The Mystery of the Disappearing Underpants

by Nikki Young

  ‘Did you put sneezing powder in our den?’ Horrible Harry said.

  ‘Erm, yes,’ I said, ‘but that was to get you back for what you did the other day.’

  ‘I think we’re even now, then,’ Meany Murphy said.

  And we all agreed again – UNBELIEVABLE.

  I had to go in and get changed after that. Maybe Horrible Harry and Meany Murphy aren’t so horrible and mean after all and I can stop calling them that. And at least they won’t smell so bad now that they have had a good wash.

  Wednesday

  Today I spied on Harry and James (see, I’m being nice now) when they were having a meeting in their den. I heard them discussing the old house at the end of our road, the one everyone is talking about because some new neighbours have moved in, but no one has seen them. Harry and James are trying to find out who they are, but they haven’t seen anyone going in or coming out of the house either.

  I also heard James say he thought I wasn’t so bad after all – even though I am a girl. What is that supposed to mean? They are stupid boys and girls are much better and smarter. If they can’t find out who is living in number 35 I bet I can.

  It was easy actually. I asked my granny and she knows everything. Well, she knows Mrs O’Connor and she definitely knows everything.

  ‘Granny,’ I said. ‘Do you know who has moved into number 35?’

  ‘I was talking to Mrs O’Connor about it just yesterday,’ Granny said (I told you Mrs O’Connor knows everything). ‘She watched the removals van and there were only the removals people going in and out, no one else was anywhere to be seen. Then she took one of her special Victoria sponge cakes round there and no one answered the door, so she left a note to say who it was from.’

  ‘Did they eat it?’ I asked.

  ‘Well they left the tin and a note outside her door the next day,’ Granny said. ‘It said “thank you for the lovely cake, from Barry and Shona.”’

  Barry and Shona – see, I’ve got names already.

  ‘But she still hasn’t seen them?’

  ‘No, but the interesting thing is, she has noticed a car coming and going every night.’

  So tonight, I have stayed up really late. My mum doesn’t know and she’d be so cross if she found out I was still awake at 10:00 p.m. I am writing this using my torch, whilst hiding under my duvet so I won’t get found out.

  I’ve seen the car coming to number 35. There is a good view of the house from my bedroom window, which is at the front. I saw Barry and Shona in the car because the street lights are right outside my house. What was really weird is that they were both wearing sunglasses, in the dark!

  The car went up the drive and Barry and Shona got out and went into the house. An hour later, they came out, got in the car again and drove off.

  I don’t know where Barry and Shona are in the daytime or why they only come to their house at night, but I think I have enough evidence now to go to Harry and James with. If they want to know what I know then they’ll have to let me join their club, won’t they?

  Thursday

  This morning I went to Harry’s back garden at exactly 9:00 a.m. because I knew they would be having their meeting. When I knocked on the door and James answered, he seemed really surprised.

  ‘What are you doing here? No girls allowed,’ he said.

  I ignored him.

  ‘I have some information about the new people in number 35,’ I said. ‘If you want to know what it is, you will have to let me be a secret agent too.’

  James stared at me for a moment, then said (in a kind of fake posh voice), ‘I will discuss this with my partner and get back to you shortly.’

  Then he shut the door in my face and left me standing there.

  About twenty hours later (well, it felt like that) Harry opened the door and peeped out. I don’t know why he had to do that; it’s not as though I don’t know what it looks like inside the den.

  ‘My fellow agent and I have discussed your application to join the agency and we have decided that we are prepared to give you a trial of one day,’ he said, also in a silly posh voice. What was wrong with them today?

  I rolled my eyes at him

  ‘I want to be in for the whole of this case,’ I said. ‘That or nothing. You are not having my information then solving the mystery without me.’

  Then he shut the door on me AGAIN. And I stood and waited for another twenty hours AGAIN. Finally, the door opened and both Harry and James came out this time.

  ‘Deal,’ they said together.

  I wanted to do a victory punch in the air and shout ‘yes’ but I kept it to myself because I didn’t want them to know how happy I was about being able to join their gang. So instead I said very calmly, ‘Shall we continue the meeting, so that I can brief you with my findings?’

  This time it was my turn to talk in a strange voice. It was obviously catching.

  During the meeting, I told Harry and James about Barry and Shona and the strange comings and goings in the night.

  ‘There’s definitely no one there in the daytime,’ said James. ‘We’ve already done a stake out and we even sneaked up to the house. There was no one around.’

  ‘No, actually, I was the one who looked around,’ said Harry. ‘And I swear I saw a shadow.’

  ‘You were just spooked because we think it’s haunted,’ said James.

  ‘OK,’ I said, interrupting them. ‘Maybe there is much more to this than meets the eye. There could be something ghostly going on, but do you want to know what I think?’ I stared at them both, waiting for them to nod at me. ‘I think they could be vampires.’

  ‘Vampires,’ they both said at once.

  ‘Think about it – up at night, nowhere to be seen during the day, wearing dark glasses, it all makes perfect sense.’

  Well, it did to me anyway.

  I could tell by their faces both Harry and James were thinking it through. So I waited, patiently, for them to come round to the idea.

  ‘Perhaps she’s right,’ Harry said to James. James nodded at him. I smiled, pleased they had listened to my idea.

  ‘What do we do about it then?’ James said.

  We made a plan.

  Friday

  Today I went to the meeting in Harry’s den at 9:00 a.m. again. When I walked in, it stank.

  ‘Urgh, what’s that smell?’ I said.

  ‘It’s Harry,’ said James. ‘He reeks of garlic.’

  ‘Yeah, I got Mum to make a spaghetti bolognese and I put loads of extra garlic in it when she wasn’t watching,’ he said, looking pleased with himself.

  James and I glanced at each other.

  ‘Harry, you are not supposed to eat the garlic to repel the vampires; you are supposed to wear it round your neck.’ I said.

  ‘Yeah, you’re such an idiot,’ said James. ‘But you don’t have to worry, no one will come anywhere near you because you smell so bad.’

  Then Harry punched him.

  ‘OK, you two, what else did you bring?’ I asked. ‘I brought this cross.’

  ‘I brought this stake,’ James said. ‘You know, a stake through the heart – isn’t that right?’

  ‘Yeah, but that’s not a stake, it’s a wooden play knife,’ I said. ‘It’s not even sharp.’

  ‘Well, maybe vampires have thin skin,’ James said.

  ‘You better hope so, because otherwise we are going to be vampire dinner,’ I said.

  Harry seemed worried.

  ‘You’re not scared are you, Harry?’ I said.

  ‘No, I just don’t think we have a plan,’ he said. ‘All we have are a few weapons to protect us against vampires – but how are we going to find out if that’s what they really are?’

  ‘We need to keep these weapons just in case, so when we do meet them we
are protected.’

  ‘What do you mean “when”?’ Harry said.

  ‘We’re going to hide out in their garden tonight and watch what they do when they come to the house,’ I said, folding my arms across my chest. I thought I saw James nodding his head in approval, but he seemed to quickly turn away from me when he realised I was looking at him.

  ‘I won’t be allowed out at night,’ Harry said.

  ‘Who cares if we’re allowed or not?’ I said. ‘Our parents won’t know we’re out because we won’t tell them, silly. Do you think mine would let me out at night either? Course not. We have to sneak out.’

  ‘I’m not sure I like the sound of this,’ said Harry.

  ‘Do you want to find out what Shona and Barry are up to or not?’ I said. ‘We won’t find anything by sitting outside their house all day. This a secret agency, right? I thought you were spies and this is what spies do.’

  Harry and James seemed to communicate just by staring at each other. I folded my arms and tapped one of my feet on the floor to show them my impatience.

  ‘I think she’s right,’ said James, without looking at me. ‘We’ve got to do this.’

  Harry nodded slowly.

  ‘Great,’ I said. ‘We’ll rendezvous back at the den at twenty-one hundred hours.’

  I jumped up feeling excited. ‘Ha, I’ve always wanted to say “rendezvous”. This is so cool, I can’t wait. See you later, spy friends.’

  Saturday

  I am in my room because I’m grounded. It’s where I’ve been all day and it’s so not fair because it’s Saturday and I was supposed to go to London Zoo with Annabel (who is my BFF, by the way), but Mum said after what I did last night I’d be lucky if I ever left the house again. No way am I staying in this house forever.

  As I’ve nothing better to do, I might as well tell you what happened. I pretended to go to bed at the normal time but instead got dressed and waited until it was nearly 9:00 p.m. Then I crept downstairs and tiptoed straight past the lounge where Mum and Dad were watching the telly and out the back door into the garden. It was easy.

  I was the first one at the den. James came next, then Harry, who looked like he had already been asleep. His hair was all messy and he was still in his pyjamas.

  ‘You really don’t look like a secret agent dressed like that,’ I said.

  ‘Shut up, Stacey, or I won’t let you be in the agency anymore,’ he said.

  ‘Can’t do that, you made a promise.’

  ‘Don’t care.’

  ‘Don’t care,’ I mimicked back.

  ‘Pack it in, you two, we’ve got a job to do, remember,’ James said.

  We had agreed to sneak in through the front gate of number 35 and hide somewhere in the garden. When we got there, we found a spot that was large enough for us all to squeeze in together, in between a broken old greenhouse and a big barrel. It felt like we waited a really long time and I’m sure Harry fell asleep. He was snoring and when his head fell on my shoulder I nudged him in the ribs, which made him jump. Just then, a light came on in the house.

  ‘I think they’re here,’ I whispered.

  We couldn’t see much from where we were hiding so I made a suggestion.

  ‘Let’s spread out and get a closer look,’ I said.

  ‘Who said you could be leader of this agency?’ said Harry. ‘Since you joined all you’ve done is boss us about.’

  ‘I’m not, but I got the information and this was my plan, that’s all. And anyway, you two are rubbish. You didn’t find anything out.’

  ‘Yes, we did, we found out lots of things, we just didn’t tell YOU.’

  That was when we realised we were both standing up, facing each other, almost nose to nose and shouting.

  ‘Excuse me, what do you think you are doing in my garden at this time of night?’

  When we heard the voice, Harry and I both froze.

  ‘This is your fault,’ Harry said, poking me in the chest.

  ‘No it’s not, you started it,’ I snapped back.

  ‘No you started it.’

  ‘Liar.’

  ‘Liar.’

  ‘When you’ve quite finished, would one of you like to explain what this is all about?’

  I looked at Harry and we both turned to face the man, who we presumed was Barry. I clutched my cross really tightly and hoped that Harry’s garlic breath would be bad enough to save us both.

  ‘Erm, we lost our ball in your garden and came in to look for it but couldn’t find it and then we were just trying to work out who threw it in here. Harry said I threw it in but I didn’t, so...’

  ‘What are you doing out at this time at night? You should be in bed. Do your parents know you’re out?’

  ‘Yes,’ I said.

  ‘No,’ Harry said, so I nudged him in the ribs.

  ‘Idiot.’

  ‘Well, we’d better go find out which one of you is telling the truth then, hadn’t we?’ Barry (we thought) said. He took us both by the arm and started to drag us out of the garden. I looked all around for James but couldn’t see him anywhere.

  ‘Don’t be worrying about your ball,’ said Barry, ‘Whatever lands on my property becomes my property, and I don’t want to ever see either of you in here again or you will become my property as well. Do you understand?’

  I nodded.

  ‘Please don’t eat us,’ Harry said.

  ‘What are you talking about?’ said Barry. ‘Blooming kids.’

  So after making us tell him where we lived, Barry marched us over to Harry’s house first, where he explained to Mrs Smith that he had found us in his garden and could she please make sure her child does not escape the house in future? He also said would she kindly ensure her son does not trespass on his property ever again or the next time he would not be so understanding, and he said all of this without letting Harry’s mum get a word in. Mrs Smith looked so shocked, all she could do was nod.

  At my house, it was the same thing, but as soon as Barry left Mum and Dad went ballistic.

  ‘What are you doing sneaking out of the house at this time of night?’

  ‘Why were you in the garden at number 35?’

  ‘You’ve no idea who that man is; don’t you know anything about stranger danger?’

  They weren’t questions I was actually allowed to answer. I tried, but every time I went to open my mouth, a hand would rise in the air to stop me. The questions came at me one after the other until it seemed Mum and Dad had run out of things to say. They looked at each other and then they looked at me.

  ‘At least you know who Barry from number 35 is now, eh?’ I said.

  That was when I was grounded and sent to my room.

  Sunday

  I haven’t been allowed to go to Harry’s today and Harry isn’t allowed to come here either, but James came round as he didn’t get caught last night. I was in my back garden when I heard a funny noise coming from the other side of the gate. When I went to get a better look I realised it was a ‘psst’ noise and that James was there. I stared at him through the gaps in the wooden panels.

  ‘Don’t tell anyone you’ve seen me,’ he said, looking around as if to double check he was alone. He lowered his voice even more. ‘Harry isn’t allowed to have me round to play today so we’re going to have to communicate in secret.’

  ‘What are you doing, Stacey?’ My little sister came skipping over when she realised I wasn’t playing with her anymore.

  ‘Oh, nothing, Kim, just picking some nice flowers for the playhouse,’ I said, grabbing a few dandelions that were right by my feet. A piece of paper came sliding through the wood panels and I realised it was James poking it through. I grabbed it, stuffed it into my shorts, then went back to playing with Kim.

  ‘Kimmy, I think we need fresh w
ater to make some more tea,’ I said. ‘Do you want to go and get some?’

  ‘OK,’ she said, skipping off with the plastic teapot. When she left, I read the note. It said:

  Sorry about last night. No point all of us being caught. Saw the suspects without their sunglasses on. No red eyes detected. Aren’t vampires supposed to have red eyes? If you have any info, write it on the note then put it through the gate. I will pass it on to Harry.

  Agent James Hunt.

  Over and out.

  I rummaged around in an old plastic box full of junk and found a pencil. I wrote back:

  No red eyes? Vampires definitely have red eyes. They didn’t seem to notice the cross or Harry’s breath either. Not sure they are vampires after all.

  Agent Cortez.

  This went on for the rest of the afternoon. We were trying to work out what Barry and Shona could be up to if they weren’t vampires and why they only came to their house at night. We wondered if they had busy jobs and that’s the only time they got to come back to their house. Then we thought maybe they were spies and the house is their meeting place. They could of course be criminals on the run and the house is their hideout. That was James’ idea. He also thought Barry and Shona were burglars who spent all day robbing people’s houses before returning to number 35 at night to hide their stash. That boy has a big imagination.

  Eventually Brosnan started barking at the gate and, when he wouldn’t stop, Harry’s mum came down to see what was going on. James had to run away. I heard Harry telling his mum that Brosnan had been trying to catch a squirrel.

  Tomorrow I can go round to Harry’s again so we won’t have to keep doing this. Yay. We need to work on a new plan to find out exactly what Barry and Shona are up to. I don’t think waiting for them at night-time is a good idea any more, but we know for sure they are never there during the day, so we are going to have to investigate if we can get into their house somehow, or at least see in it. Harry won’t like that, as he’s a scaredy-cat, but he will have to stop being a baby or we’ll never, ever find out what is going on and then we’ll have to go back to school and it will be too late.