Hidden Heart

by Camelia Miron Skiba

  Alessandro came up behind her and, despite the water running and her back at him she felt his presence.

  “Jealous?” He reached around her arm and turned off the water, then grabbed her elbows and forced her to face him, bowing his head towards her face.

  “Last time you asked that question you ended up with a fat lip.” Tessa bit her lower lip, regretting instantly mentioning that horrible night Daniel hit him.

  Alessandro chuckled and raised his eyebrows, tilting his head slightly, “The gorgeous Italian you saw me with is… my sister, one of them. Remember, I have four? And the little sweet girl you saw is her daughter, my niece. They came to visit me. There, mystery solved.” He looked chesty as a peacock, and letting go of her elbows, he walked away.

  “Your sister? Why didn’t you say something, why didn’t you introduce us in the store?” Tessa yelled, grabbed a kitchen towel to dry her hands off, crumpled it and threw it at him. She placed both hands on her hips, ready to fight. She felt the blood draining from her head, a slight dizziness taking over her, but she stood her ground, her face on fire, her fury escalating.

  Alessandro turned around, raised his hands in the air and said, “How could I when you left with that designer so fast I didn’t even have time to say good-bye?” He dropped his arms and took the same fighting position as Tessa, hands on his waist, feet apart.

  “How do I know you aren’t making this up? How do I know she is really your sister?” Tessa squealed, a jolt sparking through her body, her heart galloping.

  He handed her his cell phone, “Here, talk to her. Her name is Gabriela; ask her.”

  Tessa pushed his hand away, but it was too late. She heard the ring on speakerphone and after the second ring, a voice saying, “Ciao, fratello, come stai?”

  Alessandro held Tessa’s gaze and said in English, “Gabriella, I’m here with Tessa; can you tell her who you are?”

  Tessa heard the woman’s soft laugh, then clearing her voice, she said, “I hope you forgive my English; it is not as good as my brother’s. We actually met once in the furniture store, but we didn’t have time to meet officially. My brother’s…how do you say? Ah, manners are not very good.” She laughed again.

  Tessa swallowed the knot in her throat, and finding her voice again, she said, “Hi, Gabriela, you’re right. He lacks in manners sometimes. I, um, nice talking with you.” Tessa pushed the phone away and walked back to the sink, leaning against it and crossing her arms.

  “I’ll call you later,” Alessandro said and hung up. He looked at Tessa, tilting his head, “Happy now?”

  Tessa pondered her words and options. She desperately wished she could just jump in his arms, relieved the woman she saw him with was only his sister, and forget about everything. But that meant she needed to acknowledge out loud she’d been wrong, something she never before had to do.

  She uncrossed her arms and began picking at her nails. She bit her lower lip and looked briefly him. Alessandro stared at her, his eyes sad, his face tired, his posture defeated.

  “Last night,” Tessa began, her voice cracking. She cleared her throat and looking down at her fingers she said, “Last night, you said…you said you wish you could stop loving me…” She glanced again at him, holding her breath.

  Alessandro shook his head, rubbed his chin, “I’ve never had so much to drink.” He paused, sighed and shook again his head. “Again, I regret coming last night.”

  She saw him walking away and said quickly, “I didn’t get rid of you because I wanted to be with another man.”

  He waved a hand and looked over his shoulder, “You don’t have to explain yourself, Tessa. It’s your life to live free and do what you want.”

  Alessandro’s glacial tone made her shiver.

  Tessa walked to him and when she was only a step away, she grabbed his arm, forcing him to stop and whispered, “And what if what I want is to be with you? Is that still an option?”

  Alessandro turned around to face her. “Why, so you can break my heart again, throwing me away like a bad shoe?” His stern gaze froze her, his words jabbing her heart like boxing gloves.

  Tessa let go of his arm. “I’m not seeing anyone,” she mumbled.

  “What about the man you were with last night?”

  “That man is my…brother.”

  Alessandro burst into a fake laughter and began applauding, “Bravo, Tessa, you are quite a remarkable actress. My sister—your brother. How convenient. You forget I know your family? You forget I know both your sisters, or did you just forget to mention him while we were dating?”

  She slapped him over his left arm. “Stop it. He is my half-brother. His name is Cristian Mincu and I found him by finding my biological father. As is turns out, my mama had an affair and I am the result of it.” Tears stung her eyes, but she’d be damned if she’d let him see her embarrassment. She turned on her heels and marched to the sink once more to finish cleaning up. She turned on the faucet, picked up a sponge and scrubbed a plate vigorously, as if she could scrub away the suffering disgrace she’d felt ever since she read her mama’s letter for the first time.

  “Is this true?” Alessandro’s voice sounded shaken.

  “No, I made that up so I can try out my acting skills,” she snapped at him.

  “I’m sorry,” she heard Alessandro’s soft tone behind her back.

  She straightened her backbone, “Don’t be. I don’t need your pity.”

  He reached sideways and turned the faucet off again, but didn’t touch her.

  Tessa gripped the sink’s edge and closed her eyes. A few more tears rolled down her cheeks, her nerves at the breaking point. She turned to confront him, but melted when he touched her face and wiped off her tears.

  Alessandro cupped her face, looked longingly down at her. His eyes stopped on her lips. Slowly he put his lips on hers, slightly parted. She closed her eyes and let the feeling sink in. It surprised her how intense it felt, a warm touch, soft and gentle, with just a light dance of his tongue as if a ship had reached harbor after a long sail. He caught her off guard, no doubt about it, her heart rampant, her pulse racing because of one simple kiss.

  In one smooth motion Alessandro finished kissing her and when she opened her eyes, her world tilted dangerously. He smiled at her, the smile that always melted her heart, the smile she missed for so long, the smile that made her walk on air.

  “I haven’t been very nice to you lately,” Alessandro moaned against her lips, kissing her again, this time more intense, prolonging the moment.

  Still kissing her, he untied her ponytail, fanning it down her back with his fingers, and pulling her closer to his body—radiant desire. She leaned against the countertop, hugging his shoulders while he ravaged her mouth, tasting, suckling, teasing. His strong fingers relaxed the tension in her neck, traveling down her back, squeezing her buttocks, then up again, cupping her breasts and brushing his hot thumbs across her nipples, erecting them instantly. His fingers burned her flesh sending bolts of arousal through her body.

  Muddled thoughts buzzed through Tessa’s mind. She knew she’d have to tell Alessandro what she dreaded for so long to say, that the baby was Daniel’s and that she’d have to face his disappointment. She felt she had a real chance to get Alessandro back, the only man she wanted in her life forever, but how would he take the news? Would he be angry with her? Would he be hurt? She had known about the baby’s existence before their relationship began, but yet she hid it from him.

  Tessa broke the kiss, tugging softly at his lower lip, catching her breath. She needed to break contact with him, to get her thoughts back on track. She looked down while her hands rested behind her on the countertop.

  “You know, Alessandro, you came here accusing me and judging me for what I’ve said or done. But truth be told, there were many things you didn’t know about me, things that I needed to take care of before I could be with you. And you are wrong if you think that you were the only one that suffered when we broke up. I had too much baggage
, too many things you couldn’t understand.”

  He cupped her face again and pressed his forehead against hers, “I am sorry I judged you…I am sorry I wasn’t there to protect you from that bastard…that bastard that killed our baby and pushed you away from me…”

  Tessa’s stomach cramped as if a vulture’s claw threatened to yank it out of her. She swallowed hard and mumbled, “The baby…I—”

  “I grieved after that baby more than you’ll ever know, because I couldn’t do it with you…mourning together…I felt helpless knowing how torturous it must’ve been for you, the mother of our baby…” He squeezed his eyes shut and embraced her tighter.

  She put her head on his shoulder, sobbed against it, crying her heart out.

  “It’s okay, cara mia, let it all out.” Alessandro softly brushed his fingers through her hair, holding onto her. “I don’t want to waste another day without you, let’s—”

  “Alessandro, stop.” Tessa pleaded with him, put a hand over his mouth, inhaled once and blurted out, “The baby wasn’t yours.”

  His eyes widened, his mouth fell open. His face turned pale as he struggled to breathe. He gripped her shoulders with such force, she felt the pain spreading into her limbs.

  “Are. You. Sure?” he asked between gritted teeth.

  She nodded, barely articulating, “It was Daniel’s.”

  He let go of her shoulders, walked away and stopped near the table, holding onto its edge with both hands, his knuckles white. The air came out of his lungs as if he just finished a marathon.

  Tessa walked slowly to him, holding onto her middle, the pain again unbearable.

  “Don’t come near me,” he ordered, paralyzing her. “Did he know?”

  “No, I didn’t tell him. The night you found me…I wanted to tell you about the baby…I tried to tell you early on in our relationship, but I couldn’t gather the courage to tell you, for fear you might leave me when you found out.” Another wave of sobs forced Tessa to pause. Telling the truth hurt, but it hurt even more to see the pain she caused him. “I had an abortion scheduled the day you were to return back to Buch—”

  He almost knocked her off her feet when he ran into her, but steadied her with his palms, gripping her shoulders and shaking her.

  “An abortion? You wanted to get an abortion? You considered killing the baby?” His anguished expression, the blank stare scared Tessa. He looked at her as if he saw right through her. He let go of her shoulders simultaneously, as if touching her burned his hands.

  He took two steps back, brushed both hands through his hair and holding his head between his palms he yelled, “I was so crazy about you, I moved to this country only to be with you. I left my job only to be near you, live with you and love you. I built a house, for when you were ready to move in with me. I even bought you an engagement ring, and you? You tried to take an innocent life, the life of your own baby? What kind of a monster are you? Who are you?”

  And before she knew it, Alessandro was out the door, slamming it shut. Gone. Out of her home, out of her life. This time she knew, it was forever.

  Tessa dragged her feet to the bedroom, not bothering to lock the door behind Alessandro. She lay in bed, covering her shaking body, covering her face, and cried. At first quiet sobs, then louder and louder, pouring her heart out. The more tears she spent, the emptier she felt. She had no idea how long she cried before she fell asleep, an inexplicable exhaustion making her eyelids heavier and heavier, until darkness swathed her in a dreamless sleep.

  Alessandro took off like a mad runner. He got into his car and drove away. He drove faster and faster, holding onto the steering wheel with both hands, so tight his fingernails dug painfully into his palms, but he didn’t care. He dodged a traffic light turning red while he was in the middle of the intersection, but he didn’t care. He drove for hours with no direction, sometimes in circles, speeding up until he reached the town’s limit, but he didn’t stop. He just kept driving, driving away, further away from her.

  Ever since he’d met Tessa his life had been turned upside down. In fact, his life wasn’t his anymore. His life revolved around her, like the Moon around the Earth. No matter where he was or what he did, his thoughts gravitated to her, his mind humming her name, his heart drowning with love.

  But it turned out Tessa had secrets. He grieved for a baby that wasn’t even his. He’d thought of that baby many times, and how devastated Tessa must’ve been when she lost it. But no, she wasn’t devastated because she’d planned an abortion. How could he fall in love with a cold-blooded woman and not know what a selfish creature she was? How did she manage to deceive him so much?

  As a Catholic, Alessandro considered abortion among the worst of all crimes. He grew up in a family where children were considered a blessing, the more the better. A family where dinners were often interrupted by crying babies, by running and screaming around the table, but never ever, did one pronounce the word “abortion”. How could he forgive her?

  He stopped brusquely, turned off the engine and the lights and sat there. Surrounded by darkness and silence, he pressed his head to the steering wheel, hitting it with both hands, until he felt numb with pain. He got out of the car and the sweet smell of pine tree and green grass tickled his nostrils. As his eyes adjusted to the gloom, the area seemed familiar; a house in the middle of nowhere with mountains guarding it—Tessa’s cabin.

  “Go figure, I can’t seem to get away from you,” Alessandro snarled. He walked to the porch, ran his fingers along the upper side of the doorframe until he found the crack and the key felt cold against his fingers. As it looked, no tourists had rented the house. He’d spend the night there, clear his mind and drive back to Bucharest tomorrow.

  Maybe she never knew what she really wanted to have in her life until that moment. Maybe she made a mistake by not telling him the truth, but he couldn’t be more wrong about the reasons she kept the secret away from him.

  “I am going to rip his head off,” Tessa said to herself, throwing the bed sheets aside. She searched for her cell, found it under her purse and dialed Alessandro’s number. It went straight to voice mail. She left a message. And many more after that, but Alessandro didn’t return any of her calls. “I thought so, you coward.” She slammed the phone closed and hurried to the bathroom, undressing before she got there. A quick shower, teeth brushing, fresh clothes and twenty minutes later she left the house, her hair still damp. She turned on the AC in the car and by the time she arrived at Victor’s house, her hair was almost dry.

  She rang the bell. She heard footsteps, then the door opened and Dina greeted her, hugging her immediately.

  “Hi, Dina, sorry I didn’t announce I’d be stopping by.”

  “Tessa, dear, what a surprise. I just finished baking an apple pie. Come have a seat.”

  Tessa followed her friend into the kitchen where Victor sat at the table, reading. The smell of the apple pie reminded Tessa she’d had a small piece of bread in the morning and some tea, but thanks to Alessandro, nothing for lunch.

  “I’m not drinking, I’m not smoking, you don’t have to spy on me,” Victor announced, folding the newspaper. He grunted, got up and hugged Tessa, chuckling, “Just teasing, kiddo. It’s always good to see you. Come, sit here,” and towards his wife, “Dina how about that apple pie of yours and some tea?”

  Dina sighed and rolled her eyes, then walked to the stove. She brought pie and tea while Victor showed Tessa a few photos of his grandson.

  “So, what brings you here? Do you want your job back, is that it?” Victor asked, shoving a big piece of pie in his mouth.

  Tessa swallowed her bite. “It’s actually Alessandro.”

  She saw both Dina and Victor stop chewing and exchange worried looks.

  “What? What is it?”

  Victor cleared his voice and muttered, “Nothing, there is nothing. What about Alessandro?”

  “Well, I just need his address so I can go and kick his ass,” Tessa said, her voice matter-of-fact. Wh
en Victor and Dina exchanged another sneaky look, Tessa pointed her finger at her former boss, “Don’t you lie to me, Victor. I know you know his address, so you better think twice before you answer. I’ll find him even if I have to crawl in to a snake’s hole, but if you give me the address, you’ll save me a lot of time.”

  Dina placed a hand on Tessa’s, forcing Tessa to look at her. Smiling, Dina said calmly, “Dear, you two have hurt enough; a fight might not be the right approach. Alessandro loves you, why fight with him?”

  Tessa stood and took her empty plate to the sink, then turned to face her friends.

  “Why? I’ll tell you why.” She returned to the table, sat and squeezed both hand in tight fists. “Because that idiot came to my house accusing me of throwing him away like a bad shoe, for being unfaithful and secretive, but what about him, huh? What did he do? He built a house, he bought an engagement ring for me, but did he ever say a word about it? Did he ever ask me if I want a house, where or how I want it? Did he ask me what kind of engagement ring I want, if I want one, huh? Oh no, Mister I-make-all-decisions-by-myself, Tessa is just a puppet, did everything alone. And I am accused of being secretive, can you believe it?”

  Tessa paused to catch her breath. Her anger kept building with every word she said and she felt ready to explode. Her eyes darted between Dina and Victor, wondering who would give her the address, hoping she’d been convincing.

  “The ring, it’s actually very pretty,” Dina assured her, blinking quickly, then caught herself and stopped.

  Tessa jumped to her feet and slapped her thighs; she began pacing the room, holding her forehead. “Unbelievable!”

  “His house is actually two streets down from us, take a left and after you pass the three-way stop sign, the second house on the right. You’ll recognize it easily, it’s yellow with green wooden blinds, lots of rosebushes and a half-meter wooden fence, white painted. I told him to make it higher, even dogs can jump over it, but he said he likes it that way.” Victor ripped a piece of the newspaper, grabbed a pen and wrote Alessandro’s address.