HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  “Shit!” I hissed.

  That damn Jake. The second his name had entered my mind my entire world started to collapse and I just instinctively went into the worst mood imaginable. I hated the kind of control he had over me. Why was I so powerless to resist him?

  “I’m resisting him just fine,” I grumbled to myself.

  Sure. That was why I could hardly think straight at the mere thought of the man.

  I paused a moment and took a long breath. I hated having this same argument with myself. But if I talked about it with anyone else as often as I’d been thinking about it since Jake Mathews came back to town, they would have slapped me upside the head about twenty times telling me to knock it off.

  Even my best friend Rosy was damn sick of hearing about it.

  Speaking of which, me and Rosy did not hang out nearly enough anymore. We were going to have to get together soon for a girl’s night, but Rosy might actually make me promise to keep the words “Jake Mathews” out of my mouth.

  That was always easier said than done.

  I grabbed a heavy rag and began cleaning up the mess my own clumsiness had made. I then threw the mix away and put the bowl with the dirty dishes to be cleaned by my lonesome later that night. I was tempted to come in early tomorrow and do it, but that was once again a very bad habit to get into. Yep, the life of an independent business owner was not all glitz and glamour. Most of it was just being hard on yourself and overcoming the constant need to procrastinate. I truly believed that was what separated the winners from the losers in the game of business.

  Or else I was just that paranoid and was trying to keep my mind occupied.

  I grabbed a clean bowl and spoon and began to put together a new dough mixture, but not before flipping on the little radio, I kept in the back for company. It was an old clock radio I’d had since I was ten years old, before my parents would let me get a cell phone. I hated them then, but admired them now for keeping a cell phone out of my hands for as long as possible.

  So this little clock radio had woke me up for school every single morning for years. Now I used it to keep me company during slow times or before the bakery opened when I was just getting the baking thing done.

  “So, ladies you’d better get yourselves signed up now before it’s too late,” the female DJ’s soothing voice came over the speaker. “There are only two spots left for the Hawaiian Style Bikini Contest held right here in our own Big Jim’s Night Cap, the best bar and grill in the whole state if you asked us, but we might be a bit partial. The entry fee is only twenty-five dollars and the grand prize winner will receive a jackpot of five hundred smackers. That’s right ladies, you could win five hundred dollars for strutting your stuff, and showing your county pride, so get those entry slips in on the double.”

  I laughed and shook my head. For a moment, the idea was appealing. I didn’t know anyone in this county who couldn’t use an extra five hundred dollars, especially when they were a twenty-two year old single mother. And I knew I might actually have a shot at winning. I had never been vain or the type of woman who felt that I was anything special to look at, but I had never had trouble attracting handsome men. And when I looked in the mirror I realized that I did have some God given talents in the looks department that I was thankful for. For now anyway. I was not getting younger and my thirtieth birthday would be around the corner before I knew it.

  Hopefully, I would keep my looks into my forties like my mom’s sister Pat did. Everyone had always told me how much I looked like her and I’d always taken that as a huge compliment. Pat was a knockout even at forty-eight. And it was all natural. She’d never had one bit of plastic surgery done.

  “We will just have to see,” I said as I sat the dough to the side to rise. I took a deep breath and started up another mixture, taking advantage of the lapse in customers.

  Of course, if I did decide to enter a beauty contest like that my parents would most assuredly disown me. They were very old fashioned and very conservative. They would hit the fan and come crashing down on top of me. I’d be lucky if they ever spoke to my again.

  But then again, it would drive Jake Mathews up a tree for sure.

  “Damn right it would,” I said with a smile followed by a slight chuckle as I really let the idea sink in.

  Yeah, that bastard would shit a brick.

  It might be worth it all just for that.

  Shania Twain’s “Any Man of Mine” came on the radio just then.

  It seemed perfect considering the state of my mind at the moment and I couldn’t help but to start dancing and singing along with the tune. All of my friends laughed at me but I’d been a huge fan of country music since I was a little girl, ignoring the boy band and popular trends that my friends had all been into, even at a young age. There was something about country that grabbed me and made me feel intensely alive. I loved the stories, the way I was able to relate to the artists, and the struggles they faced. They all seemed like real people. Everything else just sounded plastic and fake.

  “Any man of mine…” I continued to sing as the chorus hit. That was one of the benefits of working alone; I could dance and strut around any way I pleased with my music cranked and not give a damn about anyone seeing me.

  Jake used to love to watch me dance, which I’d often do when I got out of the shower after we’d made love on those nights over our last summer after high school graduation. My parents would often go out of town for the weekend to their lake cabin. My father loved fishing and the family just enjoyed getting away from it all. I did too, mostly when I was younger. But I took full advantage of those weekends as the perfect opportunity to spend time with Jake.

  He would come over and the two of us would make love, if you could call it that. Mostly it was just intense, blind, almost animalistic, rabid sex that would leave us both smothered in sweat and panting to catch our breaths. We were so in love.

  Or so I thought. How did it all go so wrong, I wondered? Where did it all get so screwed up? Was it something I did? I might never know the answer to that question. Jake never told me. He simply said that he’d enlisted in the military and he was gone.

  But he expected me to be ok with it and he expected me to wait for him. God, the arrogance. It was like he didn’t even know a thing about me. I promptly dumped his ass and then spent the next month straight crying my eyes out.

  Until I found out about Lola. Then everything changed.

  “Do you take requests?”

  I screamed at the sound of the strange voice coming from behind me as I hurled my body around. My fight or flight response kicked in and I assumed a defensive posture ready to try to defend myself if need be. I immediately felt beyond silly.

  Standing in front of me was a tall, handsome, actually very sexy, man looking at me with a big smile on his face. He was clean shaven with short, dark hair, intense blue eyes, and a very comfortable posture that would have put other people instantly at ease. The charisma radiated off him towards me and for a second I forgot who I was and what I was doing. But I knew that I was supposed to feel embarrassed. Possibly more embarrassed than I could actually remember ever being.

  I quickly lunged towards the radio and switched it off. I felt the need to check myself over to make sure there was nothing else humiliating that I was supposed to be aware of to fix and then I smiled awkwardly at this man standing in front of me.

  “Sorry, I rang the bell and called out, but I didn’t get an answer,” he said.

  “Oh, no,” I replied. “It’s my fault. I guess the music was a little loud. I was just, um… just blowing off some steam. Long day and all.”

  I laughed awkwardly and wished I could stop talking.

  The man chuckled and flashed a sexy smile at me.

  I felt a blush coming on.

  “It’s ok,” he said. “Everyone needs to do that a bit now and again, don’t they? For what it’s worth, you have a great voice.”

  I felt the blush intensify, mingling with the waves of embarras
sment that were still tormenting me. Oh, make it stop… make it stop I pleaded with myself.

  “Thanks,” I replied. “That’s nice of you to say, but you are either completely tone deaf like me, or you are just being really sweet.”

  “Well, I might be tone deaf, but I do love music. And I did enjoy your singing.”

  I stood still for several moments not quite sure what to make of what was happening. I couldn’t stop looking into this man’s perfect gaze and the sweetness that he had. It had been a while since a sexy guy had actually been nice to me. Or maybe it had been a while since I had actually paid attention. Being a single mom and a career woman were at the top of my priority list. Romance had fallen down to a nonexistent entity for me. But now that Lola wasn’t a baby anymore, maybe it was time I started thinking about some adult companionship.

  “So, what can I do for you? I’m all out of songs for this evening,” I joked hoping to make this all much less awkward.

  “I was just hoping to get a dozen donuts,” the man replied.

  “Sure,” I said. “Right this way.”

  I led him back out to the storefront where I began to open the glass doors to the shelves that housed the donuts I’d made fresh that afternoon.

  “What kind would you like?” I asked.

  The man stepped around the counter and rested his elbows against it looking thoughtfully at the selection in front of him.

  “Hmmm, decisions… decisions…” he said with a smile. “I think I’ll go with four chocolate cake donuts, four glazed, and four jelly filled.”

  “That sounds like a winner,” I said. I quickly got to work putting together his order.

  “This is the best bakery in town, right?” The stranger asked.

  I laughed. “Yes, it definitely is. Probably because it’s the only bakery in town.”

  “I did notice that,” he laughed.

  “You must be new. I’ve lived here all my life and you don’t look at all familiar,” I said. “In case you hadn’t noticed, this is a fairly quaint little slice of paradise.”

  The handsome man laughed. God, he had a sexy laugh. It almost made him sound like he was a little shy, but his voice came through strong and confident giving him an altogether endearing quality. He stood up and leaned back slightly just then flashing another sweet smile at me.

  I took this opportunity to admire his strong, sleek, physique. He was wearing a tight T-shirt which stretched across his broad shoulders and wide chest. This enabled me to see that this guy definitely took care of himself, but wasn’t nuts about it. I doubted he was a gym rat, but probably didn’t eat a dozen donuts every single day. Unless he was just that genetically gifted, in which case I felt entitled to hate him just a little bit.

  “Right you are,” he said. “My name is Tony Morris. I just moved here last week.”

  “Welcome to our little town,” I replied. “I’m Mia Thomas.”

  “Very nice to make your acquaintance, Mia,” Tony said giving me a slight bow.

  I couldn’t help giggling at every little cute thing he did. I felt like some silly schoolgirl again. It had been a little while since a man had made me feel that way. Maybe it was the fact that I was still overly embarrassed but I found myself letting my guard down a bit more than usual. It was a guard I’d put up after Jake left and then kept it permanently in place after Lola was born. I did it to protect me and her and so far I felt it had done a good job on both fronts.

  But now maybe it was time for me to lower this barrier a bit and start to enjoy other aspects of life. I wondered if Jake being back in town had awakened feelings of romance that I had thought long since gone. There might be a side benefit to him returning that I hadn’t thought about.

  I finished boxing up the donuts and rang them up.

  “That will be six dollars and forty-five cents,” I said.

  “Wow, can’t beat that deal.” Tony fished his wallet out of his pocket.

  He handed me his debit card and I scanned it quickly, waiting for his receipt to print.

  “So, what brings you to our little town?” I asked trying to cover the fact that my machine was possibly the slowest on Earth.

  “You probably won’t believe me,” Tony replied.

  “Oh, try me. I will believe all sorts of things,” I replied. I suddenly felt awkward from the way I’d said that last part. It sounded far flirtier than I’d intended it to.

  “Well, I just got out of a bad breakup about three months ago. I realized I wanted a fresh start, but I had no idea where I wanted to go or what I wanted to do. So, I have a big old road map on the wall in my bedroom. Yes, those still exists believe it or not.”

  “I didn’t say anything,” I teased.

  “Oh, but you were thinking it,” Tony laughed. “Anyway, I basically just closed my eyes and threw a dart at it to see what happened and it landed here. So, I looked up the place online, found an apartment to rent, and that was about two weeks ago. So, here I am.”

  I was shaking my head with wonder.

  “Wow, I admire that confidence,” I said.

  “I don’t know what confidence there is to it,” Tony replied.

  “Well, to pack up everything and move somewhere you know nothing about where you don’t know anyone, I’m not sure I would have that type of faith in myself.”

  “I’m not sure if it’s confidence or stupidity,” Tony said. “But thanks. And what about you? You are pretty young to be an independent entrepreneur aren’t you? I assume this is your bakery?”

  “It is,” I replied. “And thank you for the compliment, but in this town there really isn’t a whole lot of other options. I mean, you can work at the mill, one of the plants about twenty miles down the road in Jackson, or you suffer minimum wage jobs. And I need more money than that to get by, especially since I have a daughter.”

  “Oh, wow,” Tony exclaimed. “What’s her name?”

  I was surprised that Tony was interested and I was even more surprised that I’d actually told a total stranger that much about myself. But for whatever reason I really trusted Tony wholeheartedly right from the start. It was just one of those things you couldn’t really explain.

  “Lola,” I said. “She is four years old.”

  “That is a precious age.” Tony nodded. “I have a nephew who is five. They are so rambunctious at that age.”

  “That is an understatement,” I laughed. Wow, Tony was sexy, independent, confident, and loved kids. Did I just meet the only perfect guy in town?

  “I don’t see a wedding ring, but I assume that your boyfriend is a very lucky guy,” Tony said leaning forward slightly, leaning on the counter, and giving me a penetrating look that I felt in all of my most intimate places.

  I couldn’t turn away from his gaze for several seconds. It was like what I imagined being mesmerized might feel like after I watched that Discovery Channel special that time. I’d always wanted to try it to see if it would work on me. Well, Tony might have just answered that question.

  I was caught completely off guard by the suave and almost blatant way he just as well as asked me if I was single. So many guys who looked like him and no doubt had several women pining for them and social media stalking them wouldn’t have cared if I was with someone or not. When a guy had the goods to the level that Tony did (like Jake did) they just assumed that any woman was fair game, boyfriend/husband or not.

  “Ah, very observant,” I said toying with an English professor accent. “I am not married. But you are incorrect in your second assumption. I am currently without a boyfriend.”

  A douchebag ex who was back in town trying to win me back---yes. Boyfriend—no.

  Tony smiled wider. “Well, then is there any reason that you couldn’t have a cup of coffee with me tomorrow evening?”

  “A cup of coffee? Wow, that is very informal. It’s been a long time since a guy has requested something so safe and relaxed for a first date,” I said. I was having fun teasing Tony. He was so good-natured and something about
the fact that he had just asked me out filled me with a sense of strength and well-being I’d almost lost somewhere.

  “A date? Oh, I’d hardly call a cup of coffee a date,” Tony said. “Now, if one of us happens to get a piece of pie or God forbid a sandwich, then we are moving into meal territory. And meal territory is most certainly a date.”

  I threw my head back and laughed. Wow, Tony was a riot. This was definitely the most original approach to being hit on I’d ever experienced. And I loved it.

  “Ok, well I would love to have a cup of coffee with you tomorrow,” I said. “You’re in luck that it is Saturday and I close the shop at five on Saturdays.”

  “Ah, you like to keep your weekend evenings free? That’s good. It’s healthy to allow yourself time to relax every now and then.” Tony smiled.

  “Having a four year old you never get to relax,” I joked. “But actually business tends to die on Saturday nights. If we were a bigger town then I’d be open twenty-four seven on weekends to cater to those closing down the bar drunk munchies. But not here.”

  “Ok, so I am the new guy in town. Where is the best coffee shop?” Tony asked.

  “That would be Nick’s Diner,” I replied. “They also have amazing sandwiches and pie.”

  Tony dropped his head and chuckled. I joined him. There was something infectious about his laugh. I could listen to it for hours. And hopefully I would get the chance to the next night.

  “Ok, then I will meet you there at six-thirty,” Tony said.

  “It’s a date,” I replied.

  “Oh, we’ll see what it is,” Tony said with a wink. “Goodnight.”

  He grabbed his donuts and left the bakery glancing back at me more than once on the way to his pickup truck.

  I was on cloud nine for the rest of the night. I couldn’t stop thinking about tomorrow night and what I was going to wear, how much fun we’d just had talking, I wanted to find out more about Tony and who he really was, and I prayed my parents were going to be available to sit with Lola. There were suddenly a million things on my mind and each one made me more excited.