Hidden Heart

by Camelia Miron Skiba

  Tessa met with several influential people capable of making beneficial changes. Some thought trying to help abused women was a good cause, but it was hard to make the government take it as a serious problem. Some said they’d be happy to make donations, but wanted to keep their names and involvement anonymous. Some thought it was a lost cause and refused to have anything to do with it.

  Dina’s circle of friends was quite large and most of them were people with money. Together with the people on Tessa’s list, the fundraiser promised to be successful.

  Dina opened the evening with a touching speech, followed by several women who told their stories and how they got there. Others, the ones doing volunteer work, talked about the gratitude they felt seeing there was hope and help to make a change in the lives of fugitive mothers and their children.

  With Cristian’s help, several reporters came, two of them from a major newspaper and one of them from a very popular TV channel. The guy promised to do his best to persuade his supervisors to show the material on TV at a primetime hour when ratings were up.

  Tessa’s speech was the last one and she was a wreck, pacing the backstage behind the curtains. She’d thought for days about what she’d say, but now the words seemed to have evaporated from her mind. If only she had written them down.

  “How do I look?” She gripped Eva’s arm when she walked by.

  Eva stopped, measured her from head to toe, made her turn around and said, “Gorgeous. This black dress molds to your body perfectly. Where did you get the shoes? Your legs are so sexy with those shoes, and this shade of pink gloss makes your lips even fuller, and your eyes are electrifying, and your hair is shiny and this set of pear—”

  Tessa put both hands over her ears. “Eva, stop. I asked you how I look and you go on this elaborate rant about everything. A simple good or bad would’ve really been enough.”

  Eva gave a thumbs up, “You’re next in thirty-five seconds” then walked away, talking into her headset.

  Tessa heard the applause, signaling the speech before hers was over. She closed her eyes and breathed in and out, big gulps of air. She clenched her hands in fists a few times, then walked out on the stage, approaching the stand and looking around the room. Several seconds that felt like minutes passed before she spoke, but when she finally did, her voice sounded calm.

  “There are hundreds of thousands of women among us who are physically, verbally, and emotionally abused and I was one of them. A year ago to the day, I almost died at the hands of the man I planned to spend my life with. We’d been together since high school and I thought I knew him inside and out. I was wrong. One day he came to my apartment, hit me, and raped me. My body healed, in time, but my soul and heart bled for months. I lost my identity. I wanted to die and stop the pain, stop the nightmares, stop the voices in my head, the voices that told me I deserved it, that I looked for it, because I’d done nothing to stop him.” Tessa took a few short breaths, forcing herself not to cry. She saw shocked faces and heard the murmur around the room, but she needed to say it out loud for everyone to hear.

  She sniffled and, looking at her audience, she continued, “For months I’ve been an empty body, with nothing to give, nothing to hold onto. My life wasn’t mine anymore. And then, one day, my dear friend Dina told me about this shelter for women in need and I have this desperate desire to do something for them. But I can’t do it alone. I need your help. Thank you for coming, thank you for your generous donations. Let’s make this a memorable event. Hopefully many more will follow.”

  From the corner of her eyes, Tessa saw someone standing and applauding. It was her favorite actor, who surprised her by accepting her invitation. Others followed his example and the room exploded with applause. Out of nowhere, Victor appeared next to her, handing her a bouquet of white roses. He gave her a heartfelt hug, and helped her walk down the few steps off the stage.

  “I can’t believe you never told me,” Cristian whispered in her hair, holding her tight. “We need to talk about it.”

  Tessa laughed and cried at the same time. “I have no idea how I got the courage to walk out there and tell my story in front of those strangers, but my therapist was right; it feels so good! And I don’t want to talk about it anymore. It’s over,” she said, between sobs mixed with laughter. “I have my life back, I have my life back,” she kept saying against her brother’s shoulder. She felt safe in his arms, an embrace she’d become accustomed to and looked forward to in the years to come.

  She felt a light tap on her shoulder. Cristian let go of her and when she turned around, she saw Adrian. He pinched the tip of his nose and shuffled on his feet.

  “Father,” she exclaimed, hugged him briefly and then realized what she just called him. Embarrassed, she said, “Sorry, Adrian, my emotions are running wild tonight.”

  Adrian kissed her hand, patted her cheek and said, “No need to apologize. I don’t hear it enough.” He looked at Cristian, who scratched the back of his head, then pulled at his hair, spiking it.

  Tessa knew her brother enough by now to recognize the signs of nervousness. She elbowed him lightly and said, “This son of yours and brother of mine has done an incredible job helping me put this event together. I’d like to thank him by having dinner at my place and I’d like to invite you as well.”

  Adrian pretended not to see Cristian’s frown and said, “Pepin would make a fuss over my eating anything but his food, but I’d be more than happy to join you.”

  “Great, I’ll call with details. If you’ll excuse me, I have to say hi to someone.” She kissed Adrian’s cheek, then Cristian’s and left them. She’d get hell from her brother later, no doubt about it.

  Tessa went to greet a few people, including her favorite actor, the mayor and a few of her former co-workers. She talked, smiled, laughed. The reporters approached her asking for interviews and photos. She only wished Alessandro would’ve come. She felt prepared to talk openly to him again and even if they weren’t meant to be together, at least she wanted to look him in the eyes and tell him what was in her heart.

  By the end of the evening, Cristian caught up with her again. “You are in so much caca, you have no idea,” he said and pulled her to him.

  She giggled, and playfully rocked side to side, while he twisted her arms, turning her around with her back against his chest.

  “Stop being such a mule,” she said over her shoulder. “Would you rather not have me as your sister? Adrian has paid for his actions; it’s about time you begin looking forward rather than backwards.”

  “Yeah? And when are you going to remember, I’m the older brother, which means I don’t do what you say, but vice versa.” He planted a kiss on top of her head and continued to hold her.

  Eva approached, holding an opened box. “Look, these are all the donations, I can’t believe how many people really donated!”

  Cristian took the box and both he and Tessa looked into it. It was filled to the brim with fat envelopes.

  “Let’s count the money,” Eva said.

  “We aren’t,” Cristian said and waved at Victor.

  “Why not?” Eva said, her brows drawn together. “After all the hard work?”

  “Because, Dina will take the box to her house and place it in the safe. She’ll count and use the money as she sees fit. There are many bills that need immediate payment, I’m sure she knows best what to do with it,” Tessa replied. She saw Victor and Dina saying goodbye to a couple, and then walking towards them. “Here, Dina, this is for the shelter. Victor, the box is too heavy for Dina, would you mind carrying it for her?”

  Victor took the box and made a grimace. “We don’t work together anymore, yet she still bosses me around. Unbelievable.”

  Dina rolled her eyes and smiled. “Oh, dear, here we go again.” She waved a hand and turning to Tessa, she said, “I can’t thank you enough for what you’ve done for me and the women in the shelter. Your hard work and dedication have helped us tremendously. Thank you, Tessa.”

  �
��Actually, I need to thank you, Dina,” Tessa said, her eyes filling up with tears. “For being there for me when I hurt the most, for opening your heart and your house to me and for…” Tessa pulled Dina into a hug and whispered into her ear, “For giving me my father back.”

  Dina smiled and left with Victor and Eva.

  “I’ll take you home,” Cristian said holding Tessa’s elbow.

  They walked outside the restaurant. An elderly couple came closer to shake her hand one more time before they left in the next available cab. While waiting, Tessa pulled her cell out of her purse and checked for messages. She heard a familiar voice to her left. Her heart made a somersault. A few meters away, Alessandro looked at her, then straight ahead. She saw the valet dropping the keys in Alessandro’s hand the same moment Cristian held the door to the cab for her. She raised her hand and waved at Alessandro. He inclined his head, got into his car and drove off with squealing tires.

  “It’s him, isn’t it?” Cristian broke the silence, minutes later.

  “Hmm?”

  “The guy you saw…you once told me your heart belonged to someone else. By the way you two looked at each other…it must be him. He watched you the whole night,” Cristian said.

  “How do you know he was looking at me?”

  “Because I saw him.”

  “Oh,” Tessa said, her voice shaken. She sighed and looked out the cab’s window. “That’s him…Too bad I didn’t realize until too late what he meant to me.”

  “Have you told him that?”

  Tessa turned towards her brother, completely confused. “Talk to him? About what? Hey, by the way, I still have feelings for you, I changed my mind, I want you back?”

  “Nice monkey-like imitation, by the way,” Cristian said, chuckling. He put an arm around her shoulders, pulling her to him. He kissed the top of her head and said, “Sometimes all we need is an honest talk.” He took her cell out of her lap and handed it to her. “You still have his number, don’t you?”

  Chapter 23

  Tessa got out of the cab resisting the temptation to call Alessandro, even though for the remainder of the drive Cristian teased her constantly. She promised herself to call him the next day. She hurried to get inside the house. All she wanted was to be alone, Alessandro’s face still too fresh in her mind.

  She undressed, took a quick shower and made herself a cup of tea. It was after midnight when she went to bed. Falling asleep almost instantly, she was soon awakened by the pounding on the front door. She waited for a while, holding her breath and hoping maybe she imagined it. But the pounding returned, more aggressive than before, and she knew someone was at the door. Scared, she got up, snatched her robe, grabbed the pepper spray and went tiptoeing to the door.

  “Open the door, Tessa, I know you are home!” Alessandro’s voice sounded muffled.

  Tessa opened the door, her pulse quickening, all her senses alert. “What the hell are you doing here?”

  Alessandro held onto both sides of the door as if crucified, his head bowed. He looked disheveled; his hair falling on his face, his shirt half tucked-in, his bowtie hanging loose. He looked at her with glassy eyes, and pushing his hair back, he leaned on the doorframe.

  “I guess you just moved on, didn’t you, bella mia? Should I congratulate you for how quickly you got yourself another man? What happened to all that bullshit you told me that you couldn’t have a man in your life because you had to find yourself first? What happened with wanting to be alone for a period of time? Is that time over? Because, if that’s the case, I might want the chance to win you back,” Alessandro rambled on, trying to focus his eyes on her.

  Tessa remembered the time when a drunken Daniel entered her home and destroyed her life. A chill went down her spine, but she forced herself to remain calm. This was Alessandro, the man she wanted back in her life more than anything. She gripped the pepper spray tighter and held onto her robe with the other hand.

  “I am not going to talk to you at all tonight. You are too drunk. Return tomorrow and we can talk.”

  “Really? And what are you going to tell me tomorrow that you can’t tell me tonight? That you didn’t give two cents about me, about our baby? I don’t have to come tomorrow; I’ll just sleep here at your door.” He wobbled on his feet and Tessa feared he’d fall sooner rather than later.

  “You can’t sleep at my door; what are my neighbors going to say in the morning?” Tessa pleaded terrified.

  “That you got yourself a dog?”

  She shook her head. She squeezed under his armpit, offering him support, an arm around his waist, the other on his chest, kicked the door closed and guided him into one of the bedrooms. A warm feeling nestled in her belly at the touch—a longed touch she didn’t think she’d ever feel again. He slumped on the bed and holding his head between his palms he said, “God, I only wish to stop loving you; it’s killing me…”

  “Come on, sleep, we’ll talk tomorrow.” She arranged the pillows underneath his head and removed his shoes. She covered him with a blanket, turned off the lights and left the room.

  Tessa lay in bed awake, tossing and turning. She heard Alessandro snoring, something he never did before when they slept together…she turned onto the other side, holding a pillow over her ear. Just as she finally dozed off, words from Alessandro’s earlier outburst came back to her mind, hitting her so hard, she had to sit up straight. He said he loves me? He knows about the baby? Who told him? Why does he think it was his? A wave of heat rushed through her veins. Sweat covered her body. She needed answers, but the only person able to give her those answers was drunk and asleep in the next room.

  She stood and walked to the window, opening it completely. The summer air, hot and humid wrapped around her, making her gown stick to her body. She closed the window and returned to bed. She cried herself to sleep, feeling lonely and lost.

  Tessa heard a noise somewhere in the house. At first she forgot about Alessandro being there and didn’t want to fully wake up. But almost instantly her mind screamed his name. She jumped out of her bed and ran to the front door exactly as he opened it.

  “Wait, you can’t leave!” she cried out.

  Alessandro avoided looking directly at her. “Sorry… I didn’t want to wake you up.”

  She came closer and put a hand on his arm. “We need to talk.”

  He pressed his forehead against the door’s edge, closing his eyes. He pushed a hand through his hair, closed the door behind him and followed Tessa into the kitchen.

  “Wait here.” She ran back to her room, changed into a t-shirt and jeans and returned to see Alessandro standing in the middle of the kitchen, both hands shoved in his pockets.

  “Please, have a seat,” Tessa said, smiling while she twisted her hair into a ponytail. She started the coffee machine, pulled plates and silverware from the cabinet and placed the teapot on the stove.

  “You don’t have to do this,” he murmured, brushing a hand through his hair. “I am sorry for inconveniencing you, if you don’t mind I’d rather leave.”

  “I’d rather have you stay…just to talk.” She looked at him and smiled reassuring.

  Alessandro sighed, pushed a hand through his hair again and, shrugging, sat at the table.

  Tessa prepared breakfast and joined Alessandro at the table once the water boiled and the coffee’s aroma filled up the room. She brought a few aspirin and a cup of water and placed them on his side of the table.

  Alessandro held his arms crossed over his chest looking ready to bolt at any moment. Tessa ate slowly, munching on a slice of toasted bread, stealing short looks at him, and fiddling with her tea mug. He finally buttered a piece of bread, added peach jam and took a bite of it. Silence filled the space between them, the air ready to explode with tension.

  Together under the same roof after so long. It reminded Tessa of the times he’d wake up early and prepare breakfast for her, singing and making her laugh. It reminded her of the times he’d come home and scoop her up in his arms and ma
ke love to her. The times she could drown in the intensity of his eyes, in the power of his embrace, in the love in his kiss. She wanted all of that back.

  “Look, Tessa. I remember very little from last night and I am so sorry about everything. Too much wine, I guess, but that is not an excuse. You must’ve been scared out of your mind seeing me so drunk and barging into your house,” he said letting out a long breath, still not looking at her.

  “Actually you were quite funny trying to stand up,” Tessa noted, smiling.

  “Yeah, I bet. I managed to make a fool of myself—again,” Alessandro replied, his voice bitter. He took another sip of his coffee and looked into his cup rather than at her. “I got carried away. You have every right to be with anybody you want and live the life you want.”

  “What makes you think I’m seeing someone?”

  “I’m not blind or stupid. Last night you and that guy of yours were inseparable.” He finally looked up, his eyes piercing her. Those eyes that burned into hers like coals, ravaging her soul, burning her heart.

  “You were there the whole night? Why didn’t you come say hello?”

  “It doesn’t matter anymore. I have no rights to you; I hope you are happy. It’s unfortunate what happened between us, but it’s time to move on.” He stood and walked towards the door.

  “Interesting; it bothered you seeing me with someone, but who was the first to move on?” Tessa said not looking his way, taking another sip of her tea.

  Alessandro stopped and turned around. “What are you talking about?”

  “Who was at the furniture store with a gorgeous Italian woman? Who went toy shopping for a little girl while mom, the same gorgeous Italian, followed close by?” At the stunned look on his face, Tessa smiled, a feeling of triumph in her heart. “That’s right. I saw you coming out of the store with them, so don’t come here pretending you’re hurt over me being with another man, when the one that made a promise and didn’t keep it is you!” Her voice seemed to break against the walls. She stood, piled the plates and mugs and marched to the sink. She turned on the faucet and began scrubbing the plates, splashing water everywhere.