The Wolf You Feed Arc

by Angela Stevens

  Was that the first time she’d heard him laugh? He’d been here six months and in all that time, he’d rarely smiled. She turned off the oven and placed the casserole dish on the table. The rich smell of meatloaf wafted down the hallway and Tore called to the boys, “Smells like dinner’s ready. Come on, you scamps.”

  She finished mashing the potatoes and tipped the peas into a strainer before spooning them into a bowl. There was something different about this afternoon. A warm feeling filled her. Today she’d glimpsed the man Tore was, and he was amazing.

  The suddenness of his transition from human to wolf had surprised her. The stories she’d heard about werewolves led her to believe he’d somehow evolve before her eyes. That his bones would break as his body contorted. But it didn’t happen like that. Tore went from human to wolf in the blink of an eye. She felt foolish for believing movies and hearsay.

  She should have known it would be magical.

  Watching Tore race across the fields with such wild magnificence was exciting. His huge, gray form so powerful, yet he moved with grace and beauty. Kachina had watched in morbid fascination as the hare had caught Tore’s eye. How powerfully he took off. The singular focus he had on the animal and his unbelievable speed, both scared and thrilled her.

  The wildness within him. The ferocity with which he killed. All should have made her fear him, but instead she felt…what was it she felt? Could it be desire for this man?

  The spoon slipped from her fingers and clattered into the sink. Was that what it was? Did she feel something for him? Her eyes went to Tore as he walked in the door. He stood with his back turned away from her, wrangling his sons. She noticed how his shirt strained against his back. For the first time, she sensed his power. He pushed his fingers through Rune’s hair and rubbed the boy’s knee where he’d bumped it on the table. Tore may be part wild animal, but he was also a gentle, loving man. He would make a good husband.

  The kitchen felt overly warm, her head swam

  Rune and Kjell squealed with delight as their father tickled them. These last few weeks, Tore was spending more time with them instead of grieving by Annike’s grave. He played soccer with the boys and in the evenings he sat them on his lap and read stories while she listened from the door. They welcomed his attention as he slipped back into his role as their father. Kachina hoped he’d continue his journey back to the man he used to be. She prayed he’d turn away from the vengeful need incubating inside him.

  “Can I help you?” Tore’s deep voice interrupted her thoughts.

  Kachina realized the boys were waiting for dinner while she was stood still gazing at him, the bowl of potatoes still in her hands. She looked away embarrassed.

  Hania pulled out his chair and teased Kjell as he sat down. Kachina handed Tore the bowl. His hand brushed hers and she stole a look at his face. His eyes were different tonight. They sparkled in a way she’d never seen before. Normally they were a deep dark blue, full of brooding and sadness, but tonight, a light was turned on. Did transitioning to wolf bring on this change? Had reconnecting with this vital part of him, lifted a weight from his shoulders?

  Realizing she was still holding the bowl and still staring at him, she let go and turned from his gaze. Her cheeks burned, “It’s hot in here.” She fussed with the window, hoping Tore would think it was the kitchen heat that made her flush He reached over her and lifted the sticky sash casing.

  “Thank you.” Her voice sounded breathless.

  The corners of his mouth turned up in a grin. Now that light had come back into his eyes, she realized how good-looking he was.

  “That’s okay,” he said. “Why don’t you sit down? I’ll bring everything to the table.”

  Kachina nodded; glad to sit before her shaking legs betrayed her.

  As she watched him ferry the things to the table, a sudden sadness overtook her. She wanted Tore to heal but feared he would no longer need her if he did. Kachina had grown accustomed to having him around. He and his boys had given her a new purpose. She was so fond of them that she wondered if she could ever be content without them being here.

  Tore spooned out potatoes for Kjell and cut meatloaf into bite size pieces for Rune. Kachina tried to imagine what it would be like having the house empty again. The nights would be hardest. She was used to sleeping next to Tore and his sons.

  “So Hania, when are you’re going to your tribal meeting?”

  “In three days. Are you sure you don’t mind staying with Kachina? I can make other arrangements.”

  “No, of course not. She’ll be fine with me. Won’t you?” Kachina nodded. “While you’re away, I’m going to make plans to go home. I need to contact my brother again.”

  A lump formed in Kachina’s throat. Tore was going to leave in another week or two. If only she could persuade him to stay. But he had stayed too long already.

  “So how did your wolf feel? Looked like everything was working okay to me, not that I’d know of course,” Hania said.

  Tore chuckled, his smile softening his face

  “It felt great. Should have done it ages ago. I don’t know why I held back. My body feels whole again.” He smiled at Kachina and she dipped her eyes, remembering how lean and toned his body had looked when he’d stripped to shift. The crisscross of white scar lines stretched across his torso, testified to what he’d been through but they didn’t mar his body. They made him much more desirable.

  They discussed Tore’s transition. Hania, fascinated by the technical aspects of shifting, questioned him about the changes he made. Kachina drifted into a daydream as her father probed Tore about his family history.

  “The wolf gene is recessive. Liam tells me there is a low chance of children born between humans and Lycans, inheriting it. There have been a couple of cases, but it’s rare.”

  “Has your brother studied this?” Hania lent forward, his hand tucked under his chin. Kachina rolled her eyes. He was always fascinated by the science of shifters and other exotic human species.

  “My other brother, Björn is collecting data. He’s writing a paper, but there are so few of us out there, and the clans keep to themselves.”

  Kachina found herself staring at him while he answered her father. Imagining whether a child of theirs would take after him or her.

  “So Liam believes his children will be human, like his wife? It’s interesting, that the form they are born in, confirms their genetic makeup.” He was absorbed in the theories Tore was sharing. “It’s a shame we can’t study these things out in the open. So how many other Lycanthrope clans are there in North America do you think?”

  As Tore spoke of his people, Kachina saw the sadness appear back in his eyes. She reached out to offer comfort. He paused mid-sentence and his gaze fell to her hand resting on his. She withdrew her fingers, fearing she’d crossed some invisible line.

  “I…I’ll just clear the dishes.” Kachina got to her feet.

  Tore placed his hand on hers this time.

  “Don’t. Sit for a while. Let’s talk. You’ve been running around all day with the boys. I haven’t had a chance to chat with you.”

  She melted back into her seat, trying to shake off the giddy feeling overtaking her. His touch sparked across her skin, making her whole body tingle.

  “I saw you working on your jewelry earlier. It’s beautiful.” He reached out and picked up the necklace that hung at her breast, “What type of stone is this?”

  “Turquoise.” She felt frozen to the spot as his hand hovered so close to her heart.

  The boys jumped down from the table, the sudden noise breaking the spell. Hania gathered them up and Tore rose from his chair, the necklace falling back to her chest.

  “No you sit, I’ll put them to bed. You boys like to hear my stories don’t you?” They clapped their hands and ran off to the bedroom. Hania chuckled to himself, as he followed behind.

  For the first time, Tore told Kachina a little about himself. He described growing up in the clan, the fun and the rival
ry he’d had with his six brothers. Told her about his transition and how it felt to shift the first time. With melancholic eyes, he shared how he’d met and fallen in love with Annike.

  “Rune’s not your child? Wow, I thought the boys were twins.” But it made sense. Kjell was a the image of his father, the hair, the eyes, and the serious expressions he pulled. Apart from coloring, Rune didn’t have any of Tore’s features.

  Kachina listened; enthralled as Tore told her how he’d become Rune’s father. Despite everything that had happened, Tore loved Rune. That he could be so devoted to a child that was not of his blood, filled her with admiration. It was hard to imagine that many men would do what Tore had done.

  He had only been her age when he’d found himself a father but he hadn’t given up. Against the odds, he’d found a way for them to be together and had made a good life for them.

  Looking at him now, he seemed older than most twenty-three-year-olds she’d met. He’d been forced to grow up too quickly. Kachina couldn’t help but wonder what he’d be like if he’d not been forced to leave his home, so young… a little wilder, more carefree perhaps.

  As they tidied up the kitchen and turned off the lights, Kachina wondered if she should go back to her own room tonight. Tore was stronger now and he was about to leave, to go back to his real family. The truth was hard to bear, but he didn’t need her comfort anymore. When they drew level with his room, he stepped aside holding the door open for her. Perhaps, he did still need her after all? Well, just one more night wouldn’t hurt.

  18

  The next day, it smelled like snow. Tore had been out hunting early that morning, and now the sun was up, he headed back. Two plump rabbits swung from his jaws for Kachina to make into a delicious stew.

  As Hania’s house came into view, a desperate urge to talk to Annike washed over him. Dropping his kill on the porch, he loped around to her grave. The grass was still bare where he’d buried her. He lay down on his side, across the full length of her plot and closed his eyes. With them shut, he could see her lying next to him, her thick chocolate fur, her intelligent eyes and her soft muzzle. He liked to believe she was real.

  Lately, Tore had thought a lot about returning to Arkansas, but the thought of leaving Annike, was holding him back.

  Annike I miss you so much. How can I move on and go back to our home without you?

  Returning meant he’d have to let her go but he needed to make plans for him and his sons future.

  How will I take care of our boys and teach them about their life, without you? I feel so much anger, hatred, and resentment towards my own family but I don’t want to pass that on to them. In the commune, I grew up with joy, always surrounded by love and hope. That is what I wanted them to have, but this bitterness in me is taking hold. I worry that I can’t break free of it. That I’ll pass this twisted misery on to their shoulders, forcing them to bear my hatred for the rest of their lives.

  He rolled onto his front, tucked his back legs beneath him and rested his head on his outstretched paws.

  Wish you could be here to help me, Annike. I can’t bring up the boys the way we wanted on my own.

  Tore. Annike’s sweet voice was soft and distant.

  Annike? Are you there, my love?

  Yes, I miss you, Tore.

  I miss you too, Annike.

  I know, but listen to me. It’s time for you to move on without me. Time for you to let go of the past.

  No, it’s too soon. I’m not ready to leave you here.

  Please listen, Tore. I’m not talking just about you leaving this place. You were never meant to be alone. I don’t want you to be alone any longer. You’re a young man. You have so much longer to live and you should share your life with someone new.

  Why was Annike saying this?

  I want you to find someone else. It’s the only way you will find peace, the only way you can heal from what your brothers did to you.

  Tore groaned. He didn’t want these thoughts hovering in his head. How could she want him to find someone new?

  I don’t think I can ever look for someone else, not yet. You were always the one, Annike; there can never be anyone else.

  Tore, take our boys, move on with your life. What we had was beautiful. For four years we had everything. It was unfair that this was taken from us, but you can have it again. I want you to find a new love.

  Annike, how can you say that? You chose me and I’m yours forever. I’ll never be someone else’s.

  Yes you can. I want you to do it for me, for Kjell and for Rune. They need you, but they also need a mother.

  Tore’s heart felt heavy, her words crushed him. How could she be so cruel?

  Look around you, Tore. Open up your eyes. She is already here, waiting for you. She wants you and she cares for our boys. Are you so blind? Tore, move on. I’m going to leave now. Don’t visit me anymore. I’m letting you go. She will take care of you.

  Who, Annike, who do you mean?

  Now his head was silent! He called out to her again and again, but she did not answer and in his gut, he knew she would never speak to him again.

  Annike had broken their bond, released him from this place and from her. But was he ready to be set free?

  ***

  On the first of December, Hania departed for his powwow, leaving Tore to look after Kachina. The house felt empty without him and Tore sensed she was already missing her father. Tore was glad he’d agreed to stay with her, while Hania was away. He didn’t like to think of her in this house all alone.

  After he put Kjell and Rune to bed that night, he joined Kachina outside on the porch. She was rocking back and forth on the double swing, looking out across the fields towards the Rockies. She smiled and patted the space beside her.

  “You okay?” Tore asked.

  She nodded. As he sat, she threw part of the quilt she had wrapped around her legs across his lap.

  “I’m used to it. Hania travels from time to time.”

  Tore became lost in thought. Annike’s words, from a few days ago, were going around in his head.

  Kachina noticed his distraction, “What’s the matter, Tore?”

  “Annike has gone.”

  “Yes, I felt her leave.”

  Kachina always surprised him. She sensed things with a spirituality he couldn’t begin to understand.

  “Her spirit has always been so strong, but this past week I haven’t felt her presence once,” she said by way of an explanation. “Did she talk to you before she went?”

  “Yes. She said she wanted me to move on, told me to open my eyes and look around.”

  Kachina listened while Tore poured out his heart. She slipped her arm around his waist and he rested his head on her shoulder. Rocking back and forth on the swing, she hummed to herself. As she comforted him, familiar warmth grew between them. Her soft skin smelled of rosemary. It mingled with the lavender that was laced through her hair. He buried his nose deeper into her shoulder, inhaling the comforting perfume.

  Kachina put her hand to his head and stroked his hair. Her big, beautiful, exotic eyes were so full of warmth and understanding, her caramel complexion so smooth. Tore’s fingers touched her face, his eyes focused on her lips, and he imagined how sweet they’d taste. He cupped her head in his hands and his mouth found hers.

  Tore’s fingers combed through her silky hair, his body pushing hungrily against hers. A soft sigh parted her lips and his tongue slipped between them. Her mouth tasted sweet and warm. Their bodies molded and they became lost in each other.

  Breathless, Tore pulled away.

  What had he done? Why was he kissing this girl? How could he give up Annike this easily?

  Kachina’s eyes filled with tears.

  She knew what he was thinking.

  She shivered,

  “Are you cold?”

  “A little,” she replied, pulling away. “I should go, I…”

  She was embarrassed, and it was his fault. Why did he start this? “Kachina, I
…”

  She stood up to leave. “Don’t Tore…” She left her sentence hanging in the frosty air and went inside.

  Instantly Tore knew, he couldn’t let her go. Right or wrong it meant something. Even though it pained him to admit it, he’d wanted to kiss her… still wanted to kiss her. In fact, he was desperate to kiss her.

  He searched for her and found her down the hall from his room. She was opening a door into a room he’d never been in before. “Kachina, please.”

  She went into the room, leaving the door open. He followed without hesitation. With his heart pounding and his emotions running rampant he found his head full of confusion.

  Was this what Annike meant?

  Tore found himself in a tiny room with a small narrow bed.

  This must be Kachina’s room. It must have been months since she’d slept here. He hung his head. He’d taken her kindness for granted.

  “This is my room,” she said, closing the door behind him.

  “Kachina…”

  She placed her finger to his lips, silencing him. Taking his hand she led him to her bed. Shyness and apprehension swept over him. Kachina sensed his nervousness. Taking the lead she ran her fingers through his hair, down his neck, and across his shoulders. Her delicate touch sent shivers across his skin.

  Tore’s body responded, betraying his need for her.

  He should stop this.

  He bent his head to hers and before he could change his mind, their lips touched and something exploded within them. As their tongues tangoed, Tore’s fear and guilt faded. Desire surged through his body as their mouths explored each other.

  They sank onto her bed and he slid his hands over her. He pushed all thoughts of Annike from his mind as he unbuttoned her blouse. Reaching beneath the fabric, he explored her smooth skin. Kachina’s whispered moans filled his head and he lost himself in her.