Princess Rescue Inc

by Chris Hechtl

  The Cromwells were local counts who owed their allegiance to the royal house since they were nearby. They were apparently sticking around. Hopefully not all winter, Ryans thought bleakly. It looked like both of them liked to pack on the pounds.

  “Feisty isn't he?” Ryans murmured then looked up. “It's a bit more complex than that. We're going to gut and upgrade the royal suite. Other rooms as well.”

  “Ah. And what will be done?” Lady Cromwell asked, picking up her wine glass to take a sip.

  “Oh the usual, we're going to gut the bathroom, modernize it, as well as add new windows, insulation, bed, and other things if we have time before winter really sets in. It should be fun.”

  “The bath? I had heard of the indoor plumbing you mentioned,” another lord down the table nodded. “And a... toilet I believe? But in the royal residence? How can you deal with the smell?” he asked with a sniff.

  Ryans smiled slightly. “Terran toilets use a simple system to keep the methane, that's the stuff that makes it stink by the way... anyway we've got a simple set up to keep that down in the sewer. It's quite simple and ingenious actually, an S curve in the sewer plumbing,” Ryans explained. He used his hands to describe the two arches. “The curves trap water which blocks the gas from coming back up the pipes to smell.”

  “Ah,” the lord looked amused. “What of the mess boy?”

  “What about him?” Ryans asked picking up his own wine glass.

  “What will you do with him then?” the lord asked.

  “Well as I understand it, his entire job is to haul water or waste up and down the stairs. I'd say we can dispense with that job at least for the royal suite and he will be employed in another area of the castle. We can always use people to help keep the place clean and neat,” Ryans said and then shrugged.

  “Or he can apply for a transfer to the stable,” an anonymous voice quipped down towards the end of the table.

  “Or that too,” Ryans agreed amiably, not ready to be baited.

  “And who will do this work?” Cromwell asked amused.

  “Well, I've done some renovating in the past, so I'll do some of it. I've got a couple of carpenter friends who are eager to give it a shot. Why? Do you want to help?” Ryans asked.

  “You?” the lord goggled, mouth open.

  Ryans smirked, “Of course. I like to get my hands dirty too. It's good practice. And it feels great to have something done that you did with your own hands,” he said and then smiled. “I actually prefer electronics, but I can do mechanical or home renovations too.” He waved. “Since we don't have a licensed plumber around, I guess I'm elected.” He smiled, spearing a mini sausage with an elegant toothpick.

  “You're going to do this?” another middle aged lord asked aghast. From the look of him and the red colors he wore he was a royal knight.

  “Yup? Didn't I just finish saying so? It's not that hard with the right tools and parts actually. I'll leave the carpentry stuff up to a local carpenter. Though I may lend a hand if needed,” he said and then shrugged. “I reiterate Dominus Cromwell, do you want to help?”

  The lord blinked at him in surprise and confusion.

  “Come on, beer, power tools... mechanical puzzles...” Ryans suggested.

  “I believe I have other engagements,” the lord ground out looking away.

  “To bad, we do this sort of thing for fun on Terra... at least some of us do. Usually it's with a car though. Group of guys get together to work on a project, get beered up and have a party,” Ryans said and then shrugged. The men around him looked surprised and then thoughtful.

  “I'll do it,” a hand rose from beside the lady Cromwell. A teenager leaned forward. “That is if you'll have me your majesty.”

  “Sure. You're the lord's son?” Ryans asked. The young man nodded.

  “I'm Catius if you please,” the young man replied. Ryans estimated his age at about twenty. A knight then, just out of being a squire from the look of his scraggly beard and build.

  “All right, I'm working on the tear out tomorrow. You're more than welcome to pitch in. I've got some old jeans you can wear if you don't have any work clothes. That is if her majesty hasn't nicked them yet,” he said shooting a look at Deidra. She smirked but shook her head silently. He shrugged. “Max is bringing up another shipment of plumbing supplies today so we should have everything we need.”

  “Why is it that we start here? In the castle with this plumbing?” someone asked.

  “Well, royalty and nobility does have its privileges. Or so I heard,” Ryans deadpanned. That brought a general chuckle to the group.

  “But seriously, who's going to pay for it in town? A merchant maybe,” he shrugged. “Truth is, we've got the money, the skills, the need, and the materials. Once those who are learning this trade get the hang of it and we get enough materials... then others will follow suit,” he smiled.

  “I'd borrow Gunny or the master sergeant but they're both out and about,” he said. He turned to see a puzzled frown on the face of Dominus Cromwell. “They led the military team to modernize the barracks. Lights, plumbing and even heating and crude ceiling fans.”

  “Ah,” the lord nodded.

  “The plumbing is crude, it was a rush job after all. It leaks a little. Group showers and bathroom stalls. We can do better,” Ryans smiled to Deidra. She'd already started working on picking out tile and color combinations.

  “Someone should be first, and it's our duty to do so,” Deidra murmured nodding as she placed a hand on his arm.

  “You just like the idea of the heating system.” He smiled then turned to the others. “It's like the hot water. We're running copper pipe against the wall. I'd rather do it in the floor but we just don't have the tech for it.” He shrugged. “Anyway it'll go to an electric, tankless water heater that will heat the water for it and the hot water for the bath.”

  “Which means the room will be nice and warm even in the deepest blizzard,” Deidra smiled. A few of the lords looked thoughtful at that.

  “Sure,” Ryans smiled. “Max has been working on a centralized boiler system but this works better. This way all we have to run is electric lines, cold water, and sewer. No steam lines.”

  “Yeah well, it'll be a pain to fix,” Max grumbled.

  “Bitch, bitch,” Ryans replied smiling.

  “And make,” Max replied. Cecily looked thoughtful. She toyed with her spoon, unsure about being in such rarified surroundings.

  “You'll get one too Cecily,” Ryans said with a knowing grin.

  “Definitely,” Max grunted. The young woman suddenly smiled.

  Ryans raised a finger and opened his mouth but paused. “Well, it'll employ a lot of people to make enough for everyone.”

  “There's that.”

  “Yup,” Ryans turned to the old lord. “So, we were talking about the mill system earlier this morning Dominus Cromwell, I believe you had some thoughts you wanted to convey on the subject?”

  <==={}------------>

  During the summer and early fall Buckland had led the trainers of the new and growing air force. Sue had managed to repair some of his damage but he was confined to a wheelchair while the new scar tissue healed. They used hot air balloons at first, and then silk covered gliders.

  He had made it clear, he was going home. He did say he'd think about coming back after Ginger Lewis took the first Imperium built wooden bi-plane up though. Now in the depth of winter he was still thinking it over once again as he watched them working on the first monoplane. It was a copy of the A-22, but still lacked an engine. Max had hoped to get to it before the winter hit but now it would have to wait.

  <==={}------------>

  Nate grinned as Ryans came into the room. “What's up boss? Or should I call you your majesty?”

  Ryans shook his head, crossing his arms and leaning against a post. “Not much, just checking in. How are things going?”

  “Fair to middlin'. We've barely scratched the surface on the fauna in this area, let alone
the entire planet.” Nate shook his head. “Don't get me started on the paleontology.” He waved at a fossil on a desk.

  Ryans nodded looking it over then stepping back. He stepped back too far and hit a cage. Something hissed and he jumped back. “What the hell!”

  Out of the dark the lizard came forth. It stood up on its rear most limbs, front four grasping the cage fence. “Nate why the hell is that thing alive?” Ryans asked tightly as the lizard cocked its head back and forth at him.

  “Ah. Charlie and Doc insisted. They think the venom will make for some sort of trank.”

  “Not on your life,” Ryans said shaking his head. His hands went down to his side and grasped at nothing for a moment. “Not in a million years.”

  “Yeah, I told them that. It's got some potent neurotoxin though, it's enough to immobilize the victim but not suppress its breathing or heart,” Nate said.

  “Yeah. And you've... ah milked it?” Ryans asked, eyebrows beetled.

  Nate nodded. “Yes. My that was a challenge. Nearly stopped my heart a few times.”

  “I thought you said it couldn't do that?” Ryans asked.

  “You know what I mean,” Nate growled, glowering. “From what Charlie told me the other day it didn't work though. Too strong even when they cut it.”

  “So? I'll say it again, why is it still alive?” Ryans asked, turning to the biologist.

  Nate squirmed a little under the unblinking gaze then shrugged. “Well, we were working on an antidote but that didn't work either. So Charlie shelved it for now. I don't want to kill it in case she needs more.”

  “Right. Well, there's a law somewhere on the books that said it's a death sentence to keep one of these as a pet you know.” He turned back to the lizard. It was flicking its tongue out at him. It raised its rear thorax and shook it for a moment then settled down.

  “Ah...”

  “Ask the last guy who had them. He was put to death yesterday,” Ryans said.

  “Oh ah...” Nate gulped. “I... didn't... ah, know.”

  “Don't let Deidra or Zara know you've got that. Get with Charlie. Find out if she wants another sample. Either way I want it dead by sunset,” Ryans said firmly. He turned back to Nate. “And don't let it bite you.”

  “Yeah, I'll ah, do that,” Nate said nodding as Ryans stormed out.

  Ryans smiled as he and Deidra enter the kitchen. “So, got something in mind for lunch before I go?” he teased. She blushed but then stopped when she heard the buzzing sound.

  “What's that?” she asked.

  “Sounds like a blender,” Ryans answered going through the passage connecting the great hall to the kitchen. When he entered he smiled. Zara turned and smiled. She and the castle students were sitting on a counter watching Sydney and Casius make smoothies. Or at least trying to.

  “Having fun?” Ryans asked. Deidra came up behind him. The staff turned and smiled. Zara took a sip from her straw.

  “Yup,” she giggled a little. “These are great sister, you should try it!”

  “And just what is it?” Deidra asked, wrinkling her nose. Chopped fruit was scattered around the blender.

  “Smoothy I bet. Or a slushy,” Ryans replied craning his neck to see around her.

  “Smoothy. It's too damn cold out for slushies,” Sydney answered. He pulsed the blender's chop button a few times and then when the mix was pureed he poured it into a pair of cups. “Try it your majesty, it'll put hair on your chest,” he said and smiled.

  “It'd better not,” Ryans growled. Zara smothered a giggle as her sister pretended to examine the concoction carefully.

  “It's safe your majesty,” Casius replied, straightening. “You have my word of honor on it,” he said. Ryans snorted.

  Deidra took a sip from the straw. Her eyes popped in surprise. She coughed and looked at the cup. “So many flavors!”

  “We've got about four fruits in that one. We had to cut back on a couple, the one I thought was the equivalent of watermelon is just way too strong,” Gregory said from behind them. They turned to see the gaijin cook.

  “Thought you were supposed to wait on me?” he said giving Sydney a dirty look.

  “Oops,” Sydney said. He spread his hands apart.

  “My fault Gregory,” Zara said waving her hand. “Still good though,” she smiled. She had quite a few young faces around her.

  “Yes and it would have been better, or at least better for you with these,” he hefted some carrots in his hands. The kids wrinkled their noses.

  “Trust me, you won’t taste it. At least not all of it,” Ryans replied. “Besides, carrots have even more sugar than beets and almost as much as pure sugar.”

  Gregory gave him a look. Ryans shrugged. “Grams pulled the same trick on me when I refused to eat my veggies,” the nutritionist snorted.

  “All right you lot, since you've spoiled your lunch, you might as well go clean the hall and get out of Casius' hair... what little he's got left of it,” Gregory smiled at the cook. “I'll lend him and the staff a hand cleaning up here and we'll get your lunch going,” he said firmly. The kids scampered out down the corridor to the great hall.

  “If you'll wait we can make you anything you want...” Casius said. Ryans held up a hand.

  “No, I've got to run so I just stopped for a quick bite. I've got to meet Perry; we've got a short mission nearby. Seems there's a wild titan among a farmer's herd and he's not happy about it.”

  “Dear me,” Gregory said shaking his head. “Do be careful.”

  “We'll try,” Ryans said nodding.

  <==={}------------>

  The rampaging titan went through a field, slamming its massive head and tusks back and forth sweeping all before it. The local village elder moaned at the sight of the damage to the fields, barn, and the fences. A stone wall was obliterated. The animal paused as it felt the pain of the stones striking one tusk. It bellowed in sudden pain, throwing its head up in the air. Apparently the cuts and bruises and the spear sticking out of one flank didn't feel like anything compared to something touching that tusk.

  “What the hell?” Perry asked watching the thing from his hummer.

  “We've got to head it off, it's going right for the village!” their serf guide yelled pointing frantically.

  “Evacuate then!” Perry bellowed. He stomped on the gas and revved the hummer up past the beast then turned into a U turn swerve. A rooster tail of dust and gravel flew behind him.

  The titan pulled up and stopped in front of the metal creature before it. “Come on you big lummox, cool off and go walkies in some other direction,” Perry murmured. He flipped the trucks gears to reverse but kept his foot on the brake. His right hand touched the light control.

  “It's not moving,” the Gunny said watching the beast warily. “This pee shooter won’t get through that hide to somewhere vital,” he said, indicating his MP-9.

  “Yeah,” Perry grunted. “Looks like the handler is out of it.” They could see a body lying in the dust beyond the beast. He was obviously flattened. Beady rheumy eyes stared at the thing. They could see its breath frosting in the air. It snorted.

  “Not good, NOT GOOD!” the Gunny said suddenly. Perry's attention shifted as his hands flashed out and hit the horn and lights. The titan reared back in shock, snorted and blinked as the light and sounds pierced its rage. It threw its head about, thrashing and trumpeting in confusion and rage.

  “Great. You got its attention,” the Gunny muttered, leaning out the window to try to get a shot. “I dunno if shooting it in the eye will help or hurt.”

  “Hurt. A wounded animal is worse Gunny,” Perry said watching the beast toss its great head back and forth and then stamp meaningfully. Its front legs dug into the grass as it chuffed. He leaned on the horn then flicked the lights to high beams as it moved tentatively forward. Its middle legs pawed at the ground as its rear legs dug in. Its thin tail swished in agitation.

  The titan blinked, then closed its six eyes, dropped its head and charged.
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  “Crap. Get in!” he said stomping on the gas to go back as fast as he could.

  “Too late!” the Gunny said as a tusk went down, slamming into the hood. The rear of the truck bucked up as the front end went down; wheels spinning in the air, then back down. Perry's head hit the steering wheel. He was dazed for a second.

  “Move, move!” the Gunny said trying to stomp on Perry's foot before the Lieutenant could recover.

  “Too late,” Perry groaned. The Gunny turned to see the tusk slide along the ground then up under the truck. With a groan the truck was airborne, they felt a jar and then sickening twist and roll as it flipped and rolled down a low hill. It ended up on its top, rocking back and forth.

  “Crap,” Perry snarled, recovering from the tuck and brace he'd instinctively fallen into.

  “Cut it,” the Gunny snarled just as the titan slammed its tusks into the rear. The truck spun for a moment, a full three sixty.

  “Great, we've been downgraded to chew toy,” the Gunny snarled as the titan continued to slam the truck around.

  They heard some weapons fire and then the titan bellowed. “I think the cavalry arrived,” Perry said woozy.

  They heard the beast roar and then move off. More weapons fire could be heard, the chatter of a machine gun then an agonized scream. After a moment the titanic moaning groan as the animal toppled. The truck seemed to jump as it fell nearby.

  “Well that was fun. Nice Christmas ride in the countryside to see the relatives,” the Gunny sighed.

  “Oh shut up,” Perry said chuckling and holding a hand to the cut on his forehead.

  <==={}------------>

  Scooter moaned at the sight of the hummer. He rigged lines and flipped the vehicle back onto its wheels. They pulled spare tires from the other vehicles to get it out of the rut and to the road.

  The old tires were shredded. Scooter pulled the ripped parts off the bead locks then used a portable air gun to take the bead lock rims apart. A supply truck arrived several days later and they put the truck back together, enough to tow it back home to the capital.

  “Well, the good news is the local village has enough food to smoke for the winter,” Ryans snorted, looking over his shoulder at the village elders directing the harvesting process.