Something Real

by Ariadne Wayne

  “Hey. I’m sorry about Kat being here, too. I really didn’t know. Sounds like it’s been good for her, but not so good for you to have to deal with her being around.”

  His chest heaved as he took a deep breath, and I held mine as he continued. “A very long time ago, way before I met you, I struggled with Kat taking drugs. I broke up with her, she’d stop for a while, we’d get back together, and then it would start all over again. I got to the point where I told her we couldn’t be anything more than friends until she gave up for good.”

  He lowered his head closer to mine, kissing my nose. “I made her a promise that we could be together if it stopped. But then I met you. And you turned my whole world upside-down. I walked away from my promise, and I don’t do that lightly."

  I exhaled for the first time in what felt like forever at his words, relief flooding through my system. "It’s you, Liv. It’s you, and Jack, and Thomas. You’re the ones I give all my promises too now, and I’ll keep every single one. I know there’s still so much to learn about one another, but you’re the one I want to spend my life with. That much is so clear.”

  My body shook as I released the tension that had been building, the tears falling onto him like raindrops, and his mouth claimed mine as he wiped my face with his thumb.

  “I heard you out in the garden. I thought …”

  “You will never lose me. Even when we weren’t together, you were still the one that owned me.”

  “Maybe I should have Property of Olivia tattooed across your chest.” I laughed through the tears that remained.

  “Maybe I’d let you,” he whispered.

  I snuggled in tight, as he ran his fingers through my hair before resting them on my back.

  “Don’t you ever forget just how much you are loved.”

  Chapter Twenty-Nine

  One year later …

  Our first twelve months together.

  We’d been inseparable. Logan had made the final step to move in with us months ago, even though he’d stayed every night since the first night we slept together. After our rocky start, he did everything in his power just to be there for me.

  We were more in love than ever.

  As our first year together drew to a close, I was due to go and have my IUD replaced.

  “Don’t bother,” Logan said. “Let’s have a baby. We’re so close to moving into the house that we’ll have the space.”

  I shouldn’t have been taken aback; he’d expressed the wish for us to have a child together someday, and the few times I saw Carly just made me more and more clucky. So I said yes.

  I was pregnant in the first month.

  We were in love, we were solid, and we were going to spend forever together.

  I was thankful that the house was nearly finished. The apartment was small enough with the three of us, but four of us there for a year had just about driven me up the wall. The last of the renovations had dragged on, and I was champing at the bit to get some more space. The early stages of pregnancy were leaving me grumpy, tired, and I was over nearly everything.

  On the upside, Logan’s workshop was busier than ever and we were more than financially ready for me to take maternity leave. Logan didn’t care if I worked or not up to the baby’s birth, but I was going to work for as long as possible. After all that Rebecca had done for me, I wanted to give as much as I could back.

  And as for Logan? He was my best friend, my lover, and a father-to be. He was still pretty much perfect. We were blissfully happy, and for the first time I dared to think that I might just get my happy-ever-after.

  “You never write any more,” he said as he dried the dishes. The boys were in bed and we were getting ready for another night of peaceful snuggling on the couch, making up for when our lives would inevitably become chaotic with the baby and the move.

  I shrugged. “I put one book out a few months ago, and I still have plenty of ideas. I’m just tired all the time at the moment.”

  “I hope it’s not because of me.”

  As I turned towards him, I found myself face-to-face with his chest, and took a deep breath. “I’m tired all the time because I’m pregnant, so it kind of is, in a way.” I grinned. “Why would it be because of you?”

  “Because of the way I acted when I found out. I know we resolved all that, but it bothers me that you stopped because of me.” His fingers played under my chin, slowly raising my face to look into his eyes.

  “It’s not because of that. I used to pour out all my pent-up emotion on the page. Now I get to do that to you.”

  Logan laughed, and I raised my hands to indicate that I would hug him but for the dishwater coating them.

  He rolled his eyes, and wiped my hands with the towel before throwing it towards the washing pile and wrapping his arms around me.

  “Any time you want to write, I’ll take care of the boys. Get them out of your hair if you need the quiet. You have to be yourself with me, Liv. I won’t take anything less.”

  “Have I told you lately just how perfect you are?” I said.

  He grinned. “I want you to have the freedom to do your own thing, and I have asked a lot of you lately, with the house and everything.”

  The house was his project, but he had consulted me on everything. I guess because we were going to live there as a family. Every time I thought of that, a warm glow began in my stomach and travelled upward.

  “Maybe when we’ve moved and I have the study to work in.”

  He glowed. Damn that man’s smile was intoxicating. And it was just for me, all for me. That warm glow began to move down.

  “I so want to go to bed right now,” I said.

  He hugged me tighter. “I’ll come to bed too if you need a cuddle. I know how crappy you’ve been feeling. A sleep would do you some good.”

  I grinned, poking his chest with my finger. “Who said anything about sleep?”

  * * *

  He found me in the bathroom in the morning. Damn morning sickness.

  “Were you like this with the boys?”

  I shook my head. “Not this bad.”

  “Must be a girl.”

  I laughed, cocking my head. “You think?”

  “Isn’t it logical?”

  I pushed myself up off the floor and filled a glass with water, taking a long drink.

  “Are you sure it’s not because you want a girl?”

  “Maybe.”

  He took my hand as we went back out to the kitchen. “I made you some dry toast.” His brown eyes were full of tenderness. Oh, how I love this man.

  “Mum, are you sick again?” Jack asked.

  “It’s just the baby making itself known. Just reminding me that he or she is there.”

  He laughed, slapping his knees. "How could you forget?" he asked.

  I sat, taking tiny bites of the toast. Logan cleared away the breakfast dishes when the boys were finished. It was still so wonderful to have that support and not have to deal with everything myself.

  “I can take the boys to school if you want,” he said.

  “It’s okay. I’ve got to get to work.”

  “Babe if you feel that bad, stay home.”

  I shook my head. “I just have to get through this early stuff. It’ll pass. I’ll be fine.”

  He frowned, and I watched as he slipped lunch boxes into the boys’ schoolbags. He’d thought of everything.

  The drop-off went okay, and the morning was tough, but then the morning sickness drifted into the afternoon and I’d had enough.

  Exhausted and feeling ill, I made my way down the hall to see Rebecca. I didn’t even have to tell her what was wrong.

  “You’re grey, Olivia. Go home and come back when you’re feeling better and not before.”

  “Thanks,” I grumbled. “See you in nine months.”

  She laughed, rolling her eyes. “Go and have a sleep. I’m sure you’ll feel better.”

  I drove home to have a nap before I had to go back out to pick up the boys. Logan woul
d do it if I asked, but I didn’t want to inconvenience him while he was working. At the very least, I could get a couple of hours sleep before I collected them.

  Pulling into the car park, I looked up at our apartment and grimaced at the thought of climbing the stairs. Right now they were like a mountain that I was not looking forward to struggling up.

  And then I saw her: blonde with big hair and big sunglasses that hid her face, not that I could see much at the distance I was from the apartment. She came out of my front door, with my boyfriend in tow, and they hugged before she came down the stairs and jumped into what looked like a late-model BMW.

  My nausea grew with my anger as I watched her drive off, before getting out of the car. Determined to get up those stairs and confront Logan, I almost ran, tired and exhausted, nearly tripping over my own feet, and then flinging open the door.

  Logan sat on the couch, looking up in surprise as I came in.

  “Liv? What are you doing here?”

  “I could ask you the same thing.” I dropped my handbag just inside the door, resisting the urge to take a seat on the couch next to him. Standing was a struggle, but I would deal with this first.

  “I just had some stuff to take care of.”

  “Some blonde stuff?”

  He stood, walking slowly towards me with his hands up. “Liv, there’s some things I have to explain.”

  Explain? Crap. That meant there was something going on.

  “Too right you do. I’m not going to put up with any bullshit, Logan. I’ve been through way too much for that.”

  My heart was pounding and the ache in my stomach moved to my head. The tears were forming as we looked at each other. My legs wobbled underneath me, and Logan moved closer.

  “Are you okay?” he asked, concern evident in his voice. “Liv? Are you okay?”

  “No, I’m not okay. What are you keeping from me?” I couldn’t help it. I thought I’d gotten through all this doubt and fear. Maybe I would have handled it better if I hadn’t felt so awful, but I couldn’t face being alone with another child.

  My legs went out from under me before I could stop them. Somehow Logan grabbed me before I fell, and he lifted me, carrying me through to the bedroom, laying me on the bed.

  “Baby,” he said, stroking my cheek with his finger.

  “Don’t baby me,” I said, battling tears. “No secrets.”

  "Liv, I—"

  “The blonde. I saw her, Logan. Why are you at home in the middle of the day with another woman?”

  He smirked.

  “What’s so funny? You are such a pig.”

  “Olivia,” he said, shaking his head. “Didn’t you recognise your own mother?”

  I sat in stunned silence, the words rolling through my mind as I tried to process what he’d just said. Last time I’d seen my mother, she was cleaning motels, her dirty-blonde hair tied up in a ponytail as she struggled from room to room.

  “I tracked her down because with the new baby coming, and the new house, I thought I might be able to give you the gift of reconciliation. What happened between you was a long time ago. I had planned to take you guys over to the house to see the last of the work that’s been done and meet her there. She wants to see you and the boys.”

  My head was swimming, and I reached out to him to squeeze his hand.

  “I’m sorry I thought the worst. I should have known that you weren’t up to anything bad.”

  “You hormonal, hotter-than-hell woman. Do you really think I’m going to run around on you after what you went through? I waited my whole life for your special brand of craziness. I’m not about to put that at risk.” He grinned, lifting my hand to his lips and kissing me gently

  I laughed. “Sorry, you’re just not where you’re supposed to be, and hanging out with blondes. I didn’t recognise her; she had those big sunglasses on, and she wasn’t driving a BMW when I last saw her.”

  “The owner of the motel was widowed, and she’s jumped right on in there. They were married a year ago.” He laughed.

  “That’d be right.” I shook my head at the memory of the men in her life. They were usually as useless as Evan had turned out to be. I didn't know what her intentions were in getting married, maybe she loved him, maybe she was using him. Either way, at least she'd found someone who obviously cherished her. Just as I had.

  “What are you doing home?” he asked, smoothing my forehead with his other hand.

  “I just felt awful. I thought I’d have a sleep and then pick up the boys.”

  “Sounds like a very good idea to me. Can’t have anything happen to you, or my baby.” Pulling his hand from mine, he rested it on my belly. “I can’t wait to feel our baby kick.”

  Hot tears spilled down my face, everything piling on top of me at once.

  “Shhh.” He stroked my cheek, his gentle touch calming me. My body ached, tired from the stresses put on it, and I cried at the idea of having months more of this feeling, even though I knew it would get better.

  Logan bent over, kissing me on the forehead. “Sleep. I’ll pick up the boys. You’ll feel better with some rest, and I’ll run you a bath after dinner so you can have a soak. Love you, Liv.”

  “Love you too,” I whispered hoarsely, wiping the tears from my eyes.

  I sank into a deep sleep, and by the time I woke the apartment was filled with the delicious smell of cheese. I bet anything that Logan had cooked the boys their favourite mac and cheese. My stomach grumbled in recognition of the aroma. At least it was something solid.

  “Hey,” he said as I emerged from the bedroom. Jack and Thomas sat in the middle of the living room floor, their heads buried in books. “I made mac and cheese. I know the boys love it, and I remember Maddy saying something about how she craved it when she was pregnant because it helped settle her stomach. Wasn’t sure if it would help or not, but I thought you could give it a go.”

  Overwhelmed with emotion, I moved towards him, flinging my arms around his neck and holding him close.

  “Are you okay?”

  “Thank you,” I whispered.

  “What for?”

  “Everything?”

  He rubbed my back, kissing my hair. “I’d do anything for you, Olivia. You should know that by now.”

  “I know. I’m sorry. I’m just feeling so up and down right now. You have to forgive me if I’m a little nuts.”

  He laughed, and I snuggled in closer. “You’re going through a lot at the moment. I know you still love me.”

  I looked up, and we swayed as we gazed at each other. He bent his head, giving me a peck on my nose.

  I felt safer than ever.

  Chapter Thirty

  The house was all but finished. I stood at the gate, my heart pounding as I looked at it. After a very long wait, this was about to become our family home.

  Logan had been over earlier, mowing the lawn, and I couldn’t wait to get stuck in and weed out the garden. The boys wanted to plant flowers and they’d asked for an orange tree. I had no idea how long the tree would take to produce fruit, but Logan had stood with them, as they planted the tree together.

  I loved him more and more each day.

  I squealed as Logan threw me over his shoulder awkwardly to carry me inside the house. The boys were running around the tree as he showed me the final touches to the interior. The boys’ rooms had been painted the colours they wanted. This was beautiful.

  “It’s all ours, Liv,” Logan whispered as if reading my mind. He’d gotten good like that, able to anticipate what I was thinking. There was something wonderful about being so in sync with someone. I’d never had anything like that before.

  “It’s beautiful.”

  The thick carpet in the living room that felt soft and fluffy under my toes, the brand new stove and other kitchen appliances … I’d never felt so spoiled my whole life.

  We could spend the rest of our lives here. Logan had even set up a small room as an office for me, where I could sit in peace to write, and wher
e he could muddle through the accounts for the workshop. It was our own little piece of perfection.

  “Happy?” he asked me, his eyes smiling. He didn’t need to say just how happy he was, and I felt it too. We’d grow old together here.

  Before I could answer, there was a rap on the door and I stiffened, knowing who it was.

  “Relax, baby,” Logan murmured, “I’ll get it.”

  That was easier said than done. I was about to confront the woman who had kicked me out, without any regard for what was to happen to me. My boys were only young, but I knew damn well that whatever happened, I could never do that to them.

  I closed my eyes and took a deep breath. My past was about to walk in the door and I had to deal with it. I hadn’t spoken to my mother in nearly nine years.

  “Olivia?”

  Her voice was, soft and gentle. Not the harsh tones that came the last time we spoke.

  I turned. She stood there, motionless, with tears in her eyes and Logan beside her. He nodded reassuringly as I took a step forward. This was not the mother I remembered; this lady looked well taken care of. Loved.

  “Mum.”

  Tears were welling in her eyes as she looked at me, and I fought them back myself. Maybe it was the pregnancy hormones—I thought I’d cried all the tears I’d had for her years ago.

  “Logan contacted me. He thought it was about time we buried the hatchet, and I agree. I’m sorry for everything that happened, sweetheart. I just loved you so much, and I was so disappointed that my baby got involved with that useless piece of crap.”

  I laughed through the tears, in this kind of half-sob, half-laugh that must have sounded demented.

  “I didn’t want to let you down, but my baby …” I kind of flapped my arms, unable to finish the sentence. Back then she would have been happy if I’d terminated my pregnancy and broken up with Evan, but that would have left me without my babies, and they’d been my world for so long. I couldn’t imagine doing anything any other way.

  She took a step forward, reaching for me, and I went into her arms, leaning on her shoulder, the tears flowing readily now.