by Royal Blue
“Okay,” he says back as he eats his snack.
It’s been over two months since I’ve started seeing Andy. He still has his shy moments and times when he seems uncertain about himself. It’s adorable most of the time, but I feel like there’s something I’m missing. Something that has the potential to be a roadblock or a turning point in our relationship.
There are a few variables that I’ve turned over in my head. I’ve had mostly away games so far. I haven’t really been home. There are still so many questions about how he will settle into my work world. That part of my life can put a strain on any relationship.
As for my home life, Andy has slipped right in like he’s been there all along. Mason seems to be happier with the stability Emma and Andy have provided. I’m not sure what they’ve been up to, but I know Emma has had Andy around a lot while I’ve been gone.
I still feel the need to offer more to that equation. Missing out on time with Mason is taking more and more of a strain on me. With the season in full swing, it’s hard to divide my attention as much as I would like to.
I look forward to coming home more than I ever have in my life. The way Mason’s face lights up whenever I return to him makes me eager to step through the door each time. It also makes it harder to walk out of it to board a plane that will put way too much distance between us.
I don’t think I resent my career, but I do question the effects it’s having on my nephew. I lie awake at night in my hotel room exhausted but too concerned with the little person that’s most important to me. I worry about whether he misses me, if he had a good day at school. Are his friends the right ones for him? Is he developing the way a boy his age should?
I think of all the things Savanna would have done right for Mas and wonder if I’m even getting close. All of these things are important to me, but I don’t know if I’ve made them as much of a priority as I need to. It’s not easy when traveling is a mandatory part of my work.
“Uncle Kyle,” Mason says from the kitchen table.
I look up from my phone to see a wide smile on my nephew’s face. I chuckle to myself. I know the little monster is about to ask me for something. I’ve learned that smile and I love it. He’s such a good kid. I love when I get to spoil him.
“What’s up?” I reply.
“I was thinking. You started the season, right?”
“Yeah, buddy. That’s right.”
“Shouldn’t you have, like, a lucky charm or something?” he says with a hopeful gleam in his eyes.
I tap my chin in thought to play along. I can’t wait to see where his little mind is going with this one. The things that come out of his mouth floor me most of the time.
“I guess you’re right. What do you think I should do about this?”
“You see, I was thinking. We should get a puppy,” he says enthusiastically.
I can’t help the laughter that erupts from my belly. I can see that he has put a lot of thought into asking for this. The sparkle in his eyes is everything and more.
When a pout takes over his lips, I round the kitchen counter to reach him at the table. I stand over him, dipping my head to kiss his forehead. Tickling his tummy, I cause him to laugh.
“You think a puppy will bring us luck?” I chuckle.
“Yup,” he giggles back.
“Okay, I’ll see what we can do about it. I think you have something here,” I reply.
“Yes!” he squeals, pumping his little fist in the air.
“What’s all the happiness about?”
“Aunt Emma,” Mason says, wiggling to get out of his seat. “Mr. Andy!”
I’ve lost the kid. Mas runs right into Emma’s arms, hugging her around the neck as she bends to get down to his level. Andy holds his hand up for a high five.
“I’m getting a puppy,” Mas says excitedly.
“I thought we were getting a puppy,” I laugh.
“Oh yeah, it’s a good luck charm for Uncle Kyle, but he’ll need me to take care of it for him. You know, because he has to go away all the time,” Mason explains.
My heart pangs. I know he means no harm by his words, but they sting nonetheless. I look to Andy to see his eyes soften.
You’re doing your best, he mouths.
I nod and swallow hard. I bottle up the emotions to deal with later. I have a lot of those bottles waiting as it is.
“I think it’s great that you’re going to take care of the puppy for your Uncle Kyle,” Andy says to Mas.
“Of course.” Mason nods firmly. “Uncle Kyle takes good care of me. He read my favorite book last night and played video games with me this morning before and after breakfast. He’s my best buddy.”
Andy’s face lights up as he turns back to me. I nod again, too choked up to say anything.
“Well, how would you like to go ride in some go-carts with your uncle today?” Emma says.
“That fundraiser is today?” I groan.
“Yes, sir,” she replies. “I told you that last night.”
“I was dead on arrival last night,” I blow out.
“Tell me about it. I have no idea what you were trying to say in your text.” Andy chuckles.
I wink at him. “I’ll clarify all of that for you later.”
I love the blush that covers his cheeks and the way his lashes lower to fan over his cheekbones. I want to move over to him and pull him into an embrace. I hold back, reminding myself we have all weekend. Emma is having a sleepover and taking Mas to Sesame Place along with her other godkids.
“I’m going to get my new sneakers Uncle Kyle brought me from Denver,” Mason says, freeing himself from Emma’s hold.
Emma turns to us, beaming, after Mason runs out of the kitchen. Her eyes bounce between Andy and me. I roll my eyes at her, already hearing her words before she sings them.
“You two are my favs. I just want you to know that,” Emma gushes. “So adorable. Love it.”
“We’ll see if you can say that after he sees my bed hair and gets a whiff of my morning breath,” Andy says nervously.
I reach to tug Andy a little closer, running my hand up and down his arm. He visibly relaxes under my touch. It will be the first time we spend the night together. There are more things I have to learn about Andy. I know for a fact tonight has his nerves on edge, but I haven’t pinpointed why.
I’m not going to rushing him into sex. I think I made that clear. I’m looking for a real relationship. I think we both need time to build that before we throw the complications of sex in the mix. Not that it hasn’t crossed my mind or played a part in our flirting. I have some very vivid fantasies of Andy.
“I think I have a pretty good idea of what your bed hair looks like. I did catch you knocked out after Mason wore you out in the park,” I tease.
It was one of the moments I felt myself falling for Andy. I returned from a game to find him and my nephew passed out in front of the TV in the living room. Mason had curled right into Andy’s side just like he does with me. I’ve never seen him do that with anyone else. Not even Michael.
That speaks to the trust Mason has for Andy. It goes a long way in aiding my own trust. It took a long time for me to allow Andy to watch Mason without Emma or someone else I trust around. Actually, it only happened within the last week.
Andy palms his face. “Don’t remind me,” he groans. “So embarrassing.”
I shrug. “You were sexy. You know how many men would kill to wake up looking like a supermodel?”
“I would,” Andy snorts.
“You did, babe. Trust me,” I croon into his ear.
The tremor that rolls through him brings a smile to my lips. Goose bumps line his skin. Those eyes turn to me revealing his desire.
“Totally my favs,” Emma says with a goofy grin, releasing a dramatic sigh.
I shake my head, kissing Andy’s temple quickly before taking off to get ready. It’s going to be a long day before we get to relax and kick back. The sooner we head out, the sooner we can be done.
“You shouldn’t sell yourself so short. He’s falling for you already, believe me,” I hear Emma say in her version of a whisper, as I walk out.
I grin. The girl couldn’t whisper if her life depended on it, but she’s right. Andy shouldn’t sell himself short, and I’m most certainly falling.
CHAPTER THIRTEEN: REVEALING SCARS
Andy
“I WORK with kids five days a week, and I’ve never been this tired,” I groan as we settle on Kyle’s couch.
“Welcome to my life. Those kids had more energy than should be legal.” Kyle laughs.
“That was a great charity event. Go-cart races and basketball—kiddie heaven. Those kids are going to benefit so much from the new rec center,” I reply. “You’re great with kids.”
Kyle shrugs. “They’re people. I’m a people person. Most of those kids are just like me. I was once their age, just needing to know someone cared. What sucks is that I only get to show them that for a day. They have to go back to whatever struggle is going on in their life.”
“I know what you mean. I worked in the inner-city school system for two years. It nearly killed me. Those kids had so much going on. You want to help to change all of their lives, but in the end there’s only so much you can do. I realized that I had to work with the hours I got each week. If I could make a difference within those hours, then I was doing the best I could,” I say, remembering how tired and sad I’d been back then.
“I can remember a few teachers that made that difference for me. Sometimes it was just the little things. Needing to hear good morning or being asked if I was okay. I wasn’t, and I never told them any different, but being asked meant something,” Kyle says quietly.
I reach to lace my fingers with his. He lifts my hand to his lips. I love moments like this. It’s been two months and I still find myself a little awestruck every now and then. Yet this… I’m beginning to live for these moments.
“It’s tough to watch some of the situations those kids dealt with. What’s harder, the lack of care some of the staff had. Some because they just couldn’t relate, others because they lost faith in the system and were to the point of just showing up to collect a check,” I huff. I can hear the bitterness in my own voice.
“What made you leave?”
My lashes lower. I suck in a deep breath and let it out slowly.
“I left for a few reasons. The children and environment weren’t among them. It was… it was the beginning of my career. I was more trusting back then.” I release a humorless laugh. “I thought some people were my friends that weren’t. It was the first time… my first time being drawn into the in-crowd.” I pause, blowing out a breath. “Long story short, I started dating the vice principal.
“He learned about my family’s connections and my past struggles, then turned into a different person. It was my first serious relationship, so I took the verbal and mental abuse from him until it started to bleed into the workplace,” I respond.
I turn to catch Kyle watching me, his brows drawn in. I can see the millions of questions in his eyes.
“How did it bleed into the workplace?”
I look away from him, my stomach rolling. My mouth waters as anxiety and bile rise. The backs of my eyes sting.
“Patrick was like a ring leader in the staff clique. All the other teachers took their cues from him. Others started to sling harsh words my way. Making reference to my eating habits and questioning why I worked there in the first place when I could go anywhere I wanted. It turned into gossip and rumors behind my back. When I broke things off with Patrick, it got worse.
“In the end, I left. I couldn’t give those kids what they needed when I had all of that drama surrounding me. I hated getting up in the mornings and felt sick every time I walked into the building,” I explain, becoming aware that I’ve been rocking with my words.
“You, Andy, are tougher than you think.”
Kyle tugs at my hand, bringing me into his side. His arm wraps around my shoulder, and he kisses the top of my head as I lean against him. The comfort I feel in his embrace spreads through me from head to toe. I also note that ever-present hum between us.
“Are you seriously going to get Mason a puppy?” I ask.
“Why? You don’t think I should?”
“No, I think it would be great for him. Another connection to you when you’re away. I was only asking because my sister has a friend who breeds dogs and has connections to a whole community of breeders. I’m sure she can help you get whatever you’re looking for,” I reply.
“Oh, cool. Can you set that up for me? I want to get him one as soon as I can.”
“No problem.” I yawn.
“Ready for bed?” Kyle asks and I involuntarily stiffen.
I groan internally because I know the moment he feels it happen. It’s the moment I’ve been dreading. I’ll find out tonight exactly how Kyle sees me, and then I’ll know where we stand.
Kyle
I’M TIRED and I should let this slide, but I wouldn’t be me if I did. My instincts tell me Andy’s reaction goes deeper than sex. It’s one more piece to his scarred past. That Patrick dude sounds like he needs his ass beat. That asshole better pray we never cross paths.
“Are you not ready to stay over? I can take you home,” I offer.
“No, I want to stay,” he replies.
I can tell he’s trying to sound confident, but it falls a little flat. I watch as he rubs his palms over his thighs. When he reaches to run a hand through the front of his hair, he completely gives himself away. It’s also one of his huge tells.
I release him, turning to face him. I smile inside when he straightens his shoulders, attempting to give off an air of confidence. I like Andy. I want to be patient and understand him. However, I’m caught off guard the moment I see his eyes mist over.
“We’ve worked out together a few times. Have you noticed I never wear short sleeves or shorts?” he says.
My brows draw. I comb my thoughts and he’s right. Whenever he joins me for a workout, he wears sweats or jogger pants. I’ve never seen him in short sleeves, but we’re well into fall. That’s not unusual.
“I guess.”
I nod. My mind turning the question over, trying to figure out where he’s going with this. Andy shifts reaching for the hem of his shirt. I go to tell him we don’t have to rush things, but my words are caught in my throat.
Andy’s body is toned and sculpted from working out. Exactly what you would expect to see from the way his shirts mold to his body. Though I can see that his torso is a lot paler than his face and neck. However, that’s not what stands out most.
He has scars on his stomach and upper arms. They’re not gruesome, but they’re noticeable. However, given what I know about Andy, I bet these scars look ten times worse to him.
“Tell me about them,” I reply.
I can see the relief that covers his face. Another note that I’m right in my assumption. He was sure I was going to run. Knowing this tugs at my heart.
My determination to see this relationship through builds. My shoulders grow heavy knowing he has been waiting for me to make an exit on him. He has no idea that with each imperfection he reveals to me, he endears himself to me more and more.
“At my heaviest, I was three hundred and seventy-five pounds. The doctors made it clear that I make the necessary changes or… I… I was dying. The fainting, the headaches, the sciatic pain… I had to do something.
“I worked out so hard to lose the weight and I did, but then I was left with the excess skin. I was hiding again but for a different reason,” he whispers, wrapping his arms around his center.
As I watch him, so much begins to become clear. The pieces click into place. I listen intently as his pain flows through his words.
“I didn’t want to fall down the rabbit hole like before, but this time I chose not to involve my family. My oldest brother was promoted to detective. Tara’s career had taken off. The family was in such a good place.
I didn’t want to be a burden again.
“I also didn’t want to ask for the financial help. I couldn’t touch my trust at the time. So I went to an affordable plastic surgeon that made it all sound so easy. No scars, recovery would be a cinch. Nothing went the way it was supposed to. I flatlined twice on that table, and as you can see everything else was botched. My legs aren’t as bad, but they have scars as well.
“My inner thighs and my right calf. I’ve felt like the never-ending freak show. People are so taken with my face, but when the clothes come off, it’s always a different story.” His words trail off, and he turns his head. “I… I’ve never had the courage to go back and try to fix it again.”
I reach to turn his face back to me, leaning in to take his lips. It’s time Andy learns that I’m committed to this, to him. It’s going to take more than the scars he carries—on the inside and out—to scare me away. I have scars of my own. If I were that superficial, I wouldn’t love myself. My own scars run deep, deeper than losing my sister and feeling like I lost my way.
I kiss him with everything I am. All the love I can give here and now, I let it thread and weave a healing tether between us. I get the sense that both our healings start right here.
“Neither one of us is whole, but I’ve been feeling myself come back to life piece by piece with you. If I can give you just an inch of that, I will,” I say against his lips.
Andy groans, slipping his arms underneath mine, reaching up to latch on to my shoulders. I lean in until his back falls against the couch. Shifting, I nip at his chin before licking the sting away and continuing a trail down his throat.
I pull back and look down into his eyes. The trust and admiration there tighten my stomach. This is real love. He has become a friend I can trust, a partner I look forward to spending time with. Andy takes what I give. I never question his motives or when the other shoe will drop.
My only question is whether or not I have enough love to heal his open wounds. If this flame burning within is any indication, I believe I do. I sure intend to try.
