Our Story Needs No Filter

by Sudeep Nagarkar

  ‘Megha! Megha!’

  There was a knock at the door. Megha clicked on the status icon to post her thoughts online and got up to open the door.

  ‘Why is your phone not reachable? I have been trying to call you for so long!’ Ruhi exclaimed.

  Megha checked the signal on her phone; there was no dip in strength. ‘No clue. Maybe I need to change my service provider; this happens quite a lot these days.’

  ‘Anyway, where is Jai?’

  Somewhere in my Facebook post, thought Megha.

  ‘How would I know?’ she said out loud. ‘Why?’

  ‘Akhilesh is up to something again. Some new drama in the campus over the missing student . . .’

  ‘I am sure that’s not what you came here to talk to me about. What’s the matter?’

  ‘I don’t know how to say this . . .’ Ruhi sat on the bed, folding her legs.

  ‘Is it about Raghu?’

  Ruhi blushed. ‘Honestly, I’ve been in a number of relationships before. After the first one, none of them have been very serious. The first guy I dated played with my emotions and left me heartbroken; because of that experience I didn’t want to feel vulnerable again, and have never really opened up to a guy.’

  ‘So what are you trying to say? Why this preface?’ said Megha, offering Ruhi some chips.

  ‘No, thanks.’ She continued, ‘At first I was confused about Raghu. I really didn’t know what I wanted, if my feelings for him were actually serious.’

  That’s exactly how I feel about Jai.

  Ruhi went on, ‘So, I decided to be friends with him first and find out what he is really like. He seems really nice and there are some things about him that I adore. In the beginning I had my doubts, but he’s been honest with me lately and seems to be genuinely interested in me. The only thing that worries me now are our castes and whether we can really have a future together.’

  ‘First, do you love him?’ Megha asked, coming straight to the point.

  ‘Ummm . . . It’s like . . .’

  ‘Yes or no?’

  ‘Yes.’

  ‘Then why are you worried about his caste? You don’t live in some rural area where the panchayat decides who you should marry. You live in a big city and more importantly, you are capable of making independent decisions. If you are sure about your feelings, don’t let unimportant things like caste get in the way.’

  ‘You are right, but it’s never that easy.’

  ‘I never said it was easy, but if your feelings are genuine, then it’s worth it. Did he say something?’

  ‘His New Year’s resolution is to stop eating non-vegetarian food. “I’ll try,” he says,’ Ruhi said, mimicking Raghu’s panicked tone.

  Megha couldn’t stop laughing, ‘Sometimes I forget what an idiot he can be.’

  ‘He surely is,’ Ruhi said with fondness.

  ‘You should tell him that the day he kisses a chicken, he can’t kiss you. After that you’ll see him wandering around only pure vegetarian restaurants.’

  Raghu became the target and the girls kept firing bullets his way. Moving on to the next victim, Ruhi inquired about Jai. ‘We are friends. Nothing more than that.’

  ‘You spend so much time together, you never fell for him?’

  ‘I don’t know. Maybe like you, even I’m not looking for something very serious.’

  It’s incredible how unsure we are of particular feelings. One moment the feeling is so real, and the next it’s vanished. With no idea where these emotions come from and where they go, it is these inexplicable moments that make life magical.

  I know she will say yes, I am sure she will. She has to . . . Okay, but what if she says no? But why will she? No, she won’t. I love her. I am sure no one can love her more than I do. But does she love me? But why wouldn’t she . . . ?

  Raghu’s heart and mind battled against each other as a hundred different thoughts flooded him. He wanted to scream out his love for Ruhi, but the words kept getting caught in his throat. Half-formed sentences would die away and awkward silences prevail when he was with her.

  Ruhi’s emotions were no different. Sitting in one corner of her room, playing with her hair, she kept thinking about the future. She stared down at her trembling hands and for the first time realized the depth of her emotions.

  It was two in the morning and Raghu kept staring at Ruhi’s display picture on WhatsApp.

  ‘Still online?’ A messaged popped up on his phone.

  He froze as anticipation pumped through his veins. Wow, was she also stalking me?

  ‘Reading a book,’ he replied casually.

  After a few minutes of silence, he messaged her again. ‘Did you see my Snapchat?’

  ‘No,’ came the instant reply.

  ‘Have a look.’

  Ruhi opened her Snapchat and looked for Raghu’s post.

  I’m in love with you, and I’m not in the business of denying myself the simple pleasure of saying things which are true.

  He had highlighted a line from some novel and uploaded a picture of the page.

  Ruhi read the line again. Was this a personal message for her? Or just a line from some book he had read? She got the hint, but continued to respond casually.

  ‘Nice quote. Is it from a new book you’re reading?’

  ‘Yes. As a reader you should understand the depth of the quote.’

  ‘By reader do you mean the person reading the novel or the ones reading your Snapchat story?’

  Raghu had a smile on his face; his attempt to woo her through social media was paying off. ‘Have you read The Fault in Our Stars by John Green?’ he asked her.

  Is she deliberately taking a long time to reply to my messages or am I just overthinking it?

  ‘No. I am done with those love stories,’ Ruhi typed finally. She tried to avoid the topic deliberately, although she was reading a love story herself.

  ‘And why is that so? They aren’t that boring,’ Raghu pushed on.

  At least when you are in it, he thought to himself.

  ‘It’s just that they are so predictable.’

  ‘I don’t think so. Can you predict ours?’

  Before Raghu realized what he had said, he had hit Send.

  His true feelings were out in the open and there was nothing he could do to take his words back.

  Ruhi tried to call Raghu but all she heard was the mechanized voice saying the number was switched off.

  Raghu wanted to bite his tongue. He had never meant to send that message, it had come out as a reflexive response to her words. Ruhi on the other side of the phone wanted to clear the air and speak to him directly instead of playing hide-and-seek with their emotions. She tried calling him a couple of times more before she decided to leave a message.

  It’s not that easy; you know what I am talking about. I’ve seen the tears on people’s faces, the hearts breaking due to simple misunderstandings. You know better than anyone the distance between us when it comes to our families. I am not talking about our upbringing but about the mindset that surrounds us everywhere we go. Everything is decided by our parents; the boy, the girl, the date, the marriage. It takes a lot of courage to have a love marriage. I have seen loveless souls walking around, burdened by the decisions of their parents and families. I don’t know how this will ever work. But I have read The Fault in Our Stars. ☺

  Ruhi put her phone to charge and went to sleep.

  After an hour or so, Raghu dared to switch on his phone and Ruhi’s WhatsApp message immediately popped up. He mulled over it for a while and with an optimistic approach decided to take the next step. He knew that it was never easy to go up to the person you love and tell them how you feel, but he couldn’t risk losing Ruhi to the arms of another boy. Half the love stories in this world end before they can even begin because people are too scared to express their emotions, too scared of the rejection that they think might follow. Raghu still wasn’t completely confident, so he thought of another way to express his love. He ran off to
the campus, trying to avoid meeting anyone he knew.

  ‘Where are you heading? You seem to be in a great rush,’ Chris called out when he saw Raghu climbing up the staircase that led to the staff room.

  ‘I’ll talk to you later. Do you have any idea where Ruhi is?’

  ‘I think she’s in the canteen, why?’ he asked curiously.

  ‘Nothing,’ Raghu replied instantly, and avoiding further questions, hurried off.

  Intrigued, Chris followed him to the staff room. But Raghu did not stop there. He climbed further up the stairs until he reached the college studio. There Chris saw him talking to the person in charge and handing over some money. Confident that something was not right, Chris took the lift to the ground floor and reached the canteen. It was early morning and only a few chairs were occupied; most students were in class. He spotted Ruhi sitting with the others and hurried towards them.

  ‘Raghu is up to something.’

  ‘What happened?’ Ruhi asked.

  ‘I saw him giving some money to . . .’ Chris’s voice trailed off. He took a deep breath and sat down next to Jai.

  ‘Giving money to whom? Is everything fine?’

  ‘I don’t know. I saw Raghu giving some money to the studio in-charge.’

  ‘What? Why did he do that?’ asked Megha surprised.

  Ruhi looked at the messages they had exchanged the previous night. There were no clues there.

  As they tried to comprehend Raghu’s bizarre behaviour, they suddenly heard his voice boom all around them.

  ‘Ruhi . . . it’s me,’ Raghu’s voice was loud and clear through the college loudspeakers, used by the campus radio recording studio. ‘I don’t know how you will react to this, but I have to say it. I can’t keep this a secret any longer.’ He didn’t mention his name; Ruhi would know who it was.

  ‘Ruhi . . . you are my Hazel. Hazel from The Fault in Our Stars. I hope you know what I mean when I say this. I am not dying. I just wanted to say that . . . I have tasted love. I taste it every day. When I look at you, when I talk to you, everything you do makes me fall more in love. For a long time, I couldn’t understand why you were so special to me, but after the time we spent together I no longer have to wonder. It’s everything, everything you do, everything about you is special. Sometimes when I can’t bear to be away from you, I call you and hang up, afraid of what you will say. Even now I am afraid of what your reaction will be. But every time I close my eyes, I see you, your hair falling on your shoulders, the way you smile, the sound of your laugh. If I focus hard enough I can picture you standing beside me. But picturing you is not enough. It’s never enough. I want to be next to you right now. I want to look at your hands in mine. I want to know everything about you. I love you, Ruhi.’

  Ruhi listened without a word. The whole college did. After some time, Raghu came down the stairs nervously, excited to meet her, but afraid of being apprehended by professors or other members of the staff. The moment he reached the canteen door, he saw Ruhi, sitting with the others. She was stunned, unable to believe what had just happened.

  It was buzzing all around and yet, when their eyes met, their surroundings melted away in a blur. The romantic tension was evident in the way they walked towards each other; Ruhi blushed as the distance lessened and she came face-to-face with Raghu.

  ‘I am sure it’s every Ruhi’s dream for something like this to happen to her,’ she said. ‘Let them keep dreaming, I belong only to you. I want to reach out to you, touch you, and hear you say that you love me.’

  ‘I know, your eyes have always told me the truth, even if you were too scared to say it. I also want to feel your arms around me and feel safe, protected from everything.’

  ‘Don’t worry. I’ll always be there and together we will face whatever obstacle comes our way.’

  Love is often mistaken to be a simple emotion, but it’s not. It’s an incredibly personal feeling often mistaken for sheer ecstasy. When pure, love can be the bond between two souls and that is what Raghu and Ruhi became in that moment—two bodies with one soul.

  Eight

  Ruhi and Raghu had found a breath of fresh air in a city blanketed with smog. Ruhi had suppressed her feelings for Raghu, but after his declaration they broke loose like a tidal wave. He was like a sprouting seed that indicated new beginnings for her while she was the spark that illuminated the darkened gateways to his soul. The good mood spilled over on to Jai, Megha and Chris, who were also overjoyed at their friends’ new-found love. Megha couldn’t stop congratulating the couple, while Chris attributed the love to Damadam Mata’s blessing.

  ‘I have an idea.’ Ruhi grinned slyly, and Raghu’s eyes opened wide in understanding. ‘No way, Ruhi,’ Raghu said, shaking his head disbelievingly. ‘Yes way, come on,’ Ruhi announced as they got up to leave.

  Around midnight the same day, both Raghu and Ruhi were itching to see each other, despite spending the whole day together. Caught up in the excitement of the whirlwind love affair, Ruhi cooked up a plan to sneak into the boys’ hostel. She called Raghu. A few boys’ wings had a common mess for both boys and girls, so the plan was to gain entry through that.

  ‘You want to sneak into the boys’ hostel, and that too at midnight? Are you serious?’ Raghu asked incredulously.

  ‘I’m more than serious. It’s not a big deal. Girls are allowed in the common mess though boys aren’t allowed to enter the girls’ hostel. So let me take advantage of that and enter yours.’

  ‘Are you planning to get me murdered?’ Raghu couldn’t believe Ruhi actually wanted to take such a risk.

  ‘No, now put the phone down and open the door when I get there.’

  The only thing Ruhi was worried about was being seen by students of the AISC or SCI, but everything went smoothly and soon she was standing outside Raghu’s door.

  Raghu opened the door quietly, ‘You shouldn’t have taken this risk.’

  Ruhi didn’t bother to reply and planted a kiss on his lips. As their tongues swirled together, Raghu’s nervousness evaporated and he held her tight. They continued to kiss each other, until both of them were gasping for breath.

  ‘It’s not as bad as I expected,’ Ruhi said, scanning the room.

  ‘What did you expect?’

  ‘I expected at least a couple of your boxers lying around, that too unwashed, with holes in them.’ She laughed.

  ‘Isn’t that a very sexist thought? That girls are clean and tidy while guys are messy?’ Raghu asked as he placed a cup on the induction stove.

  ‘Do you even know how to cook or are you just showing off?’ she asked.

  ‘Oh please, I am a good cook. That’s why I prefer to keep an induction stove and a mini refrigerator despite paying for the mess food.’

  Raghu showed her the refrigerator which contained a few vegetables and some frozen chicken.

  ‘Let’s make something then,’ Ruhi suggested.

  ‘Sure, how about rajma? I already have some soaked.’

  ‘Great. Let me help you,’ she said, getting up from the bed and walking towards him.

  But Raghu warned, ‘Don’t come near the stove.’

  As he took out a vessel to cook the rajma, Ruhi popped up from behind him, ‘Are you going to let me help or not?’

  ‘Ah! No,’ Raghu said before she could reach the vessel.

  Once the vessel was on the stove, he walked over to his bookshelf and began browsing through his collection. Ruhi dipped her finger into the half-cooked rajma and gave him a teasing look. She flashed him an innocent smile while slowly licking her fingers.

  ‘What did I tell you?’ he said.

  ‘I don’t know, I wasn’t listening,’ came the coy reply.

  She took one more spoon just to tease him and let out a peal of delicious laughter. Raghu came towards her and she backed away playfully. ‘You’re not getting away that easily . . .’ Raghu chuckled and almost caught her, his hands grazing her waist. She squealed in surprise and in her attempt to get away from him, knocked the vess
el off the stove, spilling all its contents on the floor.

  ‘Now what are we going to do? You spilled all of it.’ Ruhi sighed.

  Raghu giggled. ‘Well, this time I’ll let you make it.’

  ‘But it’s your fault, you dropped it,’ she teased him, raising her eyebrows.

  ‘Well, you were the one who distracted me with your beauty, causing me to drop it.’ He had a flirty smile on.

  ‘OK, fine.’

  ‘How about you make more rajma while I clean up this mess?’ Raghu suggested.

  ‘Okay . . . But I don’t know how it will turn out.’

  ‘It doesn’t matter, I’m sure I’ll love it.’

  After the second batch of rajma was cooked, they both sat down to eat, basking in each other’s company. As Raghu was cleaning up the mess, Ruhi remembered the frozen chicken she had seen in the refrigerator. Unsure of whether to bring up the touchy subject, she remained quiet for a few minutes. But unable to hold herself back any longer, she finally asked, ‘Raghu . . . can I ask you something?’

  ‘Yes,’ he said, throwing the wasted rajma in the bin.

  ‘Will you take my request seriously?’

  ‘What happened?’ he asked, coming closer and holding her close.

  ‘I want you to stop eating non-vegetarian food. Not because I’m a Brahmin, but because I personally believe that humans have no right to kill animals. Every single animal has a right to live. I know your taste buds will crave for it but do you think you could try? Just for my happiness?’ Ruhi requested softly into his ears as he hugged her.

  ‘You thought I wasn’t serious about my New Year’s resolution?’

  ‘To be frank, yes.’

  ‘That’s rude.’

  ‘No. I mean no one takes their New Year’s resolutions seriously.’

  ‘But I take you seriously. I’ll throw the chicken that’s in my fridge and never eat again.’

  Ruhi grinned as Raghu tightened his grip on her waist. She was happier than when he had proposed; this was a commitment towards something she felt very strongly about. That night, after returning to her hostel, Ruhi slept like a baby, secure in the knowledge that Raghu respected her views and was serious about an effort to adopt them as his own.