Maybe This Christmas

by Jennifer Snow

  He pushed the sleeves of his sweater up and tugged at the collar. “Um…I mean…”

  “Now can I hit him?” Olivia asked.

  “It’s tempting,” Becky said.

  “Look, stop judging. What Emma and I have is…complicated.” It hadn’t been a few weeks ago. Now all of a sudden, it felt like a big uncertain mess. “We are not making any wedding plans or anything, but I want to give this…thing…between us a real shot.” He’d figure out his feelings and hers later.

  The women softened a little.

  “Okay, well, I think you need to take advantage of your time here, away from hockey. Focus on her. Make this holiday a memorable one, quiet and romantic…”

  He was nodding. Focus on her. Quiet and romantic…Use this time to see if their connection was strong enough to go the distance. He already knew the answer to that. As long as she didn’t get swallowed up in her new future plans, her new life goals…

  Olivia nodded. “Right. Enjoy the town’s Christmas fair this weekend. They have a dance and sleigh rides…Really make the next few weeks special.”

  “And you need to get a better answer to the love question,” Abby said.

  He sighed. He had a better answer. The truth was, it terrified him.

  “Okay. You three were tons of help, but I should go.” Standing, he noticed the local paper on the coffee table. An ad on the front page caught his eye. Breckenridge Ski Resorts Winter Tour…the snowboard and ski event that his coach had mentioned. In his stress that morning, he’d almost forgotten about it.

  Picking the paper up, he smiled. The tournament was that weekend. It was the perfect thing to show Emma how much she missed life on the slopes. The past three years he hadn’t been available to drag her butt up there for the Winter Tour, but this year he had nowhere else he’d rather be. Four days of ski and snowboard competitions, live outdoor concerts, and athlete meet-and-greets were the perfect Christmas getaway.

  The perfect opportunity to get her away. Away from Jess and her father. Away from this boring small-town existence she pretended to be content with. He’d watched his brother Jackson struggle with the same disillusionment for years before Abby came back to Glenwood Falls. The difference was, Jackson had been truly done with hockey, and at least he’d made the last attempt at it to know for sure. Emma had been carried off the slopes on a stretcher and had never gone back. She needed to at least get back out there to be sure she was done.

  Things would be so much easier if she wasn’t. If she returned to snowboarding, their relationship could go back to the way it had been, with both of them focused on chasing and living a dream, meeting in the middle with a mutual unspoken understanding that someday they would settle down together. If he could get her back to the same page, he’d be free to concentrate on hockey for a little while longer.

  “Can I take this?” he asked, noticing the website address. He had a lot of planning to do and a few strings to pull.

  Becky shrugged. “Sure. Let us know if you need more help…”

  He leaned forward and kissed her forehead. “I’ve got this.”

  * * *

  Well, this second date was definitely starting off a lot differently than any other she’d been on, and it seemed Asher was striving to deliver on his promise of an even better one than the weekend before. The text from him earlier that day saying to pack an overnight bag with enough clothes for a few days had surprised her.

  In a good way. In a fantastic way. The connection between them the other night had changed. She hadn’t thought that simply relabeling their relationship could have such an effect on the way it felt to be with him, but it did.

  Just the thought that he wanted to pursue something more with her had warmed her heart. Confessing her feelings for him now would be a lot easier. She’d wanted to the other night, but she’d hesitated and decided to wait. Now more than ever, when they were moving forward together, she didn’t want to ruin things by rushing it.

  Rushing him. She knew this was a big step for him.

  She’d wait until the right time to tell him she loved him. Maybe on this secret trip.

  His refusal to tell her where they were headed was actually kind of exciting. Other than a few camping and hiking trips as friends, they’d never gone away together before.

  When her doorbell rang a moment later, she checked the clock. An hour early? Someone was eager.

  Her smile faded as she peeked through the frosted-glass window next to her door. Jess. Crap. Despite their connection at the fashion show, she knew her sister was the only thing that could destroy her good mood right now. She’d probably have to tell her sister she was going to be out of town for a few days, especially since she wouldn’t be around to help out with their father, but she’d been hoping to send a quick text when she was already on the way to their secret destination, then ignore incoming texts from her sister.

  Standing at the door, she contemplated not answering, but it was too late. Jess could see her shape through the frosted glass.

  “What are you waiting for? Open up,” Jess yelled through the door.

  Emma sighed, hoping she wouldn’t stay long or inquire about her weekend plans. She was a terrible liar, and telling Jess she was going away with Ash face-to-face—no way. “Hey, Jess,” she said, opening the door.

  Her three nephews bum-rushed her from their hiding place behind the door.

  Shit. So much for a short visit. “Hey, guys, why are you not in school today?” It was Friday and school wasn’t out for Christmas break for another week.

  “Teacher development day,” Brayden said, removing his hat and mittens.

  No, please don’t get undressed. “Another one?” They seemed to be out of school more than they were in.

  “Tell me about it,” Jess said with a sigh as she removed her own coat.

  An unexpected visit from the kids would normally be a pleasant surprise, but Emma was eager to get back to packing. She also wanted to take a shower, shave her legs…maybe other places, seeing as how this last-minute trip hadn’t left her a whole lot of time to prepare. “What are you guys doing here?” she asked.

  “The kids were driving me crazy at home,” Jess said. “And I knew you had taken the day off…”

  Last time she revealed that info.

  “So, I suggested a visit with Aunt Emma. Also, I have a few errands to run this afternoon, so I thought maybe they could hang out here for a bit?”

  Babysitting her nephews was something she enjoyed, but her sister’s assumption that she was always available was annoying. What if she’d taken the day off to get her own shit done? And as a matter of fact, she wasn’t available. She forced her tone to sound normal as she led the way into the kitchen. “Well, I would, but I’m actually heading out soon…” She opened the fridge and took out the milk, then she grabbed plastic Disney-themed glasses from the cupboard.

  “Where are you going?” Jess asked.

  Ignoring her sister’s question, she called to the boys above the noise of her PlayStation starting up. Jess didn’t let them own or play video games at home, so her place was their fun zone. “Do you guys want chocolate chip cookies or brownies?”

  “Both!” all three yelled.

  Jess shook her head. “They are monsters today. One chocolate chip cookie each,” she said.

  Emma slid a few extra on the plate and carried everything on a tray into the living room. After all, she wouldn’t be babysitting.

  “So, you didn’t answer my question. Where are you going?” Jess asked again.

  Emma hesitated, but she had to pack, which meant Jess had to either leave or join her in the bedroom so she could continue. She released a breath. “Away for the weekend. Follow me. I’m just packing.”

  Jess frowned as she followed. “Away? Away where?”

  “I’m not sure,” she said honestly.

  “You’re going away but you don’t know where?” Jess stared at her.

  “Right.”

  “Asher’s idea,
I assume?” Her irritation was immediate.

  Buzzkill. “Yes. I’m going away with Ash. It’s a surprise. For fun.” Hint hint. Don’t ruin this for me.

  “Are you going on a plane?” she asked, noticing the half-filled suitcase open on the bed.

  “Road trip, I think.” He hadn’t mentioned her needing her passport or anything. And he’d said warm clothes, so she suspected they were heading to the mountains.

  “Breckenridge?” Jess guessed, giving voice to what Emma had been thinking.

  Emma shrugged. “I don’t know.” There were other mountains in Colorado.

  “I do. Guaranteed he’s taking you there. But why?” Jess said, removing the low-cut black cashmere sweater Emma had just placed into a suitcase back into the open dresser drawer. “Too sexy,” she said.

  Emma rolled her eyes, repacking the sweater. “If that’s where he is taking me, it’s probably because it’s a beautiful ski lodge during the holidays.” Anywhere they went would be decorated for the season and would enhance the romantic mood. She couldn’t wait to get on the road and away from Jess’s scowl.

  “So, it has nothing to do with the Winter Tour?”

  Her sister would make a fantastic investigator. She really should give up the small-town editing desk and become an investigative reporter in a big city. Of course she’d know that the tour was that weekend.

  The mention of it made Emma shift uncomfortably as she retrieved several pairs of skinny jeans and leggings from a drawer. When she’d thought their destination could be Breckenridge, the Winter Tour had occurred to her as well, but she hoped it wasn’t the reason. She needed him to finally get the fact that she was done. “No,” she said simply, hoping it was true, but her gut was telling her it probably wasn’t.

  If he was taking her to Breckenridge, then the tour was probably the reason behind it. And as long as Ash was okay with her experiencing it from the sidelines, they didn’t have a problem. Experiencing the slopes from the bottom, they were good. The moment he tried to strap a snowboard to her boots, they were going to have an issue.

  She’d gone to Breckenridge the winter after her accident.

  She hadn’t told anyone—not her family, her co-workers, or Ash. Only the contest organizers knew she was registered to attend and compete, and it was only in the freestyle division and not at the level she’d once dominated. But she was planning to get back on the slopes.

  With no agenda or future plans, she’d simply wanted to be back on her board, back on the mountain, back in the game. She needed to prove to herself that she could. That was the first step back to the career that had been her life for so long and a big step forward in her recovery.

  So, she’d gone to Breckenridge for the Winter Tour.

  The day of the freestyle competition, she’d geared up and sweated the entire chairlift ride to the top of the mountain hours before the first competitor was scheduled to hit the slopes. The first two days she’d observed from the sidelines, still unsure about being there. So many familiar faces were there that week. So many surprised expressions.

  And not happy surprised expressions. More like the expressions of people who felt they were in the presence of a bad omen.

  That’s what she’d become. The snowboarder who’d ended her career in tragedy, with a bad judgment call, a terrible accident, was back to bring bad luck on the competition.

  She’d been determined to show them she was back. As a competitor. Maybe not one who could win or even place, but one who wasn’t afraid to try.

  Her palms had sweated and her mouth had felt like sandpaper as she’d climbed off the lift and stood at the top. Surrounded by the familiar open air, the fresh powder beneath her board, her adrenaline soaring, for a second she’d forgotten the past year, the accident, all the reasons she’d walked away, and she’d pushed off.

  She moved slowly at first, gaining confidence as her legs moved by muscle memory. The wind whipping across her face helped to ease her anxiety. She’d been a professional snowboarder for so long, her body naturally knew how to bend and twist its way down the slope. She’d picked up speed, and the tension and apprehension tore away as the snowboard cut through the snow.

  But her courage soon faded as she approached the part of the hill where she’d lost control before. As she neared the stunt ramps that she hadn’t practiced on for a year, panic set in. What the hell was she doing? She hadn’t ridden those rails in so long. She hadn’t worked out or practiced the stunts she’d perfected in almost a year. What the hell made her think she could strap on a board and be able to do them now?

  Like riding a bike, her coach’s voice in her head reminded her.

  Yeah, a bike that had nearly killed her, broken her spirit, and taken away the opportunity of a lifetime.

  She’d slowed her pace and forced several deep breaths as fear made her muscles seize. The wind whipping against her face now felt like stinging needles against her flesh, and the speed was now terrifying as she continued down the mountain, away from the stunt ramps, simply praying to make it to the end of the hill without wiping out, before her panic attack could take hold.

  And she had. Then she’d removed the board, removed herself from the competition lineup, and returned to Glenwood Falls, knowing her snowboarding career was a thing of the past. She no longer had what it took to be the best. Her courage and confidence weren’t there anymore. Oddly enough, the realization hadn’t hit her as hard as she’d thought it would. She’d had a great career and retired on top.

  So maybe heading back there with Ash as a spectator would be okay. Or maybe she could even convince him not to leave the lodge room.

  On that note, she opened her top drawer and took out several matching lace bra and underwear sets.

  “Oh my God, Emma! I don’t want to see those.” Jess looked away.

  “Then leave. I’m trying to pack.” She folded the sets and placed them on top of the sweaters, hoping her sister actually would. Five minutes ago, she’d been looking forward to this getaway, and in less than a minute her sister had her on edge about it.

  “This really isn’t healthy, you know,” Jess said, staying in the room.

  “What isn’t?”

  “Your pathetic one-sided relationship.” Jess shot her an exasperated look as she folded her arms across her chest.

  Emma clenched her teeth. “I’m hoping this trip might change that, okay?” Maybe she was pathetic for keeping her feelings to herself all these years, but hopefully that was going to change. Things already had started to change. Not that she owed Jess an explanation. It was none of her sister’s business what was happening between Ash and her.

  “He’s going to break your heart, Emma.”

  She tossed more lingerie on top of the clothes in the suitcase and swung around to face her. “How do you know that?” Her sister had no idea the strength of their connection. She had never made any effort to get to know him before making up her mind about who and what he was. Emma was tired of the judgment and criticism of the man she was in love with.

  “I know because the only thing he cares about is hockey,” Jess said as though it should be obvious.

  “That’s not true.” She tucked a bikini into the suitcase. “And besides, so what if hockey is important to him? I get that. I understand that. And more importantly, I support it. His career is important to me, too.”

  Her sister’s eyes blazed. “At the expense of your own happiness?”

  “Asher makes me happy.” And crazy and confused and conflicted. But happier than anything else, making all of the other feelings just things they needed to figure out.

  “So, you’ve decided not to go to Florida.”

  She knew this conversation was coming. “Not in January.” She’d made up her mind the weekend before. Asher still had weeks of therapy, and she wouldn’t leave him. She would go forward with the doctorate program in the fall, after helping Ash recover and putting some time and effort into where this relationship was going. She couldn’t focus o
n building something with him and concentrate on the intensive study program. But after the summer, which they would hopefully spend together, she’d be in a better place. Her heart would be settled, and she knew he’d support her with her new life plans.

  They’d figure it out. But right now and for the next little while, the focus was on him—getting him back on the ice, and moving forward together.

  “You’re making a mistake,” Jess said.

  Anger simmered in her chest. “Well, it’s my mistake to make, Jess. I don’t know who died and made you queen.”

  “Mom,” Jess said, tears springing immediately to her eyes. “Mom died.”

  Damn. Emma sighed. Bad choice of words. “Jess, I didn’t mean it literally.”

  “Either way, it’s true. Mom died and I was left to take care of things. You were off with the Olympic training team again three days after the funeral.”

  Emma swallowed hard. She’d needed to get away. The grief had been so overwhelming that staying in Glenwood Falls any longer would have suffocated her. For years, she’d traveled so much, and from a young age, she’d learned how to distance herself from family while going after her dreams. Losing her mother—her biggest supporter—had crushed her, and her desire to flee had made her leave even sooner. She’d needed to get back to where she’d had some control…and then she’d lost it all. “I’m sorry I wasn’t here,” she said quietly.

  “I understood,” Jess said. “But you have to understand how hard it was watching you compete, especially after Mom died. I was always afraid you’d get hurt. Then you did.” She paused. “And I feel that same sense of foreboding when I see you with Asher.”

  She understood her sister’s concerns, but Jess wasn’t giving her any credit. She may have been right about snowboarding, but she was wrong about Asher. “Jess, I’m not going to get hurt.” She prayed it was true, that putting her trust in Asher wouldn’t give her sister another reason to say “I told you so.”

  Jess stared at her in silence for a long, excruciating moment, before she stood and walked to the bedroom door. “Do what you’re going to do, Emma,” she said, turning back to face her, looking defeated. “You always have.” She left the room and Emma could hear her tell the boys they were leaving.