The Heart of Winter

by Emma Hannigan

  ‘Is Dad around?’ Skye asked.

  ‘Nope,’ said Heaven. ‘He took off after your uncle died,’ she said without much emotion.

  ‘What?’ Skye looked stricken. ‘When did Uncle Henry die?’

  ‘Six weeks or so ago,’ she said.

  ‘Is that Echo’s father?’ Joey asked feeling upset too.

  ‘Oh no,’ said Heaven. Nobody seemed to want to expand on that, so Joey decided to remain quiet.

  ‘Is Dad coming back?’ Skye asked.

  ‘Some day,’ Heaven nodded. ‘He needed to be with the moon and see the dawn in a different destination. He’ll come home when he’s ready,’ she said easily. ‘He’s sick, too. He told you, didn’t he? Seems his lungs are struggling to work.’

  ‘Has he been to the hospital?’ Skye asked, swallowing hard.

  The two women shook their heads. ‘He doesn’t need to be incarcerated. He’d rather live freely for the time he has left.’

  ‘But what if he has cancer? He needs treatment,’ Skye said angrily.

  ‘He’s doing it his way,’ Heaven said. ‘I support him. Me and M support him.’ She nodded and gazed into the middle distance.

  ‘How are you supporting him when you’re here rotting and he’s God knows where slowly choking?’

  ‘You let those emotions out, Skye,’ said Auntie M. ‘No sense in keeping it all bottled up. Let it fly . . .’

  Joey was standing with his mouth open. He glanced over at Skye. His heart went out to her. She really looked as if she wanted the ground to swallow her.

  ‘So, the thing is . . .’ Skye looked at her shoes. ‘Joey and I are engaged.’

  ‘Nice,’ said Heaven with a smile. ‘Isn’t that nice, M?’

  ‘That’s nice, you two,’ she said as she paused momentarily before continuing to twiddle furiously with her knitting needles. The rustling noise from overhead made Joey look up.

  ‘Hamsters live up there,’ Heaven said following his gaze. ‘They like the warmth of the thatch. We put a couple up there during a cold spell many years ago. We thought it would be a warm nesting place to see them through the winter. Now there are little families. They’re reassuring when the nights are long and dark. The tiny squeaks are company for me and M.’

  There was an awkward silence as Skye moved over closer to Joey. Neither of the older women made any attempt to offer them a drink or even a seat.

  ‘Right, well Joey and I need to be getting back to work,’ Skye fibbed. ‘I’ll write my mobile number on a card for you,’ she said rustling in her bag.

  ‘Will you do a wedding or what’s your thinking on it all? No pressure, mind. I’m just asking, seeing as I’m your mother,’ Heaven said, grinning to reveal a grey, gap-toothed mouth.

  ‘There are no decisions yet,’ Skye said. ‘It all just happened. I thought we’d come and tell you . . . That’s all.’

  ‘Great,’ said Heaven without so much as an ounce of enthusiasm.

  As Skye spoke through gritted teeth, Joey knew she was struggling to remain calm.

  ‘We’ll be in touch. Tell Dad I said hello if he comes back. You’ll let me know if you hear from him, won’t you? That’s my mobile number, OK?’ Heaven nodded. M made a lame attempt to stand up.

  ‘Don’t get up. We’ll see ourselves out. Bye, Auntie M. Bye, Mum.’

  The women waved and blew kisses into the air and pretended to catch them and release them to the universe before joining hands and making an odd humming noise.

  ‘We are asking the elements of the earth to come together and watch over you,’ Heaven said. Skye tugged Joey’s arm and led him back to the car. He was like a gawker at a car accident – appalled, but unable to look away.

  It was a couple of minutes after they’d left the compound before Joey spoke.

  ‘What the hell was all that?’ he asked looking utterly traumatised.

  In spite of her previous edginess, Skye burst into snorting laughter. Joey glanced over at her and back to the road as she actually cried with laughter. Clearly his confused grimacing was making Skye even worse. Eventually she calmed down and managed to speak.

  ‘I tried to tell you how removed from reality my family is. You judge everyone by your family’s standards and I know you never quite got what I meant . . .’

  ‘Well I hear you now,’ he said, finally starting to laugh too. ‘Loud and clear. Christ Almighty, Skye, how are you so normal?’ They both giggled as he tried to hide his utter shock at the scene he’d just witnessed.

  Once her laughter subsided, Skye opened up to Joey about her childhood. It had literally been a fug of grass (the smoking variety rather than meadows) and dried fruit, with the odd book thrown in for good measure.

  ‘How did you even learn to read or write?’ Joey wondered.

  ‘Actually Echo’s mother was less insane than mine and she was originally a Montessori teacher. So we were lucky. Once we hit early teens, we insisted on going to proper school.’

  ‘But you didn’t live in that awful dark hamster hellhole for long, did you?’ Joey shuddered.

  ‘Yeah, for quite a while,’ she said smiling. ‘It didn’t seem quite so dank back then. I guess it was less dreary when there were kids running about. Besides, we didn’t know any different.’

  ‘So Auntie M isn’t Echo’s mother?’ Joey said, attempting to piece it all together.

  ‘No,’ she said. ‘But he and M always got on well.’

  ‘Where is Echo’s mother now?’

  ‘She left with Dino, her partner. They live on one of the tiny islands off Thailand, apparently.’

  Joey shook his head. ‘It’s all bananas. I don’t understand why they’re so removed from you guys, though. If they’re all about embracing the land and being free spirits, shouldn’t that mean they hold the fruits of their loins close to their hearts?’

  ‘You’d think, wouldn’t you?’ Skye said sarcastically. ‘Maybe if they stopped smoking weed and had a vague reality check, they’d cop that they’re missing out on our lives. But I can’t see the moment of realisation dawning any time soon.’

  ‘No,’ Joey agreed. ‘I wouldn’t hold your breath if I were you.’

  By the time they got back to Wicklow, Skye was looking less stricken. Joey, on the other hand, was feeling decidedly disturbed. He stopped the car outside Huntersbrook, and sat back with a ragged sigh.

  ‘You look boggle-eyed,’ she giggled. ‘We don’t have to go near them again,’ Skye said. ‘I don’t think we’ll tell them any details of the wedding. Can you imagine how awkward it’d be having to introduce them to your family?’

  Joey wasn’t worried about his family. He was mentally taking colleagues and clients off the wedding list. There was no way in the world those two worlds could ever mix.

  ‘Ah well, of course we’ll have to invite them. Blood is thicker than water and all of that,’ he said, hoping he sounded convincing.

  ‘Joey,’ Skye took his hand and stared at him intently. ‘Please don’t start having second thoughts about me.’

  The look of raw terror that marred her pretty features made Joey love her even more than he had before.

  ‘I don’t share any of their crazy notions,’ she said. ‘You know that, right?’

  ‘Ah damn,’ Joey said, before grinning. ‘You’ve spoiled my dream of living like hippies as we grow old disgracefully,’ he said. ‘Shucks.’ He clicked his fingers.

  When Skye didn’t smile, he pulled her close and kissed her hair.

  ‘Nothing matters but you and me,’ he said. ‘We’ve no immediate plans for the wedding, so let’s take it one step at a time. If you want your family there on the day, then that’ll be fine.’

  ‘Just so long as they don’t bring a bag of grass and a clay pipe,’ she grinned.

  Joey hugged her for a while longer and tried not to shudder as he thought of Heaven. More like Hell he mused. He certainly understood why Skye had wanted to start a new life away from her childhood home. On the up side, Joey was certain that Skye would be
eager to stay with him at Huntersbrook, rather than suggesting they tear off and live elsewhere.

  Joey had never appreciated his home as much as he did that moment as they walked back into the welcoming warmth of Huntersbrook. Banishing all thoughts of crazy Heaven and the hamsters, he focused his mind on celebrating their engagement.

  Lainey

  LAINEY WAS FINDING IT DIFFICULT TO BECOME motivated today. Fair enough, they’d had a late night celebrating Joey and Skye’s engagement, but she’d only had a single small glass of champagne and they’d been sitting down the whole time.

  A dull ache crept into her heart as she thought of Grandma’s engagement ring. She could never admit it to anyone, not even Matt, but she’d fought back tears when Skye held her hand up shyly for her to see.

  She hoped she hadn’t betrayed her true thoughts to Skye. She felt she’d gotten away with it because Skye hadn’t flinched or retracted her hand swiftly. But Lainey knew she’d stared at the ring agog before recovering herself and forcing a smile. She’d actually wanted to crumble to the floor and sob in grief-stricken sadness. Why had her mother given Skye Grandma’s ring?

  Lainey didn’t begrudge Skye at all. She adored her and was thrilled Joey was making her a permanent part of their family. But how could Holly give away Grandma’s ring like that?

  She’d considered asking for it over the past couple of years. It had been on the tip of her tongue to say it so many times. But Lainey knew she’d risk sounding like a selfish grabber. Besides, her mother clearly hadn’t seen fit to offer it.

  It wasn’t the monetary worth of Grandma’s beautiful diamond and sapphire ring that Lainey craved. It was the familiarity and the sense of Grandma that it carried.

  From the time she was a toddler, Lainey had adored that ring. She’d fiddled with it and twirled it around Grandma’s finger any time she’d sat on her lap. Grandma was her primary carer in those years, when Holly wasn’t together enough to be a proper mother. It was Grandma who had made her feel safe and special and loved. She loved Maggie so much, and it was so horrible when she died. Ever since, Lainey privately kept hoping for the moment when Holly would call her aside and press the old red velvet box into her hands. Now, that would never happen.

  Lainey hadn’t made a big deal of the ring recently because her Mum never wore it. It had been hidden away in its box until now. Blaming her pregnancy hormones for her emotional reaction, Lainey knew she needed catch herself on and stop gazing at Skye’s finger like a stalker.

  But no matter how hard she tried, every time she caught a glimpse of Grandma’s ring last night, it had jarred her. To Lainey, it was the very essence of her beloved Grandma, and now it was going to be worn by somebody else, somebody who’d never even met Maggie.

  ‘Are you feeling OK?’ Skye had asked her last night.

  ‘Yeah, I’m ridiculously tired,’ she’d said as tell-tale tears crept down her cheeks. ‘Ugh sorry, Skye. I’m an emotional wreck right now. I’m just so happy for you and Joey.’ She had hugged Skye and forced a smile. ‘Silly me! Don’t pay any attention. I’m giggling one minute and sobbing the next. I’m a disaster! So,’ she said pulling herself together. ‘Do you think you’ll change your name? Will you become an official Craig?’

  ‘Definitely,’ Skye had said nodding. ‘I’m not close to my own lot, as you know. You guys have been my family well before today. I’ll be honoured to take Joey’s name.’

  Lainey had stayed for as long as she could last night. In fact, she would have gone to bed a lot earlier except she was terrified of drawing attention to her miserable status.

  Jacob took Ely away to bed and she knew she could have used that as an opportunity to escape. But she felt grinning and bearing it and putting on a brave face was a safer bet.

  She’d assumed her ploy was working a treat, until Holly cornered her and gave her a hushed dressing-down.

  ‘What’s wrong with you, Lainey? Don’t think I haven’t noticed you giving poor Skye the most seething glowers. Can’t you at least pretend to be happy for your brother and his girlfriend?’

  ‘I am,’ she hissed. ‘I’m thrilled for both of them. I adore Skye, you know I do . . .’

  ‘So what is it then? Why are you acting as if you’d rather be anywhere but here?’

  ‘I wouldn’t,’ Lainey said weakly.

  ‘If it’s because of Grandma’s ring,’ Holly began. ‘I discussed it with Joey. We decided it wouldn’t be fair to give it to you or Pippa. I had an equal amount of reasons as to why it ought to go to either of you. So I figured the safest thing would be to let Joey have it.’

  Lainey had opened her mouth to say something in protest but realised no matter how she put her argument across, she would only sound horribly spoilt.

  ‘I’m just a little shocked to see the ring again. I’m used to it being on Grandma’s finger and it makes me sad. I’m sorry if you think I’m being awful. That wasn’t my intention . . .’

  ‘No,’ Holly sighed deeply. ‘I’m sure it wasn’t. I should have mentioned it to you. But I didn’t know Joey was going to propose today. I suppose I thought he’d wait a while. I only gave it to him the other day.’

  ‘It’s not your fault, Mum. Besides, this is a happy occasion. We all adore Skye and I know I’ll get used to seeing the ring on her. It’s hers now and I honestly wish her the very best with it.’

  ‘That’s good,’ Holly said. ‘Why don’t you get off home? You look exhausted.’

  ‘No, I’ll stay a while,’ Lainey had said stubbornly. ‘I’m actually feeling great,’ she insisted, even though bed was all she could think of.

  Now, as she struggled to even exist, she berated herself. Why did her mother make her act so obstinately? Nobody else had that effect on her. She should have come home to bed last night and maybe she wouldn’t be feeling so rotten today. Her whole body felt odd. Nothing specific, just an oddness that wasn’t going away.

  Suddenly longing to speak to Pippa, she dialled her number, hoping to catch her for a couple of moments while she was in Paris . . . The foreign ring tone ended and Pippa’s voicemail message clicked on. Lainey left a brief message saying she was missing her and wished her a good trip.

  It was misty and grey outside and heavy sheets of squally rain began to pelt against the window.

  ‘Yucky day out there,’ she said to Ely who was busy emptying a cupboard of all its contents.

  ‘I hope you’re going to tidy that all away again,’ she said grinning. He chirped away, totally content with his game. She ruffled his silky hair and sat down at the kitchen table, forcing herself to turn her attention to something positive. She’d fill in the forms for her cookery course and send them off to Sally.

  With Sally’s recommendations she’d found some former cookery school students to do the food at Missy’s party, but she was hoping it would be the last time she’d need to pay such extortionate money for catering.

  She couldn’t believe the party was now only a fortnight away. Time had flown and she was really excited to see how the venue would play out.

  As she checked over the form to ensure she’d written all the necessary details, Lainey’s head began to swim. She carried on regardless and wrote the payment cheque and popped the whole lot into an envelope. She’d licked the stamp and secured it when she began to feel really strange. It was as if a furnace had been ignited inside her. The intensity and swift onset of the pain that seared through her belly was terrifying.

  Gripping the table, she struggled to breathe through the pain, just like she’d been taught to do for labour.

  The kitchen door opened and she heard a voice.

  ‘Lainey? Are you OK? What is it?’

  She knew it was Jacob, but she couldn’t see him. The sounds in the room began to drawl and she knew she was fainting before it actually happened. Lainey heard the thud as she hit the floor. After that, things became blurry.

  She felt several people lifting her and knew she was being wheeled. The sound of the siren zoned in and
out of her consciousness as she fought to stay awake. Her eyes were too heavy and she couldn’t muster the strength to speak. A voice she didn’t recognise kept repeating something, but she wasn’t able to decipher what it was saying.

  Bright lights came and went and the droning voice continued. All of a sudden it ended. The need to sleep was too much to fight and she felt her body relaxing. The wonderful soft comforting feeling that engulfed her was like none she’d ever experienced before.

  As she floated, she was met by the most beautiful scenes. She was sitting on an animal that seemed similar to a horse, yet she knew it wasn’t one. The crystal clear colours of the valley below were like nothing she’d ever seen. There was blue water that seemed so pure and sparkly, it made her call out in joy. Tiny fragments of multicoloured iridescent light surrounded her as she came to a halt. A figure began to walk toward her. With its arms outstretched, it coaxed her forward. Encouraging her and making her feel more loved than she’d ever thought possible.

  With all her being, Lainey wanted to run to the figure and follow it to the gorgeous valley. But something was holding her back. She glanced behind and saw a face. It was blurred at first and she couldn’t recognise who it was. She rubbed her eyes vigorously and focused hard.

  ‘Ely!’ she called. ‘Come with me.’

  His image began to retreat and fade. He moved backwards and away from her.

  ‘Wait,’ she said. Fear and sadness drenched her. ‘Help,’ she screamed. ‘I need to be with my baby.’

  Torn, she looked at the wonderful valley once more. Hesitating, she closed her eyes and balled her fists. If she went there, she knew she’d be happy. But her longing to be with Ely was stronger. He needed his mother and she wanted to be there for him. Reluctantly she blocked out the image of the magical valley before turning and running after Ely, her boy.

  As her eyes fluttered open, the harsh lights made her wince. The scent in the air was sharp and it stung her nostrils. The sounds were clattery and harsh. She groaned, wanting to claw her way back to the beautiful utopia she’d just left. She tried to call out, to say she’d changed her mind. That she wanted to see the beautiful valley once again. But her mouth was dry and leathery. Her voice was paralysed and her chest felt as if it were lined with lead.