Beyond the Lens

by Hannah Ellis

  “And, in Matt’s defence,” Dylan jumped in, “he later rated you ten out of ten for looks …”

  “Shut up!” Matt shouted. “No spoilers! If people want to know their ratings, they need to watch the show. Now let’s go downstairs and I’ll buy everyone a drink.”

  “That would be nice!” Dylan said. “I’ve been thinking it might be time people started paying for drinks.”

  “But we only hang out here for the free drinks,” Kelly told him with a cheeky grin.

  “Are you okay?” I asked Adam, who’d gone suspiciously quiet.

  “Hey! You’re going to be a TV star now too,” Matt said.

  “I think I’m going to go home,” Adam said.

  “Why?” Matt asked. “We’re going down for drinks now.”

  Adam shrugged and we started to make our way downstairs. “I’m going to head off,” he told me while the rest of the gang helped themselves to drinks in the back room of the pub.

  “What’s wrong?” I asked.

  “Nothing,” he said when I followed him out of the backdoor. “I’ll call you tomorrow. Will you be okay getting home?”

  “I’m fine.” I tried to smile, but my confusion must have been evident.

  “Sorry – it’s just that I’m going to be splashed across the media now too. That’s why they didn’t care that I interacted with you. They knew it would make great TV.”

  “It won’t be so bad. Most of the time you weren’t doing anything. Besides, it can’t be worse than what I’ve had to deal with.”

  “But you chose it!” he snapped. “They asked you to be on a TV show and you agreed, even if you didn’t really know what you were getting into. I was just doing my job.”

  “Okay.” I stepped back, stunned by his tone. “I didn’t really choose for everything I said and did to be twisted.”

  “I know.” His eyes softened and he took a step towards me. “I’m sorry. I didn’t mean it like that.”

  “It’s fine. Just go home.”

  “I’m sorry,” he said again, pulling me to him. “I want to talk to Carl and check over our contracts. I hope they can’t air all the footage of us legally, but due to the nature of the show, they updated our contracts. I didn’t think anything of it at the time, but I guess they’ve covered all their bases. You go back inside and have a good night. I’ll talk to you tomorrow.”

  I gave him a quick kiss and went back inside.

  “What do you want to drink?” Ryan shouted over the bar. He was mixing cocktails again.

  “Nothing, thanks. I’m going to go too.”

  “Is everything okay?” Chrissie asked. “What’s going on with Adam?”

  “It’s fine,” I told her. “He’s just stressed.”

  “Do you want me to come with you?” she offered.

  “No, stay and have fun. I’ll be fine. I just don’t really feel very sociable.”

  “I’ll come and make sure you find a taxi,” Matt said.

  “You don’t need to; I’m quite capable.”

  “Shut up and let me be a gentleman!” He nudged me towards the door and I shouted goodbye to the rest of the gang.

  Chapter 35

  Max and Jacob jumped all over me the minute I walked through the door the following evening.

  “How are you?” Kerry asked, shooing the boys out of the way to hug me.

  “Okay, I suppose.”

  “So I get to watch what really happened now?” she said. “This is going to be fun.”

  “Don’t watch it,” I pleaded with her. “I’m embarrassed. And actually, I wanted to talk to Dad. I said some things … and I just thought I’d better talk to him in case he sees it.”

  “Okay.” She looked at me sympathetically. “We were just going to eat, though.”

  “Great, I’m starving. I’ll talk to him later. I presume there’s enough food for me?”

  “Always,” she told me cheerfully.

  Over dinner, the boys flicked from one bizarre conversation to the next, and we covered topics from where dinosaurs go to buy shoes to why some eggs are for hatching and some are for eating. They never stopped talking, and they never failed to make me laugh.

  “You two clear up,” Kerry instructed Dad and me. “I promised the boys I’d play a game with them before bed.”

  I smiled at her, knowing that was my cue to chat to Dad.

  “Have you started job-hunting yet?” Dad asked when I followed him into the kitchen with plates in both hands.

  “Not yet.”

  “Sorry, Kerry told me not to ask. I just wondered, that’s all.”

  “It’s fine. I can live off my savings for a couple of months. With all this TV stuff, I haven’t had time to think about getting another job. I’d like to find something I really want to do, rather than just take what I can find.”

  He nodded vaguely as he started loading the dishwasher. I scraped and washed the dishes and handed them to him. “Are you okay with all the stuff on the TV now? Kerry was worried it’d upset you.” He was clearly uncomfortable with the subject.

  “Yeah, it’ll all be fine,” I told him. “But I did want to talk to you about it … They’re going to show everything now. An uncut, unedited version …”

  “Yeah, I watched the show with Kerry last night.”

  “Okay.” I hesitated, not quite sure how to go on. “I just wanted to warn you. I think I said some things about you and Mum … not really bad, but just …”

  “I don’t care,” he said, straightening up from the dishwasher to look me in the eye.

  “I can’t remember exactly what I said, but it definitely wasn’t complimentary.” I bit my lip, feeling terrible.

  “Look …” He flicked the kettle on and passed me the biscuit tin. “I’m well aware that you didn’t have the easiest of childhoods, and I’m sorry about that …” He put his hand up to silence me as I tried to butt in. “I know how it was with your mum, and I definitely didn’t win any Father of the Year awards. Nothing you say on that TV show is going to make me think or feel any differently about you.”

  “Okay,” I said as tears filled my eyes.

  “You’ll be okay,” he told me. “Kerry says that when all this media stuff blows over, all you’ll remember is that you had a great time. And she’s usually right! But don’t tell her I said that.” He smiled at me, heading for the living room with a cup of tea for Kerry.

  “How’s things with Adam?” Kerry asked cautiously as Dad took the kids to read them their bedtime story.

  “Great,” I told her.

  “You’ve been seeing a lot of him?”

  “Most days since we got back. It’s all a bit of a whirlwind, really, but everything’s great.” I felt my face light up as I spoke about him. I’d felt pretty deflated the previous evening, but he’d called in the morning and we’d had a good chat. I’d laughed with him on the phone and hated hanging up when he had to go to work. Whenever I wasn’t with him I was thinking about when I’d see him next.

  “Just be careful,” Kerry warned. My face fell slightly at her negative tone.

  “I am. I know it all seems pretty fast …”

  “It is fast,” she corrected. “How long have you known him?”

  “Not long …”

  “Just a couple of weeks. I’m worried about you.”

  “Why? I’m happy – happier than I can ever remember being.”

  “I just don’t want you to get hurt. Let’s be honest: when it comes to men you don’t have much experience.”

  I took a breath, not liking where this conversation was going. “Why does that matter?”

  “Go slowly, that’s all I’m saying. You don’t need to rush things. I don’t want you to get your heart broken.”

  “It’s not a fling,” I told her defensively. “I love him.” It was the first time I’d said it aloud but it was true. I had fallen for him completely.

  She didn’t react, but I felt as though she was making a determined effort not to roll her eyes. “Does h
e love you?” she asked.

  “I don’t know. I think so. Maybe.” I hoped so. I really thought he felt the same way but I didn’t know. Kerry’s words sparked my insecurity. What if I was being naïve and rushing into things? What if, for him, this was just a fling?

  “I’m sorry.” Kerry’s features softened as she looked at me. “I love that you’re so happy. I’m just worried about you, that’s all.”

  “Thanks. You don’t need to worry, though. Everything is going to be fine.”

  Chapter 36

  I picked up the phone to call Adam late on Sunday morning and hesitated before I pressed dial, suddenly worried that I’d seem too keen, which was ridiculous. He called me all the time.

  I relaxed and sank back into the couch as soon as I heard his cheerful voice.

  “What are you doing today?” I asked, deciding that I could be the one to ask him on a date for a change.

  “I have to work,” he told me, sounding distracted.

  “Oh, okay.” I didn’t quite manage to hide my disappointment.

  “What have you got planned for the day?” he asked.

  “Apart from my busy schedule of hiding from the world?” I joked. “Not much. I might go and see Dylan later; some of the others will probably be there too.”

  “You could come with me if you want,” he said.

  “To work? At the TV studio?”

  “No, I’m doing a family photo shoot. You could be my assistant. The pay’s not great, but it might be fun.”

  “What does your assistant have to do?”

  “Hold my camera bag, keep an eye on the lighting …”

  “I could probably carry the bag,” I told him. “I’m not sure about the lighting.”

  “Well, we’ll be outside, so it’s basically watching out for clouds.”

  “Maybe I could manage that.”

  “Great. It’s a bit of a drive – out near my place.”

  “I don’t know.” I wavered. “Won’t I be in the way?”

  “No. It’ll be fun. I’ll take you out for dinner after.”

  “Okay, then. If you’re sure?”

  “It’s fine. I’ll pick you up in an hour.”

  I hung up and smiled to myself. Only an hour until I saw him.

  It was a beautiful summer’s day and I opted to wear a cute green sundress and a pair of ballet pumps. I didn’t even have to call Chrissie for wardrobe advice. Adam kissed me when I opened the door to him, and I wrapped my arms around him. He held my hand when we walked to the car, and we settled into an easy silence as we headed out of town.

  “What are you grinning at?” he asked me.

  “Nothing,” I told him. “I’m just happy.”

  “Good,” he told me, reaching for my hand.

  “How’s the hand?” I asked, inspecting the bandage, which looked smaller than the original.

  “Much better, but don’t tell Matt. I’ll keep making him feel guilty for as long as possible!”

  Without thinking, I pulled his hand to my face and kissed his knuckle, just beside the bandage. I blushed as he turned to look at me, retrieving his hand to change gear when he slowed for the traffic lights. “Sorry,” I whispered.

  “You’re quite distracting,” he told me when he stopped at the lights, drawing me to him for a kiss.

  “Sorry!” I said as he returned his attention to the road, pulling away when the light turned green. I went back to smiling to myself as I took in the scenery out of the window. It felt good to get out of the city. There was something peaceful about the narrow country roads that weaved through the fields and villages. I felt like I might burst with happiness. Just being in Adam’s presence made me feel drunk.

  I thought about Kerry’s advice about being careful and not getting hurt, but I dismissed it. I just wanted to enjoy every moment. I didn’t want to miss out on something because I was too scared to take a chance. Even though I’d not known him long, I felt so comfortable with Adam.

  “So what are we doing today?” I asked.

  “Family photos for Ben and Angela, with their two kids Harry and Zac. We’re meeting them in a park near their house. We’ll just follow them around and take photos. Easy!”

  “How old are the kids?” I asked, thinking that if they were five-year-olds like my brothers it definitely wouldn’t be easy.

  “I think they’re about four and seven. Something like that. Nice kids.”

  “You know them?”

  “Angela went to school with my sister, Becky. I bumped into her a while back at my parents’ place. She was helping Mum prepare for some bake sale or something. Anyway, I ended up keeping the kids entertained while she was helping Mum, and when she found out I still did photography, she asked me if I’d take some photos for them.”

  “That’s nice.”

  “Yeah, they’re a lovely family, so it should be fun.”

  ***

  They were ready and waiting for us when we pulled up. “Can we play now?” I heard the younger boy whining as we approached them.

  “Hi.” The young mother greeted Adam with a kiss on the cheek. “I told the kids they couldn’t go to the playground. I didn’t want them getting all dirty before the photos.”

  “Your mum’s right.” He looked down at the boys. “Let’s take some photos and then we can play.” He reached to shake the dad’s hand before turning to me. “This is Lucy, who has volunteered to help me out today,” he told them. “‘Volunteer’ might not be quite the right word,” he admitted as Angela and Ben introduced themselves with a handshake.

  “Can we play football?” the older boy asked, eyeing the ball Adam had tucked under his arm.

  “Later,” he replied. “First let’s have a race up to that tree over there …” He pointed to a huge oak tree at the other side of the field. “First one to touch the tree gets to take the first photo.” He handed me the football and pulled his Nikon out of its case. The boys looked thoroughly impressed. “I knew you’d come in useful,” he told me, smiling, as he passed me his backpack and camera case, keeping hold of the camera.

  “On your marks, get set, go!” he shouted. The boys took off at a run and Adam paused before jogging after them. “See you up there,” he called back to us.

  “He’s got far too much energy,” Ben commented.

  “It’s because he’s not got kids,” Angela told him. “People who don’t have kids are always full of energy.”

  “How old are they?” I asked.

  “Zac’s the eldest,” Angela said. “He’s seven. Harry’s just turned five.”

  “They look like fun.”

  “Yeah,” Ben sighed. “I’m getting too old for fun, though!”

  I watched Adam racing up the hill with the boys. When Harry started to lag, Adam scooped him up, carrying him to keep up with Zac, who was getting ahead. He deposited the delighted little boy back on the ground in time for him to reach the tree at the same time as his brother.

  “He might just have averted World War Three there,” Angela commented.

  “So what do you do, Lucy?” Ben asked. “When you’re not volunteering to help Adam?”

  “Oh, I … hmm. I’m sort of between jobs at the moment.”

  “Sorry.” Ben grinned at me. “Did I ask the wrong question?”

  “No, it’s fine. I was working in an office but I was made redundant recently. I’m supposed to be job-hunting, but I’ve no idea what I want to do.”

  “So you’re kind of on holiday?” Angela suggested.

  “I guess that would be one way to look at it!”

  We approached Adam, who was crouching with the boys on either side of him, fascinated by his camera. He looped the strap over Zac’s head and passed him the camera. Zac aimed it in our direction. Next he gave it to Harry, who looked very proud of himself while he snapped some photos of us.

  “What took you so long?” Adam asked us when we joined them.

  “Some of us are old and weary!” Ben said.

  “You want thi
s?” Angela asked, producing a green tartan blanket from her shoulder bag.

  “Yes.” Adam took it from her and laid it out under the tree. “It’s better if it’s your own stuff in the pictures.”

  “I’ll move the bags out of the way,” I said, picking up Angela’s bag to add to the collection draped over my shoulder.

  “Thank you,” Adam told me, a twinkle in his eye.

  “There’s a cloud just there, by the way.” I smiled, pointing to the lone cloud in the perfectly blue sky.

  “I don’t know how I ever managed without you,” he teased as I wandered away. There was a bench further up the hill and I parked myself on it, scattering the bags on the ground around me and tilting my face to the sun. It was an amazing location. The huge oak tree was stunning in the vast green field. At the edge of the field was a stream, then the start of a forest. I was sure the photos would be amazing.

  I watched while the family positioned themselves on the blanket and Adam snapped away. He’d stop and chat to them, making everyone laugh, before taking more photos.

  They moved over to the edge of the forest, Adam hopping over stepping stones to get to the other side of the stream to photograph them from there. The kids took off their shoes and socks to paddle in the shallow water, and I watched Adam do the same. I couldn’t see what happened next, but I heard some sudden shrieks of joy and watched Adam move to Zac and place something in his hands.

  “We caught a frog!” he shouted up to me, and I smiled when Ben took it from Zac to chase Angela with it. This caused much hilarity, and Adam snapped away while Ben and Angela played with their kids. I loved watching Adam work. He was completely different than he’d been in Majorca. That had seemed like a job, whereas today he was concentrated and focused but also full of life and passion. He obviously loved what he was doing, and it was fascinating to watch him.

  “You okay?” Adam jogged over to me and reached into his backpack for a bottle of water.

  “Yeah, it’s beautiful here.”

  “You’re not bored?”

  “Not at all. I’m quite happy.”

  “Good.” He gave me a quick kiss. “I have to go and play football now,” he told me, grinning as he retrieved the ball from under the bench and headed back to the boys, who were running around the tree.