Think Again

by Isabel Lucero

  “I know,” I reply, “But we’re moving past that. I’m done, Aaron. There’s no point in talking about it.”

  “No, not that,” he murmurs. “I know I fucked up.” He exhales loudly. “Our relationship, everything is my fault. I know. But I . . . I haven’t been able to sleep and I can’t stop thinking about how my life has gone to shit so fast. I’ve been drinking more and I took . . . I took some pills, and . . .”

  “Aaron, what did you do?” I say, beginning to panic. “What did you take?”

  I start looking around for my shoes and car keys.

  “I don’t know . . . I just wanted to sleep. I just wanted to forget.” His words are coming out slow and quiet, like he keeps moving the phone away from his mouth.

  “Goddammit, Aaron,” I curse. “Don’t be stupid. I’m on my way.”

  I toss the phone in my purse and rush out the door. It only takes me fifteen minutes to get back to the house we used to share. Flying through the front door, I look for him, but he’s not downstairs. The house already looks starkly different from when I was living here a week ago. Dishes have been left on the coffee table, both the trash and sink are full, and housework has been neglected.

  I find him upstairs in what used to be our bed.

  “Aaron,” I say softly, walking to the side of the bed. “Aaron.”

  His eyes flutter open briefly, and when he realizes I’m standing in front of him, they widen completely.

  “Aria?”

  “What did you take, Aaron?” I implore. “How much have you had to drink?”

  I look over at the end table and find a bottle of pills. Thankfully, they aren’t narcotics, and are just an over the counter sleep-aid. I open the bottle to find it still full.

  “I only took a few,” he murmurs.

  “And how much have you had to drink? You know you shouldn’t mix any pills with alcohol,” I scold.

  He rolls over completely on his back, still fully dressed in a pair of drawstring sweatpants and a faded t-shirt. “I don’t know. Not much.”

  “Maybe you should get to the hospital.”

  With a groan, he rolls over on his side again. “No, I don’t need to go to a hospital.”

  “Then why did you call saying you took pills? You made me think you were overdosing!”

  “I only had a beer,” he mumbles, his eyes closing. “I’m just tired, but I needed to see you. I need you, Aria.”

  I huff. “Aaron, you can’t do these kinds of things.”

  I search the room for evidence of alcohol, and I find a near empty beer bottle on the dresser. The bathroom is free of pills, and I know we don’t normally have a lot of liquor in the house. With a quick search through the kitchen and trash, I don’t find evidence of any liquor bottles. There’s a few beers in the fridge, but that’s it, so maybe he only did drink one beer and take a few sleeping pills.

  “Aaron, Aaron,” I say, shaking his shoulder.

  He mumbles something inaudible, but his eyes don’t open. The sleeping pills alone would make him sleepy, so that’s not out of the ordinary. I look over the dosage amount on the bottles and if he only took three, then that was just one over the recommended amount. Just to make sure, I pour out the whole bottle and count the remainder.

  Turns out, he wasn’t lying, but on the phone he made it seem like he was trying to overdose. He clearly wanted to make sure I came rushing over.

  “Aaron, can you hear me?”

  His eyes open for a second. “Yeah. Can you stay?”

  “I’m only going to stay for a little while to make sure you’re okay. Do you feel okay? Stomach pain? Hallucinations? Anything?”

  “I’m fine,” he says with a sigh. “I told you I only took a few. I had the beer earlier. I’m just sleepy.”

  “Why did you call me?”

  “I need to talk to you.”

  “Well, don’t call me and try to scare me just so I can come over. We can talk later when you’re awake.”

  “Will you stay?” he asks again, looking up at me.

  “Go to sleep, Aaron,” I say on a breath.

  I go downstairs and sit on the couch, dropping my head in my hands. Though we’ve filed for divorce and I’m living in my own place, he doesn’t seem to think that we’re truly over. Maybe he thinks I can still change my mind and come back to him.

  Closure.

  He needs closure. We never sat down and talked about everything after I stormed out. The small bits of conversation regarding divorce were around our lawyers, and didn’t delve deep into our problems. We need to sit down and talk about everything. He needs to know, without a doubt, that I’m not coming back.

  I go up to check on him and find him sleeping soundly. With no idea about how long he may be asleep for, I don’t know whether to stay and talk when he wakes up, or leave and figure out a time to have this discussion later.

  After waiting a bit longer, I decide to leave and give him a call later to set up a time for us to talk. It’s time to finish this chapter in my life and move onto the next one.

  I do a quick grocery shopping trip before heading home and putting it all away. I leave out some chicken, deciding to make some chicken taquitos for dinner. Since I wasn’t able to take a shower after the trip to the reindeer farm, I go upstairs and do just that, change into some comfortable leggings and t-shirt, then start on dinner.

  Chris texts me while I’m frying the taquitos.

  Dr. C: My mom was happy to hear that I’m alive. I told her all about our trips to glaciers and waterfalls and reindeer farms, and now she wants to come visit. What’re you doing?

  Me: I’m cooking dinner. Your mom knows about me? About us?

  I’m not going to lie, I’m a little worried about what he may have told his parents. Am I the married woman he works with that cheated on her husband with him? Do they know I’m going through a divorce? I definitely don’t want them to get a bad impression of me.

  Dr. C: Don’t worry. They don’t know details. They know I met someone I really care about. Finally got food in the house. That’s good.

  Me: Yeah. Want to come over? I have plenty to spare.

  Dr. C: I can’t say no to food. Or you. I’ll be there soon.

  My heart picks up speed and I quickly run upstairs to comb through my damp locks, put on some lip gloss, and make sure I look decent enough. Once I’m back downstairs, I finish frying up the rest of the taquitos, make some Spanish rice, and wait for Chris to get here.

  As I’m grabbing some plates, I hear him knock on the door, so I rush over to let him in.

  “Hello, beautiful,” he greets, wrapping his arms around me and lifting me off of my feet.

  “Well, hello to you,” I respond with a giggle, kissing his lips as he places me back on the floor.

  “Smells good in here.”

  “Yeah, I can cook a little bit,” I say with a shrug. “Is this the first time I’m cooking for you?” I ask.

  “I think so. We usually go out to eat or order in, except that one time at my place,” he says with a smirk.

  “Oh yeah,” I reply with a smile, remembering the night on his table when he licked wine from my body. “If I had realized this was my first meal for you, I’d have made something fancier. I was just craving these.”

  “I don’t need fancy. What do ya got in here?” he questions, following me to the kitchen.

  “Chicken taquitos and Spanish rice. Oh, I may have ingredients for margaritas too.”

  “Sounds good to me.”

  We sit down on the couch to eat and put a movie on, even though it only ends up being background noise because we talk the whole way through dinner. As Chris clears the plates, I start making the margaritas, but we both pause when we hear a knock on the door.

  “You expecting anyone?” Chris asks. “Janna?”

  I furrow my brow. “No. I haven’t talked to her today.” I put the bottle of tequila down and head for the door. “But it could be her.”

  When I pull the door open, I’m m
et with Aaron’s fatigued gaze.

  Shit.

  “What are you doing here?” I ask in alarm. “How do you know where I live?”

  He exhales, putting his hands in his pockets. “The movers left some paperwork at the house. Your address was on there.”

  “You can’t just show up here, Aaron. Why didn’t you call?” I ask, feeling incredibly uncomfortable with him showing up while Chris is here.

  “I need to talk to you. I figured you wouldn’t answer my call, so I came over.”

  I sigh and push my hand through my hair. “Look, I want to talk, too. Right now just isn’t the time.” I fight the urge to look behind me.

  “Why not?” he demands, looking over my shoulder.

  “I was going to call later to set up a good time to meet with you. We definitely need to talk, but not right now.”

  “Aria, please. Why can’t we talk now?”

  “Is everything okay?” Chris asks from behind.

  My heart begins thumping in my chest as I take in Aaron’s expression. A mixture of anger and sadness cross his face. The last thing I want is to fight with him or have him and Chris get into it.

  Aaron’s eyes reflect his pain as he stares at me with surprise and irritation. “Do you two live together?” he asks in a whispered tone.

  “No.”

  “But you’re . . . together?”

  “Aaron.” I exhale loudly. “We can talk about this later.”

  Chris approaches and the two men come face to face. I can feel Chris standing close behind me and I peek up to gauge his reaction.

  “You okay?” he asks, looking down at me, his hand coming to a rest on my lower back. I nod in response, and Aaron stays silent as he watches us. “I’ll go and let you two talk.”

  My eyes widen, surprised at his words. “You don’t have to.”

  “You two need to talk. It’s okay,” he responds, giving me the tiniest of smiles. “Call me later.”

  He moves past me, glancing at Aaron only briefly as he walks through the doorway.

  “Well,” I huff, “come in and let’s talk.”

  I walk over to the couch, since it’s the only seating area I have right now, and Aaron hangs back awkwardly as he scopes out the condo. He doesn’t say anything for a while, making me uncomfortable as he continues to stand and look around.

  “Aaron, would you just sit!” I snap. “You shouldn’t have just showed up here. You can’t do that.”

  He sighs. “I came over because I was hoping to be able to work this out.”

  I shake my head slowly. “There is no working this out, Aaron. I need you to understand that.”

  “Aria, how many times do I have to apologize? I know I fucked up. I’m sorry. Okay? I’m sorry.”

  “No. It’s not okay. Apologies don’t mean anything if you keep repeating the same mistakes over and over again, Aaron. We’ve been here before. I can’t go through it again. I won’t.”

  “I was hoping you were lying to me about sleeping with Chris. You’re actually with him? This is serious?”

  “Do you know what’s serious, Aaron? Having a baby with someone. That’s what you’re doing. Have you told your parents? Have you talked to your mistresses? I will not be caught up in your mess. I want nothing to do with it. I don’t want to be mean, but you need to realize that our marriage is over. I will not be changing my mind. I want to move on with my life and try to be happy.”

  After sitting there for a few moments in silence, he finally responds. “I haven’t told my parents anything yet, because I was hoping me and you could work this out.”

  “For the money, right?” I ask with disgust dripping from each word.

  “No. Not for the money,” he says, dropping his head. “Because I know you’re the best thing that will ever happen to me.”

  “You should’ve realized that sooner.”

  He raises his head and makes eye contact with me. “Do you love him?”

  “I’m not going to talk to you about him.”

  “I need to know, Aria. Please. Does he make you happy?”

  With a sigh, I answer. “Yes. I’m happy with him. I don’t know where it’s going to go, but for now, I’m happy, and I like him a lot.”

  Aaron lets out a defeated sigh and drops his head once again. “I don’t blame you for leaving me. I haven’t been a good husband to you. And while I hate that you slept with him and have this relationship with him, I know I have no right to be angry. I’ve done so much worse. I should have done right by you.”

  “Aaron, even if you don’t carry on a relationship with Stephany, you need to be there for that baby. That’s the right thing to do. You make sure you do right by that baby, because that will be the most important thing in your life.”

  He nods slowly and gets up. “I’m sorry, Aria. I know we may never be friends, but I hope if we ever come across each other that we can be civil.”

  I nod once and lead him to the door. “Goodnight, Aaron.”

  “Goodnight, Aria.”

  After Aaron left last night, I called Chris to explain Aaron’s earlier call that had me go over to the house to check on him. I told him everything we talked about, even though he didn’t ask. I love that Chris understood that Aaron and I needed to speak, and wasn’t worried about leaving us alone. Confidence. Chris has it in spades.

  I went to sleep feeling stress and worry free, and there’s nothing better than not having anything heavy on your heart and mind while going to sleep. I only have good things to look forward to now.

  Yesterday, Chris and I made plans for him to sleep over tonight and go to work together tomorrow. Our dinner date last night was ruined, and I plan on making it up to him. I have pan seared lemon tilapia with parmesan pasta on the menu, and to get the fishy taste out of our mouths, I made a strawberry shortcake for dessert.

  With a quick glance at the clock, I jog up the stairs to start getting ready since Chris will be here within an hour and a half.

  After showering, I blow dry my hair and style it into big, loose curls. With a touch of some makeup, I’m almost done, only needing to find something nice to put on. I rub some scented moisturizer into my skin before slipping on a plum-colored dress that dips low in the front. I leave some extra special garments in the bathroom for me to be able to change into later.

  I’m just about finished with dinner when Chris knocks on the door.

  “Perfect timing,” I greet with a smile when I pull the door open.

  “You are beautiful,” he replies, taking a step back to study me. “Perfect.”

  “Thank you. You look pretty good yourself.”

  And he does. He’s wearing a white button up and black slacks. The shirt’s sleeves are already folded up slightly, showcasing the ink on his toned forearms. His dark hair is combed back, and his striking chiseled face is highlighted by the prettiest blue eyes you’ll ever see.

  I step close to him and rub the palm of my hand over the scruff on his face before pressing my lips to his. His hands instantly go to my waist, pulling me into him while his tongue slides into my mouth. I moan, loving the way he kisses me, because it’s not a typical kiss. No, Chris doesn’t just stick his tongue in my mouth and twirl it around. He licks the seam of my lips before sliding his tongue over mine. He pulls back, giving me soft pecks on the lips before caressing my tongue with his again. He sucks on it slightly, pulling another moan from me, and then he kisses my lips. Chris is slow and fast at the same time. He’s both gentle and forceful. He keeps me wanting more, and knows exactly what to do to drive me crazy. He nibbles on my bottom lip before placing another warm kiss. I’ve completely forgotten about dinner, wanting only to take him to my room and have him use that wonderful mouth on other places on my body.

  “That was nice,” I pant, touching my lips with my fingers.

  “I missed you,” he replies with a grin.

  I return his smile and grab his hand, leading him to the kitchen. “Well, food’s ready.”

  “You got a
new table?” he asks, noticing the newest piece of furniture in here.

  “Oh, yeah. I didn’t want us to have to eat dinner on the couch. That’s okay for pizza, but not a real meal. So, I went out and got a little something.”

  “It’s nice.”

  “Thanks.”

  “Let me help. What do you want me to do?” he asks.

  “I’ll make the plates, and you can take them to the table. I already have the silverware and glasses over there. You can grab the drink pitcher, if you want. I made some tea.”

  “Okay.”

  “I want to apologize again for yesterday,” I say as we’re seated at my small, four-person table. “I know that must’ve been a little uncomfortable, and possibly annoying.”

  “Don’t worry about it, Aria. I wasn’t uncomfortable,” he answers with an easy smile. “You did what you needed to do, right?” I nod. “Then why would I be upset about it? I knew once I started getting feelings for you, that the situation we were in wasn’t an easy one. I know you’ll still have to go to court, and probably even talk to him again, but it’s all worth it, because I get to be with you.”

  I can’t help but smile, and I feel like it stays in place throughout our whole dinner. Our relationship may not have started out in the best of ways, but you never know when you’re going to meet the person you’re supposed to be with. Sometimes you’ll be with someone else, but when you meet your soulmate, you just know it. I believe that’s what Chris is to me. On the day we met, we talked and got along like we’d been friends for a long time.

  We haven’t known each other for long, but the way we interact and connect with each other, I know we’re going to know each other forever. I’ve fallen for Chris, and it scares me, but I have faith that we’re going to be all right. What he have is meant to be.

  “This dinner was amazing,” he compliments as he clears his plate. “You’re a pretty great cook. Guess I’ll have to keep you around,” he says with a wink.

  “I’d like that,” I reply with a cheesy grin.

  He stands up, grabs his plate and mine, then leans down to kiss me. “Oh, Aria. You’re stuck with me, darling. There’s no way I’m letting you slip through my fingers.”