Never Be Tamed

by Clare James

“Well, don’t believe everything you see.” She pushed away her plate, and my chest hurt, knowing I’d made her lose her appetite. Why couldn’t I just leave things alone?

  Because you want her, that’s why.

  It was true, and maybe I was looking for some justification for the feelings that were igniting under the surface.

  “So tell me how it is, then,” I challenged.

  “Okay,” she continued, looking more engaged now. “I hang out with the minions on campus because I don’t have real friends, okay? And I don’t want to be alone. It’s easy with them. Like attracts like, and you know what they say, once a mean girl...”

  She turned away, and Oscar came to sit by her side. Without looking, she reached down to pet him.

  “And the guys?” I pushed.

  “I had a few missteps after my brother died, maybe you heard about that from Tabby or Noah?”

  I nodded. They had filled me in on more than I needed to know, and suddenly it felt like such an invasion of privacy. Tabby was only trying to protect me from Jenna, or maybe, protect herself, but it still didn’t feel right.

  “The accident was my fault,” Jenna said, and I understood that guilt more than she knew.

  “Accidents aren’t anyone’s fault,” I said. “That’s why they’re called accidents.”

  She shook her head, not wanting to hear that. “I know what you’re trying to do, I’ve been to enough shrinks. And I’ve come to terms with a lot of it, but the simple fact is that I should’ve stayed sober and drove us home instead of letting my little brother do it. I’ve learned since then that my mistake doesn’t mean I’m a worthless human being, but I do need to take responsibility for my role in his death.”

  “That sounds surprisingly healthy.”

  “Don’t get me wrong, I have bad days.” She laughed, but it didn’t reach her eyes. “Once I came back to school, I didn’t really care about anything other than finding ways to escape, even for a little while. So I had a few one-night-stands, and that’s all it took to get a reputation. At the time, it didn’t matter to me because I was so numb. But sometimes—actually most of the time—I didn’t even sleep with the guy, but he still needed his story.”

  The blood started boiling under my skin. And the more Jenna talked, the more similar her story sounded to Tabby’s. How was I the only person who saw it?

  My voice softened then, feeling that same overprotective streak slicing through me. Though that’s where the Tabby/Jenna similarities ended. At least where my feelings were concerned.

  Jenna made my blood boil, and had every hair on my body standing on edge. She was this heat. This awareness. And I hated, hated, that she’d been used.

  “And now?” I couldn’t stop the fucking interrogation because I needed to know how badly she was still hurt. I needed to know if there was a chance for more. There was something between us that I couldn’t shake, and hell if the past week had helped matters. No, it only intensified the feelings. The thoughts. Shit, the way she invaded my brain whenever I was trying to alleviate the pressure behind my fly.

  “Now, I try to keep things simple and fun,” she said. “No strings, I am not into relationships.”

  I couldn’t tell if that was a warning or an invitation. She’d been ready to say yes when I asked her to show me around the neighborhood that first day, I know she had. And hey, I was the king of simple and fun, no strings.

  “Why are you looking at me like that?” she asked, practically stumbling over her words. And Jenna didn’t stumble.

  I was happy to know that I had an effect on her as well.

  “I think you know,” I told her, not changing the expression on my face.

  I knew damn well what she was seeing. Pure want. Pure need. Good. She should finally know what she was doing to me.

  “I thought you didn’t like coy, Michael?”

  Okay, so the snark was back—the Jenna I’d come to know. This was all her, the real her, without all the pretense, the clothes and hair, and presentation. And I’d take the understated Jenna any day of the week. The natural face with that porcelain skin that made her look younger, more innocent, that she was. The pert nose and those calculating eyes, but now they weren’t so much calculating as they were careful—considering our situation. And yes, it sure as shit was a situation.

  One we’d take care of one way or another.

  Chapter Nine

  Jenna

  I think you know.

  That’s what he said to me when I asked why he was staring. I think you know. His eyes were black, his expression edging on threatening, and I’d practically gone into heat.

  Oscar looked over at me and shook his head.

  The air was crackling with tension, the rush of energy bouncing off the walls with nowhere to go. My heartrate kicked up to my aerobic training zone—the sweet spot in running, where my breathing was comfortably hard, but I could hold the pace for a long time. I would not crumble just because I had a hot guy in my apartment who may or may not have been interested in making a move on me.

  I pushed the last of my lasagna around my plate, unable to eat another bite. When I glanced up from the noodle carcass, Michael’s eyes had lightened a little and I wondered if the moment had passed. I certainly wasn’t going to poke that hornet’s nest—someone could get hurt. By someone I meant me, so I put my mask back on.

  “You eat like a linebacker,” I said, moving on to a safer topic.

  “I was so hungry, you don’t even know.” He moved the napkin off his lap and placed it on the table before he began shredding it.

  Lucky napkin.

  I searched my repertoire of witty innuendo, flipping through all of those comebacks I was known for, and got nothing. Nothing. I was so incredibly out of practice at this, and I rarely spent time with someone who mattered. As much as I hated to admit it, I cared about what this guy thought, and that was a dangerous position to be in. With Michael, I didn’t think I could ever be on my A game. With him, I had a feeling that there’d be no games at all.

  He’d notice. He noticed everything. The two sides of me. The girl who had to be perfect and untouchable. And the me who was trying so hard to start over, but was always prepared to run away if I had to.

  But I didn’t want to run away anymore. I wanted to run toward something for a change.

  Michael had become important to me. I don't know why or how, but he did. Being around him made me feel like I was getting away with something—something extra that I wasn't supposed to have.

  Whenever I passed him a dish, the back of my fingers brushed the front of his. That ghost of a touch was more than I’d felt from another human being in so long, and my reaction was visceral. The connection ignited a fire inside, burning low in my belly.

  From the destruction of his napkin to the wickedness of his eyes, he wasn’t in any better shape than I was. We both tried—unsuccessfully—to ignore it.

  Silence swelled in the room as Michael watched me and I watched him. The evening was ending. We both knew our time was almost up. This was a stolen moment and one we probably shouldn’t repeat. It seemed like he was reluctant to go, but I couldn’t tell if that was just my wishful thinking. I was definitely reluctant to let him leave.

  It reminded me of something I hadn’t thought about in a long time. When Ben and I were little, Dad would always take him outside and do “guy stuff.” Throw a ball around, mess with golf clubs, anything that had to do with sports, really. I always followed along, and Dad would indulge me as long as Ben was there. I never wanted our time together to end, and as Dad would try to wrap it up, I’d say, “Not yet, Daddy. Not yet.” Usually followed by “One more, Daddy. One more.” One more pitch of the ball, or push on the swing, one more race down our street. It was one of the only times I didn’t feel so lonely as a kid.

  That’s what this dinner felt like to me. I didn’t want it to end. I didn’t want the loneliness to seep back in. I wanted to scream, “Not yet, just one more. One more.”

 
I couldn’t meet Michael’s eyes because I knew they’d pull me in and make it even harder for me to say goodnight. And by the end of the evening, I’d put on and taken off my mask so many times I was exhausted. Not that my efforts mattered anyway, because he could see right through it all.

  “Jenna,” he said softly.

  “Yeah?” I answered. We had already walked to the door and I was looking for something, anything, to fidget with so I wouldn’t have to face him.

  Michael wasn’t having it.

  “Jenna,” he said with more force this time. “Look at me.”

  I flashed my gaze up to him and then back down, quickly.

  It wasn’t enough for him. He placed a finger under my chin and tipped my face up to his so I had no choice this time. His eyes were soft, but intense. Not quite black as they were before, but they were dilated, and his lids were slightly hooded. It made me wonder what my eyes looked like to him in the moment. Were they giving me away? Could he see that he had broken through the wall that not many people had? Did he know how desperately I wanted him to stay? Could he tell I needed his touch?

  Did he know he was dealing with a completely sex-starved, socially awkward, recluse?

  The corner of his mouth quirked up just then, and I thought yes, maybe he did know.

  “Thank you for dinner,” he said as my eyes tore away from his and focused on his mouth. He licked his bottom lip, and the flickers flashed in my stomach again. Sparks working toward a flame.

  I nodded, unable to find my words when he was invading my space.

  His lips moved closer to my face, and I swallowed, bracing myself.

  My throat went try. My hands shook. And that flame took hold inside me. I didn’t want to wait for him. I wanted to kill the daylight between our bodies while my hands tangled in his hair. I wanted to know what he tasted like. There was so much I wanted, but in the end, I couldn’t do any of those things.

  And instead of his lips descending on mine, they veered left, and landed on the shell of my ear.

  “And just so you know,” he said with a ragged breath that I felt from the top of my scalp all the way down to my toes, “I’m not afraid of anything.”

  He pressed his lips on my cheek, and then he was gone.

  Chapter Ten

  Michael

  I. Am. So. Fucking. Lame. It’s 3:00 a.m. and I can’t sleep, wound so tight that I jump at the slightest sound from next door. I kept going over my dinner with Jenna in my mind. And that stupid kiss at the end of the night. Her cheek…what the hell was I thinking? I should’ve captured her mouth, slammed her back against the door, and took her on the freaking couch for Christ’s sake. Instead, I opted for a chaste peck on the cheek like I was her favorite uncle or something.

  I’d gone soft. And though Jenna showed me her vulnerable side, I knew she didn’t need soft. But this protective streak took up more of me than I wanted it to. And in my effort to be a stand-up guy, I’d completely forgotten what a woman like Jenna needed. Hell, I’d forgotten how to take what I needed

  So instead of a sexy, willing woman tangled up in my bedsheets, I was alone and wide awake in the middle of the night fantasizing about the vixen who’d been tormenting me ever since I moved in.

  And on top of it all, I was hot, sweaty, and irritated as all fuck.

  She wanted me, I knew she did. The heat between us, the electric current that sparked at the briefest connection, couldn’t be ignored.

  The fact that she wasn’t right for me made the situation even worse. It made me want her more. My eyes rolled back into my head thinking about the way she had touched me the first time. I’m a creepy fuck for thinking this way, but when she slipped in the courtyard and her hand grazed across my dick it did something to me. Of course it did. But I mean something more than physical, and I couldn’t get her out of my mind. I couldn’t stop thinking about how it would feel if she did touch me deliberately. If she wanted me.

  Christ, why was it so hot in here?

  I should’ve worn some goddamn clothes to bed so I wouldn’t be so tempted to rub one off with her face in my head, her words in my ears, her touch on my skin.

  I gripped my shaft, low at the base, and allowed myself one slow stroke. It would be so fucking good with her. My fist pumped again, this time of its own volition. Soon, I was lost in the image of her strawberry hair and green eyes and all that porcelain skin. I was caught up in the grip of my fist, and the ache low in my balls. I let myself get off on it. And when I came hard and fast, nothing but her name was on my lips.

  “Why are you such a bear this morning?” Tabby asked from the phone, far too early for the weekend. I slowly pried one lid open, and then the other.

  “Hey T-bear,” I yawned, “what’s up?”

  “Breakfast, you tool,” she said, reminding me of our morning date. She was leaving soon and wanted to catch up before spring break. “What’s wrong with you? You sound weird.”

  “You know how my weekends are,” I told her. “I don't mean to be a dick, I'm just tired, that’s all.”

  “I'm sorry, big brother, but you’re not getting out of breakfast. I’m going to be in Mexico for ten days and I need to spend time with you before I leave.”

  “I want that too, Tab,” I told her. I rolled out of bed, found a pair jeans on the floor and yanked them on, then scrounged around for a clean T-shirt. “I'll wait for you outside in the parking lot.”

  I was hoping maybe some fresh air would do me some good.

  “Okay, I’ll see you in about ten,” she said before hanging up.

  I hated the dread knotting in my stomach, knowing that I’d been betraying my sister by spending time with Jenna. But hell, I don’t ever remember being so hard up for a girl. I had it bad, but maybe spending some time with Tab was exactly what I needed to get my head on straight.

  Or not.

  When I got out to the parking lot, Jenna was there with the mutts. Of fucking course. She looked adorable in her pj shorts and oversized sweatshirt, clomping around in a pair of winter boots. Molly and Ruby were running around her in circles, practically tying her up in their leashes. Perfect. That only brought to mind other things that I’d like to do with the woman. Those lucky mutts.

  “Hey,” I called out to her, unable to help myself. “There’s a noise ordinance in the neighborhood, you know. We have quiet hours,” I looked at my watch, “for another fifteen minutes.”

  “Is that so?” she asked, a soft smile on her lips.

  I approached. “It is. Here, let me help you with that,” I said as I grabbed Ruby’s leash and tried to untangle her. I bent down and looped the leash between her legs, unraveling one and then the other.

  Just don’t touch her skin, moron.

  “Why are you so nice to me?” she asked, the words hanging in a bubble above her head to illustrate what a schmuck I was. But I was so far beyond getting the message. Jenna’s cinnamon scent filled the air around us making my brain all weird and fuzzy. I sucked it all into to my lungs, desperate to hold on to some little part of her.

  Beautiful, now I sounded like a serial killer.

  I touched her cheek, trying for some semblance of normal. “You deserve someone to be nice to you, Jenna. You deserve so much.”

  That was the absolute truth.

  “So how did you sleep?” she asked.

  “Not great. You?”

  “Same. Are you working today?” she asked, reaching down to pet Oscar. I was already kneeling by Molly and Ruby, trying to keep them from twisting their leashes again.

  “Yeah, I was just going out to grab some breakfast before my shift."

  “Oh, you know I was wondering—”

  I interrupted her by looking over my shoulder when Tabby arrived and never got a chance to hear the end of that sentence. My sister was there waiting for me, and I wasn’t going to risk being seen with Jenna to set her off. So I turned away with hardly a goodbye.

  Oscar barked at me as I made my way to Tabby’s car. If I didn’t know bet
ter, I’d swear he’d just called me an asshole.

  Tabby and I caught up over omelets and pancakes, and I felt a little better when we parted. A little less like a turncoat. I wanted to tell her what Jenna and I were becoming, but I didn’t know what that was so I decided not to mention it to Tab until I could define it. She didn’t freak out when she saw Jenna in the courtyard, so maybe she was getting used to the idea of her being around.

  The station was pretty quiet when I arrived for my shift. I know it’s a little sick, but I was hoping for a shooting or robbery today to make things a little interesting. So far, all I’d seen was a few leftover drunks from the night before.

  “Let’s go, kid,” Jones said before I even made it over to my work area. He was gulping down a Styrofoam cup of sludge, which made no sense when there was a perfectly good Starbucks across the street that was now open.

  He waved me over and the adrenaline started to kick in. Maybe it was going to be a good day.

  “We’ve got a new tip on the shelter,” he added.

  Shit.

  We jumped into the squad car and drove the seven minutes to Top Dog, and I broke out into a sweat. Jones pulled to a stop across the street and we sat and watched for a minute.

  In the large front window, I spotted Jenna. She had a puppy in her arms and a huge dog at her hip. She was smiling—the real smile—completely in her element. She was destroying me, and I couldn’t believe it was all going to end before it ever started, because the way Jenna felt about this place, and the animals, she’d never forgive me if she knew I was on the team trying to shut it down.

  “All right,” Jones said when he was ready. “Let’s go in. But this time, you take the lead.”

  Chapter Eleven

  Jenna

  After Michael left this morning, I felt empty and rung out, twisted, drained, and left in a heap of unwanted. Dramatic much? So what? I had every right to be in a mood.