Winning Back Ryan

by S. L. Siwik

  “Why did you just practically run out of the bathroom?” I asked.

  He wet his lips nervously. “You just looked really uncomfortable, and I thought maybe I had pushed you too much. I was pretty sure you wouldn’t tell me to get out even if you wanted me to, so I left.”

  I softened at his words, climbing onto the bed.

  Kneeling before him, I said, “Brian, it’s not because of you.” I wrung my hands in nervousness. “The truth is that when you say that I’m beautiful and special, I just don’t see it. I know that I need to work on being comfortable with my body, but it’s going to take time. I need your help, though if I’m going to work through it. I need you to stay no matter how uncomfortable I look, because I always want you to be there.”

  He sat up, kissing my lips.

  “I’m sorry. I didn’t know. I was just trying to do what I thought was best.”

  “I know,” I murmured against his lips. “but, now you know.”

  He kissed me again before tugging on my shoulders. Realizing what he wanted, I laid down with my head on his chest.

  “Why don’t you want me to touch you?” I asked.

  “My head is killing me,” he replied, “I don’t think it would go well.” His fingers ran through my hair.

  I frowned, feeling sympathetic that he was in pain. “Would you like me to rub your temples?”

  I glanced up to see him shaking his head.

  “It won’t work. My medicine was just changed last week. The headaches just started happening. I called my doctor today and he called in some new prescription for me.”

  “Why the headaches?”

  “Every medication has side effects. For many, they never experience them. For some reason, I am,” he explained nonchalantly.

  “Okay, so it’s good the doctor called in new medicine,” I replied, looking for confirmation and he nodded again.

  “Why don’t we cuddle and watch an episode of your brother’s show before the commercial comes on?” Brian suggested.

  I nodded, then kissed his chest, the area right over his heart before settling my head back down. Even though my body had just been revved up moments before, now lying on Brian, I was calm as could be- just like always when I was around him.

  **

  “I can’t look. I just can’t.” I said, pressing my face into Brian’s shoulder.

  “He’ll be fine. I already fast forwarded to check,” Brian assured me.

  I watched my brother wrangle a King Cobra snake on his television show Jordan’s Adventures.

  “The average cobra is between three to four meters. We’ve measured this one at four, so he’s a big boy. Go big or go home as we say back where I’m from.” My brother flashed that grin that I knew so well and I couldn’t help but smile at the T.V. I watched hesitantly as my brother and some man named Naiid captured the snake, placing him in a crate.

  In the next segment, my brother ate the devenomed and defanged cobra in a soup. The segment showed the process that was used on how to do such a thing. I tried not to gag. He spent the rest of the segment talking about how in many cultures this was considered to be a detoxifying treatment. Suddenly, Brian’s green shakes seemed far more appetizing.

  In the next segment, he stood in Burma, watching a snake charmer. She was a beautiful woman wearing intricate paint work. I was mesmerized by the performance as I watched her work the snake.

  “Now that’s a woman!” Jordan said to the camera. I knew that excited look in his eyes. It was the same way he gazed at our next door neighbor, Kelly, when he was a teenager.

  “Just make sure she doesn’t bring the snake into the bedroom,” I muttered to the television.

  When the show ended, I glanced at the time.

  “So, let’s watch the commercial now,” I said to Brian.

  He sighed, hesitating. “Alright.”

  With a few minutes to spare, I walked into Brian’s closet, taking clothes out to wear. He fast forwarded through the television show that it would air on.

  “Okay, here we go.”

  He pressed play, and I watched, trying to remain emotionless. The blonde haired guy in his twenties had his arm around a girl with curly hair. I realized with surprise that they were a Brian and Annie look-alike. They were at a bar watching Ricochet play, and the band played the song. A voice said, “In life, many things can change.” Suddenly the girl switched out to five different other girls. Then the guy switched out, too. The last image was the original two together.

  “But with the all new Camerix Camera, you can capture all of the moments that you want to.” The guy then held up a camera, taking a picture of the lead singer, Rich. “So you can say you knew that band before they blew up.” The camera zoomed in on the picture he just took, showing perfect clarity.

  The guy then put his arm around the girl as they started dancing to the song.

  “Camerix Cameras can be found in most local retailers.”

  I turned to Brian who looked like he was going to be sick.

  “That was incredible!” I exclaimed.

  “Really?” he asked, as I watched him blow out the air he held. He clearly thought I would be angry that the two actors looked similar to us. I wasn’t; I was touched.

  “I can’t believe that you were able to pull this off on such a low budget,” I said.

  He laughed. “I called in a lot of favors. It was your idea of trying to talk people into working gratis that helped me stay in budget. We have a lot of friends who need some exposure.”

  “They have to be pleased with this at work,” I said.

  A small smile graced his lips. “They are. I’ve already been given my next assignment with no supervision.”

  “So, you were right. It was a test,” I said. He smiled, nodding.

  “I’m so proud of you!” I exclaimed, taking his face in my hands, kissing him on his lips.

  As I pulled back, his phone rang. He jumped out of bed, running out of the room to pick up the phone. He placed the call on speaker phone as he walked back into the bedroom.

  “Brian, it’s Rich! I can’t believe it! Ricochet looked awesome! You did everything you said you would. I can’t thank you enough, man.”

  “You should really thank Annie. She suggested you to me. I would have never known about your band without her.”

  “Well, tell Annie that she’s a class act. We gotta go. You’re the man, though!”

  Brian hung up the phone and as soon as he went to place it back down, it rang again. This time it was his mother and father on conference call.

  “I’m sorry,” he mouthed.

  “It’s okay, talk to them. I’m fine,” I whispered back.

  He patted his chest, and I rested my head on him while he continued talking. I fell asleep a few minutes later.

  Chapter Eighteen

  I realized Saturday morning that if I was about to go out drinking I needed to seriously work out. Brian explained the math to me while showing me the meal program. If I wanted to eat more calories, I needed to burn more, which was why all of those professional athletes ate like five pizzas a day (lucky bastards).

  I called Maverick seeing if I could come in for a second session this week. He allowed it, so I found myself at noon punching the ever loving daylights out of a leather bag. I really enjoyed kickboxing. It was great for releasing pent up frustration.

  I called Max before leaving the city to make sure that he had been invited to the bar with us tonight. I didn’t think he’d come since there were much better places to go to in NYC, but he wanted to be with us. He invited me over his apartment, and I explained that I was sweaty from my workout. He told me to come anyway.

  Max’s apartment was amazing. First off, I didn’t know that apartments in New York actually came this big. It had exposed brick on the interior, mahogany hardwood floors, granite countertops everywhere, top-of-the-line appliances, including a double oven. I slid my fingertips over the handle.

  “The things I could bake with this baby
,” I murmured.

  “Alright, stop trying to make love to my stove, and tell me what’s new.”

  I told him everything that happened with Brian and Ryan. We lounged on his gorgeous brown leather couches. They were so comfortable, I never wanted to move.

  When I was done talking he asked, “Can I be honest?” I nodded my head. “I think Brian is a great guy. I think he’ll be able to love you unlike any other man because he just knows so much about you.” I nodded again. “He very well may wind up being ‘the One.’” I bit my lower lip. “Are you ready for that again? You just got out of a two year relationship. Are you ready to get back into something serious again?” I bit my lower lip harder. “Honey, there’s nothing wrong with saying. ‘no.’ You already told Brian that you weren’t ready to start something, and that you didn’t want him to wait for you. You were being honest and upfront with him. What he does is his choice. You have no reason to feel guilty at all.”

  “Really?” I asked feeling like a sudden weight had been lifted off my shoulders.

  “Really,” he replied. I sighed in relief. “What you need is a one night stand.” I raised my brow in response. “Have you ever had sex where you just didn’t care? Didn’t care how you acted or what you did, because you didn’t ever have to see the person again? It’s very liberating.”

  “You’re saying that I should have sex with a random guy, be totally uninhibited, then just leave the next day, and never talk to the person again?”

  “Well, if you never want to have sex with him again then yeah, don’t call. Think of him as your rebound guy. As far as Ryan goes, you need to find a way to move out of that apartment. As long as you’re living there, you’ll be forced to stay in contact with him. You won’t be able to move on, and he’ll keep trying to get back together with you because he’s a selfish bastard.”

  I sighed. “I’ll talk to the landlord on Monday.” My phone rang and I pulled it out of my pocket. “It’s Ryan,” I told Max. He shook his head. The call finally ended unanswered. He called back, however, four more times, so I finally turned the phone off.

  “This,” Max said, “is becoming stalkerish.” I frowned at his comment.

  I laid back, waving him off, as I relaxed on his couch. “I can’t do one night stands.”

  He crossed his left leg over his right. “Why not?”

  “Because for me sex is not just about the physical. It’s an emotional connection, too. I can’t just sleep with any random person. I have way too many body issues, and I’m all kinds of fucked up behind the bedroom door,” I admitted.

  Max seemed to ponder my words. “Then the answer is Ben.”

  I glared at him as though he had lost his mind.

  “What?”

  He rolled his eyes, smiling. “Oh, come on, Annie. The guy can be a complete ass one hundred ten percent of the time, but even I wonder what it would be like to spend a night with him.” I glared openly. “He’s crazy about you so you know he’d treat you right. You trust him, and he’d rock your world.”

  I shook my head. “I think that’s a road I should not travel down. Ever.”

  He crossed his arms, his face turning serious. “If you were in a relationship with him, he’d take care of you - emotionally, physically…” he paused, his eyes watching me intently. “Financially.”

  “This conversation is over.” I demanded. “Next topic.”

  He raised his hands in defense. “Sorry, I forgot none of us ever had to worry about important things like money.”

  I scoffed at him. “Of course I have to worry about money, or did you forget that I make the least out of all of you?” I shook my head, wrapping my arms around my body. “If I was ever with him, it would not be because of the money. It’s because I wanted him. Period.” I crossed my legs and arms. “Besides, could you ever see me handing him over bills saying, ‘Ben, honey, could you take care of these for me, please?’” I scoffed. “Maybe when pigs fly. I have way too much pride.” He sighed loudly and we sat there quietly for a moment. “And can I ask when the hell this all happened? One day I have four guy friends and am dating Ryan. Then, like literally the next day, Ryan is accusing me of emotionally cheating on him, and I find out that Ben and Brian undress me with their eyes frequently. What the fuck!”

  He chuckled. “It has been an interesting week for you, hasn’t it?”

  “A little too interesting,” I groused.

  He sighed, changing his crossed legs. “Brian is easy. That was from the very beginning. The first night you met him was a date, right?” I nodded. “Yeah, he was yours that night. Ever since then, he has been trying to scare every single man away from you that even looked at you with interest. Ryan was the first one who wouldn’t back down.” I shook my head. I didn’t believe it. “Annie, when we met you, he gave us all death glares, telling us that you were his and if we even attempted anything he was going to pound us into the ground. Brian is a great guy. He’s a total gentleman around you, and he’s a generally nice guy. But, when it comes to you, though, we all know that he’s always been a little psycho. Let’s just say that you missed a lot of the ‘behind the scenes stuff’.”

  “And Ben?” I asked, still unsure what to make of the comments about Brian.

  “That’s a tricky one. Ben started out purely as a friend. Since you didn’t grow up in New York, you don’t really understand the extent of being a Hurley. I remember while growing up seeing pictures of him in the newspaper, the pressure was intense as his father’s first son. But, in all of those pictures, Annie, the one thing that always stood out to me was that Ben was always alone. Then you came along. You had no preconceived notions about who the Hurleys were; you didn’t kiss Ben’s ass, nor did you condemn him. You judged him solely on his actions alone, and then you befriended him, telling him that he was good enough. He stuck by you out of pure loyalty. I remember times when Ben would talk to me worried that you weren’t dating or showing any interest in guys. He was concerned about Brian scaring everyone away. Thought it wasn’t fair for you. He honestly just wanted you to be happy. Looking back now, it was kind of….” Max seemed to be searching for the right word and after smirking, settled on, “sweet.” I stared at him blankly. “And then about halfway into our third year, he changed. I don’t know what set him off exactly, but you were dating Ryan, and you two seemed to be getting serious. We were all at a party and Ben just kept worrying if you were alright, if you needed anything. The more he drank, the more he talked about you. George and I realized it then. We thought it would go away after nothing came of it. But, it’s just gotten more intense.”

  “That does explain why all of the sexual jokes and references and what not started about that time and have progressively gotten worse,” I commented.

  Max nodded. “He’s just completely sexually frustrated around you. He doesn’t know how to just be your friend anymore without wanting you.”

  My head hit the back of the couch as I muttered a curse word. I let out a long sigh, and we remained quiet for a while as I processed all of the new information.

  Finally, he asked, “Do you think less of me for hiding that I’m gay?”

  “Less of you? No.” I shook my head. “I just wish I had known sooner. Think of all the fun that we could have had!” I thought back to our time in college together, however, and asked, “So, you weren’t really dating Beth, were you?”

  He shook his head. “She really wanted Todd, and I needed a cover, so it worked out well for both of us. Todd started noticing Beth after I started ‘taking her out’.”