More Precious than a Crown

by Carol Marinelli

  ‘Yes, Zahid.’

  ‘And I would never cheat on my wife.’

  ‘Yes, Zahid.’

  ‘Stop agreeing with me.’

  ‘Oh, sorry, I thought that was what you wanted.’ Then she smiled a very slow smile and his face was rigid as she made him examine a truth. ‘Why did we have to sever contact?’

  ‘You know why.’

  ‘Are you worried that you couldn’t keep your hands off me, even with a wife by your side?’

  ‘No!’

  ‘Oh, just those pesky inappropriate thoughts, then.’ Trinity winked. ‘Well, that’s okay, then,’ she said, and ran off towards the palace.

  Never, not once, had anyone challenged him so; never once had he questioned his own integrity so much; never had he wanted to chase someone so much, to catch her and turn her round, to press her to the jewelled palace wall and demand she retract her words.

  And Zahid did just that. In a moment he had caught up with her and, yes, he pushed her to the wall but in the way that lovers did and he demanded then that she take back what she’d said.

  That she retract.

  ‘Retract what?’ Trinity asked.

  The truth.

  She looked deep into his eyes, could feel his erection pressed into her, and she just stared and challenged him to kiss her, to break the strange rules of this beautiful land. And then she did the unforgivable. She smiled, the plastic smile of her mother, and Zahid pulled back, staring into the tempting pool of her mouth and trying to shift decades of thinking as his mouth moved towards her, but Trinity turned her head.

  ‘I’m going to bed, Zahid, presumably alone.’

  ‘Stay.’

  ‘No!’ Trinity said. ‘I’m too good for a shag against the palace wall.’

  ‘I would not do that to you.’

  ‘You want to, though.’ Her hand reached down and what met her hand did not deny the truth.

  But though she returned alone to her room, Trinity did not go to bed.

  She couldn’t be pregnant, Trinity thought as she lifted her leg on the bed and pushed her fingers inside, feeling for the strings that would tell her the IUD was in place, but was unable to find them. She felt behind her cervix hoping to find them nestling there but, no, they were nowhere to be found.

  Trinity undressed and examined her body. Apart from slightly bigger breasts, there were no changes she could see. She didn’t feel sick, she felt exactly as she always had. In fact, better than she always had, for the most part. Here in Ishla she was relaxed.

  Not now, though.

  She remembered Zahid’s slitting gesture to the throat and how she had laughed at the time.

  She wasn’t laughing now.

  CHAPTER ELEVEN

  LAYLA WAS NOT quite so gushing with Trinity the next morning.

  ‘Is everything okay?’ Trinity checked, as they walked to her study where Layla would take her class.

  ‘If Zahid does not choose his bride, the next bride will be me.’

  ‘That is not what you want?’

  Layla’s black eyes met Trinity’s. ‘It would seem that it has nothing to do with what I want.’

  ‘Layla.’ Trinity’s hand went to her shoulder, but Layla shrugged it off.

  ‘Please, don’t,’ Layla said. ‘I am cross with you even though deep down I know it is not your fault. I will not stay cross for long.’

  They were all so honest, Trinity thought, but in the nicest of ways, because where else could you deny a touch because of the mood you were in?

  Here they did not pretend.

  ‘Do you want to do the class tomorrow?’ Trinity offered.

  ‘No,’ Layla said. ‘I have promised the girls that you will meet them today, they would be so disappointed if that did not happen. I too have told them that you are here in the palace to help me with my English but you are not to correct me in front of them. It is easier to say that than explain you are here to sabotage my life.’ She saw Trinity startle. ‘Sorry, was “sabotage” the wrong word?’

  ‘I’m not allowed to correct you,’ Trinity pointed out, and Layla narrowed her eyes.

  ‘You can with my permission.’

  Trinity thought for a moment. ‘Actually sabotage is the perfect word. I’m so sorry, Layla.’

  ‘See! I was right,’ Layla said, but then she smiled. ‘I know it was unintentional, though,’ she said, and gave Trinity a hug.

  They were friends again.

  English with Princess Layla was far more fun than Trinity remembered her English lessons to be!

  Really, it was more an hour of conversation, for Layla did not know how to read or write in English.

  Layla did not know how to drive either, Trinity found out as the questions poured in from Layla’s students and one of them asked how you would get to school in England if you did not have a driver like Princess Layla.

  ‘You would walk, or get a bus or train,’ Trinity said.

  ‘I would take my driver,’ Layla said, and they all laughed at the thought of their princess walking, or getting a bus or train, and so too did Layla.

  It was fun.

  Till the topic turned to weddings.

  ‘Does the bride wear gold in England?’ a little girl asked.

  ‘She wears white,’ Trinity said, wondering if it might be a touch difficult to explain just how diverse weddings could be. ‘Well, traditionally she wears white.’

  ‘We are going to say goodbye to Trinity now,’ Layla broke in swiftly, for she knew they would have many questions about weddings and it was something neither woman would, today, choose to discuss.

  They all said goodbye and thanked her but still the questions came for Layla.

  ‘My mother says that our prince is going to marry soon,’ the same little girl said. ‘Princess Layla, will they live at the second palace?’

  ‘That is private,’ Layla warned, which went against everything Layla’s classes were about, it was why the students loved her so.

  ‘You said, so long as we asked politely and in English, that you would answer our questions.’

  Layla closed her eyes for a brief moment. ‘Yes,’ Layla said. ‘Our tradition says that the future king will live at the second palace with his bride until it is time for him to rule.’ She looked at Trinity, who had moved away from the camera and had tears streaming down her face.

  It was cruel to hear about Zahid’s future life and Layla nodded when Trinity stood. ‘I’m going to go for a walk.’

  ‘Of course.’ Layla nodded. ‘Wait one moment,’ she said to her students, ‘and I will be back.’ She joined Trinity at the door. ‘I am so sorry.’

  ‘It’s not your fault. Of course they have questions.’

  ‘You did not need to hear them, though.’

  Trinity walked through the palace grounds, overwhelmed with the impossibility of it all, because even a chance of future happiness for Zahid and herself would come at an appalling price.

  As she wandered down towards the beach she saw the entrance to the second palace that Zahid had steered her away from.

  The garden was cool and shaded but as she walked further she saw it had its own private beach.

  She thought there would be guards, or workers, but there seemed to be no one and when she turned a handle on a huge carved door, as easily as that she was in.

  It was agony.

  A huge wooden staircase led upwards but that was not what first caught her eye. Neither were the portraits on the wall, but a glass cabinet that contained framed photos.

  This was a home.

  Layla was the image of Annan, who’d had smiling black eyes and the same long hair. Even Fahid looked happy but what had Trinity’s eyes fill with tears was a younger Zahid.

  He had even been a serious baby.

  Only then, as she looked through the years, did she realise just how lucky she was to receive that smile so easily, for it would seem he shared it with few.

  To torture herself she took the stairs upwards and soon found
the wing that contained the master suite.

  It had to be it, Trinity decided looking at the opulent bed piled with cushions, the bed where Zahid would sleep with his bride. Yes, it had to be it, Trinity thought as she opened huge shutters and stared out at the ocean, for it was a view fit for a king.

  ‘What are you doing here?’ Trinity did not jump at the sound of his voice, she was trying too hard not to turn round and to wipe her eyes without him seeing.

  ‘Layla’s taking her class. I just wanted to take a walk.’ Trinity chose not to tell Zahid that they had been discussing his wedding. ‘I wanted to think. I’m sorry I wandered. I never thought it would be open.’

  ‘You don’t need keys here.’

  He came over and stood by her side. ‘You were crying?’

  Trinity nodded.

  ‘About your brother?’

  Trinity gave a soft shrug then shook her head.

  ‘No.’ She looked out at the ocean again and thought of her brother, for without him she would not be standing here. ‘You know, if it weren’t for his death, we would never have spoken again.’

  ‘That is not the case,’ Zahid admitted. ‘I had thought about you a lot in the last month. I told you Donald asked for a loan for his honeymoon. The first time was on the night of his wedding. I refused him and offered to pay for rehab instead. The second time...’ Zahid hesitated and then continued. ‘It was me who called him. I did not get around to asking for your number, though. He was in a bad way and he said again that he needed a loan. If anyone should have guilt for lending money...’

  Trinity turned her head. ‘No.’

  ‘I had rung every library in Los Angeles,’ Zahid said, and watched as her shoulders moved in a soft laugh. ‘One by one I ticked them off and in the end I rang your mother. That is how I found out that he had died.’

  ‘Why were you trying to call me?’

  ‘I think we both know why,’ Zahid said, ‘even if it must remain unsaid.’

  Must it?

  ‘Trinity, since our first kiss you have not left my mind.’

  ‘Oh, please.’ There was still anger there. ‘You never gave me a thought. If Donald hadn’t got married we’d never have seen each other again. You left me that night and you never looked back.’ Tears were streaming down her cheeks but they were silent ones. ‘You never came back.’

  ‘I did come back,’ Zahid said. ‘In the new year, after your birthday. I returned, not because I wanted to spend time with your family but because I wanted to see you, but I was told that you had gone into rehab.’

  ‘Oh, is that what they told you?’ Trinity gave a mirthless laugh. ‘I always wondered how they managed to explain away six months of my life.’

  ‘Where were you?’

  She couldn’t discuss it, it hurt too much, but Zahid would not let it rest. ‘Why would Donald and your family say you were in rehab...?’ His voice trailed off as the truth started to dawn on him.

  ‘Tell me.’

  ‘I can’t,’ Trinity said.

  ‘You can,’ Zahid said. ‘When will you learn that you can be honest with me?’

  She had never been honest with anyone, though, for she had never been allowed to be.

  ‘There is an Arabic proverb,’ Zahid said, ‘what is hidden is more than what has been revealed so far.’

  She pondered the words for a moment and they were true, so true.

  The loss of her baby was, for Trinity more than the event that had led to her conception. She had not had to work to separate the two, for her love for her baby had brought out a fierce protectiveness in her.

  ‘I got pregnant...’ Trinity said, and then quickly added, ‘Please, don’t say sorry. I wanted her so much.’

  Zahid said nothing, just let her continue.

  ‘My parents wanted me to have an abortion, I just couldn’t. I knew right from the start that it wasn’t the baby’s fault. I went away to have my baby but I lost her at six months...’

  For the first time ever he felt the sting of tears in his eyes. Even on his mother’s death he had been aware he must hold things together, that he must not, even once, cry, but hearing the love in her voice, despite the pain, had the emotions Zahid despised so much coursing through him.

  ‘Does she have a name?’

  Trinity nodded. ‘Amara.’

  Eternal.

  He did what he must not do in Ishla, he sat on the bed and pulled her into him and held her as she wept and did his best to comfort her, but Trinity was still drowning in fear, not for the baby she had lost but the one she might hold inside her now.

  ‘You can talk to me.’

  ‘How?’ Trinity asked. ‘When tonight you are dining with your future wife?’

  ‘I will sort something out. I will buy us some time.’

  ‘How?’

  ‘Do you even want to be here?’

  She was scared to say yes, scared to admit her truth, scared too, given how terrible it had been for her, that if she did admit her truth, if somehow she could stay, then he would forbid her from seeing her family.

  ‘Trinity?’ Zahid demanded, for he would move a mountain if he had to, but he had to know first if she wanted it moved. ‘Do you want to be here?’

  She stared at a man she trusted more than she had ever trusted another person, but she could not bring herself to tell him what terrified her now.

  She looked into Zahid’s eyes.

  Her instinct was to tell him, but Trinity had been raised to deny her instincts and she did not know how to trust.

  ‘I want to be here,’ Trinity said, and her meaning was clear for a second later she met his mouth, her drug of choice, and it was Zahid’s too and this time he could not deny her.

  Their mouths were on each other’s, he could taste her tears and her face was flushed from crying and her lips swollen, and it wasn’t even a choice for Zahid as to whether or not he kiss her, he gave in to need.

  Desperate urgent kisses that had them tearing at each other’s clothes till they were naked and they melted into the other as their skins met again and he pressed her down onto the bed. It was dizzying, it had to be, for thought would have told them it was so very forbidden, a single thought would have warned that they could be caught at any moment, that this was wrong, very wrong. Zahid had always held onto emotion but not for a second did he hold on now.

  ‘Tell me what you want.’

  ‘You!’ Trinity replied. It was the only answer she knew. ‘This,’ she said, half sitting against the cushions as he knelt between her legs. His head lowered and Zahid’s mouth, hungry and rough, took her newly sensitive breasts deep, and she loved it that with Zahid pain was a new pleasure.

  Then, when her breasts were not enough, when her mouth could not quench days of denial, of fighting not to react to her taunts, ended as he knelt back on his knees and pushed her legs further apart. She briefly looked down as he positioned her and then seared inside. Trinity’s head went back and she was drunk on the power of him unleashed and raw as his hands moved her hips to his will.

  This was Zahid’s will, this was his want and even before Trinity came his decision was made and he started to spill into her.

  Trinity could even feel the contractions in her womb as Zahid gave her the most intimate part of himself.

  ‘There,’ he said, and she understood his word.

  ‘There,’ he said again, as he pulsed in the final precious drops, and she forced herself forward and looked down again and watched the milky white on his length as he slowly pulled out and then drove in to her again.

  It was done now.

  After, they lay on the marital bed catching their breath, her hair in his mouth, her cheek hot and warm by his, and Zahid closed his eyes, but not in regret.

  Tonight he dined with Princess Sameena and her family, next weekend it would be Sheikha Kumu, yet the woman he loved lay in the marital bed with him now.

  It was too late to cancel the dinners, it would be considered the height of rudeness as the invi
tations had already been sent out.

  He would get through tonight, Zahid decided but first he would speak with his father.

  Foolish or not, sensible or otherwise, Zahid had chosen his bride.

  His head had no say in the matter.

  ‘I will sort this.’

  Her body was so flushed she shivered as she was suddenly drenched in icy fear.

  ‘Shouldn’t I be away from here before you say anything?’ Trinity was starting to panic.

  ‘I don’t want you away from me,’ Zahid said. ‘It’s time to start trusting me, Trinity.’

  ‘Zahid...’

  ‘I will handle this,’ Zahid said. ‘I am going to make a formal request to speak with the king.’

  CHAPTER TWELVE

  THE KING LOOKED down from his window and saw Trinity walk out from the entrance to the second palace.

  Of course she would be interested in the second palace and want to see it, the king consoled himself. After all, she had a degree in ancient art history and the second palace was rich with treasures.

  There was little consolation to be had a few moments later when he watched as his rarely dishevelled son walked out.

  She must leave, the king decided.

  And she would be leaving tonight.

  He wanted Zahid back, the man who thought only of his country, a man, the king privately admitted, who must be spared the pain that he himself had endured, for a heart was only so big.

  ‘Is everything all right, Your Highness?’ Abdul enquired an hour or so later, when he walked in on the king, who was still deep in thought.

  ‘It will be,’ the king answered. ‘What are you here for?’

  ‘Prince Zahid has tendered a formal request to meet with you.’

  Fahid’s stomach churned for the words they would exchange in a formal meeting must be documented.

  ‘I do not have time. We are to greet guests soon.’

  ‘It is a formal request.’

  ‘Which means I must respond by noon the next day,’ the king countered, for he, better than anyone, knew the laws of his land.

  ‘You are to arrange for Ms Foster to come and speak with me now.’

  ‘Of course,’ Abdul said obligingly. ‘Though, given we are soon to receive Princess Sameena and her family, would tomorrow perhaps be a more convenient time to speak with a guest?’