by TJ Rudolph
“You tried to pull this shit on me, Cherry, I’m going to kill you,” he said as he stomped toward her and she cowered with her hand over her head.
“Wait, Jerry.” I said and went to stand in front of my mother to shield her from him, even though my knees were trembling. “I can do this. I’ve done it for years without anyone noticing!”
Chase was next to me now. “Is everything okay, Grace?”
“Yeah, fine,” I said, “please just stay out of it.”
“You have yourself a bodyguard here,” Jerry laughed insincerely.
“You better not touch her,” Chase warned.
He laughed louder. “And I suppose you are going to stop me?” he taunted him.
I put my hand on Chase’s and moved him to one side. “Chase, these guys they… Please just don’t say anything.”
“Who are these people, Grace?”
“I will explain everything later, please just trust me,” I said now close to tears because I knew Jerry would kill Chase in a heartbeat.
I walked back to Jerry. “So are you going to let me go on or cancel this show because she sure as hell can’t sing.”
“You had better pull this off, Grace or you can dig two graves, maybe three,” he said motioning to Chase.
I swallowed nervously.
And then I heard her name being announced. “And now ladies and gentlemen, the moment you have all been waiting for… Cherry D!”
I picked up the guitar and walked out. I wasn’t usually nervous but with Jerry so close to us, I could feel the fear choking me.
I walked up to the microphone and the lights shone onto me. The room was set up auditorium style and it was packed. The crowd roared while I tried to settle my nerves. I started strumming the guitar and closed my eyes. I did what I always did when I was on stage; I pretended that I was somewhere else. Alone in my room playing for Aaron and then the words flowed effortlessly. I sang a few songs over the screaming fans and then I saw Jerry grinning at me from a glass box which was mounted above the people.
When the stage went dark an hour later for the break, everyone was chanting for Cherry D to come back. I walked toward Chase and I could see the pride in his eyes and for once I didn’t feel ashamed of singing. He pulled me into his arms. “Grace that was the most amazing thing I have ever heard.”
I felt so safe in his arms, the way I felt when Aaron would hold me after a night with my mother. Was I replacing Aaron with Chase? It felt so unfair to both of them, but in that moment, I didn’t want to be anywhere else. He held me until we heard my mother’s name again. I walked back onto the stage and played a few more songs.
“I will be playing my last song,” I announced to the crowd. “It’s called The Simpler Days. Thank you all for coming out tonight,” I said as the band started playing.
I wasn’t sure if I wanted to sing this song with Chase watching me, but I didn’t prepare anything else. It was a song I wrote for my mother. I sang it every night at her shows for two years hoping that she would hear me screaming to her over all the noise. But she was too far gone for me to save.
I shakily started strumming the guitar but the words wouldn’t come out. The band stopped playing and I started to feel sick. The crowd was cheering me on, but it did nothing to calm me. Then I saw Chase in the corner of my eye and I turned to look at him and he smiled at me. A smile I knew so well, the one I would get from Aaron almost every day. One that reassured me that I would get through everything bad that I had been through, because he was there and he believed in me. I wasn’t sure if I could trust Chase that much. But he was there and he never gave me any reason to think otherwise. And in that moment, I decided that perhaps it was time to let someone in again. To allow Chase to be that person.
The band started playing the intro for the third time and then the words came out.
Why are we here? Take my hand and let’s just leave.
What do I have to do, to make you love me more than this?
When did it all go wrong, please let it go.
I don’t want to be in this life alone.
Let’s go back to the simpler days, to the days when it was just us three.
To the day when nothing else mattered but me.
And if I cannot change your mind, please just let me go.
Because living in a world like this, is crueler than you know.
When the song was over and the lights faded, I could feel my eyes burning, but I swallowed the lump in my throat and walked away and I felt the same way I always did before Aaron saved me. Empty. Alone.
But then I looked up into Chase’s eyes and he was waiting for me. Waiting to make it okay, the beautiful, dangerous man I vowed to stay away from and as I walked up to him, he grabbed me in his arms. “Grace…” he breathed “that was…you are amazing, you know that!”
“Thank you,” I whispered as my eyes filled with tears.
He picked up my jacket and held it open. “You ready?” he asked.
I slipped it on and nodded. I wanted to get out of there as soon as possible. I didn’t bother to look for Cherry, she was probably long gone by now, her debt was paid and she didn’t need me anymore. But I was okay with that, I gave up on her a long time ago. It didn’t hurt anymore.
As we walked out onto the dark side street where Chase’s car was parked, a black limo pulled up next to us and the tinted window rolled down slowly. It was Jerry’s cold black eyes staring at me. “You did great tonight, baby, maybe we should do this again.”
Chase stepped in front of me. “She did what you wanted, so now you leave her alone,” he warned.
Jerry burst out in laughter, “you should be careful son,” he said as he drove off.
I must have started to shake, because Chase put his arms around me. “It’s over now, Grace, let’s go home.”
“You shouldn’t speak to Jerry like that, Chase,” I said weakly as we were driving home. “He is a very dangerous man.”
“I don’t give a shit who he thinks he is, if he ever comes near you again, Grace, I swear I will kill him.”
I sighed not sure what to make of his over protectiveness and hoping that Jerry would forget about him. He had a habit of holding grudges.
I was exhausted when I got home; I went straight to the shower and let the burning water run over my body. I stood there until my skin was red, hoping that scalding water would burn the scars off my soul. But I knew my past would always haunt me and I turned off the water and fell into the shower and sobbed.
When I felt calmer, I climbed out and towel dried my hair. I walked to my room and found a message from my dad asking me how things went and a message from Bobby wanting to know when I would be back. I was too tired to respond so I put my phone in my drawer and walked to where Chase was sitting.
He immediately put his arm around me when I sat down and I rested my head on his shoulder. We watched a mute movie flashing on the screen.
“So do you want to tell me who that guy was?” Chase spoke up breaking the silence.
I took a deep breath; there was no reason to hide this part of my life from Chase any longer. “Jerry is a big time mobster and a drug Lord, he was the one who supplied my mother with drugs. The cost of cause was singing for him. My father was not home enough to notice the change in her, but I did. She went from doting mother to mood swinging Cherry D. She came home one day and saw me playing my guitar and came to sit with me. We sang a song together and it warmed my heart, I hadn’t seen that side of her in a long time. She played me just right to, she came home and spent time with me for a few days before she dropped the bomb that she wanted me to sing on her behalf.”
I cringed as I relived the memory and Chase pulled me closer when he noticed.
“You don’t have to go further,” he said.
I shook my head, “it’s fine I want to. I was young and stupid back then, she fed me a lot of lies and I believed her. I wanted to help her. I sang practically every night and she robbed me of everything.
&
nbsp; “Didn’t Jerry notice that you weren’t her?” Chase questioned.
“I suppose he had his suspicions, but he didn’t care as long as the money rolled in. He took every cent she ever made and she just lied to my dad that she wasn’t getting any gigs, causing him to work harder to support us.”
“That bastard will get his in the end,” Chase seethed.
“Chase if you ever come across him again, you shouldn’t…He is a dangerous man.”
He relaxed his creased eyebrows, “I’m not that fragile, Grace.” He nudged me playfully.
“I didn’t think that you were,” I smiled up at him. “And I’m sorry you got messed up in my weird life.
He was quiet for a moment, “Grace you’re not the only one with a fucked up past. At least you had one parent who loved you.”
What does that mean, I wondered? Chase never told me what he did in juvi and I didn’t want to ask.
“You grew up without parents?” I asked. He shook his head, “my dad died recently and well, my mom was never really a mother to me.”
“Chase, I’m so sorry about your dad,” I sat up shocked.
“Don’t be, he was a bastard, he didn’t die early enough if you ask me.”
I stared at the side of his face, his eyes were filled with hatred and my heart suddenly ached for him.
He turned his face to me and his eyes softened. I don’t know why I did what I did, but I just wanted to make him feel better. I was so grateful for everything he had done; I wanted to do something for him. But I knew the real reason was that I wanted to kiss him, because over these past few weeks I had fallen for him. So I leaned in to his face and he looked at me conflicted, his eyes searching mine and then he looked away.
“Grace… I…”
“No, I’m sorry,” I said standing up quickly, “you just want to be friends, I get it! How could I be so stupid.”
“Grace, please it’s not like that.”
“Don’t bother, Chase, it’s my fault. I’m sorry.”
I went to my room and shut the door, tears streaming down my face.
Why did I do that, why did I have to ruin everything? I walked over to my bed and held onto my pillow, “Aaron why did you have to leave me,” I whispered, “I am so lost without you.” I lay in my bed for a few hours, sobbing, until I eventually fell asleep.
The next morning, I packed my bags and put it in the car. I was dreading the drive home because it was me who made this whole situation awkward. Chase made it clear that we should just be friends and it was me who made a fool out of myself. I found him making coffee in the kitchen when I walked back in.
“Grace, I…” he started saying something but I cut him off.
“No, Chase, you really don’t need to say anything, I was stupid. I didn’t even mean to do that I just didn’t know how to make you feel better.”
“So you didn’t really want to kiss me?” He scrunched up his face.
“No! I don’t want to ruin what we have. I really like you and you have been really good to me, I would not have been able to do this without you, so I really am sorry. You didn’t deserve for me to spring something like that on you.”
He turned away and looked at his cup of coffee on the wooden table. “We should get going,” he said.
Chapter 8
I felt Chase distancing himself over the next few days. He would just pop into my room every now and then to check if I heard anything from Cherry and if I was okay. We were now picture-perfect friends only, except for the part where I ruined even our friendship.
Bobby came over to my room Friday with a little suitcase, “I’m staying here for the weekend,” she announced. I told her what happened with Chase and she tried her best to keep me distracted.
We watched re-runs of an old sitcom and then I got up to make us something to eat. “What do you want for dinner?” I asked when we heard a knock on the door.
I went to open it and found Dean leaning against the doorframe and Sebastian next to him.
“Hey, guys.” I smiled. “Do you need something?”
“Hey, Grace,” Dean said, “I was actually wondering if Bobby was here.”
I moved aside. “Please, come in.”
“Hey Bobby,” Dean said sitting down next to her. “I’m sorry to ruin girls’ night in, but I was wondering if I could steal you for an hour or two.”
“Actually, I promised Grace I would stay with her so maybe another time.”
“No, go,” I urged her. “I’m sure what Dean has planned is much more exciting than what we’re doing.”
“Are you sure?” she asked, her question full of hidden meanings.
“Yes,” I said, as I handed her jacket. “Please go.” I knew that she was also afraid that she might actually like Dean.
“I’ll go but only if you share the food you were going to make with Sebastian.”
I looked at Sebastian, “okay with me,” he shrugged.
“I’ll be back soon, I promise,” Bobby said to me.
“Take your time,” I told her.
After they left, Sebastian and I decided on pizza. I took out the store bought bases I had in the freezer and he helped me put the toppings on, laughing at my peculiar combinations. “Banana and avocado, is weird,” he argued.
I shook my head, “don’t knock it, until you’ve tried it.”
I heard another knock on my door as I was about to put the pizza in the oven and Sebastian went to open it. Chase walked in and his eyes darted from me to Sebastian and back to me and then he walked back out again.
Sebastian got up to go after him but I stopped him. “Let me go,” I said.
“Chase!” I called as he headed out of the building; he ignored me and continued walking. I ran outside with no shoes on and hugged myself as the cold hit me. “Chase wait,” I said as I grabbed his arm. He turned to look at me but said nothing.
“What is your problem, Chase?”
“What is Sebastian doing in your room, Grace?”
“What? Is that what you’re angry about? I don’t think I need to explain myself to you,” I said and crossed my arms.
“I thought we went over this, he is not a good guy when it comes to women.”
“We’re having pizza, Chase not jumping into bed together. What is your problem anyway? You don’t want to be with me but nobody else can? Do you have any idea how insane that sounds?”
“It’s not that I don’t… I just want you to be careful,” he said his voice softening.
“You have already said that and as I said before, Chase, I am a big girl and I damn sure will be with whoever I want to. If you are my friend as you’re always reminding me, then you will stay the hell out of this.”
“Whatever, Grace,” he said as he turned around. “You do what you want.”
“I will!” I screamed at him as tears stung my eyes.
I walked slowly back into the building and stood outside my door for a while, I felt kind of ridiculous that we fought like two kindergarteners, but who did he think he was anyway. I wiped my eyes and took a deep breath before I walked back in.
“Everything okay?” Sebastian asked.
“Yeah,” I tried to smile.
“Look, Grace, Chase is my friend; I don’t want to get in the way of whatever is going on with you two.”
“Believe me absolutely nothing is going on with us, as Chase reminds me all the time, we are just friends.”
“Trust me, Grace, I’ve known Chase for a long time and there is definitely more than feelings of friendship going on there.”
