HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  Table of Contents

  Title Page

  Chapter One

  Chapter Two

  Chapter Three

  Chapter Four

  Chapter Five

  Chapter Six

  Chapter Seven

  Chapter Eight

  Chapter Nine

  Chapter Ten

  Chapter Eleven

  Chapter Twelve

  Chapter Thirteen

  Chapter Fourteen

  Chapter Fifteen

  Chapter Sixteen

  Chapter Seventeen

  Chapter Eighteen

  Chapter Nineteen

  Chapter Twenty

  Chapter Twenty-One

  Epilogue

  About J.L. Beck

  Books by J.L. Beck

  HIS OBSESSION

  J.L. Beck

  J.L. Beck ©Copyright, 2018

  Chapter One

  Mia

  My eyes darted from the clock on the wall and back to the dough that was rising in a bowl on the counter. I had less than an hour to get Lola, and myself, ready for my brother’s wedding rehearsal and I still had to prep the bread dough for baking that was rising. I ran a hand through my chestnut hair.

  You can do it, Mia. It was the mantra of my life and something I had chanted to myself for the last four years. I squeezed my eyes shut for a fraction of a second, while placing my closed fists against the cold countertop. The cool felt nice against my skin. It was good distraction from the anxiety I was feeling.

  I inhaled deeply and let the air linger in my lungs for a few seconds before pushing it out in one long exhalation. I imagined a large part of the stress would somehow evaporate and leave my body right then, but it actually did little to ease the discomfort from my body.

  The sound of the door chiming signaled a customer. I snapped out of my daze of watching the yeast rising which was only slightly more interesting than watching paint dry, and looked up anxious for the calm relief that a customer might bring. Then I remembered we were supposed to be closed.

  I shook my head in confusion as I walked around the front of the kitchen and out by the register. I was pretty sure I had locked the front door and turned the open sign to closed, hadn’t I?

  The fact that I hadn’t done so became more apparent as my eyes caught a glimpse of what could be nothing more than a ghost. I closed my eyes tightly and wished that I could somehow unsee what I had just seen and cast the image into the abyss of the land of imagination. Surely, I was seeing things.

  “Hello, Mia…”

  My eyelids fluttered closed, and my body lit up like a Christmas tree. His voice was still the same, smooth like honey. No one said my name like Jake Matthews did. It had been four years, four long years since he broke my heart and walked away from me.

  “We’re closed.” I barely got the words out. I didn’t have any intention of seeing or talking to him again. Still, my body betrayed me and I gave into the need to at least have a look at the man he had become. I regretted it immediately. My body came to life, springing into action reminding me that I did not have time for this type of distraction.

  Jake had filled out mighty well. When he left he was fit and tone, but now he was muscled and rugged. His face was spotless with not a hair to be found. My eyes roamed over his strong jawline, and the very spot right next to his left dimple, where I always placed a kiss when we departed. God, he was so fucking handsome, and it was going to be so hard to avoid him now that he was back in town.

  “Your sign says open. Though even if it did say closed, I would still find a way inside…” Jake’s cocky manner was still there though, in fact he might have perfected to even more charming level over the past four years. God, was that even possible?

  My lips wanted to respond, but I wouldn’t let them move. I didn’t need this. Not now. I bit the inside of my cheek, keeping my words, my feelings, all bottled inside of me. I wasn’t even sure what I wanted to say to him, but I was certain that anything I said would be misinterpreted by him as some sort of pleading on my part to get back what we once had. . And that damn sure wasn’t’ going to happen.

  He couldn’t just walk back into my life like this after being gone for such a long time. There were things that he didn’t know about, an entire life he missed out on. He couldn’t just waltz back in to my world and decide he wanted to be a part of that now.

  He stood there smiling at me, that sexy smirk almost daring me to say something. It was my move.

  Against my better judgement after what must have been a good thirty seconds of silence I spoke, “I’m glad you’re back in town Jake. I heard that you might be coming back, but I figured it was just typical gossip stuff. I stopped paying attention to that quite some time ago. I don’t know why you are back or why you came here to see me, but you can’t just seek me out like this. We don’t even know each other anymore. It’s been four years…”

  I ran my fingers through my hair once more, watching as his dark eyes filled with hunger. He was watching me much like a lion watching its prey before pouncing. And as hard as I tried, I couldn’t help finding it sexy. The man was like a drug, that I would probably never get sick of. But I had to be strong.

  He moved closer, walking towards me with that slow, long stride of his. That saunter that was unmistakably Jake Mathews. It was the type of walk that said he owned the entire world and the rest of us were just borrowing space. I was more than thankful for the counter top separating us, as he took a step in my direction. My heart bounced to life in my chest, slamming against my rib cage like it was going to beat right out of my body. I kept my mouth closed, almost gritting my teeth and took a deep breath through my nose. My eyes were staring directly into Jake’s cold, steely gaze.

  “We know each other,” Jake spoke slowly. “I’m Jake; you’re Mia. That’s all there is to us sweetheart…”

  Sweetheart. That word echoing off those lips sent a tingle up my spine, languidly like some kind of a snake rolling from vertebrae to vertebrae until it came to rest like a heavy weight on top of my shoulders. I could feel my insides turning to mush. Jake had always been able to make me weak in the knees and now was no different from any of those other times. I just needed to remind myself that he couldn’t come crashing into my life like this again. Not when there was much more at stake than us.

  “Actually, you know nothing. I’m different now. I’m not the same woman you left behind four years ago and you can’t just walk into my cupcake shop and think that you own me… because you don’t.” The last three words were harder to say than I ever expected them to be. But those words felt good. It was one of the few times I’d ever really stood my ground when it came to Jake.

  I had practiced this day out in my mind a million times, thinking of all the things I would say to him if I ever saw him again. Now here it was. I wasn’t ready for it, but I was giving it my best shot reciting lines I’d rehearsed a million times in my mind.

  Jake didn’t seem surprised by my anger or bold headedness, he never did. Instead, one side of his mouth turned up in a smile, his dimple reflecting back at me. “Whatever you say, sweetness. I’m not going anywhere though. I’m back, and I’m staying, right here where I belong.”

  I felt my breath release slowly between my gritted teeth. Oh, how could someone who made me so mad make me want them so badly at the same time? I couldn’t take my eyes off of him even though I wanted too. I begged my body to shut up, to stop reacting to his presence, to stop wanting him. But the tingling in my loins was ever present when it came to Jake Mathews.

  I clenched my fists at my sides. Why was he was here? Why had he come to see me? The man I once loved was now standing right in front of me in his Army fatigues, barely a shadow of the guy he’d been
before. At first glance he might have even been hard to recognize, but not to me. I had every one of his mannerisms down in my head. They sounded off to me like a beacon. In a crowded room no matter what I would always somehow sense this man close to me.

  I allowed my eyes to quickly glide over his full form against my better judgment, standing there in front of me now. He looked so handsome and put together that it almost brought tears to my eyes. He had everything going for himself. He didn’t need me, or the things I had hidden from him over the last four years, to bring him down.

  “Great. I hope you find Sweetwater Falls to be as wonderful as it was when you left here four years ago.” I turned on my heels, ready to make a beeline for the back door when I felt Jake’s hand on my shoulder. His touch burned a hole through my shoulder, and I pulled away as if he had really burnt me.

  “Your brother asked me to be a part of his wedding…” Jake said.

  I stayed put with my back to him, refusing to let him see the tears that were burning in my eyes. He didn’t deserve my pain, not after leaving me the way he did. He didn’t deserve that satisfaction to know just how much he’d hurt me. My body begged me to give into his touch like I had once before, but I stood my ground, refusing to let myself live through that pain again. It was just too much. I’d worked so hard to overcome it, too hard to let it all go to hell now.

  “Great! I’m glad you’ve reconnected with Donovan. Now I have a shit ton of work to do, so if you could please leave that would be great.” I shrugged off his touch and headed towards the kitchen to finish up whatever it was that I was doing before he came barreling through my door. My mind was so muddled I could hardly think.

  I wanted to scream out in frustration. There was no way I wouldn’t be late for the rehearsal dinner now that Jake was here.

  “I won’t just leave like I did before. I’m not lying when I tell you I’m here to stay.”

  Jake’s voice filtered into my ears and I twisted around, coming face to face with his broad, muscled chest. My eyes drifted upwards until they were staring into his face.

  Had he really just followed me?

  “You need to leave me alone. We have nothing to talk about Jake. The past is the past. It’s done and over with. Let’s just move on and maybe one day we can be friends again.” I lied, feeling the sting from it on my lips. My eyes refused to move from his full lips that begged to be kissed.

  “We have loads to talk about… For example how I never stopped loving you. Or the fact that you have a daughter now?” He raised an eyebrow at me in questioning.

  Fuck! He knows about Lola.

  “My daughter is none of your concern Jake.” My voice was filled with venom. You could say whatever you wanted about me but if you talked about my daughter, then you would see a whole other side of me.

  He narrowed his blue-green eyes at me. They twinkled with curiosity, and I wondered for a second if he knew that she was his? If he had seen her then he might have known. ? After all, she looked identical to him.

  “She will be when you become mine again, because you will become mine again… You know that already though, don’t you?”

  He spoke with so much conviction that for a second I was actually getting caught up in his plan to win me back. Sweat formed against my palms. I didn’t like him being this close. Close enough for me to smell his cologne, or feel the heat of his body against my chest. Yeah, he was way to fucking close.

  “Go away…” My voice was weak, just like me, weak for a man that I still loved.

  “Is that really what you want?” His voice dripped with need, as the rough pads of his fingertips slipped under my chin forcing my eyes back up to his. I was in a trance, consumed by the need in his eyes.

  He wanted me. He loved me.

  I nodded my head up and down, unable to speak, reveling in the feeling of his fingertips against my skin. Tingles of pleasure shot through my body. I needed to get a handle on the emotions I was feeling, but before I could, he was already swooping in, his lips gently grazing mine. Fire filled my belly, setting my entire body ablaze.

  “Your body still reacts to my touch…” His voice was a mere whisper against my lips and I wanted him to kiss me, really kiss me. “I know you want me, Mia, you still want this…”

  Something in what he said just then snapped me back to reality and before I realized it, I was pushing a hand against his solid chest, attempting to get him to go away. I couldn’t go through this all over again. Not with my daughter to think about. She deserved more than this. It wasn’t just about me anymore. I realized then truly what a badge of strength my amazing daughter had become for me. When I couldn’t do the right thing for myself, I knew that I would never fail to do the right thing for her.

  “I hate you. Nothing has changed. Now leave, before I call the police and tell them you broke in…” I sneered trying to hide the desires I was feeling. Jake knew exactly how to keep me coming back for more and if I wanted to save my heart, then I would have to become immune to his charm. I thought I had, but clearly, I still had work to do in this area.

  “Hate?” A gruff laugh erupted from his throat. His Adam’s apple bobbed up and down and within seconds, I became mesmerized by it all over again. “You couldn’t hate me if you tried. There’s too much good between us….”

  The air in my lungs refused to move, making it hard to breathe.

  “I can still hate you, Jake. It’s not really that hard of an emotion to feel when you left me the way you did. You actually made it quite easy to hate you.” I sneered, finding my voice again. All I needed to do was find a way to get him to leave, and the easiest way to do that was to tell him off.

  “Say it again…” His voice purred in my ears.

  “Say what?” I looked at him bewilderedly.

  “My name. Say it again…” He reached out a finger tracing my bottom lip. My body begged me to give into him like I once had, but my heart and mind told me it was nothing but a trap. I had loved him once and it burnt me.

  I couldn’t hurt myself like that again.

  “Leave, now and don’t come back.” I batted his hand away from my face and moved as far away from him as I could.

  He looked down at me with indecision. “Is that what you really want?” He questioned me with anger burning in his eyes.

  I could hear the surprise in his voice. He was finally catching on. He was finally getting that this wasn’t a game to me, that he couldn’t just leave for four years and come barreling back into my life like he never left. I wouldn’t greet him with the same welcoming the rest of the town did, not when he all but ripped my heart out.

  “Yes, it’s what I want. Now leave.” I lied knowing that even if it wasn’t what I wanted, it was what I needed.

  He stared at me with anger in his eyes, his nostrils flaring with every breath he took.

  I was glad he was enraged. Maybe he would discover how it felt to be denied.

  He paused for a moment and took a deep breath. When he spoke, his demeanor was different, sweeter almost. Calm. “I didn’t mean to hurt you…” He started.

  I didn’t want to hear it. Not now, not here, and probably not ever. “GO!” I hollered, my voice cracking in my throat. I tried not to let the anguish of what I was going through come out over the large lump blocking my voice.

  It was his choice, his words that ended us. I watched as he took a step back, the sound of his boots colliding with the tiled floor.

  “I’m not giving up Mia. I’ll be back and when I do show up, here again, you better be ready to talk because next time I won’t be leaving…” The fire of determination flickered in his eyes. He was determined, but so was I.

  He turned on his heels a second later and walked out of the shop as if he was never here to begin with.

  As soon as I heard the bell ding signaling he was gone, I broke down. The tears that I had been holding in streamed down my face, reminding me of just how not over him I was.

  “Fuck!” I slammed my fist down onto the
marble island. I had worked so hard for the last four years bettering mine and Lola’s life. Now, Jake was back and ready to take over everything I had done.

  I squeezed my lids closed and sucked in a deep breath. The oxygen filled my lungs with fresh air, allowing me to think clearer. I was strong. I was smart. I could do this. I could stand up to him and tell him no.

  I would have to, because my heart couldn’t stand to be broken by Jake again.

  Chapter Two

  Jake

  My boots scuffed against the rocky driveway as I walked up it and in the direction of Mia’s parent’s house. I knew coming back here would do nothing but harm, but I had to see it for myself and if I were being completely honest, I would tell you that I still couldn’t believe it. That the woman I loved had a baby with another man. The words were ones I couldn’t and refused to speak out loud. Mia was mine, and her daughter was mine too, even if she wasn’t really mine. I deserved them. That was my family.

  “I’m guessing the reunion didn’t go as well as you thought it would?” Donovan scoffed.

  I smiled. Donovan was always the kind of guy that could put you in a better mood. He had that kind of laid back vibe to him where nothing was ever that serious. I never saw the guy get upset about anything that I could remember. Donovan and I had been tight for a while. He was more than just my best friend, he was also Mia’s twin brother and though he loved his sister with all his heart, he knew the love I had for her ran deeper than anything else in my life.

  “What makes you think that?” I grinned at him. We both knew how stubborn his sister was, and could be, so it wasn’t a surprise to either of us if she didn’t take our reunion well. That wasn’t going to make me back down though.

  “Well, you look like she kicked you in the balls and ripped your heart out… that’s why…” He laughed before handing me a cold beer.

  “Isn’t your dinner rehearsal in like twenty minutes?” I popped the top off the beer and took a long pull from it. The cold liquid cooled the anger that Mia had stirred inside of me. I was still wearing my Army fatigues, having gone straight to Mia’s cupcake shop instead of coming here to change first. Truthfully, I needed to see her like I needed my next breath.