HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  “One way or another, I will win you back, Mia. Maybe not today, tomorrow, or this month, but I will. I’ve made plenty of mistakes in my life but leaving you was the biggest one.”

  I looked him square in the eye trying to pick up on whether he was telling the truth, or just the truth the way he saw it. Those two things were often exact opposites. Jake was a man who lied more easily than he told the truth. I didn’t even think he knew the difference anymore.

  I took a deep breath. I felt sick. I could feel my inside turning to mush. Every word I had always wanted to hear him say was finally being said.

  Grasping at whatever strength I had left, I moved a step back and completely out of his reach. I had to end this before it went too far…

  “Save the speech for someone who cares. I’m not your girl anymore, and I never will be again.” I swiveled around, holding on to the last shred of strength I had left, and hauled ass up the rocky trail to the house, refusing to even look back at him.

  As soon as I was in the confines of my home and away from his intoxicating scent, I locked the dead bolt for good measure.

  It felt good to be away from him. I had stood my ground and refused his charms once again. But how much longer could I continue to do that? He may have been a scumbag scoundrel, but he was right I feared. He might not win me today, or tomorrow, or even this month. If he stayed around long enough, I knew he very well could. He would catch me at the perfect moment of weakness and everything I swore to not let happen, everything I vowed to myself not to forgive would be undone.

  It was then as I slid down the door, letting the tears fall that I had been holding in all evening, that I realized how much I really wanted him. I wanted him so badly, but was it worth it at the expense of my heart?

  I wiped away the tears, hoping that Lola would stay preoccupied until I could get my emotions under control because God knows she didn’t need to see her strong as hell mommy crying over something she couldn’t change.

  I was my daughter’s whole world. She had to see me as the pillar of strength.

  But right then… I felt like the weakest woman alive.

  Chapter Four

  Jake

  Weddings aren’t my thing, like at all. Neither are tuxedos or wearing underwear but…

  “What can I get you to drink?” the bartender questioned, sauntering up to my side of the bar. I tapped my fingers against the wood grain trying to decide what type of evening it was going to be for me. Was it going to be a strictly beer night where I tried to keep my mind somewhat sharp, or did I just want to start slamming back the whiskey and end up needing help to get back to my bed?

  “Just whatever beer you have on tap…” I confided, before swiveling around on the bar stool to survey the crowded hall. My eyes went straight to her, my everything, my strength, and need, Mia. Yeah, I needed to stay a bit sharp so I could continue to work my magic on the love of my life.

  I saw it in her eyes last night, she wanted me so badly. I was already wearing her down and sooner or later, it was going to be on between the two of us. I had absolutely no doubt about this. It was just the way things were. Certain people belonged together. I’d never really been one for mushy love stories or even someone who believed that there was a soulmate out there for everybody, but when I was away from Mia, my entire heart felt dark. My soul bled and I realized I couldn’t really even be me without her in my life. It was like I was some fractured, fragmented image, not a real person.

  Yeah, Mia was my soulmate. And I knew it was only a matter of patience on my part before she succumbed to that truth too.

  God, she was so beautiful. My lady was dressed to kill. Every man she walked past was in danger of having a heart attack. She was wearing a beautiful, silver dress with white lace. It appeared to be tailor made, even though I knew she didn’t have that kind of dough. But the way this dress contoured perfectly to every single curve of her perfect body was astounding. She looked like a fucking sin I wanted to commit again and again.

  “Here you go.” The bartender spoke to my back as the sound of the cold glass of beer hitting the bar entered my ears. I turned around quickly and grabbed the frosty mug, bringing it to my lips for a quick sip.

  “Is this not the most beautiful wedding you’ve ever seen?” Sofia squealed with delight, clapping her hands together with far more excitement than needed. I’d almost forgotten she was there. I had to force myself not to roll my eyes at her comment.

  Sofia was a hot girl and she could be a lot of fun, but most of her talents landed themselves to the bedroom where she did not need to do much talking. I tried not to spend any more time with her than was necessary without putting something in her mouth…

  “Oh, it’s great…” I made myself sound as uninterested as possible hoping she would get the hint. There just wasn’t enough beer to deal with this girl. Not only was she someone that Mia hated with a fiery passion, but she was also Donovan’s ex-girlfriend, and had it not been for her also being Harper’s best friend she wouldn’t have even been there.

  “I’m glad you’re back…” Her voice took on a seductive quality that I didn’t like. It was obvious that Sofia knew I was only using her until I got back with Mia. She seemed ok with it, but I was becoming increasingly aware that she was only ok with it because in her delusional mind I was going to realize that the thing with Mia was never going to happen and I was going to see how perfect Sofia and I actually were. The very thought made me want to slam my dick repeatedly in a sliding glass door.

  “Right. I’m sure you’re glad…” This time I did roll my eyes because I was done playing nice guy. I was here because of one girl and one girl only: Mia. And Sofia was not going to wedge a rock between us if I had anything to do with it. If she tried then I would drop her ass so fast her head would swivel.

  “Oh, I am… and I’m hoping you’re ready to move on from Mia. Since you know she has someone else and all…” Sofia’s fingernails dug into the fabric of my shirt as she tried to get my attention. Wow, she was so obvious sometimes. It was pathetic. Why did I even bother? Was the sex really that good?

  Actually, yeah. It was pretty damn good. But Sofia would never be more than a fuck buddy. Didn’t she get the point yet?

  I wanted to explode and tell Sofia exactly what I thought of her, but I sipped my beer and held my rage within. I had to just be cool and hold my temper because Sofia wasn’t worth the hassle that she wanted to cause. Sofia was a drama queen and she would have loved seeing me confess my love to Mia in front of everyone when Mia had clearly not come around yet. It would make me look like Sofia was the only person in my corner. And of course, this would play right into her little masterplan.

  Nope. Patience… patience. I had to play the long game here, not the short game. It would most definitely pay off. Mia would be mine again.

  “You aren’t still harboring those adolescent fantasies about you two, are you?” Sofia teased in my ear.

  My rage was so close to the surface now. I couldn’t resist it anymore. I turned and growled under my breath so that only Sofia could hear my rage. “Mia has been, and always will be mine. I don’t care if she had a baby with someone else. I’m here now, and I’m going to pick up right where we left off. You can count on it!” The bitch just wouldn’t stop sometimes.

  “She doesn’t want you...”

  Sofia continued to tease me hoping I would blow my stack sky high. I chugged the rest of my beer and tried to relax, wishing that even the slightest hint of a buzz would help to calm my nerves. It wasn’t working. I quickly gestured towards the bartender for another beer which was soon slid right in front of me.

  Sofia continued her annoying little ploy.

  I blocked out her voice, picked up my beer, and moved away from the bar. Sofia was like a broken record. She wasn’t exactly saying anything that I wasn’t completely aware of. Mia had made all of that clear more than once. I didn’t need to hear it from some bimbo who thought she had a real chance with me. Shaking my head, I
tried to let go of the anger Sofia stirred in me. My guts felt like they were twisted into sixty-three different types of nots.

  “Why don’t you dance with her?” Donovan’s voice met my ears just as I took another swig from my beer.

  If things kept up the way they were, I would definitely have to switch to liquor at some point and time tonight. “One I don’t dance,” I commented, my eyes instinctively searching for Mia in the crowd. “And two, she has no interest in me.” Like I had said before, I wasn’t all that shocked that she wanted nothing to do with me but I was currently shocked at her immunity to my charm. The old Mia, the one I had left would have been in my bed within twenty minutes. But there was something to be said for the newer, stronger Mia. I found her even more irresistible.

  “Don’t let it get to you. Once she warms up to you and feels that you’re a good fit with Lola, everything will be okay.”

  I gripped the glass of the beer hard testing its strength before speaking, “How old is Lola?” My eyes darted down to the blonde haired, blue-eyed beauty at her mother’s feet. They were dancing together, their faces full of excitement and laughter. Staring at the two of them, I began to feel like I was a missing piece of the puzzle.

  “I’m not good with Birthday’s man,” Donovan mumbled under his breath and before I could comment telling him to actually think about it, Harper had come and whisked him away and out onto the dance floor.

  Now the seed of the idea had been planted. I wasn’t sure why or how exactly, but the thought was just there. It was like a nagging need that had to be met. I just had to know when Lola’s birthday was. It was as simple as that. Leaving my beer on the table, I got up and sauntered over to them, hoping maybe Mia could give me the answer I needed.

  “You look beautiful tonight.” I leaned into her backside whispering the words in her ear. She smelled heavily like homemade cookies and sugar… Yeah, she was definitely good enough to eat.

  “Umm… thank you…” She stumbled over her words as a pink flush worked its way up her throat, and onto her cheeks. I couldn’t take my eyes off of her. She was everything I ever wanted and the one thing that I needed most in this world.

  “No, thank you! I haven’t able to stop staring at you… you’re all I can think about…” I was getting carried away but I hated having to keep my feelings hidden away. It was so painful. I was well aware that I was doing more harm than good by allowing my true feelings, my pain even to show through to Mia. I needed to be strong. I had to stay in character as the Jake she’d always known, even if that was the Jake she hated. It had always been funny to me how thin the line between hate and love really were. But sometimes I couldn’t help myself, and I broke down revealing the man behind the disguise. Mia was my oxygen and without her, I couldn’t breathe.

  “Jake…”

  Just the way she said my name made my cock hard.

  “It’s true Mia. I’ve never lied to you… ever…” Maybe the beer was getting to me or maybe it was the fact that I missed Mia so much after all these years I didn’t know, but I was tired of missing her. I wanted to wake up with her every day. I wanted her to be mine again. I had to be with her again.

  “I can’t do this with you right now…” She finally turned around, looking me straight in the eyes as she spoke.

  My heart ached, and my hands started to sweat. “I don’t want anyone else, just you.” I wasn’t above begging for her.

  “I saw you with Sofia so I doubt that, but either way, it’s not happening so stop. Stop making it harder than it needs to be.” Tears filled her eyes.

  I hated that I was the reason for them. I despised myself for causing her so much pain. I constantly asked myself why I did it. Was it because deep down I felt that I didn’t really deserve her? Was that it? “You know that Sofia has nothing on you.” Why did I say that? I was so stupid sometimes. I ground my teeth together hoping to prevent myself from saying something even more foolish. Dammit. Why the fuck did I even have to tell her that? Didn’t she know it already?

  “Just…” The words caught in her throat.

  I pounced taking that chance to touch her. I took her face between my hands, cradling her as I leaned into her face. Her hands lifted resting against mine as if she was going to pull away, but she didn’t. “We might not be together and you might not be mine right now but nothing’s going to stop me. I can’t live without you. I can’t…” I exhaled every ounce of oxygen from my lungs as I spoke. Tears stung the back of my throat. Did I really want to do this now? Was I moving too fast?

  Mia shook her head pulling out of my hold. The tears I had seen in her eyes earlier started to fall, marring her beautiful cheeks.

  “Please…” I huffed, my heart beating out of my chest.

  “Stop.” She cried wiping any stray tears from her face as she took a step back away from me. I reached out to her one last time wanting her to just give me something, anything to hold onto.

  “Mia!” I yelled her name as she turned on her heels and rushed out of the room.

  A few bar patrons glanced my way as I called her name, but I didn’t care about drawing attention anymore. It was out in the open and I didn’t give a shit. Nothing mattered but her and the way I felt about her. It didn’t matter to me, not as long as I had Mia.

  “Fuck!” I growled, squeezing my fists together at my side. I could feel the aggression and anger festering. The emotions I’d been hiding and keeping in check ever since I strolled back into town were starting to erupt within me. I felt crazed, like I was on the edge of going crazy. There was only so much a man could take. The anger was taking over. I hated this part of myself, but sometimes it came to my rescue when I felt that I couldn’t reach for that next level. As much as I despised it, the anger was useful.

  I was so angry with myself and angry with Mia for refusing to forgive me that I couldn’t even see straight. I didn’t want to be there or dressed in that obnoxious tux. Somebody else’s wedding was the last place in the world I wanted to be.

  Grabbing my glass of beer from the table I had been sitting at, I headed in the direction of the back door. If Mia didn’t want me here, then I wouldn’t be here. I couldn’t make her love me again, nor could I make her see how much I wanted and needed her.

  As soon as I stepped outside and into the cool night air, I knew what I needed to do.

  It all started and ended with me.

  Chapter Five

  Mia

  I closed the cash register and thanked the customer with a warm smile. Then I watched until I was sure they’d left before I let out a long sigh. It had been possibly the longest day in history at the bakery. Usually it wouldn’t have been so bad, but Stacy, the high school girl I hired part time to come in for a few hours after school to help me deal with the afternoon rush had called off sick, so it was just me all by my lonesome for the rest of the evening. I normally wouldn’t have minded because I honestly loved what I did, but it had been psychotically crazy busy that day. That was the nature of the beast though. Sometimes you could predict the patterns of when you would be busy or not and other times it was dead as a doornail or busy as could be.

  But I didn’t want to complain. After all, good business was good business.

  Even if it did wear me to a frazzle. Between baking constantly and running the register, I was beat. All I wanted to do now was go home and take a nice, hot bubble bath. Maybe I would let Lola stay with my parents for a bit longer until after I’d had time to refresh a bit.

  Then again, the thought of waiting to see my little girl was too much. I couldn’t wait to see her sweet little face and hold her tightly in my arms, especially at the end of a long day. That’s when I needed hugs the most. I wanted to hear all about the imaginary adventures my little girl had gotten into all day. But cooking dinner was definitely out. After I walked out the door, I was hanging up my apron. Maybe we would order a pizza for dinner.

  I glanced at the clock. Ugh, it was three hours still until closing time. I was so tempted to ju
st close up shop early, but being your own boss meant you had to be a tough boss sometimes. I needed the money. It had been crazy today but it might be dead for the next week for all I knew. I definitely didn’t want to get into the habit of closing early and having customers who didn’t know when my hours really were.

  So for now, I gritted my teeth and prepared to stick it out. I grabbed a few of my special ingredients and started to mix together some more dough for the next loaves of bread I was preparing. Speaking of bread and the delicious aroma that filled my bakery after a long day of nonstop baking, I was fairly certain I’d forgotten to eat lunch.

  Oh, well. It was a good thing to miss a meal every now and then, right? I wasn’t trying to lose any weight, but being a bit thinner could never hurt. Unless I was talking to my mother, who was always on my case to eat more.

  “Child, you are all skin and bones. You don’t eat enough to keep a bird alive.”

  My mother’s voice, inflections, and all rang in my head. My mother was from the old school where if you were a bit on the husky side you were considered very healthy. I disagreed.

  Jake would probably not care.

  “Dammit,” I groaned out loud. Why the hell did I have to think about him? It had been a wonderful day without his name rolling through my mind. Now I was going to be in an even worse mood all evening.

  Just then, as if by some cosmic coincidence that universe had put together to make my day even harder, the large spoon I had been stirring the batter with slipped out of my fingers and fell to the floor at my feet.

  “This is not my day,” I groaned as I stooped down to pick it up. I angrily tossed it in the sink and spun around to grab another spoon from the drawer. As I did so, my elbow collided with the edge of the bowl sending it flying to the floor dumping all of the mixture everywhere.