HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  Dammit! Dammit! Dammit!

  I felt like my entire head was about to explode and I knew my anger was going to force me to do something stupid. I thought about my breathing exercises and possibly taking a nice long walk or even a really long sprint, but I didn’t feel like running around the town streets at ten o’clock at night and I actually wanted to be angry right then. This was serious. I didn’t need some new age hooey to quell my emotions. I was pissed. I was upset. Dammit, I was losing my woman. I was losing the woman I loved more than myself a thousand times over. What the hell was I going to do?

  “Relax, man,” Donovan said pouring himself another drink. “Don’t do anything stupid.”

  “What makes you think I’m going to do something stupid? I can’t afford to do something stupid,” I said.

  “Because I know you. I can read your mind like a book,” Donovan added.

  I looked at him with a bag of confusion in my head. Was he serious? How the hell was this dolt reading me like anything? I shook my head and laughed it off. It actually did help me to calm down a bit, at least for a moment. That’s what I needed to do. I had to let the cooler head prevail.

  “I’ve got to talk to Mia,” I said. “I thought I would just give her some space, but I’ve got to talk with her. Do you have any idea where they are?”

  “I heard Mia say something about a movie, and maybe Canal bar afterwards,” Donovan said.

  “What time is the movie over? Any idea what’s playing tonight?” I asked him.

  “Not our movie,” Donovan replied. “I think he was taking her over to the Townes Square Cinema in Jackson, the theatre where they play those older movies for like five bucks a ticket.”

  “Ok…” I said. That seemed odd to me. Who the hell would go see a classic movie at the theatre when you could probably stream it somewhere damn near free? At any rate, I knew if I tried to get to Jackson and catch her coming out of the theatre, I probably wouldn’t make it in time.

  Besides she’d be with this new guy and that was the worst possible time to talk to her. But my mind kept imagining the two of them getting physical. I wanted to vomit every time I thought of them kissing, or hugging. Oh, God… sleeping together.

  Shit. I had to be patient. I had to cool off.

  After a few more moments of contemplation, I decided that I would just go to Mia’s place and wait for her there. I knew Mia probably better than anybody. Even if it had been four years since I’d spent any real time with her, I knew that she was not the kind of girl to sleep with a guy on a first date. It had taken me three dates and I was the coolest boy in our entire school.

  But then again, that had been high school. We were just eighteen for Christ’s sake. It was possible that Mia had become a bit more comfortable with sex since then. I just had to try. That was all I could do. I didn’t know if Mia would come back to her place tonight or not. She might have gone home with that guy, but I was willing to just risk it. If nothing happened then nothing happened.

  I almost pulled up in front of her place to wait, but then I realized that she would definitely see me and it would make her saying goodnight to her date awkward and while this would make me feel awesome, Mia would no doubt be ballistic pissed off and refuse to even say a word to me. Hell, there was a good chance she’d refuse to say a word to me anyway.

  I decided that the best approach would be to pull around the corner and just wait behind the bushes behind her house. This was only a little bit creepy and stalker-ish, but I was feeling desperate. There was not time for such foolish considerations.

  I waited about a half hour and I was almost about to give up when I saw Mia and her Prince Charming pull up in his truck. She got out of the vehicle and almost fell on her ass. It was obvious right away, that she was hammered. I had only seen her hammered once when we were dating. The girl could not handle her liquor back then and apparently, not much had changed in that department.

  The two of them said a few words I couldn’t really hear and the most horrifying, unthinkable thing happened—they kissed!

  I instantly felt hot rage racing through my veins as if someone had injected a mixture of toxic venom and hot lava into my veins. I was sure that any moment my heart was going to explode with anger. My heartbeat increased until I felt it thudding hard in my chest and pounding uncomfortably in my temples giving me a quick headache. My eyes were going blurry and I had to rub them several times to refocus on this awful thing I was witnessing.

  Somehow, I kept things together and forced myself to remain in the spot I was in until the kiss was over and Mia’s date got in his truck and drove away. She stood there for several seconds watching him with a smile on her face.

  I hated seeing another man make her that happy. It was awful. The anger I felt was now turning into a sickness of fear and heartache. I felt truly sick knowing that I might be losing Mia forever. I’d come back with a singular obsession to make her mine again and I truly felt it would happen.

  This was the first time I actually thought I might lose her. I knew it wasn’t going to be easy to convince her to give me another chance, but I was sure that with time and patience I would make it happen. But now, I felt defeated. I felt like a complete loser.

  As Mia turned to go into her house, I forced myself into action. I’d come here to talk to Mia and I was damn determined to do it. Even if I did lose her, it was not going to be for lack of trying. It was time to fight.

  “Hey, Mia!” I called to her.

  A look of total fear and panic appeared on her face as she raced up her steps towards her porch.

  I instantly realized how stupid it was for me to race out of the shadows yelling her name. I did not eat my smart boy cereal that day apparently.

  “It’s ok,” I said. “It’s Jake!”

  She stopped at the sound of my name, one hand on her front door knob, one foot on the step. Looking over her shoulder, she relaxed slightly as my face came into the light being cast from the street lamp across the alley.

  “Jake?” She asked. “What the hell are you doing here? I was reaching for my pepper spray.”

  I noticed for the first time she did have one hand in her pocket. When did she start carrying pepper spray? We lived in the friendliest and safest town in America.

  “Sorry, I just wanted to catch you before you went in,” I said.

  I was standing at the bottom of her steps now. And I was feeling like a complete tool.

  “Why are you here? Were you watching me…?” Mia asked, her face full of confusion which I could tell from her tone was quickly turning to rage.

  “Um, yeah… I heard that you were going out tonight…” I started. God, I sounded lame.

  Mia obviously thought the same.

  “You are sick,” Mia said. “Goodnight, Jake.” She quickly unlocked her door and started to open it.

  I occasionally have cat like reflexes and before I knew it, I was up her stairs and jerking her keys from her hand before she could finish twisting the lock open.

  “What the hell!” Mia yelled at me. “Give me my keys. Now!”

  “Ok, I’ll give you your keys, but you have to talk to me. Just five minutes, okay?”

  Mia stood there for a moment mulling it over. After a few seconds, she nodded weakly. She knew better than to fight with me. I always won.

  “Ok,” I said. “So, what is the deal with you and this…guy?”

  “What business is it of yours?” Mia shot back at me. Her voice was full of defiance.

  “Answer the question!” I shouted back. Dammit. I was getting riled up. I needed to stay cool. Yelling at her was not going to get me anywhere.

  “His name is Tony,” she said. “He is a new…friend.”

  I laughed. “Friend, huh? You always kiss friends like that? And since when do you go out and get drunk on a first date?”

  “Who the hell do you think you are? Listen, you have no right to know what the hell I do. You and I are done. We have been for over four years.”

&nbs
p; “God dammit! How many times do I have to apologize for something stupid I did when I was a dumb kid? Do I have to pay for that mistake the rest of my life? Do I?”

  “I don’t know,” Mia said. “But when it comes to you and me, I have a say in what I do or don’t do. You made a mistake, well apparently so did I. My mistake was falling for a guy like you. My mistake was believing a guy like you would stick around and be there for me. So you can apologize all you want for your mistakes and whine about how you are being punished, but I’m still being punished for my mistakes. And I am not going to make that mistake again. This isn’t about you; this is about me.”

  “You’re wrong,” I growled. “This is about us.”

  “There is no ‘us’ anymore,” Mia said. “Now give me my damn keys.”

  I ignored her request and clenched her keys tighter in my sweaty palm.

  “You are going to tell this guy to get lost. There will be no one coming between you and me. We are meant to be together and I know you feel it just as badly as I do. You aren’t going to be happy with anyone else. You know that Mia.”

  I felt like I was almost begging now. I realized I probably looked pathetic, but I didn’t care. I was laying it all out there on the line now. She had to know. She had to see the way things could be. Why was she putting me through this? Was what I done really that bad that she would hurt me like this?

  “Give me my keys,” Mia said.

  I stared deeply into her eyes as if searching for any spark in them that might show me that there was a purpose behind what I was striving for. There had to be at least a small glimmer of hope in there somewhere that said we could work this out.

  But I saw nothing.

  Only anger.

  I handed Mia her keys and stepped back off her steps.

  She let her eyes linger on me a second longer and then opened her door and stepped inside.

  I heard the lock snap closed behind her. And then the dead bolt.

  “This isn’t over!” I shouted.

  I knew she was on the other side of the door still listening. She was probably crying. Yes, she had feelings for me still. This love was too strong to fizzle out like that.

  I was just going to have to try harder, a different tactic maybe.

  Yes… This was just the beginning. I’d come too far and dreamt too long to give up so easily.

  Mia just needed to know that I was the real deal this time. I’d crushed her fragile little heart and she was terrified to put it out there again. I had to show her I was indeed a changed man.

  And I was determined to do just that.

  It wasn’t over. Not by a long shot.

  It was just time for a different strategy.

  This time I was destined to win.

  Chapter Nine

  Mia

  “There you are, my dear.”

  I grabbed the bouquet of flowers and held them to my face taking a gigantic whiff. I loved the smell of roses and dandelions. They were my favorite. I couldn’t believe that Tony had remembered. I’d told him this on our first date at the coffee shop. That had been almost a month ago. How in the world did he remember that? It was one of the things I loved most about Tony; he always paid attention to the little things.

  A month? Wow, I couldn’t believe it had been a month since Tony had shown up in my bakery and virtually swept me off my feet, though I would never admit that to anyone, not even Rosy. Hell, I barely admitted that to myself, but it was true. The past month had been a whirlwind of a romance and half the time I felt like I’d been swept away into one of those Hallmark Christmas movies I spent all of December watching. Of course, it was May, but the sentiment was still there.

  “These are amazing,” I said. “Let me put them in some water and we can go, ok?” I said. Before Tony answered, I was rushing off back inside the house. We were running late for our bowling league night and tonight we were taking on our toughest competitors.

  A bowling league? How in the world had Tony talked me into signing up for that? It was the last place in the world I thought I’d be spending every Thursday night, but surprisingly I loved every minute of it. We’d both made some great friends and I loved bowling. I was actually getting pretty good at the game.

  Plus Tony thought I looked damned cute in our uniform shirt. I had to agree with him.

  I quickly found a vase, put some water in it, and placed the flowers inside. After locking up and hopping in Tony’s truck we were on our way for a fun night of bowling.

  “So, what is the special occasion?” I asked Tony on the drive to Emerson Lanes.

  “You don’t know? That is not like you,” Tony teased. He loved to mess with my head sometimes by pretending that he was more romantic than me. And he actually had me beat most of the time. But he was a good sport about it.

  “I don’t know,” I said, although I had some pretty good ideas.

  “Today is the first month anniversary of our first date,” Tony replied. “I felt we needed something to honor the day. I think flowers were a good fit.”

  “Yes, flowers were excellent,” I said. “And of course I remembered what today was. I was just waiting to see if you knew or if you did something special for it.”

  “Yeah, right,” Tony laughed.

  We got to the bowling alley just in time and joined our team. All in all it was a pretty great night. Our team “The Destroyers” actually won over “The Pin Killers.” It was a close game, but a win was a win. I actually enjoyed one of my best games ever breaking my highest score and nailing a one thirty-five. Tony celebrated this with a big smooch on the lips.

  God, I could not get enough of his hot kisses.

  We were just finishing up and saying goodbye to our team when it happened. It was enough to ruin the fun night we had within seconds.

  “Well, what do we have here?”

  The voice drifted over my shoulder and the moment I heard the first notes of the husky baritone, I knew exactly who it was.

  Jake.

  Dammit. Why?

  I hadn’t heard or even thought about Jake since the night he came to my house and terrified me after my date with Tony. The maniac had come running out of the bushes hollering at me. He had no idea how close he’d come to being pepper sprayed.

  And then he had the audacity to steal my keys right of my hand and tell me that I belonged to him and had no business with Tony. I couldn’t believe that I had ever loved him.

  But as I turned around and saw him with Sofia I couldn’t help the way I felt. I wished he’d been alone. Somehow, it was easier to deal with him if he was just by himself. He deserved to be lonely and miserable.

  Wait… was I jealous?

  What the hell? I was… I was jealous that Sofia was with him. God, she was the biggest skank in town. What did I care about her?

  But I did. The way she was leaning on Jake’s shoulder, her tits popping practically out of her shirt, and that cocky bitch smile plastered on her face. How I hated her.

  And how I wanted to knock her arm off Jake’s shoulder.

  “Let’s go,” I said to Tony turning away from Jake and the Miss Tramp Stamp Queen.

  “That was a nice game you bowled,” Jake said. “I especially love your little, blue ball, um Tony, is it?”

  Tony had stopped to face Jake. I could tell by his body language that he was only going to take so much prodding from a jerk like Jake before he belted him one. And then a horrible fight would ensue. I desperately wanted to avoid this. Who might win that fight was anybody’s guess. Tony outweighed Jake by about thirty pounds of muscle, but Jake had four years of military training and a wicked mean streak. He would probably fight dirty as could be.

  The bastard.

  But damn, what a sexy bastard he still was…

  What the hell was wrong with me? Even now, as happy as I was with Tony whenever I was around Jake a part of me still burned for him. He was a despicable guy. I hated him so much for what he’d done.

  But he had his good qualities…


  Ugh. I wished to God that the stupid voice in my head that kept telling me how great Jake really was would be silenced forever. But if anything the longer I spent away from him, the stronger that voice got. It was relentless.

  “Yeah, that’s a pretty blue ball,” Jake continued. “I bet ol’ Mia has your balls blue all the time, right? I damn sure know she isn’t giving it up, not to some wimpy artist type like you.”

  Jake was stepping close to Tony now. I was cringing behind him, trying to pull Tony away, but he ignored me.

  “I don’t know you, man,” Tony said. “But it looks like you’ve had about six too many. So I’ll cut you some slack tonight, but if I ever hear you speak about Mia like that again, I will refurbish your face with my boots. You got me?”

  Jake laughed boisterously, his loud cackle filling the entire entrance to the bowling alley. Several people were stopping to watch what might promise to be a pretty good fight.

  “Wow, those are big words,” Jake said. “Those are mighty big words for the type of coward who breezes into town and steals another man’s woman.”

  “You don’t need her, baby,” Sofia chimed in. “I told you that she’s not worth it. You’ve moved on up. Don’t forget.”

  I stared at her incredulously. Moved on up? Did she really believe that?

  I tried to bite my tongue but it would not stay holstered.“It’s pretty sad if you have to remind your man that he doesn’t need other women,” I said.

  “Shut up, whore!” Sofia yelled at me.

  How dare that bitch! I hadn’t been in a fist fight since I was eight years old on the playground, but my fur was getting riled up like crazy right then. I couldn’t remember a time when I’d felt like ripping another woman’s head off as badly.