Every Last Breath
Page 9
CHAPTER FOURTEEN
Vala slept outside the door. Maggie’s dreams were restless. She turned here and there, hoping to get comfortable. She reached over to feel for Eli multiple times. Each time she felt his soft curls, her mind eased back to sleep. She could hear his soft breathing as she nestled into the pillow and dozed off.
Like most women, her mind kept wandering. It was three weeks before Christmas and she still had no official plans. Her shopping was restricted to online and who knew how many packages had showed up at the post office. She needed to check. How many more holidays would she stay away from home? Celebrating with just the two of them was boring. Last year, Clarie had made it to Maggie’s for dinner, but that was after her girls left to see their dad. Eli had no one to play with.
She hadn’t asked but maybe Ben’s aunt would invite them over; Eli would love that. Or maybe a flight home would be the best way to put this behind her? She let the ideas resonate and left the warmth of her bed for a cup of tea.
A quick glance out the window had already showed the remnants of a late night snowfall, maybe 4-5 inches.
Maggie pulled out her journal and sat at the table with some tea. Vala was snuggled up by the fire. For the first time since the bird incident, she felt at ease.
Her pen eased its way across the page as a new poem flittered off her fingers.
The darkness stepped back,
when the light in my heart began to spread.
And in that light was revealed to me,
a new thing,
born of heaven, a gift of freedom where love could grow.
Seedlings grew upon the ground
and all around me I am blessed.
For what is a flower if not cherished by the grower
and what is life if not lived in perfect love?
Maggie sipped her tea and let the fulfillment of pride strengthen her. She stared at the paper with a sense of pride. I can write. Jack would often grab her pad and ask her who she was writing about or why. So eventually she stopped. When she was pregnant with Eli one of her clients needed a love poem inserted into the book, so Maggie wrote it. But when Jack saw it, well, he assumed she had a boyfriend. That’s when he sat her down and threatened her.
Maggie shivered just thinking about the intensity on his face. The way his eyes turned into pools of tar; it was inhuman. And she knew he meant it.
Some of the women at the shelter had been beaten terribly and Maggie often felt for them. She carried no physical scars, but they say that’s even worse.
Maggie sipped her tea again and glanced out the window. Maybe she could create a new life now. Maybe this was all part of the plan. Vala paced by the dining room and peered out the front window. Maggie was certain she needed a walk, but that would have to wait.
Eli reached on his tippy toes for the garage door button. He pressed it with his finger and up it went. He looked back for Ben. “Impressive buddy.”
As the door rose, a light dusting of snow had covered the road. He stormed outside with his boots and hat flapping.
“He is a surge of energy.”
Maggie placed her hands in her coat pockets. “Tell me about it. That’s the problem with single children, they have no playmates.”
“He needs one.”
“Well today he has you.”
Ben smiled and strolled along beside her. “So if you don’t mind me asking, why didn’t you have more?”
Maggie puckered her lips. “Well, Eli and I have been on our own since he was two. There wasn’t much time in between the divorce and now, so I settled for what I have.”
“How long has it been, if you don’t mind me asking.”
“Around three years. Took a little while for the paperwork to go through but we’ve been on our own at least that long.”
“And your ex. Where was he, last you knew?”
“Prison, in New York.”
Ben rubbed the back of his head. “Does Eli know?”
She shook her head.
The snow fell harder and Eli spun around in circles as the gray sky delivered its floating white flakes. Ben looked at Maggie, “It’s going to be okay. I don’t know why I am saying that but I believe it.”
She kept her eyes on her boy. “His father wants him. For what reason, I don’t know. But if he finds us, it’s going to get ugly.”
Ben looked at Eli. “What do you mean?”
She pointed to the dog. “Vala’s a guard dog.”
Ben’s eyebrows pulled back. “You trained her?”
Maggie gave her the command to search the property. “Hl’adanie.” She cantered off past Eli and rounded the down slope heading to the backyard. In a matter of seconds, she was gone.
“Klaus trained her. It’s why I moved here.”
“Your boss?” Ben asked as he began to put the pieces together.
“Yes.”
Ben swallowed and the conversation fell. “If I ever came over here and you were not home, do I want to know what would happen?”
Maggie hung her head. “I wouldn’t suggest it.”
“I see.”
“What is she capable of?”
Maggie slowed her steps. “She will do whatever she needs to, in order to protect us.”
“This is real isn’t it? The possibility of your ex hunting you down.”
“I’ve been on the run for a long time now. I want to move past this but as long as he is alive I don’t think I will ever feel completely safe.”
The conversation made Maggie uncomfortable, but it needed to be done. If Ben was going to leave them, sooner would be better.
Ben made no excuse to leave. Instead he suggested dinner out, at the Buffalo Diner. They made a fresh lasagna every Saturday night. Eli loved Italian, so it was a perfect match.
The waiter came to their table with three sodas. Eli bopped up and down in his seat, touching everything from the sugar packets to the crayons the hostess gave them. As hectic as the day had been Ben’s offer to eat out was just what they needed. Dinner was simple and an after meal walk was suggested by Ben. Maggie bundled up and followed the men into the brisk air. There was a park behind the restaurant, not much of a park, but still a nice open field with room to run.
The couple left out the front door making fresh footprints in the snow. Eli ran toward the open field, picking up a stick along the way. “Slow down honey, I don’t want you to fall. There could be ice.”
Ben took her hand. “Now would you look at the sky?”
She looked up at the sky painted with stars. The dry cold air invigorated her spirit. Tonight, Maggie felt at peace.
Eli stopped and turned around. “The stars are always there, even during the day.”
“Oh really. Then how come we can’t see them?” Quizzed Maggie
“Because the sun is brighter than the stars but people on the other side of the world can see them, because it’s nighttime.”
“That’s a good answer buddy.”
Maggie was proud of her son. It was a lesson she could learn; her fears may always be there but it was time for the sun to come out.
“So what language do you use to speak to Vala? I couldn’t make it out.”
“I can’t tell you.”
Ben went along with her jesting, but she was indeed serious. If someone knew what language the commands were, they may have the upper hand in a situation. Maggie didn’t take those risks.
“What about her name. Can you tell me about that?”
“It’s Welch, it means Chosen.”
“Is she a German Shepherd?”
“Technically yes, but she was raised in Czechoslovakia.”
Ben let go of her hand when a wet splat of snow hit his leg. Eli began laughing, as did Maggie. Ben leaned over to gather some snow, but when he stood up, Eli battered him again. “Take that,” he giggled.
Maggie watched as the two exchanged powdery snowballs. “This was it,” she repeated to herself. This is what having a family is supposed to be like.
“You are over thinking this, just pick one.”
“I want to look perfect.”
“Maggie, this guy met you when you had tree sap in your hair and were covered in hot chocolate, he’s gonna love you no matter what you wear.”
A week had passed and Ben asked her out on a formal date. “I haven’t been on a date in over a decade. I don’t know what to wear.”
“Just pick one and let’s move on to your hair.”
The girls got their nails done earlier in the day, quite a treat for a woman who spends her days with canines.
Finally she emerged with a fitted navy dress; that gathered across her waist. “How about this one?”
“I like it,” Claire cooed mockingly with a wink.
Maggie examined her reflection in the mirror. “This is it.”
They were heading down to Morton’s in the Springs, one of the most respected restaurants in the town. Maggie liked a good steak, every now and then. She just couldn’t remember when she last ate one.
Claire raked a brush through her curls and blew them straight. Her nerves started to jitter. The anticipation was exciting. Claire showed her a few pairs of earrings. She slipped the hoops into her ears and touched the dangling jewel. She had a similar pair at home. “I can’t remember the last time I got this dressed up.”
But that wasn’t true, she just didn’t want to remember. It had been the weekend before Christmas and the Catholic church was having a concert, Handel’s Messiah. She got tickets, thinking this would be a way to bring some hope into their lives; maybe the music would ease Jack’s soul.
He agreed to go. She dressed for the occasion wearing a fitted black dress, much like the one she wore tonight. She wore no jewelry, in an effort to keep Jack from his growing suspicion that she was seeking male attention. But even with all the minute details she worried over, the night never went according to plan. Never.
They arrived late, Jack’s way of rebelling she assumed. Still, they made it. The parking lot was full. He found a space but took his time meandering toward the lobby. The church was massive, a new building which housed over a thousand people. It was four stories high with spires and stained glass. Truly magnificent for their little town.
Her spirits were in high gear as she weaved through the parking lot to get inside. The wind chill had dropped below twenty, unusual for the lower states. The usher brought the strained couple up front, there were two seats in separate rows but Jack convinced the man he and Maggie could squeeze into the outside seat. Rather than argue the attendant conceded.
After the play started up, Jack’s attention wandered upward. Maggie kept looking over at him but he was off in his own thinking, obviously something caught his eye. She noticed him start to fidget but her thoughts were more consumed with the people surrounding them than care for Jack. What was he doing?
He pressed hard against her, and the ornate knob at the end of the pew burrowed into her back. “Jack, you are hurting me,” she whispered in a hushed tone.
When the soloist got up to the microphone Jack jerked his head back and twisted in his seat. Maggie was mortified. Before she could apologize, Jack grabbed her by the arm and rushed her outside. He told her that the death had descended on the city and that they needed to leave. He said it was coming for a few people and he tried to stop it. He then told her that death had a right to these people.
Maggie swallowed hard and got in the car. She had started to cry not that he would notice. What was she to do? This was certainly not the time to question him, not when he could leave her stranded in the cold. And who would she call. He had taken her phone away.
Maggie fantasized about calling the cops. How would they react to a man shoving his wife out of the car in twenty degree weather? Somehow they made it home without a huge argument. Mainly, she survived these times by being silent. Jack couldn’t escalate if she stayed out of his way. Picking up Eli always eased the situation, though it reared up again that night.
One of Maggie’s friends recognized her at the church. A brief wave from the aisle in front of them had sent Jack into a fury. He accused her of taking him to the church just so she could flirt with her boyfriend. Maggie stayed quiet.
She ran a bath and tried to assure him he was mistaken. She was waving to the woman in the row ahead of them, not the man to her right.
But Jack was irate. She feared Eli heard their argument and the screech of the tires as Jack hustled out the door. She knew he’d return drunk. That was the first time she recalled not looking in the mirror as she brushed her teeth. She avoided eye contact at all cost. Part of her knew why. She was afraid of what she’d see.
She placed the pink pajamas over her freshly shaved legs and crawled into Eli’s full bed. Her muffled cries did not leave her lips. She prayed as hard as she could, with her hands cupped over her face.
CHAPTER FIFTEEN
Maggie closed the door and watched Ben pull out of the driveway. The night had not ended the way she planned— far from it.
Claire peeked out from Eli’s room, and looked at her friend. She held up her finger as Maggie pulled her hair up and discarded her heels. She opened the cabinets until she located a bottle of wine, then removed two glasses and collapsed on the couch.
Claire shut Eli’s door and scurried to the couch. “So what happened, why are you home so early?”
She tried to whisper so Eli didn’t hear her, but she was frazzled. Her nerves were spinning about and she wanted to scream.
“It took him weeks to ask me, then he gets an emergency call. There was a fire at his construction site. Can you believe that?”
“Oh Maggie, I’m sorry.”
She huffed. “It’s completely unfair.”
Claire tucked her legs up to her chest and listened to her friend. “Well, it wasn’t a disaster. You two will go out again, when he gets back.”
Maggie covered her face with a throw pillow. “Ugh.“I can’t sit here, I’m too wound up.”
“What are you gonna do?”
She called for Vala. “I’m going for a late night walk.”
“I thought you were afraid of the coyotes?”
“I am but I’m more mad right now than anything. I can’t sit here.”
She put on her work boots and a heavy coat before heading outside.
“Use the front door, so you don’t wake up Eli.”
“Good idea.”
Before she reached the porch steps, the coyote howls were already filling the night air. They were a distant reminder of how scared she was when they first arrived in Colorado. Maggie could never shake the feeling that someone was following her or could sneak up behind her. Being alone, outside, made her feel vulnerable. But tonight she pushed through those feelings and was determined to take control of her thoughts.
She had Ben to thank for that. He saw past her anxiety and gave her simple suggestions. In fact, his perception was the complete opposite of hers and it was very helpful. Where she saw weakness, he saw growth.
She proceeded to walk the dog despite her anxiety and fought it with every step. Maggie looked up at the sky and remembered what Eli told her, the stars were always shining, even during the day. With a deep breath and a sense of pride, she centered her thoughts on all her accomplishments. She kept Eli safe, she moved across the country. She made a new life for herself and her path was beginning to make sense. Whether or not Ben joined her, she could feel the momentum rising. She was physically free from Jack but now her mind was also shedding the scales of the past and stepping into a new place— One where she thought for herself.
Vala wandered about as Maggie trailed close behind. She kept in eye range of the house, admiring some of the construction going on down the street. Every year another cabin was torn down for some monstrosity, but Maggie didn’t care.
Eli loved the machinery and big trucks that pulled in through the neighborhood. Vala had new scents to smell and her scurrying made walks fast and easy, as long as they ventured near the construction site.
Vala picked her head up and stared at the road. She turned back to peek at the house as a car zoomed by.
“Jerk,” Maggie shouted as she jumped back.
What kind of idiot drove like that around here? There were deer and other wildlife, and the streets were pitch black in parts. Maggie looked at the taillights as the car took a turn at the bottom of the hill. She was sure she hadn’t seen it before, and whoever was driving had something on their mind. There were some teenagers at the top of the hill who partied frequently. Maggie saw their leftover beer cans and cigarettes loitered across the construction site. It bothered her, but no more than any other reckless behavior.
She didn’t want that kind of life for Eli. She wanted him to find a hobby or sport and pursue his education. She wanted grandkids and even more kids, while there was still time. But for that she needed a husband. Raising Eli alone had been hard enough. It would be nice to find someone like Ben who actually had a heart and was a kind, gentle man.
The house was warm when she returned. Claire was nestled up on the couch with a hot cup of coffee.
“You made coffee?”
“Yes. Now get your butt over here and tell me about the date.”
“It was fine.”
Claire nudged her. “Don’t give me that. The guy had a shirt and tie on. What else happened?”
“We went to Morton’s, and sat by the fire.”
“That’s the best.” She closed her eyes to imagine it. “Tell me more.”
“What do you want to know?”
“Well, what happened, how did he act? What did you talk about?”
She felt the way Eli must feel when she hammers him with endless questions. “Claire, he’s a good man. I like him. But I barely know him.”
“Good point. Have you told him about Jack yet?”