Never Be Tamed

by Clare James

  The truth was, Mom didn't really like parenthood. Oh, she liked the idea of us for sure, but the reality of two kids by the time you’re twenty-four wasn’t all that exciting. She was never all that interested in our lives, even when Ben was still here. Everything we were, everything we did, was simply a reflection back on her. So anytime we made any sort of mistake, she’d taken it personally.

  She never understood that we were separate from her, with our own lives to lead, our own goals and dreams. It hurt me for a long time, and I guess the way I dealt with it was looking for love in other places. But the sad reality is you don’t get that unconditional love in other places. It comes from your parents and that’s about it. That was my experience, anyway. So when I couldn’t get that love from my first boyfriend Noah, I tried with his best friend. When I couldn’t get it from my best friend Jules, I tried with her boyfriend. You see where this is going, don’t you? This is why Samantha’s judgements about me weren’t far off. It’s also why I deserved everything I got. It should’ve been me who died in the accident, not my little brother.

  I guess some of my behavior could be blamed on that. Grief will make people do things that are batshit crazy. Double it, if that grief is wrapped up in guilt. But going back to when I was child, I had always been broken in some way. I’d always been missing or lacking. You can tell someone that you have to love yourself first before you can love anyone else. You have to find yourself worthy. You can’t rely on others to do it for you. But if you’re the one lacking, if you’re the one broken, that doesn’t quite compute. It took me a long time to realize that. I never wanted to be like my mom, trapped into a life that I didn’t want, and taking other innocents along with me. It all became really clear after Ben died, and after I broke up with Noah, and ruined the only real friendships I ever had.

  But for so long it felt better to lash out. It felt better to be the one hurting other people so they couldn’t hurt me first. It’s like when you hear about people who were abused as kids and they end up abusing their own children. It’s a cycle. And though it doesn’t make sense cognitively, it does when you’re in the moment.

  And then I found Gloria. It was self-serving at first for sure. I needed an independent study after I broke up with Noah. And it’d been too hard to face him and Tabby on my previous assignment on the university newspaper. I needed something of my own.

  Gloria and I hit it off the very first day, probably because she didn't take any of my crap. She took one look at my designer outfits and shoes and laughed in my face. But she didn't say anything, she let me figure it out on my own. I destroyed an $800 outfit my first day. But I learned a lesson quick. And I liked working there, I liked Gloria’s no-nonsense way of looking at life. I liked that this rough place in this broken-down building had become my escape, packed with so much love inside. And that wasn’t even considering the animals. Watching Gloria work at something she loved was inspiring. Soon I realized it didn’t matter what I was wearing or how I did my hair or my makeup. Heck, I could even come to work without brushing my teeth and the animals wouldn’t care.

  They started to give me a sense of purpose. They were so innocent and they needed someone to take care of them. That was all they needed—just the basics for survival.

  I decided then and there that this is what I wanted to do with my life. This is what made sense. Of course, my advisor at the university thought that maybe veterinarian medicine would be best, but there was no way I could take that kind of pressure. I knew that about myself. I couldn’t hold the life of another living creature in my hands. What if I couldn’t save them?

  When the knock on my door reverberated through the apartment again, I realized who it must be.

  Someone who was on a mission of his own.

  Chapter Seven

  Michael

  I’d never been more thankful for my own place than I was in the moment. It’d been a long day, a long week, and a little more drama-filled than I was used to. All I wanted was my couch, a cold beer, and ESPN.

  I was too lazy to make dinner, so I grabbed a box of dry cereal as I headed over to my recliner. I kept the volume on low, relishing in the quiet. Living with Tabby was nothing but people and talking and noise, noise, noise. This? This was bliss.

  Until there was a banging sound outside my door.

  Typically, this is when irritation would settle in, but instead, I was on alert. Another bang and then what sounded like a struggle outside my door. I immediately went into cop mode—sans the gun. I didn’t have my license yet and really didn’t believe in civilians having firearms in their homes, so I was waiting until I was officially on the force.

  Stupid mistake.

  My ears peaked like a German Shepard, and every muscle in my body coiled. I grabbed my baseball bat and looked out the peephole of my apartment door.

  Nobody was in the hallway.

  Another scuffle ensued.

  It was definitely coming from Jenna’s apartment. Enemy or not, I wouldn’t let anything happen to her. Not on my watch.

  I’d noticed a guy going inside her place when I came home earlier. Shit, what did he look like? Medium build, in my age range (early twenties) blonde hair…that’s all I had. I was trying not to notice, because I wasn’t happy with the way it made me feel that there was another man in Jenna’s apartment. I wasn’t happy with a lot of things that involved Jenna these days.

  In one stride, I was on the other side of the hall, next to her door, listening. My arm that was holding the bat twitched. I was ready to strike if I needed to.

  This time, after the rumbling stopped, Jenna’s light laughter filled the hallway.

  I tried to make sense of what was happening.

  She was talking now, her voice low, sexy.

  Holy shit. The guy from earlier must’ve been her date…or booty call…or whatever it was Jenna Peterson did with her willing victims. How I wanted to know what that was.

  Unfortunately, she opened the door before I had the chance to make it back to my single-guy sanctuary.

  So I did the only thing I could think of.

  Chapter Eight

  Jenna

  His name was Christian Cassidy. It was the name of a country singer, or maybe porn star, or would-be dog owner. We’d met at the shelter a week ago and he was interested in Ruby.

  Despite his loud entrance, he seemed nice enough and had all the right credentials and the perfect place for a dog, which was more than I could say for my apartment. Yet Ruby didn’t really take to him. She was completely standoffish during the entire visit. Oscar and Molly weren’t much better.

  Of course, they weren’t used to visitors, which was most likely the cause for their odd behavior. But I had this niggling feeling that maybe there was another reason.

  I was probably being stupid. “We’ll try again,” I told Christian on his way out. “She might just be tired today.”

  “Well, I’m willing to do whatever it takes,” he said. A perfect answer once again. He looked so hopeful, and I wasn’t ready to give up on the possibility for Ruby’s sake. Yes, I was being silly thinking that something might be off with Christian. Who was I to judge? I had no idea what constituted as normal, anyway.

  And speaking of strange behavior…

  When I opened the door to send Christian on his way, Michael was in the hallway, with a bat, taking some kind of imaginary batting practice. What on earth?

  We exchanged a quick glance, and his face wore an expression I’d never seen before and I’m not sure I cared for it one bit. It either looked like he wanted to kill me, or bed me. Like I said, I had no idea what constituted as normal. I didn’t say anything though until Christian was out the door and out of earshot.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” I asked him.

  “Like what?” questioned, holding the bat over his head to stretch his arms. “I’m not looking at you in any particular way, Jenna.”

  “More importantly, what the heck are you doing out here?”

/>   “Stretching,” he replied, as if it was completely normal to be in the hallway, stretching out with a baseball bat. He was hiding something.

  “Mmmhmm. Are you going to tell me the real reason?” I rubbed my temples; this day was giving me a headache. Either that, or I was hungry. I’d been so busy, I’d hardly eaten all week. So tonight, I was making an Italian feast.

  Michael didn’t answer my question, so we commenced a staring stand-off in the hallway.

  “I heard a struggle in your apartment,” Michael finally conceded.

  Well, that was something I didn’t expect. “And you came out to check on me?”

  He nodded.

  “Seriously? You were going to save me if I was in trouble?” My heart squeezed a little.

  “If I had to, but then I realized you just had a date.” He was sheepish with his reply, confusing the crap out of me. He’d been scarce the last week and I thought we were done being—well, whatever we were being. Not exactly friends, but not enemies either. I was under the impression that Tabby must’ve laid down the law.

  “A date?” I couldn’t help but laugh, imagining what that date with Christian would’ve looked like with the dogs running around like lunatics. Geez, did Michael think all that racket was part of my date?

  “Yes, you know, a date,” he said, his jaw clenched. “Maybe with the guy who just came out of your apartment with a smile on his face?”

  “So you thought that noise was us?” My voice was harsher that I intended it to be, but what kind of crap was this? I placed my mask firmly in place—this is why I always carried it with me.

  I never knew who would disappoint.

  I’m sure that Tabby, and God knows who else, had told him all about my alleged slutiness to warn him off, so I guess it made sense that he thought Christian and I were having kinky monkey sex. Why was I surprised? And more concerning, why did that bother me so much? “I know I have a reputation, but God, Michael.” I blinked away the tears that pricked my eyes.

  “I didn’t mean—” he began before I cut him off.

  “Hey, if you’re going to get all weird about it,” I added, taking a step closer and bringing the ball over to my court, “I’ll be sure you’re the first to know before I’m about to get freaky, so you don’t accidently bash in someone’s head over it.”

  His face flushed and he raked his hands through his hair, “I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. At. All. I freaked out a little when I heard all the noise. I was really worried about you.”

  It unnerved me the way he could peel back my armor so easily. He shared his thoughts—what seemed to be his very real thoughts—so easily.

  “So if it wasn’t a date, who was the guy?” he pressed.

  “He’s thinking about adopting Ruby,” I said, trying this conversation his way.

  His brows knitted together in question at the mention of Ruby. Oh, right, they hadn’t been formally introduced. “One of the lab pups,” I offered.

  “I thought she was yours.”

  “Nope. Just Oscar. I’m fostering the other two until I find homes for them. I don’t think our landlord would appreciate three dogs in the building.”

  “I didn’t think he’d allow one.” He smirked and I could tell Michael was the sort of guy to have read the entire policies and procedures of the building. A rule follower, this one. I supposed that’s why he was drawn to the police force.

  “Oh, Oscar’s a therapy dog,” I lied. I wasn’t ready to trust him with that important piece of info. I could handle pretty much anything, except losing Oscar.

  “Really?” Michael drew out the word.

  Busted.

  “You’re something else, Jenna,” he said, but I could tell there was no hidden meaning to his words. I also knew he wouldn’t turn us in.

  But then concern washed over his face. “Do you do that often?”

  “What?”

  “Give your address out at the shelter?” he asked with authority. Oh yeah, he was going to make a good cop. A hot cop. I tried not to picture him in his uniform.

  Crap, too late.

  “This was a special situation,” I assured him, fanning my face with my hand. Was it warm in here?

  “It’s not safe, you know that, right?”

  “That’s what I thought at first,” I agreed. “But you know, people can surprise you. I’m trying to have faith in that for a change.”

  I didn’t mean to say that last bit aloud. Thankfully, I didn’t have to expound on it, because I was saved by the bell. In this case, a beeping oven. “Okay, if there’s nothing else then, I’m going to grab my lasagna out of the oven.”

  As if on command, Michael’s stomach growled.

  It gave me the perfect opportunity.

  ***

  Michael

  The casual way Jenna knocked herself down had my stomach in knots. Somehow I had the feeling there was more to her so-called reputation—meaning maybe there wasn’t one. Hell, even if there was some truth to it, who cares? She had as much right as the next person to—how did she put it?— get freaky whenever the hell she wanted.

  The thought of that had me clearing my throat, well before my stomach started going off at the mention of lasagna. I was a hot mess, but lasagna was one of my weak spots. Getting freaky was another.

  “Well, come on in then,” Jenna said, shaking her head as she opened the door to her place.

  “What?” I asked, trying to hold in another stomach growl.

  “Playing coy, are we?” She looked at me expectedly. Her mask was nowhere to be found.

  “I don’t do coy,” I told her. It was true, I was always direct, straight to the point.

  “Okay, do you need your invitation engraved?”

  Smartass.

  “You’re inviting me in?”

  “I can’t just leave you out here wasting away when I have enough food to feed the neighborhood, can I?” She tugged my arm, pulling me across the threshold.

  And just like that, she was sweet again—The Dr. Jekyll version of Jenna. She had these two shades I was coming to know well, and hell, maybe even appreciate. She was definitely a mystery. I never knew who was going to show up.

  Still, it didn’t feel right to go inside. What would Tabby say?

  “It’s just a meal, Michael,” Jenna said softly, seeming to understand the battle going on in my brain.

  She was right. It was just noodles. And sauce. And some cheese. That’s all. Going in there and having my fill of those three items wasn’t a betrayal, was it?

  My body must’ve decided for me, because a minute later, I was in her place. It was nicer than mine. New appliances, and paint, and maybe floors, too. Didn’t surprise me; it was pretty obvious that Jenna had our landlord under her little thumb.

  It was cozy, with all the girly touches that guys never could get quite right. The things that made a place a home. My mom had been great at that, too. Tabby’s, however, was challenged in that way. Our place in Illinois had all the charm of a stuffy office building.

  “Have a seat,” Jenna said, motioning to the table. “I’ll grab another place setting.”

  I did as she asked while Ruby and Molly came over to sit at my feet. Oscar came in for a quick pet, but then just as abruptly, he turned around and found a corner and began licking his balls.

  It didn’t ruin my appetite in the least.

  Jenna served salad and bread and pasta that made my mouth water. I don’t think I talked for the first ten minutes of our dinner. Jenna didn’t seem to mind—that girl could shovel it in with the best of ‘em.

  She told me about her week and I could see why she was as hungry as I was. We were both running on fumes with work and classes. At least there was an end in sight. Spring break was next week and things would slow down for ten glorious days. Tabby and Noah were going to Mexico, so I wouldn’t have to talk to anyone or even leave the house if I didn’t want to. I wondered about my neighbor.

  “Are you going anywhere for spring break?”
I asked her, finding myself hopeful that she’d be around.

  “Just the shelter,” she said. “Well, if my boss will let me. She’s trying to get me some time off since it’s been so crazy the past few months.”

  “Have you been there for a while?” I couldn’t help the cop in me coming out.

  “A few years, since Gloria took it over,” she said in between bites.

  That’s right, I read about the new owner. I hated ruining the taste of my meal with all this work stuff, but I wanted to know.

  “The place on Cleveland, right?”

  She nodded.

  “It’s pretty run down,” I blurt like an idiot.

  “Well, you don’t mince words, do you?” She took a huge bite of her bread. “Actually, I have a friend with a foundation who’s going to help out with that.”

  Fuck, I hated the way she said friend.

  “You’re used to getting what you want, aren’t you?” Again, I had no filter. But she didn’t seem to be bothered, so I continued. I needed to know more about what made her tick.

  “How so?” She sat up straight, setting her fork down.

  “On campus, your minions follow you around, hanging on every word you say. And the guys follow, dropping at your feet. You have a dog in a pet-free complex, and your apartment is much nicer than mine with a bunch of new shit that doesn’t resemble any of the units I looked at in this building. And now, you say you have a friend who’s going to take care of the animal shelter where you work.”

  Her eyes grew wide.

  Shit, someone needed a brush up on his interrogation skills because he was fucking this right up. And thinking in the third person wasn’t helping matters.

  Grilling Jenna this way, wasn’t going to give me the answers I was looking for.

  “Been watching me, have you?” she asked, now painting a bored look on her face.

  “Maybe a little.”