by Laura Farr
As I let myself into the cottage, the smell of fresh paint hit my nose and the dirt-smeared window made the sitting room dark. I dragged my finger across the glass, clearing a small line from top to bottom. Needing to clean it thoroughly, I walked through to the kitchen and began filling the bucket that was stored under the sink. As I waited for it to fill, I looked around the room, admiring the good job Josh had done with the painting. The room looked completely different from when we started, and I was itching to get moved in and make it my own.
Back in the sitting room, I began cleaning away the dirt from the glass with a cloth. Knowing the window was delicate, I was being careful, but I must have pushed too hard on the old cracked glass because the next thing I knew, my hand was flying through the window and a sharp pain shot through my hand.
“Shit!” I shouted, clutching my hand to my chest as I dropped to my knees, blood dripping onto the freshly mopped floor. I looked around for something to wrap around my hand, not yet wanting to look at what I’d done. There was only the dirty cloth I’d been using to clean, nothing else I could use to stop the bleeding. Panic began to take over. I wasn’t good with blood at the best of times, and there alone in the cottage, I knew I needed to get back to the house. I stood up on shaky legs, a wave of dizziness washing over me. Taking a deep breath, I slowly made my way outside. I started the short walk to the house, holding my bleeding hand to my chest.
“Oh my God Savannah!” I heard a voice shout. “What happened?”
I looked up to see Josh heading toward me, and even though I was mad at him, I’d never been more relieved to see him. “Josh,” I choked out. “I cut my hand…I don’t feel too good.” I watched as he took off his shirt, leaving him with just a sleeveless undershirt on. I was sure if I hadn’t felt so bad, I’d have taken my time to appreciate just how good he looked. As he reached me, he gently pulled my hand away from my chest, holding it with both of his. He carefully uncurled my fingers to see the damage.
“You’re going to need stitches,” he told me, wrapping his shirt around my hand to stop the bleeding. Another wave of dizziness came over me and my knees buckled. “Hey, I’ve got you.” He slipped one arm under my knees while the other went around my shoulders, and with no effort at all, he picked me up, holding me against his chest, my head dropping onto his shoulder. “My truck’s around the corner, I’m taking you to the hospital.”
“I can get Mom or Brody to take me,” I began.
“I’m taking you Sav, don’t argue,” he said forcefully.
“Okay. Thank you,” I whispered, relaxing into his hold, loving the feeling of being wrapped in his arms, even though I knew I shouldn’t.
All too quickly, we arrived at his truck and he placed me gently into the passenger seat, reaching across me to fasten my seat belt. “You okay?” he asked quietly as he hovered over me. I nodded my head, clutching my hand, which was now wrapped up in his shirt. He leaned in and placed a quick kiss on my head. My eyes widened in surprise as he closed the door and walked around to the driver’s side.
We drove for a few minutes in uncomfortable silence and when I couldn’t take it anymore, I lifted my hand, gesturing to his now blood-stained shirt. “I’m sorry about your shirt,” I said quietly in an attempt to break the ice. “I’ll replace it,” I promised.
“It’s fine, I’ve got lots. Don’t worry about it.”
Silence filled the truck again, but fortunately the journey to the hospital was a short one. Before I knew it, Josh was parking the truck. He jumped out and ran around to open the door for me. “You look pale, let me help you,” he said, reaching into the truck and taking my uninjured hand. I wasn’t going to argue—I felt like shit and my head was pounding.
I let him guide me into the emergency room and up to the reception desk. I gave my information, explaining what had happened to my hand as well as telling them I was pregnant. Josh was still holding my hand and I felt him squeeze it slightly when I mentioned the pregnancy. The receptionist called an orderly, who took us through to a cubicle. “Someone should be with you in about 20 minutes,” she told me with a smile. “If there’s anything you need in the meantime, press your buzzer and someone will be right with you.”
“Thank you.” I replied as she left. I sat down heavily on the bed, my hand throbbing. “You don’t have to stay Josh, I can call my mom, or Brody. I’m sure you’ve got better things to be doing than sitting here with me. We could be here for a while.” I didn’t want him to think that because he’d brought me to the hospital, he’d have to stay with me—for all I knew, he had plans with Beth.
He sat down in the chair across from the bed. “I’m not leaving, so stop trying to get rid of me. I was coming to the cottage anyway to finish painting, remember?”
“I wasn’t sure if you’d still come after last night,” I said, looking over to him.
He sighed loudly. “I really am sorry about last night.” He dragged his hand through his hair, his eyes dropping to the ground. “All I seem to be doing at the moment is upsetting you.” I shrugged my shoulders. I wasn’t about to make him feel better by telling him I wasn’t upset. After a few minutes of silence, he asked, “How’s the hand feeling?”
“Sore,” I told him, looking down at my bandaged hand. Biting down on my lip, I raised my eyes to his. “Why are you helping me with the cottage?” I asked quietly. “It’s not that I’m not grateful, because clearly I need the help.” I raised my bloodied hand and gave him a small smile. “But we haven’t exactly had a great relationship the past few months.”
He stood up and crossed the room, kneeling in front of me. “I know I’ve hurt you in the past…even as recently as yesterday. When you told me how you felt about me, I had no idea how to deal with it. I acted like an idiot. You’re my best friend’s little sister, and you’ve been a part of my life for as long as I can remember. I hate that things have become so tense between us. I care about you Sav, and I need to know that you’re okay. That’s why I want to help you.”
It wasn’t the declaration of love I had been so desperate to hear from him, but I was slowly coming around to the idea that I was never going to get that. I had myself and my baby to think about now, and I’d have to accept that we would never be together. If he was offering friendship, I’d take it. “Okay, if you’re sure,” I told him quietly.
“I’m sure.” He stood up and moved back to the chair across the room.
Just then the curtain pulled back and a nurse came in. “Hi Savannah, I’m Shelby. I just need to take some observations and ask you a few questions, and then the doctor will be in shortly.” I nodded as she set up the blood pressure machine. “How many weeks pregnant are you?” she asked as she placed the cuff on my arm.
“Eighteen weeks and five days,” I told her, glancing over at Josh, who was watching me intently.
“Have you been feeling okay?” she asked, watching the numbers on the machine.
“Nauseous, but fine other than that,” I replied. The machine started beeping and I looked over, not having a clue what the sound meant. “Is everything okay?”
“Your blood pressure is pretty low, have you been feeling dizzy?”
“She almost passed out earlier, but I thought it was because she hurt her hand,” I heard Josh say before I could answer. He got up and stood by my side.
“Have you eaten today?” the nurse asked kindly.
“No, I was feeling too sick this morning.”
“Well that won’t help your blood pressure. I’m going to contact obstetrics and ask for someone to come down and see you after we’ve looked at your hand.” I nodded, glancing up at Josh. “Try not to worry,” Shelby said. “I’m sure everything will be fine.” She took a few more notes and drew some blood before leaving the room.
“Sav, do you want me to call your mom?” Josh asked from my side.
I shook my head. “No, she’ll only worry, I’ll call her once we know more.” I paused, my eyes filling with tears. “I know this baby wasn’t planned,
but if anything happens…”
“Hey.” He kneeled in front of me again and took my hand. “Nothing is going to happen. You and your baby are both going to be fine.”
“I hope so,” I whispered.
20 minutes later, my hand had been stitched and bandaged and I was nervously pacing the tiny cubicle, waiting for the obstetrician. “Savannah, sit down,” Josh said, standing from his chair and guiding me backward until my legs hit the bed, pushing gently on my shoulders. “Worrying won’t do the baby any good.”
“You should listen to him, he’s right,” said a voice from behind the curtain. As it was pulled back, I saw an older lady standing there, holding a cart with a machine on it. “I’m Dr. Whitehouse, let’s take a look at baby and check that everything is okay.” She wheeled in what I assumed was a portable ultrasound machine and began setting it up. “If you could lie back on the bed and undo your shorts.”
“Maybe I should wait outside,” I heard Josh say.
“No! Please stay,” I exclaimed, practically begging him. I didn’t want to be on my own.
“Yes, come on over Dad. You won’t want to miss seeing your little one the screen,” Dr. Whitehouse said, turning and smiling at Josh.
“Oh, he isn’t—”
“Of course I’ll stay,” Josh said, interrupting me. He walked over and took hold of my hand, smiling down at me. I looked at our joined hands and then up at him, my eyes wide with surprise.
“Just some gel, might be a little cold,” she said as she squirted a blob on my stomach, using the ultrasound probe to spread it around. A few seconds later, the whooshing sound I’d heard at the first scan filled the small cubicle, and I breathed a sigh of relief, dropping my head back on the pillow. “Nice and strong,” she confirmed.
I looked over at Josh, his eyes wide as he looked at me. “Is that…the heartbeat?” he asked quietly.
“It is,” answered Dr. Whitehouse. “And here is your baby,” she told him, turning the machine around so we could see the screen. “Everything looks fine, but you need to take better care of yourself. You should be getting plenty of rest, keeping hydrated, and eating little and often if you are feeling nauseous.” She turned to Josh. “Dad, you need to make sure she does all of these things.” I saw Josh nod his head, his eyes never leaving the screen. My face flushed with embarrassment. I could see why Dr. Whitehouse had assumed Josh was the baby’s father, but what I couldn’t understand was why he hadn’t corrected her. “Are you under any stress at home Savannah?” she asked.
“A little. My dad isn’t happy about the pregnancy, so things are a little strained.”
“As hard as that is, you need to try to stay away from stressful situations. Stress can be harmful to both you and the baby.” She smiled sympathetically at me. “As for now, everything looks great, so you’re free to go. Keep taking your prenatal vitamins, and I’m assuming you have your next obstetric appointment set up?” I nodded. “Good, well I’ll leave you to get dressed. Take care of her,” she directed at Josh.
“I will,” he replied, squeezing my hand.
“Thank you, Dr. Whitehouse,” I said as she left the cubicle.
“Come on, let’s get you home.” He let go of my hand and passed me some tissue to wipe the gel off my stomach. My right hand was pretty heavily bandaged and I struggled to wipe off all the gel with my left. I looked up to see Josh watching me, and I saw his jaw tick before he took a deep breath. “Here, let me help you.” He took the tissue off me and gently wiped my lower stomach, my black panties visible with my shorts undone. His fingers accidently brushed over my skin and I shivered where he’d touched me. He must have noticed my reaction as he pulled away sharply and took a step back.
“Thank you,” I mumbled as I grappled with the button on my jeans, managing to fasten it one-handed. As I stood up, my body swayed as another wave of dizziness hit me. My hand reached out for the bed but before I could reach it, I felt a strong arm around my waist.
“You need to eat. I’m taking you to lunch,” Josh stated, ushering me out of the cubicle and toward the exit.
I wasn’t going to argue—what was the point? He was right, I needed to eat, and my stomach chose that moment to rumble loudly, as if agreeing with him. I heard him chuckle as we made our way across the parking lot to his truck.
“Where do you want to go?” he asked, opening the passenger door and helping me inside.
“I’d love a burger, can we go to Bill’s?” Bill’s Burgers was a restaurant on Main Street, and they did the best chili cheeseburger.
“Craving a chili cheeseburger?” he asked, flashing me a killer smile before walking around and jumping into the driver’s seat.
“How did you know?” I asked him in surprise.
“We’ve been there many times, and that’s what you always order.” He laughed. “You always rave about how good the chili is. Maybe I’ll try one if they’re as good as you say.”
“I didn’t know you noticed what I ordered.”
“Well I do. You’re hard not to notice.” He looked across the cab at me, holding my gaze for a fraction longer than comfortable. “Let’s go, all this talk of food is making me hungry.”
Starting the truck, he pulled out of the parking lot. I turned my head toward the window, lost in thought as the buildings flashed past. What was all that? I was ‘hard not to notice’? What did that even mean? I knew he wasn’t interested—why would he be? I was a single mom at 21, hardly a catch.
Arriving at Bill’s Burgers, I realized I didn’t have my purse. I looked down at my clothes—I was a mess. I was wearing old tatty clothes, which was bad enough, but now they were also covered in blood. I couldn’t go eat in a restaurant looking like that. Looking over at Josh, I saw he too had blood on his shirt from when he carried me to his truck.
“Josh, we can’t go in there looking like this.” I gestured to my clothes with my good hand. “I’m covered in blood, and so are you. Maybe we should just head home. I don’t even have my purse to pay.”
“I’m not taking you home without feeding you. I’ll run in and order it to-go. We can eat it at Lakeside Park, and I’m paying.” He jumped out of the car before I could argue.
I shook my head. Other than the day before, we hadn’t spent much time together just the two of us. We were normally out in a group, and it was only now that I was realizing how bossy he could be. I had to admit, though, I actually liked it. I couldn’t figure out what was going on with him, and right then I didn’t have the energy to try to understand it. His behavior was confusing, and he seemed to be blowing hot and cold. I just hoped he wasn’t playing games that would leave me hurt down the line.
My chili cheeseburger was incredible. We sat on a picnic bench in Lakeside Park, overlooking the Colorado River. It had been ages since I’d been there, and I’d forgotten how beautiful it was. It was fairly busy for a Friday afternoon. There were young children playing in the wide-open spaces, and picnic blankets were dotted around with families enjoying the unusually warm weather.
“Thanks for lunch Josh. It’s the second time in a week you’ve fed me,” I told him, finishing off the last of my burger.
“Did you enjoy that Savannah?” Josh asked, a smirk on his face.
I nodded, licking my fingers. “That burger is the best!” I exclaimed.
“I can tell, you’ve got a little…” He stood up and reached over the table, his thumb brushing against the corner of my mouth, his eyes never leaving mine. My breathing accelerated and my heart raced. He held up his thumb and my eyes flicked to it. “Chili,” he whispered as he sat back down.
“Tha…Thank you,” I stuttered, shaking my head. How could he turn me into a stammering mess with one brush of his finger? What was he doing? He knew how I felt about him. “What’s going on Josh?” I asked quietly, my eyes on the picnic table.
“What do you mean?”
“Why didn’t you correct the doctor when she thought you were the father? I tried, but you stopped me.” I picked at the l
abel on my bottle of water while I waited for his response, nerves bubbling in my stomach. I heard him sigh deeply and I lifted my eyes from the table.
“I don’t know, I…I just thought you wouldn’t want to explain why the father wasn’t there. I’m sorry if I did the wrong thing.”
For a minute, I thought he was going to say something else. The past couple of days, things had seemed different between us, and there was even a point the day before where, if my phone hadn’t interrupted us, I thought he was going to kiss me—yet there I was again, hoping for something that was never going to happen. Something had definitely changed between us, but I had no idea what, and he seemed reluctant to acknowledge it.
“You didn’t do the wrong thing,” I told him with a sigh. “Do you think you could take me home please? My hand is killing me.”
“Savannah?” He reached across the table for my hand, but I quickly moved it out of his reach.
“Don’t Josh, please,” I whispered, willing the tears that were welling in my eyes not to fall. I was sick of crying. I’d rarely cried before getting pregnant, but lately, it seemed to be all I was doing. “Thank you for being there for me today, and for all your help yesterday, but I’d really like to go home now.” I watched him as he closed his eyes.
“Okay, if that’s what you want.”
“It is.” I stood up and walked away from him, the tears now freely falling down my face. I needed to stop hoping things could be different between us, but he was making it hard.
The short journey back to the ranch was unbearable. As much as I was in love with him, I couldn’t wait to have some space between us. As we pulled up outside the house, I saw my mom and dad running toward Josh’s truck. I opened the door and stepped out.
