Looking Through Windows

by Caren J. Werlinger

  After the girls had left the house, Katharine turned to Owen. "Have you ever seen her this happy?"

  "No," Owen smiled thoughtfully, "I don't think I have."

  Ann and Emily ran into the night, feeling a childlike thrill at the cold wetness of snowflakes landing on their faces. They tried to catch them on their tongues, blinking when the large flakes stuck to their eyelashes. The snow was coming down fast, and their tracks were covered quickly. They stayed outside until their cheeks were numb, and then went back in.

  "Oh, that was fun," they laughed as they shook snow off their jackets and took off their snowy shoes. Neither of them had brought boots. They went to get fresh cups of coffee and joined Katharine and Owen who were sitting in the den with a roaring fire and an old movie on the television. The movie was 'Bringing Up Baby' with Katharine Hepburn and Cary Grant.

  "That's what this house reminds me of!" Emily exclaimed as Hepburn and Grant ran around the aunt's farmhouse.

  "I think my father was secretly in love with Katharine Hepburn," Katharine said.

  'He's not the only one,' Emily thought.

  Katharine continued. "He had an architect design this house after that one, and I was named for her. I inherited the farm when he died, and we've lived here ever since."

  "I think your father knew what he was doing," Owen observed. "You certainly had her red hair and, uh…"

  "Independence," she finished for him.

  "I was going to say stubbornness," Owen laughed, "but independence is a good word."

  Emily blushed and Ann laughed as Owen put his arms around his wife and gave her a kiss. Emily genuinely liked them. They were obviously very much in love, and she could see where Ann got her openness, but she wasn't accustomed to such displays of affection. Her parents were very reserved in comparison.

  They all settled back to watch the remainder of the movie. When it was over, Owen and Katharine said goodnight. Ann turned off the television and the lights, and put another log on the fire.

  "Your parents are great," Emily said as Ann sat back down beside her on the sofa.

  "Yes," she agreed, "I think I'll keep them."

  "They seem to be very much in love. How long have they been married?"

  "Thirty-three years." Ann looked into the fire. "That's the kind of relationship I want, one that grows stronger with time."

  They were silent for a while, watching the light of the fire flicker on the furniture and listening to the popping of the logs.

  "Why aren't you dating anyone?" Emily asked. They hadn't talked at all about Ann's relationships.

  "I haven't met anybody recently that I care to date," Ann shrugged. "The last man I dated steadily was another Peace Corps volunteer. We were pretty serious while I was in Africa, but he just wasn't someone I wanted to spend the rest of my life with."

  "Ann," Emily started, and then hesitated, "you must have been told often how beautiful you are." She swallowed. "You must have men constantly asking you out."

  "Yes," Ann replied honestly. Emily appreciated Ann's lack of false modesty. "But after a couple of dates, when you expect to be getting to know someone, I still catch them looking around to see if other men are noticing." She stirred the fire and then sat down again.

  "Paul, the guy I met in Africa, was probably the closest I've come to someone whom I felt really got to know me," she paused, thinking, "but something was missing. I don't even know how to articulate what it was, but I knew I wanted more." Something flickered across Emily's face, as if she were going to say something, but changed her mind.

  "What about you?" Ann asked, changing the subject. "Have you ever dated men?"

  "Nope," Emily answered, shaking her head. "I think I've always known I was gay. Even when I was too young to have words for how I felt, I knew it was women I was drawn to emotionally. There were crushes on other women, but Caroline was my first relationship."

  "Did you feel completely fulfilled with her?" Ann looked over at Emily.

  "I thought so," Emily said, trying to recall. "I mean, we were twenty when we met, so our early years together certainly had moments of immaturity. And the strain of hiding our relationship was becoming greater as time went on." She was silent for a moment. "I've been thinking about the questions you were asking me last weekend. I feel kind of guilty even saying this, but I think her family would have forced her to choose between me and them at some point…," she looked at her hands, "and I honestly don't know that she would have chosen me," she finished, very softly.

  Ann looked at her. The firelight was throwing golden highlights on Emily's curls, and her face looked austere in the dancing light. "I think that would have been very foolish," Ann murmured. Her pulse had quickened a little, and there was a strange fluttering in her stomach.

  Emily looked up, and their eyes locked. Ann's seemed light grey in the dim light, but Emily's were large and very dark. For several seconds, neither of them looked away or spoke. Finally, Emily turned back to the fire. Despite the warmth, she was shivering. They sat in silence, watching the fire burn down, each lost in her private thoughts.

  Finally, the newest log burned through and fell off the grate. "Why don't we head upstairs?" Ann said as she rose to close the glass doors of the fireplace. Emily stood and followed Ann up. Owen had carried their suitcases up for them and had set them in the hallway. Ann flipped on the light in her room. It was decorated with simple cherry Shaker furniture. A double bed was along one wall with a long dresser on the adjacent wall. There was a door into a bathroom with the closet entrance beside that. The fourth wall had a bay window with a window seat, and a desk and chair next to the window.

  Emily liked the simple clean lines. "This is a wonderful room," she said admiringly. "You must have loved that window seat growing up."

  "I did," Ann said, smiling. "That seat was my favorite spot for reading. It was where I got acquainted with Flicka and the Black Stallion."

  "Horses even then?" Emily smiled.

  "Of course," Ann laughed. "I still have all those books," she said, indicating built-in shelves under the window seat. "Come, I'll show you Michael's room," Ann said, picking up Emily's suitcase. She led the way to the second room down the hall, and Emily realized that the bathroom connected the two rooms.

  Ann's brother's room was more spartan, partially reflecting the masculine influence of its former occupant, and partially reflecting the empty feeling left when a room's inhabitant has moved away. The bed, dresser and desk were walnut with a dark plaid spread. Ann set Emily's suitcase on the bed.

  "There are clean towels and washcloths in the bathroom closet," she said. She walked back toward the hall, and stopped at the door. She looked back at Emily standing by the bed. "Good night, Emily," she said.

  "Good night," came the reply as she closed the door.

  After all the lights had gone out, and the house had become silent, they both lay in the dark for a long time before sleep came.

  Chapter 13

  When Ann woke, there was an extra hush everywhere. She got up and ran to the window. The world was white. Overnight five or six inches of snow had fallen, sitting in the crooks of tree branches, and coating the leaves which hadn't yet fallen. She ran through the bathroom into Emily's room, and stopped short as she found the bed neatly made and the room empty. She ran back into the bathroom, brushed her teeth and hair, and then dressed quickly and ran downstairs.

  She found Emily in the kitchen with her parents. Katharine was teaching Emily how to make crepes.

  "Well, good morning, Sleeping Beauty!" her father said, kissing her on the cheek as he walked over to refill his coffee cup.

  "How did you sleep?" her mother asked.

  "Apparently pretty well," she replied ruefully. "I haven't heard a sound from down here."

  "Isn't it beautiful outside?" Emily asked from the stove.

  "Yes, it is," Ann answered, pouring herself a cup of coffee. "I didn't know you could cook."

  "Well, I don't much," Emily shrugged, "but I
never get the chance at all now with Mrs. Gundlach."

  "Emily was telling us about the Gundlachs," Owen said. "They sound like very nice people."

  "They really are," Ann said, sitting at the table with her father.

  "Well, they've certainly taken a liking to you," Emily said, trying to flip her crepe which landed half in the pan and half out. Katharine laughed, and helped her pick it up to place it in the pan. When it was done, Emily slid it onto a plate and brought it over to Ann.

  "Here, I'll make you try the first one before I risk any on your father."

  Ann spread orange marmalade on the crepe and rolled it. She took a bite, while everyone watched. "Not bad," she pronounced. "You can cook for me anytime." She smiled up at Emily, who blushed and went back to try another.

  This one she flipped like a pro. She made several more, and they all ate until they were full.

  After the dishes were cleared away, Ann asked, "Would you like to go sledding?"

  "That sounds great!" Emily said.

  "Mom, Dad, how about it?" Ann asked.

  "Want to go, Kath?" Owen looked at his wife.

  "Why not?"

  They dug more hats, gloves and scarves from the wooden chest. Ann found some old boots of hers that fit Emily. Owen climbed up to the second floor of the garage and found two sleds and a toboggan. They dragged all three across a field and up a long hill, which was a little steeper on its far side.

  Ann and Emily rode the sleds first. As they slid down the hill, dodging the couple of trees left standing there, Owen and Katharine flew past them under their combined weight on the toboggan. After a few passes on the sleds, Ann suggested her parents use them, and let Emily and her try the toboggan. Emily sat down, taking the rope in her hands. Ann placed her hands on Emily's shoulders and pushed while Emily braced her back against the pressure. Ann jumped on and sat behind Emily, wrapping her arms around her. They leaned to one side and then to the other, carving an undulating wave as they descended. When they got near the bottom, they leaned too far and toppled over, rolling somersaults the rest of the way down the hill. They come to a stop in a heap, with Ann lying across Emily. They were both laughing so hard, neither could move for a minute.

  Then Ann got off Emily, and, propped on her hands and knees, looked down at her. They were both out of breath. Ann noted the varying shades of brown in Emily's eyes, lighter gold near the pupil with bands of gradually darker browns near the edge of the iris. 'She's beautiful,' Ann thought. As soon as she thought it, she got up and brushed herself off. She held a mittened hand out to Emily and helped her to her feet. They got the toboggan and pulled it back up the hill.

  They all stayed out sledding for a couple of hours, and then, chilled and wet, headed back to the house. They shed the wettest layer in the front hall, and then all went upstairs to put on dry clothes. When they got back downstairs, Owen built a fire in the den. Emily's cheeks were flushed and her curls were still damp. She had put on a turtleneck and jeans. Ann noticed things she hadn't really seen before, Emily's slender hips and long legs, her slightly muscular shoulders and arms accentuated by the clinging knit of the turtleneck.

  Both Ann and Emily had brought books so they settled down to get some studying done. Katharine had some calls to make, and Owen needed to do some work on his computer in the study. Emily sat in a large overstuffed chair near the fire while Ann stretched out on the sofa. The only sounds were the crackling of the fire and the occasional rustle of pages being turned.

  At one point, Emily looked up and saw Ann watching her, her book lowered. Ann smiled a little and picked her book back up. After that, Emily refused to look, although she felt Ann's gaze from time to time.

  About three o'clock, Owen came in to the den. "We never had lunch. Aren't you two getting hungry?" They both realized they were. "How about an early dinner at Isadoro's?"

  "Do you like Italian food?" Ann asked Emily.

  "I love it," Emily answered.

  "Good," Owen said. "Let's all get changed and we'll go."

  Emily was glad she had packed some nicer clothes. She wore a red cashmere sweater with tan slacks. The cashmere felt very soft on her skin. When she was done dressing she ran a brush through her hair. Ann knocked on her bathroom door and came in to the bedroom. Her black hair shone. She was wearing a navy turtleneck with gray wool slacks. The navy of her sweater made her eyes seem a paler blue than usual.

  "You look," Emily started to say without realizing, then decided to go ahead and finish her thought, "beautiful."

  "Thank you," Ann said, turning a little red. "So do you," she said earnestly.

  They stood there for a moment, very aware of the tension in the air. It was broken by Owen's voice from the hall.

  "Girls," he called out, "are you ready?"

  "We're coming," Ann responded, and they both went out the door of Emily's room to join her father in the hall.

  "Well, well," Owen smiled, handsomely dressed in a dark grey suit. "I am one lucky man to have three such beautiful women all to myself." Ann and Emily just laughed and went down to get their coats. Katharine was already downstairs, dressed in a green pantsuit, which was very flattering on her.

  Owen drove the Land Cruiser into town and pulled up at a quaint building. Isadoro and his wife, AnaMaria, greeted the Hights enthusiastically and were gracious in their welcome to Emily. They were served a wonderful salad, followed by homemade pasta topped with a delicious red sauce, and a smorgasbord of meatballs, chicken and pork chops in more sauce. Their wine glasses were never permitted to empty, and Emily found that the wine went quickly to her head. She began drinking water, not wanting to let the wine get the better of her. The dinner conversation was animated. Since it was early, and there were few other diners present, Isadoro and AnaMaria joined them for short periods of time.

  At one point, Owen said, "I'm afraid I'm going to have to go to L.A. tomorrow, Kath."

  "Oh, Owen," she said, placing her hand on his, "do you have to be there in person?"

  "I'm afraid so, honey," he responded. "Why don't you come with me? We can go to San Diego after I'm done with business and have a little vacation."

  "I don't know," she began.

  "Mom, you should go," Ann chimed in. "We're leaving tomorrow anyhow. It would be a great time of the year to go to California."

  "It does sound like fun," Katharine said, giving in.

  "Good!" Owen turned to Emily. "Don't ever be the boss, if you value time off."

  She smiled and agreed with him. Then as Owen and Katharine discussed their plans, she turned to Ann with raised eyebrows. Ann shrugged and smiled a little then turned to her angel hair pasta with a great deal of concentration.

  They all declined dessert, preferring to return to the house for Katharine's apple pie. When they got back to the house, they changed back into comfortable clothes before reconvening in the kitchen.

  "Tell me about your business," Emily said to Owen.

  "Well, it primarily involves working with independent biomedical and pharmaceutical companies who might be duplicating each other's work in an effort to keep everything secret, and trying to get them to work jointly on various breakthroughs. Then we get the ideas to the companies with the technology to put it all into mass production."

  "That must take you all over the world," Emily said.

  "It does. It gets old, but it's part of the job."

  Emily nodded slightly. "What does Michael do?"

  "He's working for an investment firm in New York," Katharine told her. "He researches small companies which look promising for mutual funds."

  Finances and investments mystified Emily. She was lucky if she could get her checkbook to balance. She turned to Ann. "I never really asked you what you want to do."

  "I hope to get my MBA and go to work for an international banking firm. I'd like to develop investment strategies that would convince them to devote resources to small communities like the one I worked in when I was in Africa." She was very earnest as she spoke.
"The people there want to work, and would be able to accomplish a lot if they had some initial capital invested to get them started."

  "What about your family, Emily?" Owen had been watching Emily's face as Ann spoke.

  "My parents both teach in public schools. My father is a high school physics teacher, and my mother teaches fourth grade," she said, feeling that her family's accomplishments were pretty common after the Hights'. "My younger brother is a manager of a store, and my sister works part-time in the accounting department of a medical practice. They each have two children, so I have two nieces and two nephews to spoil and then give back to their parents. It's my way of getting even with my brother and sister," she said, grinning.

  "What do you want to do with your doctorate?" Katharine asked.