HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  “Enough Sofia!” Jake shouted giving her a vicious look. For a second, I thought he might actually hit her, but then again I’d never seen Jake hit a woman. He had a reputation as a wild badass once upon a time, and still seemed to carry that rep pretty proudly, but I really think that hitting a woman was beyond him. That was one thing about Jake; I’d never felt afraid of him physically hurting me. If you were with him, you were probably safer than you would ever be.

  I missed that.

  Did I have that with Tony? I thought I did, but for the life of me, if I truly searched my soul I just didn’t feel as secure with Tony. It really didn’t make any sense. I mean, Jake kept telling me how much he’d changed and how he was ready to be the kind of man I truly needed, but I’d yet to even let myself actually consider letting him show me. I was too scared. I was too petrified to put my feelings on the line again. I kept telling myself that it was all about protecting Lola, her feelings, and that was true, but I was worried about myself as well. I just wanted to do whatever it took to keep myself safe.

  Was that why I was really with Tony? Because he made me feel safe? Or because he was really the kind of guy I wanted?

  Stop it, I told myself. It’s just Jake’s poison infecting your head like he’d always done. But why? Why did I react to him that way? It was just one of those things I didn’t think I’d ever truly understand.

  Jake moved closer to Tony, who was clenching his fists at his side. He was not going to back down. I didn’t want this. The idea of two men fighting like this was so juvenile. Yet on some level I was getting turned on by it, which made me feel ridiculous. It was quite possible that I needed to get my head examined. Was I really lusting over two guys about to fight over me like some teenager? It was beyond absurd.

  “Come on, Tony,” I pleaded. “Let’s leave. He isn’t worth it.”

  “Oh, I’m worth it,” Jake said. “What we have is damn worth it.”

  Tony’s eyes flashed anger. He took a big step towards Jake and for a moment, I really thought he was going to deck him.

  Jake didn’t flinch.

  “I don’t know what you think you and Mia had,” Tony said through gritted teeth, but it’s over. It’s ancient history man. You need to grow up and move on with your life.”

  Tony looked over at Sofia who was about three shades of red with what appeared to be a combination of embarrassment and total rage. What must it have been like for her? She was in love with a man who wanted someone else. Why would any woman stick around for someone like that?

  “And that goes for you, too. I don’t know you, but no woman deserves to be treated like this,” Tony said.

  With that, he grabbed my hand and we walked out of the bowling alley leaving a stunned Jake and Sofia. As we walked into the parking lot on that warm summer evening, I couldn’t resist a look back towards Jake.

  He was still standing there with that familiar cocky expression on his face. He almost seemed to be about to laugh at the whole situation. His hands were on his hips, his tight T-shirt almost ripping around his muscular torso and shoulders. God, he looked hot.

  What the hell was I thinking? I prayed that Tony never realized how much Jake still turned me on. I couldn’t help it. When I was in his presence something old, something primal, and something altogether not even human coursed through my body and I felt myself getting hot, a bit sweaty, and oh so wet beneath. Right then as we drove away from the bowling alley I could feel my libido revving up its engines until I could barely stand it.

  Jake would always have that effect on me. And he knew it. And as much as it cursed me to admit it, I knew it too. But Jake and I would never be. That was a fantasy with a whole bunch of bad endings I wanted no part of.

  “Wow, that guy has a screw loose,” Tony said after a few minutes of driving in silence.

  “Yeah, that’s the way he has always been,” I said. “I’m not sure why I didn’t realize it until he left me.”

  “You were young,” Tony said. “It happens.”

  “I’m still young,” I teased.

  Tony smiled. “You know what I mean. Besides being a parent will force you to grow up really quick, right?”

  “Yeah, but are you trying to indicate that I’m old and over the hill?” I joked.

  “Just old,” Tony laughed.

  I hit him playfully on the arm.

  “You jerk,” I grunted with a smile.

  And that was how it started.

  We barely even got into the front door of my place. It actually would have been hot to just do it in the car, but we were too public there, plus my house was only a few blocks away at this point.

  Tony had given me that look. I was very familiar with the look. It was the look a man got when he’d decided he had to have you. There was a feeling that was transmitted to me during a time like that which turned me on like a light switch and suddenly I had to have him just as bad. Before I knew what I was doing, my hand was massaging Tony’s crotch as he drove.

  His body started to quiver, his breathing began to quicken and get shallow, and soft little moans pushed out of his throat.

  Beneath my hand, I could feel his large package getting bigger and harder by the second. It was a big wad beneath my hand. Every second that I massaged it my own body was getting more turned on. By the time we turned on to my street, I was so wet that I couldn’t resist fingering myself with the other hand. Oh, it was getting so slippery, my fingers dipping into my steamy, pool of desire with the greatest of ease. I wanted Tony’s hard cock in there.

  His cock was soon in my hand, my fingers furiously ripping open his belt buckle and unzipping his jeans with surgical precision. A few short movements later and there it was, tall and stiff in my hand. It was so thick I could barely fit my hand around it. I wanted it buried inside of me so badly.

  “Oh, shit!” Tony groaned as I rubbed the top of it in circles, playing with his most sensitive area.

  “Let’s get inside!” I said, almost shouting.

  Tony quickly put his piece away and zipped up before shutting off his truck and following me up the steps. His hand rested on my hip inching closer to my ass while I fumbled with my stupid keys getting the door open. I located the right key and in a moment, we were inside my quaint little house stumbling with each other over towards the couch.

  Tony was kissing me hard, his hands simultaneously ravaging over my body and trying to remove his clothes at the same time. His lips were so firm, his mouth fueled with so much purpose as if he was trying to suck my tongue completely out of my body, ripping it from my throat.

  He flung his shirt to the floor revealing his lean, muscular physique. He was so strong, so well-built. His skin was thick and hairless except for a small patch of sexy chest hair. I ran my hands through it slowly, pulling at the softness of it with a giggle.

  Tony laughed back at me before pressing his mouth harder down on mine. We laid down together on the couch having mutually decided that the bedroom was too far. Tony’s hard, thick fingers found their way into my pants, beneath my panties, and then into my wet, waiting pussy.

  I gasped as he entered me. Oh, it had been so long since a real man had touched me. My body was on fire with total excitement and need. I wanted this so badly. My bits were getting so wet they were practically dripping down my inner thigh. This was going to happen. It would be our first time together. It was something I’d thought long and hard about, wondering when the right time was. I eventually decided that I would just let it happen naturally and when the moment struck then it would be the right time. Tony and I had not even discussed it and he hadn’t even tried to make an actual move on me. So far our sexual contact had been limited to some light kissing, which was amazing. We connected so well that way, our love growing and building. Love… was it love? Was this what I would call love, or at least the beginning of it? I wasn’t sure. I didn’t know if this was love or ever would progress to anything resembling that. But I know it was nice. It was actually wonderful, and I’d be
en happier since I’d met Tony than I had been for a long time. Lola even noticed I was happier and less tired.

  But something was missing.

  What was it? I couldn’t be sure. I’d searched my soul and tried to find something but to no avail. There had to be something about this relationship that didn’t fully work or that I didn’t see advancing, but honestly when it came down to it I didn’t see anything of the sort. I was just not quite ready.

  Or I was with the wrong man.

  Jake. I needed to be with Jake.

  What was I saying? God dammit would that man’s name ever leave my mind or train of thought. Why the hell couldn’t I get him out of my life?

  Because he was back. And as long as he was back I was always going to have to face facts that I wanted to be with him. I couldn’t help the ‘what if’ questions. What if we gave it another chance? What if things worked out and I told him that Lola was in fact his daughter. What if he decided to be the man I wanted and the father she needed? All of these unanswered questions would never leave me. I knew that. There was just no way I would ever be able to truly move on unless I knew these answers.

  But I was too afraid to give in. I was petrified of learning the wrong answers.

  Either way, I knew that it just wasn’t the right time for me and Tony.

  “What’s wrong?” Tony asked.

  He must have noticed how I’d suddenly checked out and stopped participating. I wasn’t sure how long I’d zoned out into deep thoughts, but I knew that I didn’t want to do this now. It was too soon. My mind was too muddled. And I didn’t want to have an ounce of regret and give off weird vibes to Tony, which would put a strain on what we had. And I loved what we had. I loved where it was going and I wanted to see it develop.

  But I also wanted to see what might develop with Jake, if anything. Ugh, why did everything have to be such a garbled mess in my life? Damn Jake Mathews. Why did he ever have to come back? He was ruining everything.

  “I’m sorry,” I said sitting up, pushing Tony back.

  He pulled back sitting on his knees with a confused look on his face.

  “What?” Tony asked. “What’s wrong?”

  “I just think this is moving too fast,” I said. God, that sounded like the most clichéd line in the book. I felt like I was in the middle of an after school special or a Lifetime movie.

  Tony didn’t say anything for several seconds. He continued looking at me as I scooted past him and began putting my clothes back on even faster than I’d ripped them off.

  “Um, ok…” Tony said the doubt and confusion evident in his voice. “Was it something I did…”

  “No,” I said quickly. “No, of course not. Everything was great, but I just… I don’t know. Something doesn’t feel quite right. I just think it’s too fast.”

  I hated that I couldn’t give him any better response than that, but it was all I had. I couldn’t explain it to myself, let alone Tony. He was just going to have to understand.

  “Yeah, I guess we did kind of get a bit carried away,” Tony said with a grin. He put his clothes back on and sat back down on the couch. “Just so you know, I’m not trying to rush anything.”

  “I know,” I said warmly.

  “When the time is right, the time is right,” Tony added.

  “Thanks for being so understanding,” I said.

  He really was a great guy.

  Not like Jake at all.

  There it was again. Jake’s face kept flashing into my mind, that last image of him at the bowling alley watching us leave. I couldn’t get it out of my mind. He looked so sexy, so dangerous… he looked so damn bad. Why was that irresistible to me? I guess I’d always had a thing for bad boys, but at some point, I thought I would outgrow it. Hopefully I would wise up out of it before I was in my forties.

  “No problem,” Tony said. He kissed me sweetly and pulled me close. I loved the way he cared for me. It was different, and it was warm.

  But why wasn’t it enough? Wasn’t it what I’d always dreamt of? It was the way I wished Jake had been a lot of the time. But if Jake was that way would I have wanted him so bad? I cringed at the thought that I would have thought Jake boring if he had really morphed into a nice guy.

  But maybe if he’d just softened up in some areas then it would have been perfect.

  Then again perfection didn’t exist. I knew that and I really felt that I could have pretty darn close with Tony.

  But then again we’d only been dating for a month. Was a month enough to really know how you felt about a person or where a relationship was going? I didn’t think so. Maybe it was a good decision to wait on sleeping together. I had been alone for four years. I could manage my sexual desires for a bit longer.

  It was a bit awkward sitting on the couch after that watching a bit of television after our almost sexual rendezvous. I was tempted to ask Tony to leave just because I was still very hot and bothered and I was afraid that somehow, my will power would wane and I’d end up attacking him and humping his brains out only to feel like a weakling the next day.

  But I also wanted him to stay, mostly because of the disturbing thought that I could easily give Jake a call and he would come right over and do anything I wanted, even with the scent of Sofia still on his body. And I wouldn’t care about it. Wow, I wouldn’t care at all. I’d just be so relieved to finally be getting something from him that I would fully surrender every single need I had.

  It was enough to bring me almost to tears. I hated feeling this powerless. That’s really what it was. I was powerless. I knew deep down that if Jake stayed around he would wear me down and I would give in. He knew it, too. That’s why he was never going anywhere. I was going to be stuck with him.

  And I knew that was what my heart of hearts desired.

  Tony left about an hour later. He had a big writing assignment he had to get up early and start working on, plus I’m sure he was tired of the awkwardness of everything. I hoped that a day or two apart would correct that. I definitely didn’t want to mess things up with Tony. The past month the thing with Jake had been so much easier, and I knew it was because of my relationship with Tony. I had that distraction. And things were going so well with him that life seemed a lot less complicated.

  So, that’s what Tony was, I thought watching his truck lights disappear at the end of my street. A distraction?

  Well, that was a pretty awful thing to say about a great guy. Maybe I didn’t deserve him. He’d had his heart broken before. Hell, it had even run him out of town. Or maybe he just had a lot more guts than I did and he hit the road.

  But I couldn’t leave town. Something like that would really upset Lola’s world. She was too young. Besides I had a business. All of my family was here. It just never would have worked out.

  And I had a feeling that somehow Jake might find a way to follow me there. The man was relentless. When he wanted something, no matter what it was, he was going to get it. He did what he wanted when he wanted.

  The only place this didn’t seem to be true was when it came to dealing with his father, who was the biggest son of a bitch that anyone in town knew. Jake was the spitting image of him. But maybe not quite as hard. He carried some of his mother with him too.

  Jake’s mother had always liked me. And the feeling was mutual. She was a sweet lady. It was despicable what Jake’s father had done to her. After being married over twenty years to cheat on your wife with some eighteen year old cheerleader? In a bigger town, no one would have batted an eye, but in these parts, it was pretty scandalous.

  As I laid down later to close my eyes, my loins were still on fire with desire. I was so tempted to call Jake. Tossing that idea out of my head as fast as it popped in there I thought about calling Tony and telling him I was wrong and that I had to have him right now.

  In the end, I did neither of those things, instead deciding to do what I’d done for the past few years. I grabbed my large vibrator out of my nightstand, checked the batteries, and got to work.
>
  It wasn’t as good as Jake or Tony, but it was enough to make sure I had a restful night’s sleep.

  I knew that in the morning my head would feel much clearer.

  Chapter Ten

  Jake

  I slung open the door to the bakery and stepped inside. The bell above it rang hard almost clashing with a loud shattering sound as it slammed back and forth against the door. I cringed slightly. I hadn’t meant to open the door quite that hard. I certainly didn’t want to appear angry, but I was indeed pissed off. I was pissed at life, pissed at the world, pissed at Mia and I was really pissed at that boyfriend of hers, Tony. God, what a pussy that asshole was. He was the kind of geek I would have beat up in high school while the entire cafeteria laughed and pointed at the humiliation.

  Yeah, I could just imagine what his high school yearbook photo must have looked like. He was probably a dork with huge coke bottle glasses, a face full of acne, and built like a coat hanger. His skin might have cleared up, he’d gotten contacts, and had been lifting weights, but deep inside he was still a punk. Wimps like him never really changed.

  How the hell could Mia fall for a guy like that? I had to admit the pickings in our area were pretty slim. I was by far the cream of the crop and Mia had already had me. I don’t want to say I possibly ruined all men for her, but in our little berg, it was a safe assumption.

  I fought back a yawn as I walked towards the counter scanning quickly left and right looking for Mia, but finding an empty bakery with not a soul in sight, including staff. It was afternoon so she should have had at least someone working the damn register or doing some cleaning as usual.

  A second yawn came over me. God, I was tired. I had barely slept last night because I was so worked up over the little incident at the bowling alley. That dumb bastard trying to talk down to me and telling me how I could talk to my girl… The fucking nerve. Didn’t that jerkoff know that she was just killing time with him until she came back to me.