I could not sit back and let this happen Ella. Some day you will realize this same thing. You’ll realize that if I sat back and did nothing you would hate me a little more each day.
Shit sweetheart, I would hate me. I never wanted to leave you. I’m so fucking sorry baby. I wish I was there holding you, kissing you. I never wanted you to see this letter. I wanted to come home and burn it. Burn it and have a good laugh while doing it.
I have no fucking clue where all this fluffy bullshit came from. You changed me Ella. Writing this letter seems to be the hardest thing I’ve ever had to do.
I’ve done some fucked up things. The only thing I have seemed to have done right is you. One day you’ll see this was the only way it would have ended for me. The only way it ends for any of us.
Blazing guns and blazing glory. I fought death. I fought me. The decision to go was not one that was easily made. I have moment’s like right now. That I want nothing more than to stay.
I can’t do that. Axel has everything you need. I made sure you would want for nothing. I will see you again soon baby.
Jace
The wall I had erected around my heart crumble’s as I read the letter. All the dreams I had go up in flames. Their ashes carried away on the wind. Like all the unwanted leaves do in the fall.
The day I realized I would never have his love. I thought that was my dream. No, not even close. The hurt that came with this. The knowledge I will never feel him; I will never see him crushes me. I would never feel his arms around me. I will never feel his lips on mine.
Never again will I hear his voice. I will never see his face. Never see his beautiful eyes. He was gone. Falling to my knees, I hit the floor hard. They couldn’t hold me anymore. The pain doesn’t even register. Not with the pain in my heart.
It felt like someone has crashed through my ribs ripping a hole in my chest and grabbed my heart. Squeezing it as they pulled it out and held it in my face.
I wish there was a switch. Where you can just shut it off. Shut of the love. Shut it all off. Then this pain would cease to exist. I have never felt anything like this. Not even when my parents were killed. But this. It felt like my insides were being ripped apart.
My whole body hurt physically hurt. Mentally, I’ve checked out. My brain has shut down. Its wonderful survival instinct has kicked in. It literally has closed itself off. Survival mode was a beautiful thing.
I hear a scream rip through the house. A scream filled with pain and desolation. It sounded hopeless and lost. A scream, I realize was coming from me. My throat hurt as I came up with some much force I thought my lungs was coming up with it.
Laying down on my side, I curl into the fetal position and close my eyes. Rocking back and forth as sobs tore through my body. I was helpless to stop it. After what felt like hours. Long agonizing hours’ sleep claimed me.
The dreams came. Dreams filled with him. Filled with Jace. His laugh and his smile. Jace holding me. I look down at my tummy, nice and rounded. Then I look up at Jace, but he’s gone. I will have to do this alone. Even in sleep I wail in pain.
Chapter 18
Jace
Watching seems to be our new past time. Every night for the last three weeks we have sat outside looking in. Watching the movements. Chad has yet to show his face. That’s the only reason we haven’t gone in and ended this shit.
The other is the girls were not being harmed. Yes, I know they’re caged. But other than that, it’s about it. I want nothing more to rush in and release them. But Chad will go to ground if we do. He will pop up somewhere else.
It will be a game of cat and mouse. Other girls will be taken and possibly shipped out. No this needs to end here. I look over at Beau and Jesse. We have gone radio silent. Phones were shut off and have been for the last three weeks.
I can see the strain it has put on Beau. Emilia was ready to give birth and yet he was here with us. I lost my phone a month ago, I had meant to call Axel but the time frame closed up quickly. Sighing, I turned back to the warehouse,
Just as a car pulls up. Nice ride. Cadillac. The driver gets out and opens the back door. I watch a man with black hair get out. At least I think it's black. It was dark out here. I have no idea what time it is. I use my phone for a clock.
The few chances I was able to talk to Axel he informed me the stalker has gotten more and more bold. Jewelry has started popping up with pictures of Ella moving around. Doing everyday shit. The letters have gotten more graphic.
A part of me wished he would tell me what they said, but the other part was real fucking happy he didn’t. The risk of walking away from this mission was high. After all the work, I put in. I couldn’t let that happen and neither could Axel. It would all be for nothing if I left.
All the time I have had to spend away from her. Would have been for nothing. No I had to see this shit through. Axel and Brandon have been watching her. As much as Brandon watching her shafts I’m glad she has him looking out for her.
Once I finished here the stalker would be dealt with. Even if I had to stake out her house. I fucking would. That shit needed to stop. Ella was mine. “It’s him.” Beau whispers. Sliding back down the little incline we were hanging out with Beau walked over to Emilia’s family.
Our business partners. Small fucking world. We supplied that family with guns. Beaus club and ours worked together to make sure they had whatever they needed. I watch Jaxson, Jason, and that scary fucker they call Lark stand there talking to Beau.
That man is the devil himself. If I’m a reaper he’s the master. Hit-man to the Carter family and he’s stuff nightmares were made of. I’m real fucking happy he is on our side. I thought I was emotionless. I have nothing on that man.
There was no easy way to do this. The building was crawling with those pricks. We were going in guns blazing. The Carter family sniper was out there somewhere. Watching. Waiting. The captains and made men were standing waiting for their orders.
This was for Emilia more than the ones in there. At least in their eyes. Beau looks back at us. Giving the signal we stand and rush into the building. I know this isn’t the brightest idea, but it was all we could come up with.
I reached the door first Jesse was right behind me. The first man to notice me got a bullet between the eyes. The second a bullet to the knee. As he dropped I put a bullet between his eyes. Grabbing the closest man to me, I use his body as a shield.
Popping shot after shot off. I felt a man at my back. Turning quick I watch him hit the ground. Jesse put a bullet in the back of the man’s head. Then Jesse was gone. The girls were in another room. That was something we checked before this plan was concocted.
A few clips later the gunfire has slowed down immensely. The ground was littered with men. All of them dead. A few of the Carter made men were amongst them. Only a few were dead. Jesse walks out holding Chad with a gun to his head.
Pushing him to his knees, he stands behind him. Jesse hesitated. With his hesitation, Chad pulled a gun and fired. I felt it hit my chest. The fire consumed me. Falling to my knees I look at it. The spot it went in.
Blood was flowing regularly. I watch Jesse put a bullet in the back of his head. He hit the ground as I fell back onto my back. My chest burns as I lay there thinking about her. My Ella. My time with her was the best days of my life.
Those days are gone now. As the blood pumps from my chest with each heartbeat. Beau and Jesse are on either side of me trying to stop the blood flow. “Love her.” I tell them. Beau nods in understanding. Letting me know he will make sure she knows.
Knowing she will know I loved her brings a small amount of peace. My eyes feel heavy as they close on their own. I fight the effects as hard as I can. Beau and Jesse are shouting at me to stay with them. I want to stay.
But death was consuming me. I was consuming me. I felt no fear, just loss and regret. I leave this world saving those women. But I’m condemning my Ella to nothingness. Closing my eyes, I picture Ella. Her beautiful face lit up in a smile.
She’s the last thing I see. The last thing I think of as darkness swallows me.
Chapter 19
Ella
The phone rings breaking the silence that has consumed this place. No one would look at me. I walked around a zombie. I read his letter just yesterday. But it feels like a lifetime ago. Our child will grow up fatherless.
The thought tears into my heart. I thought it could take no more pain. I was wrong. Axel comes rushing into the room. He drops to his knees in front of me. I feel his hands grab at my shoulders. I stare at him blankly.
There was nothing to say. I wasn’t ready to talk yet. Maybe in a week. Or a month. Yeah, a year give me a year. “Ella” He shouts. Shaking me. Please don’t make me come out of this yet. This blanket of nothingness. It surrounds me.
Protecting me from this reality. A reality without him. Without Jace. “Ella listen to me. Jace needs you. We need to get you to Beaus place.” He shouts louder. How cruel. Just because I want to be left alone. That doesn’t mean he needs to lie to me.
Refusing to respond to him I turn my eyes over his shoulder and stare at the wall. “Ella fucking listen to me. Jace was shot. He slipped into a coma. He fucking needs you.” Another hard shake. I feel hope blossom in my chest.
“No. No, don’t do this to me. I can’t do this again. Please don’t make me.” I scream at him. Pulling out his phone he shows me a photo of Jace laying in a bed with a bandage covering his chest. Axel grabs my arm.
“Tessa has packed your bag. Jesse is here to take you to him. Ella, you need to go.” Axel grabs my arm and pulls me from the chair. Jesse was there wrapping an arm around my shoulder. “Let’s go Ella.” he walks me to the door.
His bike is in front of us. No, not his bike. I stop and dig my heels in. I can’t get on that bike. Only Jace’s bike. “No,” I shout at him as he pulls me. “Not your bike.” I tell him loudly. Jesse looks at me and nods.
Turing, he walks over to my car. Throwing my bag into the trunk he holds open the passenger door. Waiting expectantly for me to get in. I don’t want to get in. What if this is all a dream and I wake up. No, I can’t face it. Staying here seems safer.
“Come on Ella. We need to go. Jace has been asleep four days already. He needs you.” Closing my eyes, I feel the tears well. I climb into the car reluctantly. Sitting back, I close my eyes. “If he has been out for a few days why are we just hearing about this now?” I ask him. It’s my dream I can question it however I want.
“We weren’t sure if he was going to make it Ella.” he sighs heavily. Keeping my eyes closed I drift off into a dream of nothing. Just darkness. I think I prefer this one to the other. There my mind played a cruel trick on me. Here there’s nothing.
I feel a hand shaking my shoulder. Opening my eyes, I look at the Blazing Devils club house. Why are you doing this to me. I ask my mind. Couldn’t you just leave me in the darkness. “Ella, we need to go. Wake up we’re here.” Jesse says all the while continuing to shake my shoulders.
I didn’t want to leave this car. But I was forced to when Jesse reached in and literally picked me up and carried me into the building. Closing my eyes, I fight back the tears. I hate myself. I am literally torturing myself.
I’ve literally turned on myself. My chest hurts. I can’t breathe. I feel like I’m drowning. I start to hyperventilate. Squeezing my eyes tightly together I feel the tears leak out of the corner of my eyes. The door slam’s closed behind us. Echoing off the quiet room. My eyes fly wide open.
Emilia was standing there. Right there. Just a few feet away. Her face was wan with sadness. Her eyes full of pity as she looked at me. I don’t want to see them. I don’t want to see their pity. I don’t want them to see me.
Forcing my eyes to close I fight for breath as Jesse draws us further into the room. I need air. I feel my throat close up. Panic encloses around me. I can’t do this I won’t do this. This is my nightmare and I will choose when it ends.
I reach for a handful of Jesse’s short dirty blond hair and pull hard. I feel his head jerk back and a curse rips from his lips. “You can’t make me. I won’t do it! This is my dream and I chose how it goes.” I scream in his ear. Fighting, Bucking, screaming, and pulling his hair with everything in me.
I feel another set of hands grab me. Pulling me from Jesse’s arms. I scream and kick. Arms hold me like steel bands. My arms were pinned at my sides. I fight with all that’s in me. Bending slightly, I bite at the person holding me.
“You can’t take me! I won’t let you.” I scream and cry. Slamming my head back, I hear a thud and pain shoots through my head. The steel bands holding me release. I hit the ground in a bone jarring drop. Not one to wait around for the monsters to come.
I’m on my feet. I get about two steps when another set of arms wrap around me. No. No this can’t be happening. “Ella calm the fuck down. Jackal you okay?” I can hear Beau's voice penetrate the fog. Even he is here.
This is too much. Vertigo strikes. I feel my knees give out. My eyes roll into the back of my head. Arms catch me before I hit the floor. Then blissful, beautiful nothing. I drift in the blackness. It’s so peaceful here.
I feel something soft under me. Mummers all around me. Did I die? Is it really me who died and not Jace? Was I living in some form of hell? “Is she okay?” Emilia’s sweet voice drifts into the room. “Did you tell her Jesse?” Beau snaps.
“Yeah, I fucking told her. I told her he was alive.” Jesse snaps back. “Did you tell her he couldn’t be moved and that’s why he’s here? Or that we couldn’t tell them until we knew if he was going to make it?” Jackal snaps.
“No.” Jesse says quietly. Why is this happening to me. Why was life playing such a cruel trick on me? Jace was gone. There was no bringing him back. “How’s your face Jackal?” I hear the laughter in Jesse’s voice.
“Fuck you Jesse.” Jackal snaps back. “How’s that head of yours? She gives you any bald spots?” His voice was also filled with laughter. I did that. I attacked them. Were they real? Like really real? Were they telling the truth? Was Jace still alive? My heart beats faster as my eyes fly wide.
Looking directly at Emilia. Lucy was just behind her. “Ella how do you feel” Emilia asks quietly. “I’m not sure.” I tell her. Sitting up as Lucy hands me some water. I take big greedy gulps. “Ella.” Beau pauses.
The look of pity she tried to conceal was plain to see on her face. She didn’t disagree with me. Even though I may never hold his heart, I couldn’t walk away. Love is a fickle thing.
“Jace is in the other room. He needs you. We haven’t been able to wake him. The doctor said he would make it and would wake up when he was ready. Please let me take you to him.” My chest freezes up. Can I do this?
Leaving this room and walking to where ever they want me. What if this is just a dream? What if it’s not? Steeling my spine, I take big gulps of air. I needed to know. I look at Beau and nod. I need to do this for both me and our child.
If Jace really is in the other room. If he’s really alive, he needs me. He needs us. I put my hand on my belly. Emilia looks at my hand. Realization dawning on her face. She knows. I quickly pull my hand away. I didn’t want anyone to know. Not yet.
Putting my feet on the floor I stand slowly. Before following Beau out of the room. We walk a few doors down. Beau pauses at the door and turns the knob. To the room Jace and I stayed in previously. More weight in my chest. I was suffocating.
The door swung open quietly. Beau steps aside. I get my first look at the room. My heart constricts as I take in the still form on the bed. My feet are moving on their own. I run to the bed. Jace lays there. His eyes were closed. He was so still.
I look at his chest. Covered with the quilt we used every night we were here. I watch it rise and fall. My knees giveaway. I hit the floor hard. I feel it only slightly. The rug absorbing some go, the impact. Tears gather in my eyes and spill over.
He was here. Right here sleeping. Breathing deep, even breaths. Taking his hand into mi
ne, I kiss the knuckles that says hate on them. I kiss them lovingly. “I’m here. Jace I’m right here. I missed you so much.” I cry into his hand.
“Please don’t leave me. I can’t do this without you. We needed you. The baby we created needs you.” I sob loudly. The door closes quietly. I barely register the sound. Raising my head, I stare at Jace. Taking him in. All of him.
If this was a dream I never wanted to wake up. I want nothing more than to stay right here and never leave. There is nothing else in this world, I want than the three of us together. “I love you. I have loved you since we were kids.” I kiss his lips gently.
“I have loved you always and I always will. Every day with you cemented that. No matter how long it takes I will be right here waiting for you. Even if it takes a hundred years. Every moment brings me one step closer. To you.”
I can’t take my eyes off him. No matter how hard I tried they were glued to his face. I just want to be closer to him. I look at the other side of the bed. The same side, I slept on. Standing I walk to the other side of the bed. Still not taking my eyes from him I climb onto it.
Scooting over as close to him as I could I lay my head beside his. I just stare at him. My brave Jace. The man who kills and tortures people and enjoys every minute of it. Risked it all to save some woman he has never met.
I look at him and see him. The real him. The man behind the killer. The man behind the club VP. My Jace. Breathing becomes easier. Less constrictive. I reach for his hand and intertwine our fingers. I fight sleep. Fearing the moment, I close my eyes, he will evaporate like smoke.
My dreams were of darkness, the black abyss. I feel something brush my face. I make a face. I don’t want to wake up yet. This has been so peaceful. The reality is anything but. Whatever it was touches my face again.
Jace: The Son's Of The Apocalypse MC Page 10
