HIS OBSESSION-To Load

by Beck, J. L.

  “Well, as soon as I’m finished with my tasks, I’ll drop by for lunch… sound good?” Mia and Lola looked at each other and then back to me, nodding their heads at the same time in agreement.

  I got up shoving away from the table and placing my coffee cup in the kitchen sink. I needed to get Mia out of this little ass house, and into something that was going to support a growing family.

  “Don’t stay inside that pretty little head of yours too long…” Mia’s voice resonated through my thoughts, her tiny arms wrapping around my mid-section as she spoke.

  “I wasn’t thinking anything bad. Just that I can’t wait to fill your belly with more babies, and that this damn house is too small for all of us and our soon to be growing family.” As the words left my mouth, I almost regretted saying them. I knew that I was pushing it, tempting fate maybe. We were starting off with a good thing and I was determined to keep it that way, but I was just so excited. There was no doubt in my mind that I was far happier than I’d ever been before. I could sense that Mia was happy too, but I knew that it was going to take a long time to regain all of the trust with her I’d lost before. And if I wasn’t careful I’d push things too far, too fast and ruin it all.

  Still, I was amused to see how she was going to respond to my future plans. I heard her gasp slightly as the idea hit her ears and danced around in her mind. I twisted towards the sound, turning around right then to see the look on her face. It was a mixture of happiness, laced with a smidge of fear.

  “You want… more kids?” Her voice wobbled a bit, causing me to laugh. Shit. I didn’t mean to let out a laugh. That probably wasn’t going to help anything.

  “I want tons of kids,” I said cupping her sweet face in my hands and giving her a quick kiss on the forehead. “I want an entire family with you. I want a legacy to leave behind when we die of old age together.” My eyes dropped down to her perfectly pouty pink lips. So precious. Delicious, even. I wanted to kiss them. I wanted to take her into the bedroom, close the door behind us, and just screw all morning. Surely, other things could wait… No. It was time to be a grown up. I wasn’t exactly sure I was going to enjoy this “adulting” thing that I kept hearing about, but if I wanted things to change then I had no choice. For the first time in my life I felt like I had no choice. I wasn’t quite sure how I felt about that.

  “But we haven’t even told Lola yet…” Mia’s voice was low and the worry that filtered through her words clung to me. Was she afraid Lola would react badly?

  “We will…” I started trying to defuse a bad situation from taking place. My words had upset her even more than I thought they might. I paused and thought carefully. I just had to stay calm. Mia was anxious about damn near anything nowadays and I wasn’t going to let something so small cause an argument. She was so fragile, at times it felt like I was just walking on eggshells, and I figured it might be that way for a while, and I was making peace with that. It was ok. Mia was in a delicate state. I just had to take it slow and let her feel the way she needed to. She needed some space to adjust. “I hope she understands…” Worry creases formed against her forehead.

  “Stop worrying. We will cross that bridge when we get to it baby. She’s a smart girl. And she’s tough. I can see how much she takes after you. For now, take some deep breaths, and relax. I’m going to go into town and talk to my ole’ man…” I all but growled the last part. I’d been dreading that talk like the plague.

  My parents weren’t people I cared to interact with for more than one reason, still, my father made me part owner of the local hardware store in town, so being back meant I had to keep up my end of the bargain up, even if I truly wanted to beat the living shit out of him. Many people said I was a lot like him, but I’d never wanted to admit it. When it came right down to it, I was his spitting image. I was stubborn as the day was long and so was he. When two stubborn people who didn’t like to follow anyone else’s rules got together to work on the same team there was going to be a lot of tension. There was no way around it. But in that town there wasn’t a lot of other opportunity for a young guy like me just fresh out of a tour in the military. I was just starting out in life after all and working in a successful family business was security on a silver platter. But everything that glitters is not always gold. It didn’t take me long to find that out once I started working there.

  “If he starts something with you, you know you can come by earlier. We can hire a lawyer, maybe find a way out?” There was an urgency to Mia’s words that I understood all too well. She wanted the best for me, but I had made my bed and now I had to sleep in it. Signing that contract, and taking over half of my father’s business was once a dream of mine. Until I discovered what he had been doing to my mother behind my back. Now the business agreement was nothing more than a trap, a way to keep in contact with my mother and me. The man was a snake in the grass. I’d inherited much of my personality from him, but I truly hoped I never became as self-serving and emotionally dead as that man. He was the biggest bastard I’d ever known. And right now he had me by the nads.

  I tried to put on a good face anyway, for Mia’s sake. I never wanted her to have to worry about anything another day in her life. I wasn’t sure if even I could accomplish that, after all life was going to happen, but as the new man I was trying to become, I was going to give it everything I had to take care of my family.

  I smiled warmly as I looked into Mia’s eyes. “It’s fine baby. I’m fine. Everything is perfect. I love you. I love Lola. It’s going to be fine. Now get that perfect ass of yours to the bakery and bake me up some cookies. I want something delicious to devour when I come by at lunch…” I winked, placing a kiss against her temple wishing so badly that I could take her back to our bedroom and make good on the promise of putting more babies deep inside her belly. This woman owned me. There was no doubt about that.

  ***

  Hate wasn’t a strong enough word for the way I was feeling right at that moment. My father was thrilled to see that I had survived two tours in Iraq with all my limbs still attached, but what he didn’t know was how close to losing one of his he was. I sighed and gritted my teeth in frustration. I ran a hand down my face and looked my father right dead in his beady eyes. .

  “You know I meant no harm son.”

  I couldn’t stifle a laugh. Here he was once again, lingering, speaking about the past that I didn’t care to relive. When he cheated on my mom with one of the high school girls that would come by and clean the house every weekend, everything went to shit. My mom always said there was no saving a marriage where love no longer existed. My mother was an old fashioned woman who would have forgiven anything to save the marriage, except for infidelity and abuse. My mother always said that once that happened then trust went out the window. You couldn’t be married to someone you know longer trusted.

  “No harm is doing something on accident. Your dick didn’t just land inside that eighteen year old girl.. You fucked her plain and simple. Own up to it, and move on with your life. Be a man for once! God knows everyone else already has….” I huffed out a breath and squeezed my eyes shut daydreaming of Mia and Lola and the future that was paved before us. Nothing would have given me greater satisfaction then beating my bastard of a father senseless right then, but ending up in jail for assault and battery probably wouldn’t have done much to help my chances of being the man Mia and Lola deserved. And my father being the prick he was wouldn’t have hesitated one second to have the book thrown at me. Besides, with my military training my hands were now considered deadly weapons. I might have hurt him far worse than I’d intended.

  “Umm Mister…” A voice I knew all too well resonated through the storefront. It almost felt like a saving grace as the rage welling within me began to recede. I unclenched my teeth and felt my body relax a little as I turned to greet the pretty sounding voice.

  “Jake?” Sofia appeared right before me. She was wearing a skirt that barely covered her ass cheeks and a low cut button down flannel t-shir
t that showed all but her nipples.

  Attractive. Damn.

  I took a deep breath and turned away from my father who was no doubt looking Sofia up and down six ways from Sunday.

  “Hi, Sofia. How can I help you?” I tried not to sound too annoyed, thinking of the way that she had acted towards me at Mia’s brother’s wedding. Not to mention the fact that she should have been in jail for almost killing a man, and for trying to ruin any chance, Mia and I had together. Mia knew the truth and if there were a way we could prove what Sofia did, Mia would have had Sofia in cuffs before she could blink. Why wouldn’t this woman just leave town and get on with her life? Sofia didn’t have a chance in hell at getting with me, yet she continued to try. It was exhausting.

  “I needed some help loading some items into my SUV. I bought some bricks and potting soil, and honestly, the stuff is way too heavy for a girl like me to lift.” Sofia was now leaning forward ever so slightly just trying to entice me with her beautiful breasts that were so ready to pop out of the dust rag she called a shirt. She laid on the moves thick, batting her eyelashes, as she bent over the front of the register. I groaned silently and moved from behind the counter to do what was still considered my job. I guess anything was better than listening to my Father bitch and moan. Plus, nothing bad could come from helping her load the shit in her SUV. If anything, it would get her out of here faster.

  “Alright, let’s see what we can do.” I said following behind her as she strutted her stuff out to the SUV.

  How could a man let his daughter wear something like that?

  “It’s all right here,” Sofia commented pointing at a rolling cart loaded to the top with supplies for gardening.

  “I wasn’t aware that you gardened.” I coughed, grabbing the first bag of potting soil and placing in the back of the SUV that was already open.

  “It’s a new hobby of mine…” She purred trying to rub her body against mine. The blood in my veins turned to ice. Sofia knew better than to try something with me. “Great.” I hissed, hurrying to get the rest of the items into the back of her SUV. I just wanted this bitch on her damn way. After everything she’d done to me, I hated this girl so much that I wasn’t sure I could get it up for Sophia even if I wanted to. Why couldn’t she take a stinking hint? Sweat dripped down the back of my neck as I placed the last couple of bags inside. There. It was done.

  “Thank you for everything Jakey…” Sofia chirped, shoving her chest against mine as her lips ghosted across my cheek and slipping onto my lips.

  “What the absolute fuck are you doing?” I shouted, stunned by what had happened and enraged that she had taken things yet again further than they ever needed to be. “Never touch me again!’

  “Thanking you…” She seemed afraid.

  I wasn’t the type of man to hit a woman, nor would I hurt Sofia, but I was going to give her a lashing with my words. “Then say Thank You. Don’t try and kiss me. Don’t try and come into my store and seduce me. I’m with Mia now and I don’t need anyone trying to ruin what we have going on. You might think you got away with everything scotfree, and maybe you’re right but karma is an even bigger bitch than you. I’ve moved on and learn to let things go, but I swear if you ever try to ruin what Mia and I have again I will stop at nothing to get you put behind bars where you belong.” I was fuming, the anger inside of me spewing out the sides.

  “You and Mia won’t last. We all know that. Her daughter isn’t even yours so why would you want to be with someone that had a child with another man?”

  I clenched my fists at my sides. Sofia was so disrespectful and hateful that it took everything inside me, every ounce of strength within me to turn around and walk away from her instead of staying right where I was and telling her where the fuck she could go.

  “Call me when you get bored with her…” She called after me, making my steps flaunter. I wanted… no, needed to give that woman a piece of my mind, but she wasn’t worth it. She was no longer even a speck of dust in my universe. So instead, I kept walking and I walked until the anger inside me dissipated. I was too pissed now to even go back into the store and finish hashing things out with my father. When I was this enraged, I tended to not think clearly and make bad decisions that I always regretted later. I just had to cool off.

  I didn’t know where I was going and I didn’t’ care. I just focused on taking long, determined steps, the heels of my boots hitting the pavement hard releasing anger with every single impact. The cool air inhaled deeply into my lungs refreshing my mind and improving my mood almost as if by magic.

  This was one of the best things I’d learned during my time in the military; productive anger resolution. I was one of the last people who should have joined the military when I first entered. Being a stupid, arrogant, and angry kid with a big chip on his shoulder, I thought the world revolved around me. Most eighteen year old kids think this way, but I was way worse than most. I was very quickly deemed a discipline case which they very rapidly turned around. I was forced to undergo a bit of counseling to get my rage under control and these meditative walks had proven to be lifesavers for me.

  I wondered if Mia understood that if I hadn’t left when I did it would have only been a matter of time before she left me. The way I was, I couldn’t have stayed and been a husband or a father. I was a mess. But now I was older, more mature, and I’d come a long way towards dealing with the demons that haunted me. I was ready to be there for her and for our daughter.

  Sophia was going to get what was coming to her. That was for sure. I wanted revenge on her so badly and the old Jake would have sought it out. I’m not sure what I would have done to her, but if I couldn’t pin this crap she did on her and send her to jail, then I would have pinned something on her she didn’t do. The thought was oddly comforting and would have been so emotionally satisfying, but I knew that it was the wrong path to go down. If anything went wrong with a plan like that then I would be going to jail, not Sophia. She just wasn’t worth it. I was sure she’d get hers someway. I meant what I told her about Karma.

  I continued to breathe deeply and continue my walk, just tuning out the world around me and trying to reach out to nature with my senses, to reawaken that connection in myself. It was a great way of finding balance that had really helped me through some tough times the past few years. I wanted to be in a happy mood. I refused to be an angry bear when I went to see Mia, and Lola at the bakery.

  “Oh fuck!” I said out loud, pulling my cell phone from my pocket. I’d almost forgotten the time.

  “God Damnit!” I shoved the device back inside and jogged back in the direction I had just come.

  I was late, and it was all because of that bitch. I shook my head in frustration. My anger only growing, threatening to undo the emotional work I’d just finished.

  Luckily, I wasn’t far and I managed to get to the bakery in about eight minutes. The military had also whipped me into great shape. I hadn’t run at all since I got out, but it was nice to know my endurance was still there. My satisfaction turned to disgust as I got closer to the bakery and noticed that the sign on the door said closed.

  “What the hell?” Confusion laced my words as I spoke under my breath and quickened my paces.

  I landed at the doorstep and tried the knob. It didn’t budge. I looked inside expecting to see Mia and Lola inside. Maybe Mia just locked the door so no one else came in during lunch?

  But I saw no one. I knocked on the door several times, each knock growing in intensity and desperation. A dark feeling began to creep over me and I felt nauseas. What was going on? I didn’t understand. Didn't we agree that I, would come here for lunch? Unless maybe she changed her mind?

  Fishing my phone from my pocket, I dialed her number. I waited anxiously pacing back and forth listening as the line continued to ring until the phone went straight to voicemail.

  “Damn!” I exclaimed as I redialed. I repeated this process three times with the same result.

  “What the hell?” I slam
med my fist against the door. My heart was beating furiously against my rib cage, and I hoped like fucking hell that what was taking place was mere coincidence and not what I thought it might be.

  More heartache.

  Chapter Twenty

  Mia

  I didn’t want to believe what I saw. It couldn’t be. I tried to put it out of my mind and deny what I’d seen. But there was no denying the fact that they had kissed each other.

  Kissed…? The bastard…

  My heart felt like it had been crushed under a wrecking ball and a huge, jagged chunk of it had lodged in my throat. I could barely breathe. I could hardly see straight. My mind was racing, my thoughts swirling nonstop around in my head. I felt like I was about to have a nervous breakdown.

  “Mommy! Mommy!” Lola cried, trying to figure out why her mother was all out of sorts. I couldn’t break down in front of her. I swore I’d never let my little girl see that side of me. I didn’t want her to feel the least bit insecure. I was sure that watching her mother breakdown would only give her an awful fright. I had to stay strong for her. I knew I could do it for Lola. If it were just me then there would have been no stopping the overwhelming sense of helplessness and burying wave of misery from crashing down over my entire being.

  Dammit! This was exactly why I didn’t want to try with him. Nothing could be like it used to be, it just couldn’t. It was all too good to be true. I was a fool. I felt so stupid. And I saw it coming. I knew it would happen. Deep down inside I knew and I refused to listen again. I let my emotions take over and I trusted him. God, would that vicious cycle ever end? Was I doomed to play this crap out with him over and over again until the end of time?

  “Mommy is okay sweetie. I’m just not feeling well is all,” I half lied. My stomach was in knots and my heart was shattering into a million little pieces. It was happening all over again. I felt sick as a dog.