the smile as I tidied around the counter. When she returned, she slid a small image of the cutest baby I had ever seen. My heart melted.

  “Oh, Ashley, he’s so adorable, I want to hug him,” I told her, and her smile widened.

  “I know. He brings me so much joy.”

  He was a miniature version of Ashley. With big brown eyes and a wide smile, his face looked so animated. The little red baby gown covered his tiny but pudgy body.

  “But he also wants a lot of attention, sometimes too much,” her smile now was tired as I handed her back the picture and she put it in the slide with a plastic cover.

  “If you’re ever looking for a babysitter, I’m available.” My cheeks heated as I said it. It was stupid; she didn’t know me, and she would hardly trust me with her little baby.

  “I mean if you’re stuck… don’t feel obliged.” I shrugged, making a mess of the conversation. Ashley had lowered her gaze. Oh god, she didn’t know how to say no. Heat started to flow all over my face now.

  “That would be great,” Ashley said, and my eyes widened with surprise.

  “How about tonight?” Ashley was squinting briefly. “Only if that suits. I hate to take you up on your offer so suddenly, but I actually would love a night out, and it so happens I was invited to a party.”

  “Yes, perfect.” The bell over the door rang, and Ashley pushed away from the counter.

  “I’ll give you my address later. Is eight okay?” she asked.

  “Yep. That’s great.” I swallowed now, a little nervous. I had babysat kids before. But it had been a while. A long while. asked, as she walked

  The customer ended up being Kieran. The moment he saw me, he was giving me one of those half-hugs with one arm. Seriously awkward on my part. He didn’t notice.

  His blond hair was pushed back out of his face, the Aran beige sweater looked way too heavy for the warm weather we were having. Along with dark brown trousers and heavy boots, he looked ready for a fishing boat.

  “You work here?” He spoke with laughter, his eyes baby blue and bright. I felt like I was caught up in a whirlwind.

  “Yeah.”

  He nudged my arm. “Still the talker I see.”

  I smiled now at his stupid words and grin. “Yeah, a real chatterbox.”

  Surprise lit up his face, and he laughed. “So, how have you been? Any more parties?” He folded his arms and dipped his head waiting for my answer. I would have stuffed my hands into my pockets if I had any. Instead, I let them hang either side of me, so aware of them. I shrugged. “Yeah, great, just working, no more parties. I’m actually babysitting tonight.” God, why had I told him that? He was a stranger, after all.

  He nodded. “Let me check my diary.” Pausing while staring briefly at the ceiling was confusing me until he looked back at me with a smile. “Nope, it's all clear, I can babysit with you.”

  Heat blazed across my face. “Kieran, I’m not trying to be rude, but I wasn’t inviting you.”

  He clutched his chest. “What a way to shoot a guy down.”

  I was shaking my head like a crazy person. “No, no… it’s just I can’t invite you to someone else’s house.” Mortification was burning a permanent red into my skin.

  “So, you would go on a date with me?” This conversation had taken a nosedive, now I was stuttering.

  “Hmmm… I…I…”

  “It’s cool. Maybe another time,” Kieran said, not looking at all fazed by my response. I nodded my head, and he nudged my arm again.

  “Great seeing you, Layla.” He stepped around me and moved towards the fridge.

  “Yeah, you too, Kieran.” I knew I was being watched. My eyes clashed with Ashley’s, her eyebrows raised in question, but I waved her off and got back to work.

  What a strange day. I left the floor to freshen up, and also to avoid serving Kieran. After work, Ashley gave me directions to her house. As I headed to my car trying to think of how Evelyn might take this, I glanced up to see Alex watching me. I momentarily tripped in my steps but continued walking. Hate was plastered across her pretty face.

  Climbing into the car, I started it right away. Before backing up and pulling away, I glanced in my rear-view mirror, but she wasn’t there anymore. What had I done wrong now?

  My phone rang, and I put it on loudspeaker without looking at the caller ID.

  “Hello.”

  “Hi, sweetheart. Just calling to let you know I won’t be home. I got called into the hospital, and Carl has to work late again.” Evelyn’s words made me relax.

  “I’m actually babysitting for someone myself,” I said, hoping she didn’t ask where.

  “Oh. For who?” She sounded surprised. I had a social life all of a sudden. It surprised me, too.

  “Ashley, my manager at work.” I flipped the turn signal to make a left onto our road.

  Evelyn seemed happy that I was getting out more, and ended the conversation with, “Okay, well, I’m headed out the door. But I’ll call you later.” I said my goodbyes and hung up.

  When I got home, she was gone. There was a buzz in my head while I showered. So much stuff flowed around, and it was hard to concentrate on just one thing. The area in which Ashley lived was one you didn’t walk through at night. I had never been there, but I had heard of it before. But people can be vicious with words, and rumors are rumors for a reason. Yeah, maybe it wasn’t as bad as I thought.

  My black leggings still had that soft fluffy feeling that I knew would soon leave. But right now, they made me feel warm and cozy. Throwing on an oversized army green sweater and slipping into my white pumps, I ran my fingers through my thin blonde hair. I was kind of lucky like that; my fingers were as effective as a brush.

  On the way to Ashley’s, my mind ran rampant with awful scenarios. The tang of blood made me stop chewing my lip. From being held at gunpoint to being beaten by some drug addict. I took a left; two large arched red brick walls sat either side of me as I passed through
the large black gates.

  The entrance was very grand, but that’s where the curb appeal stopped. Rows and rows of trailers lined the large site. Small patches of grass cut off by small fences or random items cut up the yard space. And old brown sofa with one missing cushion sat on the sidewalk, the grime and holes told the story of its abandonment. I pulled up to the trailer that had the number “7” on a small wooden sign out front. Turning off the car, I got out my phone and rang Ashley. Drumming my fingers on the steering wheel, I watched the trailer for any sign of movement as I waited for Ashley to answer. The phone rang out and went straight to voicemail.

  She had said number seven. I could just take a chance and knock on number seven. It was nearly dark, and no lamps lit up the site, only small pockets of light from some of the trailers’ windows.

  I squealed when my phone rang; a shaky laugh left my mouth as I looked at the caller Id.

  “Hi, Ashley. I’m not sure if I’m in the right place. But I’m parked at the front of site number seven.” I said, while my heart calmed down.

  “Give me one second.” I could hear the coos of a baby. “Oh, I see you.”

  The phone clicked off, and the door opened. Ashley waved at me, as she stood on the stoop with Nicco on her hip. Jumping out of the car, I threw my phone in my bag and locked the car doors as I headed up to meet Ashley on the stoop. Ashley had the door open a warm smile as she let me in.

  “You are a Godsend,” she told me, but my attention was on Nicco.

  Cute wasn’t the word. He was even more adorable than his photos. Little hands reached out for me, and I looked at Ashley first for permission. Handing over Nicco, I waited for him to cry, but he didn’t. His large brown eyes examined my face while his chubby little fingers touched everything his eyes took in.

  “You guys are bonding well. So, I’m going to get ready.” Ashley smiled at me and closed the front door.

  “No problem. Nicco and I will just hang out here.” I spoke in baby mode, and Ashley laughed. “You’re a natural,” she said while leaving the room.

  I loved children, they just carried such innocence and honesty that most adults didn’t. They were simple, and once you fed them and played with them, all was right with the world.

  As Nicco played with my hair making cooing noises, I sat down on the sizeable beige sofa that sat under the window. All the curtains were open, making me feel very exposed. The trailer was a lot larger than I thought. The room served as a kitchen and den area, with everything that a regular house would have. An arch led into a hallway that Ashley had gone down. The TV now caught Nicco’s attention, and I turned it up. Some large bear roaming through a real forest had him laughing. His little white onesie left his chubby legs bare. I turned up the TV so we could hear what the bear was saying.

  When Ashley arrived back out, I was shocked. “Wow, you look stunning.” She smiled, showcasing her snow-white teeth. With a killer skin-tight white dress and red heels, she looked ready for the catwalk. She was beautiful at work, but now she would turn a lot of heads. She didn’t look like a woman who had a baby.

  I got the rundown of what Nicco needed: just one more bottle before bed, which would be in twenty minutes. There were coke and chocolate in the fridge, and she showed me where Nicco’s bedroom was along with the bathroom. The trailer was so nice; Ashley really took pride in it.

  “I’m nervous, I’ve only ever left him once.” I could understand that.

  “Go and enjoy yourself. If there’s anything wrong, I promise I will call you.” I told her. She gave Nicco several kisses before getting her bag and coat.

  “Seriously Layla, you are a Godsend,” she told me before leaving. I locked the door and waited until I felt she was out of sight before closing all the curtains.

  “That’s better isn’t it?” I asked Nicco, and he smiled.

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  Nicco went down with no problem, and I got myself a can of coke from the fridge. It was only 9.30, and I didn’t expect Ashley back anytime soon, so the knock on the trailer door sent my heart skyrocketing.

  I sat still clutching the remote, listening. But it had all gone silent. Whoever it was had left. The knock on the glass behind me, had me jumping up. I clamped my hand over my mouth to contain the squeal that wanted to emerge. I didn’t want to wake Nicco. But the person outside was now back at the front door while calling Ashley’s name, and he wasn’t going away. That gave me a little relief, knowing it wasn’t a burglar or anything. I answered the door.

  I nearly fell back as Chester pushed his way in. He was down the hall before I could even get up. He burst back into the room. “Where is she?”

  His anger and hostility had me frozen. I was shaking my head trying to say she wasn’t here, but the words lodged themselves in my throat.

  “I know you can speak. Your mouth sure moves fast when you're taking to Jar.” He licked his lips with a sneer on his face, but his tone was still angry, still hostile.

  He isn’t violent like you, I wanted to say. But as he took a step towards me, I backed up, not able to say a word.

  “Listen, bitch, tell me where she is.” His raised voice ricocheted around the space that felt tiny now. Nicco’s cry unfroze me, and I darted around Chester, only to have him pull me back. His touch ignited an old fear in me. It was like Bert was looking down at me, and I could feel my lip tremble as my body locked up. I was looking at him, but I couldn’t see properly. The insistent cry of Nicco once again had me moving, and I pulled my arm out of Chester’s hold.

  “Nicco’s crying,” I said, with a thick tongue. I had trouble forcing the words out. Speaking seemed to make Chester realize how threatening he was, and he took a step back and let me get to Nicco. My breaths became raspy as I rocked Nicco, and the tremble in my hands grew worse. The need to cry was choking me.

  What was I going to do? First, I needed to calm down.

  My breathing settled and soon Nicco was asleep on my chest. I put him back in the crib, and I wanted nothing more than to stay there and hide until Ashley came home. Maybe five or ten minutes had passed, but it felt like forever. Chester was silent in the den. I could only wish that meant he had left. With Bert, staying silent or hiding got me the worst beatings. It was always easier to face him. But I never could. Looking down at Nicco, I swallowed the tears of self-pity. I didn't want to bring Chester in here, on top of an innocent child. Jared had spent his whole life protecting me. To step out of this room would be huge for me, but I would for the baby.

  I wasn’t like Jared; my steps were unsure and clumsy. Trying to push my fear away, I told myself this wasn’t Bert. This was just a boy with anger issues who was looking for a girl. My heart jumped when the couch came into view. Chester sat on it, his elbows resting on his knees while he stared at me.

  “Now tell me where she is.” His words were calm and low, but still held a threat in them.

  Sweat made the base of my neck itchy, but I didn’t dare scratch it. I moved as slowly as possible. It was an old trick, one that seemed to infuriate Bert, like it was annoying Chester.

  “Fuck sake, I swear, I don’t know what the fuck Jared sees.” He stood now, and I stopped moving.

  Layla, speak, and this will end, I told myself. “She went out and asked me to mind Nicco.” There. That wasn’t so hard. I would have been pleased with myself, but Chester didn’t seem happy with my answer.

  “I can see she’s not here. Out where?” His clenched fists had me taking a step back, my back hitting the wall.

  “I don’t know,” I answered honestly and praised myself once again for speaking.

  “Dumbass white bitch.” My eyes moved away from Chester, and I picked a spot on the floor as he walked to the fridge, helping himself to a drink. Tears burned my eyes. Tears that I refused to let fall.

  “You really are retarded.” I glanced up at Chester as he gulped down the full can of coke before burbling loudly. My hands shook as I rolled them into fists. My face was now burning at his string of insults.r />
  “I think you should leave.” God, I wish my voice sounded stronger. It was as weak as a newborn kitten.

  He laughed at me before taking a step closer. “Don’t think. Just get on the phone and call Ashley.” I didn't hesitate. I wanted out of this situation. I couldn’t even stay unscratched. The old fear was there now in full force like I was ten again.

  I kept one eye on Chester as he walked around the trailer. Ashley answered, loud music pumping behind her.

  “Ashley, this is Layla. Chester’s here.” I said, and he waited.

  “What?” She sounded like she was moving; the background noise became more distant. The phone was swiped from my hand as Chester started to shout down the phone.

  Where the fuck are you? Whoring around?” He laughed now. “No, I won’t, he’s my son. Our son.”

  Chester was Nicco’s Dad? Oh, the poor kid.

  I moved away from him and found myself at the door. My bag sat on the sideboard with my keys in it.

  “You left our son with the retard.” I froze once again at the hateful word.

  “I’ll call her what I want. Get home, now.” He threw my phone at me. I didn’t catch it; instead, it hit the ground and separated into three parts.

  “You can leave.”

  My stomach twisted painfully. “No.” The sting in my eyes was back. I wanted nothing more than to leave, but what if he got mad and hurt Nicco? I would never forgive myself.

  He snorted before sitting back on the couch and flicked through the TV. On the other hand, I stood rigidly at the door, just listening for Ashley. The beat of my heart was all I could hear. I tried to calm myself and stop the onslaught of thoughts. I focused on picking up my phone and putting it back together, as quietly as possible. But Chester glanced at me every few moments.