As Young As We Feel

by Melody Carlson

  "That actually sounds rather sensible."

  "I won't hire Paul to do any of it."

  Abby laughed. "I'm sure he'll consider that a personal favor."

  "But it would be nice if he could give me some names."

  Abby waved her hand. "Let's leave the poor man out of this. I can give you some names."

  "Even better." Marley shook her head. "Paul's a nice guy, but hearing him going on about my house like that, well, if he'd been my husband, I would've let him have it."

  "Yes. I know how you feel."

  Marley laughed.

  Paul must've sensed that he wasn't particularly welcome in the kitchen, and so he seemed to be lying low. Abby was relieved. She was still feeling uneasy about the hot tub, which she'd secretly named Diamond Lil. If this was his way of making up for infidelity, she wanted to get to the bottom of it. Just not while they had company around to witness the mess.

  At a little past five Caroline arrived. The three women exchanged a group hug, and to make the Four Lindas complete, Abby called Janie, putting her on speaker phone so they could all hear. "We wish you were here," Abby said.

  "That's right," Caroline chimed in. "It feels like a new beginning."

  "I wish I were there too," Janie told them. "But just knowing I'm coming makes such a difference."

  "When will you come out?" asked Marley.

  "As soon as I get things figured out here. I'm trying to decide whether to sublet my apartment or just sell it. Either option should happen quickly since I'm in a pretty desirable neighborhood. It's just hard to let go completely. It's a big step."

  "Do you think you'll ever want to go back there?" asked Caroline.

  There was a long pause. "No." Janie said slowly. "I really don't think so. I honestly think I'm done here."

  "Then just sell the place," Marley told her. "Get free of it and get yourself over here so we can start having some fun!"

  Janie laughed. "You make it sound so easy."

  "We're all in the same boat," Caroline said. "Well, except for Abby. She's in a luxurious yacht."

  "And Abby just got a hot tub today," Marley announced.

  "Ooo, that sounds nice," Janie said. "Maybe you'll let me try it out when I get there."

  "You bet. Just do what you need to do, and do it in your timing," Abby advised Janie. "Don't let us influence you the wrong way."

  "Don't worry. You're mostly confirming what I feel in my heart."

  They chatted a while longer, then all said good-bye. Caroline wanted to see the new hot tub, and Abby suggested Marley show her while Abby got chicken ready to be grilled. After the two were gone, Abby considered Caroline's "luxurious yacht" remark. She knew Caroline meant that as a compliment, but for some reason it stung. Her life probably looked like a luxurious yacht to an outsider, but it felt more like a leaky yacht to her. If she had to choose between a leaky yacht and a rowboat, she'd grab the rowboat in a heartbeat.

  Chapter 28

  JANIE

  Janie knew that the way to torture a workaholic was to give her unexpected time off. Usually, tortured was how Janie felt when she had excess free time on her hands. But now it was different. Instead of feeling frantic and displaced, Janie felt almost relaxed. Although that feeling was going to take some getting used to, she liked it. For that reason she forced herself to do practically nothing on Sunday. Of course, while she by all appearances was doing "nothing," her brain was cheating.

  While Janie drank an espresso at her favorite coffee shop, she attempted to read a novel that she'd started long ago. Her mind bypassed the storyline, though, instead strategizing where she would begin tomorrow. She set aside the book and decided to go for a walk. As she strolled through the park, her brain jotted down mental lists of what she would pack and store, and when she would book her flight. By late afternoon, as she was dipping into boysenberry gelato, all she could think about was what she had begun calling The Great Escape.

  Eventually she gave in to it. She returned to her apartment and began making a real list. She went online and purchased an airline ticket with a departure on Friday, which meant she'd be in Clifden for Labor Day weekend. Then she began to pack. She packed some things in a bag to check onto her flight. She sorted other things into piles to be shipped before she left town. She couldn't believe how much she accomplished by Sunday evening. And yet, for a workaholic, it was simply run-of-the-mill.

  The payoff for her efforts, besides being organized for The Great Escape, was that by the time she fell into bed, she was utterly exhausted and as a result she slept well.

  The next day, she continued getting ready for The Great Escape by arranging to have her mail forwarded, gathering packing materials and several boxes, filling them with things she felt she might need on an extended visit, then labeling them to be shipped to her parents'-make that her-address in Clifden. By the end of the day, there wasn't much else to be done.

  Tuesday, she decided to pack more things up. She knew it might be premature, since she wasn't certain that she was moving to Clifden for good. And yet she liked the idea of having her own dishes and pots and pans and furnishings and whatnot in her Clifden house. Besides, she would need these sorts of things if she ended up living there. So she called several moving companies until she found one that was willing to give her an estimate and pick up her things before her flight on Friday. It was time to really get busy.

  By Thursday morning Janie had packed up most of her apartment. Naturally she had left Lisa's and Matthew's rooms intact, and she planned to leave some of the larger pieces of furniture that she didn't think would fit in the Clifden house. She carefully tagged and labeled everything, so there would be no confusion when the movers arrived in the afternoon.

  It was nearly two when she heard someone at the door. Thinking it was the movers, she called out, "Just a minute," but then heard someone enter the apartment. Scrambling to find the phone to call for help, she realized it was her son.

  "Matthew!" she cried in relief as she attempted to make her way to him through the maze of boxes.

  "What's going on in here?"

  Ignoring his question, she hugged him. "Oh, it's so good to see you!"

  "Yeah, but ..." He backed away and frowned. "What are you doing?"

  So she attempted to explain her plan, but he seemed seriously troubled by it. "But this is our home, Mom. It's where I come when I'm not in school."

  She wanted to point out that his visits were a rare occasion but didn't. "I'm not getting rid of the apartment," she assured him.

  "It looks like you are." He frowned at the boxes.

  "Go look in your room, and you'll see everything's there. Lisa's room, too. And I'm leaving some of the larger furniture as well."

  He still didn't look convinced. "It feels like you're tearing up our home."

  She placed a hand on his shoulders. "I'm the only one here most of the time, Matthew, and when I'm alone, all I can think about is your dad and how much I miss him. Every room is a reminder. Sometimes it feels like I'm suffocating in here. I couldn't admit it before, but I realize now that I've been depressed. Even Uncle Ross could see it."

  "But what about your position at the firm?"

  She told Matthew what had happened last week. "It's like I've been slowly breaking down. That was the last straw. And really, it's for the best," she said.

  "So you won't be practicing law anymore?"

  "I don't know." She sighed. "All I know is that I'm useless as an attorney right now. At least in New York. Maybe with a fresh start, I'll reconsider."

  "Wow." He shook his head. "I had no idea."

  "I know. And that's my fault. I've hidden my feelings for so long, it's no wonder I'm such a basket case."

  His serious expression warmed a bit. "My mom, telling me she's a basket case. That's a new one."

  "It's the truth. It felt like I hit the wall, like I couldn't function anymore. The answer seems to be for me to leave."

  Matthew ran his fingers through his sandy h
air, the same way his dad used to do when perplexed. "I don't know, Mom, it just feels strange to me. I can't imagine you anywhere else. Are you sure you're doing the right thing?"

  "I realize I should've told you first, Matthew. And I did try to call, but you weren't answering and I didn't want to leave a message, because I figured it might be a little upsetting."

  He nodded. "Yeah, it's not easy seeing your home dismantled like this."

  Janie felt guilty, as if she'd just taken away her children's last shred of security. Why hadn't she considered that? Why was she so self-centered? Her children had suffered a loss just as much as she had. And here she was, tearing down their happy home. Tears began to form in her eyes. "I'm sorry, Matthew, maybe I was just being selfish. I just wanted a fresh start, to get away from the pain. But maybe it's all a mistake."

  Now they were both silent for a long moment.

  "It's not too late for me to cancel the movers." She went for the phone. "I'm going to call them right now."

  "No, Mom." Matthew put his hand on her shoulder as if to stop her. "If you really think this is the right thing, you should do it. I'm just being a spoiled kid who wants it all."

  She considered this. The truth was Matthew's visits had become more and more infrequent, so much so that she suspected he, like her, felt a sense of sadness in this place. "You can come visit me in Oregon," she assured him. "I'm getting Grandma and Grandpas house all fixed up. Remember how much you and Lisa used to like going there when you were kids?"

  He brightened. "Yeah, it's a pretty cool place."

  "Like I said, I'm not selling the apartment. Not yet anyway. We'll see. But I didn't want to buy new furnishings and things for the house in Clifden. This just seemed easier and more economical."

  "Does Lisa know?"

  Janie grimaced. "I haven't heard from her in several months, Matthew."

  "She called me a few weeks ago."

  "Really?" Janie felt hopeful. "How did she sound?"

  "Like Lisa."

  "Oh."

  "She was still in Arizona. It sounds like she's got a boyfriend."

  "And?"

  "And what?"

  "Did she ask you for money? Do you think she's still using?"

  He shrugged. "It's not like you can do a drug test over the phone, Mom."

  "I know."

  "She didn't ask for money either. She actually sounded okay."

  "Really?"

  "You shouldn't worry so much." He patted her shoulder.

  "So you're really okay with this move?"

  He grinned. "Yeah, as long as I can still come here and crash if I need to."

  "Sure, why not?"

  He glanced around at the bare walls and the jumble of furniture and boxes. "Do you care if I put some things in here?"

  She considered this and laughed. "Let me guess: This is going to become Matthew Sorenson's bachelor pad?"

  "I might invite some friends to do a weekend here, now and then."

  "Just remember this is a co-op, Matthew. Keep the noise down, and abide by the rules. And take responsibility for your friends if they come."

  The doorbell rang again, and this time it was the moving guys. By five o'clock the place was mostly cleared out. Janie took Matthew to dinner and told him more about the changes in Clifden and why she wanted to live there. She even told him about her old friends, the Four Lindas, but she didn't tell him about Victor. Really, what was there to tell?

  "Maybe this is a good thing," Matthew said as they walked back to the apartment. "I mean, you seem a lot happier than you've been since Dad got sick and everything. That's pretty cool."

  She nodded. "It's like I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now." She linked her arm in his. "I just hope it's not a train coming my way."

  He laughed. "No, Mom, I think it's just the end of the tunnel."

  Chapter 29

  MARLEY

  "My house closes on the day after Labor Day," Marley told Caroline and Abby as they met for coffee on Friday morning. "I'm so excited I can hardly stand it. Finally I'm going to own a home of my own." That wasn't the only thing making Marley happy this week. Jack had agreed to hang a painting or two of hers in his gallery. Upon hearing this news Tuesday, she shot up to Seattle on Wednesday, gathered her paintings, loaded them into her car, then drove back yesterday.

  "I'm trying not to be envious," Caroline told Marley.

  "Envious?" Marley was confused. "About what?"

  "About the fact that you've already found a house." Caroline laughed. "Although Abby took me by to see it the other day, and I have to admit it's a little too rustic for my taste."

  Marley just smiled. "Well, it suits me to a T"

  "And you'll probably turn it into something wonderful," Caroline told her. "I could never do that. Besides, I can't really buy anything until my condo sells, and who knows when that will be?" She turned to Abby. "In the meantime I'm staying at a pretty swanky bed-and-breakfast."

  Abby made a half smile. "I was thinking about offering Janie a room too, but I'm afraid Paul will think I really am turning our home into a B and B."

  "When does Janie get here?" Marley asked.

  "She arrives in Portland this evening, and she'll drive down here tomorrow." Abby's tone sounded flat and unenthusiastic and completely un-Abby-like.

  "Are you okay, Abby?" Marley asked.

  "Yeah," Caroline chimed in, "you seem kind of down."

  "I'm fine."

  The way she said fine made Marley think all was not well. Still, if Abby didn't want to talk about it, why should they push her?

  "How's your mom?" Marley asked Caroline.

  "She's actually a little better. I've been giving her these mineral supplements that were recommended for dementia patients, and I honestly thing they're helping her memory just a little. Either that or I've been around so much that she's actually remembering who I am. Or maybe I'm just getting a bit senile myself."

  Marley and Caroline laughed, but Abby just sat there staring out toward the docks with a glazed expression.

  "Hey, you," Marley nudged Abby with an elbow.

  "What?"

  "You just don't seem like yourself today," Marley told her. "Are you sure you're okay?"

  "I don't know." Abby sighed. "Things with, well, with Paul ... It's been a little strained lately."

  Caroline's blue eyes got bigger. "It's not me, is it? Does Paul resent me staying with you guys?"

  Abby shrugged. "It's hard to say. Paul's just been acting differently. It's probably nothing, but it just makes me sad."

  "I'll bet it is me," Caroline said with conviction. "Like yesterday, when you and I were in the hot tub. It seemed like his nose was out of, , t."

  "But that's silly," Abby told her. "Why should he care?"

  "Maybe because he wanted to be in the hot tub with you?" suggested Marley.

  Abby laughed, but her eyes were sad. "I doubt that."

  "But it's possible," Caroline said.

  "I doubt it." Abby's eyes narrowed slightly. "Do you know that I've named that hot tub?"

  "Named it?" Caroline frowned. "What?"

  "I call her Diamond Lil."

  "Diamond Lil?" Marley was confused too. "Why?"

  "Because I think the hot tub is my diamond bracelet."

  "Are you saying what I think you're saying?" Caroline asked.

  Abby nodded.

  "What are you saying?" demanded Marley.

  "I think she's saying that the diamond bracelet is some kind of payoff." Caroline glanced at Abby. "Am I right?"

  Abby nodded again.

  "A payoff for what?" Marley asked.

  "Do you think Paul's seeing another woman?" Caroline asked gently.

  "Is that why you were stalking him?"

  "You were stalking your own husband?" Caroline looked shocked.

  Abby had tears in her eyes. She picked up a paper napkin and blotted them. "Her name is Bonnie Boxwell. She's probably ten years younger than me and very pretty."
<
br />   "And you know for a fact that Paul is seeing her?" Caroline handed her a real tissue.

  "I know that he's seeing her. I've seen them together."

  "You've seen them together?" Marley flinched to imagine Abby finding her husband in the arms of another woman.

  "Paul says she's simply a client. That she wants to build a house in North Shore. But I think she wants more than just a house."

  "Meaning she wants your husband, too?"

  Abby shrugged. "Maybe so."

  "Oh, Abby." Marley reached over and grabbed her hand. "I'm so sorry."

  "Me, too." Caroline looked like she was about to cry too.

  "I confronted him once, and he accused me of being paranoid. I have to admit the stalking incident was a bit crazy."

  "But it does make you nutty when you find out your husband's been cheating," Marley told her. "Trust me, I've been there, done that."

  "I just can't believe after thirty-five years of marriage, and all the ups and downs we've been through, that he'd do something like this."

  "But what if he hasn't done it?" Caroline suggested. "What if he's telling the truth and you really are being paranoid?"

  Both Abby and Marley turned and scowled at Caroline.

  "I'm not trying to defend him," she said. "But I've seen him with you, Abby. I've seen him acting like he really cares about you. And it's sweet."

  "But what if it's just an act?" Abby shot back.

  "What if it's not?" Caroline said.

  "Caroline's right," Marley told Abby. "You could be wrong about him."

  "What you really need to do is to sit down and talk to him," Caroline declared. "Have a real heart-to-heart."

  "That's easier said than done," Abby told her. "Paul can be hard to pin down."

  "And even harder when you have a house guest," Caroline said sadly. "I'm going to find another place to stay."

  "No, no, you don't need to do that," Abby protested.

  Caroline nodded. "Yes, I do. I remember my grandma used to say, `Three days for company and fish."'