Charged for His Sins

by Natavia

  “God, you smell so good. See you later, I have a meeting with the city council,” he said.

  “How am I supposed to explain to your wife how I got here,” I said above a whisper.

  “She’s on a spa vacation. My staff knows to keep their mouth shut. Besides, you swung by to pick up Adisa’s mail. Make sure you grab it from the maid,” he said. I hurriedly got dressed and went upstairs. I had a slight headache and my body still ached. Remeek was sitting at the kitchen table with no worries. I ran to her and hugged her.

  “What’s the matter with you?” she asked.

  “I’m just glad to see you. We had a messed up night,” I tried to crack a smile.

  “You need to try some of this bacon,” she said.

  “We have to go,” I replied. Mr. Smith must’ve lost his mind if he thought I was going to eat at his table after he raped me. The doctor was in on it too. I was drugged with the pills he gave me. I don’t think he actually left the house when he said he was going to. Mr. Smith needed help carrying me out of that room.

  What if they both raped me? I asked myself.

  “Adisa’s daddy is cool as hell. I’m ready to get a rich old nigga,” she joked. I yanked her out of the chair by her shirt.

  “Let’s go! I know my mother is worried about us,” I said. I found my purse in the guest room Remeek stayed in. I made sure I had everything. My phone had ten percent battery so I called a cab. I practically dragged Remeek out the door and down the street. The cab pulled up ten minutes later.

  “Is everything okay?” Remeek asked.

  “Yeah, I’m fine. I’m just stressed out that’s all. Look, I’m going to send you to my mother’s house. I have to meet Zu somewhere,” I lied.

  “Okay,” she replied.

  After the cab dropped Remeek off, I went to a low-budget motel to get my thoughts together. Soon as I closed the door to the musty room, I broke down. I screamed at the top of my lungs as I curled up on the floor in a fetal position. I wished it was all a dream. What happened to me seemed so unreal, but the pain between my legs reminded me it wasn’t. Hours later, I got undressed to take a bath. I didn’t care how rusted out the tub was, I had to soak my body.

  My best friend’s father raped me, I thought over and over again. I wanted to tell someone but I knew too much was at risk. York’s freedom and my friendship with Adisa were so important to me. I rather let it eat me up alive before I hurt them. I didn’t understand rape victims at first. It was so easy saying “tell someone” if it didn’t happen to you. I now understood why some women were afraid to speak up. I was scared of Mr. Smith. If he could rape me, he could kill me. He knew how much control he had and he abused it. A lot of women were raped by men in high positions. Men who could do what they wanted and not get caught. No one will believe a man like Mr. Smith had to rape a teenage girl with the help of a doctor.

  Later on that day, I caught a cab to the clinic. I told them I needed a routine STD testing. The nurse asked me about the bruising around my vagina. She didn’t believe me when I told her me and my partner had rough sex when she gave me a pap smear. She was worried about the bruising around my vagina. She looked at me with pity in her eyes and gave me a card for an anonymous group therapy. I also asked for the morning-after-pill.

  I went home to my mother and she asked me where I was. People were looking for me including, Zu. I was so distraught I told Remeek I was meeting Zu not thinking about him looking for me. I told everyone I was stressed from school and just need a break before I had a meltdown. I guess they believed me because everyone backed off my case. I changed into my night clothes and walked to my mother’s bedroom. She was rolling her hair up as she sat up in bed and watched TV. I got in bed with her.

  “You are so spoiled,” she said.

  “I feel safe here. Remember when I was a little girl and York use to tease me about a Boogie Man being under my bed? I use to run in your room to get underneath the covers with you. I wish I was a little girl again so I can always be with you,” I said. She grabbed my hand and squeezed it.

  “You miss your brother, that’s all,” she said.

  A Boogie Man really got me this time, Ma, I thought.

  I couldn’t wait until Mr. Smith felt the same pain as me or worse.

  ********

  2 weeks later…

  Last week through a relationship DNA test, I found out that Tracy’s baby was really my nephew. They took a sample from my mother to determine if she was the grandmother. Remeek’s mother told my mother she needed to get a DNA test to make sure York’s son was truly his. A few years back Remeek’s father went to the hospital to give her sixteen-year-old brother blood and it turned out the boy wasn’t his. I mean the kid had similar features to Remeek and her father but he wasn’t his.

  I took the test results to Tracy’s hospital room as soon as they came. I told Tracy’s family that we would buy what the baby needed but they weren’t getting any money from us. They gave the baby up just like we expected. Tracy couldn’t get child support from York because he was incarcerated. Joy thought York was going to send money to her from his stash. To top it off, the baby still didn’t have a name. Me, my mother and York came up with his name after we made sure the baby was York’s son. Yavin Adonis Simms was the person that kept me going whenever I thought about that night at Adisa’s parent’s house.

  I spent all of my free time with my nephew at the hospital. His nurse told me that skin-to-skin contact was good for him and since his parents couldn’t do it I stepped in. My days at that time literally consisted of going to class, to the hospital and either meeting my study group or going to work after.

  It was like I had to keep my mind and body busy in order to deal with the abuse. Me and Yavin’s nurse Kelsie got to talking one day and somehow our topic became about sexual assault and college students. When I found out she had a similar experience in college that she didn’t report, something deep within me told me to open up to her. I didn’t tell her who raped me, but I told her my story. She invited me to a meeting she had been going to since college, she told me that it helped her a lot and I needed that. Yavin’s nurse was drugged and raped at a frat party. The guy who did it was a rich white kid who got away with everything on campus. I was tired of pushing Zu to the side. I told him I didn’t have time for him because of school and Yavin. When I really just wanted to be in his arms, but I was scared of seeing him for the first time after it happened. Zu saw right through me a lot and it was something I didn’t want him to see. I felt like damaged goods—unworthy. I also didn’t want him to know because he would’ve done something stupid to get himself sent away for life.

  **********

  “I barely see you anymore I thought we were staying in tonight.” I forgot I had promised Adisa we would watch movies as soon as she got home from work that night.

  “I’ll be back by the time you finish cooking dinner. Something came up, but it won’t take no more than two hours for me to get there and back.” I had so much going on I forgot about my friends.

  “Where are you going, anyway?” she asked sadly.

  “I just got my biology midterm back today and I got a little over ten wrong on it. I have to go to this seminar on biology for seven points extra credit.” I told her and my heart sank a bit when she rolled her eyes.

  “I’ll be back in a couple of hours.”

  I was almost completely out of the door when she shouted, “I’m giving you two and a half hours then I’mma come looking for you bitch.”

  When I walked outside to wait for my cab, my Honda Accord was parked in front of my apartment building. It looked brand new as if I had just driven it off the lot. I had to blink back tears of anger after I read the note on the window.

  I had a good time that night. So wet and tight.

  I decided to sell my car because I didn’t trust driving it. Mr. Smith probably had a tracking device in my car. It was also a reminder of him violating my rights. Paranoia began to settle in, he knew where I lived.
What if he had followed me to the meetings and thought I was trying to tell on him? I went back up to my apartment to spend time with Adisa. I told her I had the wrong day for the seminar.

  Two days later…

  I laid across Zu’s couch inside of his condo with him rubbing my back. I missed the way he touched me. The way he carefully caressed my body as if I was fine China. I needed someone to show my body some compassion—some respect.

  “I was starting to think you were messing with a new nigga or something. You straight been blowing me off. I don’t know how I feel about that shit Sam,” he stressed.

  I sat up and straddled him. His hands went to my bottom and he gently squeezed my buttocks. I snuggled my face into the crook of his neck and he groaned. Zu’s neck was extra sensitive.

  “There is nobody else for me,” I replied.

  “I ain’t going to fuck up again,” he said while staring deeply into my eyes. I knew he meant what he said. In the back of my mind, I always knew I was going back to him. I showed him that I wasn’t the type to take bullshit. I stayed away long enough for him to understand how much he hurt me.

  “I know you’re not because you can’t stand to see me with another nigga,” I teased.

  “I was ready to kill that nigga, Sam. On God, I swear I was. I couldn’t deal with that shit and you knew it,” Zu said.

  I placed my lips over his and he pulled my bottom lip between his lips. I gripped the back of his head to deepen the kiss. His hands gripped my breasts and he squeezed them. I read an article about women losing their desire for sex after being raped. I wondered if it would've been that way if I was awake when he raped me. Being raped is something nobody should ever have to go through, but I was somewhat relieved that I wasn’t aware. The stories I read were horrible. Some of them were beaten, tortured and almost killed while being raped. Some were molested by their parents and others were held at gunpoint. I was educating myself about rape survivors, so that I could deal with my everyday life.

  Someone knocked on Zu’s door when I reached for his pants. I climbed off his lap so that he could answer the door. Hoppa strolled in when Zu opened the door.

  “We need to talk about something really quick. We are going out on the balcony,” Zu said to me.

  “Okay, and the next time call first!” I said to Hoppa.

  “Aight shorty, damn,” Hoppa replied.

  They walked outside on the balcony as I watched TV. I was curious to know what they were talking about. I figured it was about some females because I couldn’t understand why they had to talk in private. I knew it wasn’t about York because they would've said it in front of me. I noticed the sliding door wasn’t all the way shut, so I acted as if I had to go to the bathroom. I stood against the wall by the sliding door to listen. I was going to cut it off with Zu if he was still up to no good.

  “Nigga, what do you mean the shit is short? I keep telling you to dead those niggas, bruh. They are becoming a fucking pest!” Zu said with venom in his voice.

  “It ain’t my fault Sam was fucking the bitch-ass nigga we had that beef with,” Hoppa said.

  “I have been wanting that nigga Kyan dead, but he fucked up when he put his hands on her,” Zu said. I covered my mouth to keep from screaming. I didn’t know Zu was in the streets. I couldn’t understand why he would risk his degree for pushing drugs. After I thought about everything it all made sense. Zu always had money on him and his condo had a lot of expensive items in it. I was done listening to what they were talking about. I thought Zu was the good one, but he was just like York and Hoppa. I was aware he was a drug dealer but that was before college. Zu was messing up his bright future. I should've known what it was from the start because the three of them were thick as thieves. How could Zu really quit hustling if his best friends were still doing it? Adisa tried to tell me but I wasn’t listening. I ignored Zu after Hoppa left. He tried to touch my leg but I smacked his hand away.

  “What’s up with you?” Zu asked.

  “I don’t like liars,” I said.

  “Me neither so tell me who lied so I can fuck them up,” Zu replied.

  “Are you a dope boy?” I asked.

  “I’m just doing some little things here and there,” he replied. I punched him in his arm because he was nonchalant about it.

  “What was that for?” he asked.

  “How dare you Zu! York is locked up and now I gotta worry about you?” I asked. My life was crumbling apart.

  “It’s only temporarily. Yo, why are you trippin’ and what the fuck did I tell you about listening to my conversations. I hate when you do that sneaky shit,” Zu fussed.

  “I wouldn't have had to eavesdrop if you kept it funky with me at all times,” I replied.

  “I started when we were broken up. A nigga is just glad to be back in your good graces. I didn’t want to fuck up the moment. Kyan’s peoples are the one’s Hoppa got beef with, so Kyan involved himself trying to get to me through you. I didn’t say shit because we were planning on merking him anyway. That nigga was going to go regardless,” Zu replied.

  What the fuck did I get myself into? I asked myself.

  “I swear I’m not going to do this forever,” Zu said.

  “You better not or else that's your ass. Let’s get something to eat. I’m hungry,” I said. Zu playfully squeezed my baby fat and I smacked his hand away.

  “Stop playing and let me get some pussy,” he said.

  “Can I eat first?” I asked.

  “Aight, bet. Where do you want to go?” he asked.

  “A soul food spot or a Caribbean spot,” I replied.

  “A’ight come on,” he said.

  I slid on my shoes and grabbed my thin leather jacket before we left out of the door. Zu couldn’t keep his hands off me when I was in his truck. I unzipped my pants and placed his hand inside of my panties.

  “My dick hard as a brick shorty,” Zu said with desperation in his voice. I was ready to tell him to pull over, but we were already in front of the Caribbean restaurant. I was aroused when he stuck his finger in his mouth which was covered with my juices.

  “Your ass is nasty!” I laughed.

  “Let me taste it again,” Zu said and I blushed.

  “No,” I replied.

  I heard two men arguing in the parking lot. One of the voices sounded familiar.

  “Ain't that the nigga Zadik?” Zu asked me. I looked closer and it was him. The guy he was arguing with looked older than him by a few years.

  “You are confused! You don’t know what you want,” the stranger said to Zadik.

  “I already told you what it was,” Zadik said.

  The guy punched Zadik in the face and they started fighting. I begged for Zu to break it up because Zadik had a big future ahead of him which he was sharing with Emeka. I didn’t want Zadik to get locked up. Zu broke up the fight and the stranger’s nose was bleeding. Zadik shirt was ripped and he had a scratch on his face.

  “Lose my number, punk!” the stranger said to Zadik before he stormed off.

  “Is everything okay?” I asked Zadik.

  “Yeah, I’m straight. I came here to meet my cousin for a few drinks since he’s back in town. We got into asmall argument and it led to this,” Zadik said.

  “Okay, drive home safely and stay out of trouble,” I said to him. He thanked us before he got inside of his car. Zu burst into laughter after Zadik pulled off.

  “What’s funny?” I asked.

  “That nigga is gay,” Zu said.

  “What?” I asked.

  “I think that nigga is gay. That wasn’t his cousin shorty. He was fucking that nigga. I can’t believe I broke up a bitch fight.” Zu said and I shrugged him off.

  “Shut up Zu. Zadik is far from gay. You are only saying that because the guy he was arguing with was wind milling,” I replied.

  “What other proof do I need? Did that look like straight niggas arguing? They were arguing like male and female. As a man its certain shit you don’t do and those nig
gas were in their feelings about something,” Zu said.

  “Whatever,” I laughed.

  We discussed our future goals over dinner. Zu wanted us to get married after I finished college because he was going to finish before me. He also wanted me to give him two kids. I could hear the seriousness in his voice as he talked about our life together. I was on cloud nine listening to him because I had the same vision too.

  I went back to Zu’s condo after we finished dinner. As soon as we got through the door our clothes came off. We had plenty of drinks at the restaurant, so being horny was an understatement. We were in the hallway with our clothes thrown everywhere. His full lips pulled my nipple into his mouth. I wrapped my legs around his waist and a deep moan escaped my throat. The heat from our bodies formed small beads of sweat on my forehead. I gasped when he entered me. There was a slight pain in between my legs because it had been months since I willingly had someone Zu’s size.