As Young As We Feel

by Melody Carlson

  "So what brings you here?" Mitch asked Caroline.

  She explained her relocation to Clifden.

  "Finally giving up the fast lane, are you?"

  She shrugged. "I guess." Then she explained a bit about her mother. "She would never admit she needs help. My mother, bless her heart, thinks she's just fine on her own."

  "I went through something like that with my father recently," Mitch told her. "My mom passed on in '98, and my dad did pretty well on his own for a while. But then he started getting forgetful, of little things at first. He'd put his wallet in the freezer or the ice cream in the pantry. But it got worse. And finally he was so bad off, he would actually walk outside stark naked."

  "I guess I should be thankful my mom's not gone there yet."

  "Yes, the neighbors can be unappreciative."

  "So did you put him in a care facility?"

  "I tried, but he refused to go."

  "So what did you do?"

  "Fortunately the law intervened. The next time he went flashing the neighbors, minus the overcoat, the police picked him up and took him to a nursing home. That made it a lot easier."

  "So I should hope that my mom will decide to go streaking?"

  Mitch laughed. "Maybe you'll come up with an easier solution."

  "I hope so."

  Dinner went smoothly, and anyone observing would have assumed Mitch and Caroline were old friends. Indeed they were. Except that Caroline hadn't felt warm or friendly toward Mitch in years. After dessert Claudia seemed to nudge Dale, and the two left Mitch and Caroline alone again. Caroline suspected this was not a coincidence.

  "I asked Dale and Claudia to give me a few minutes alone with you, Caroline. I hope you don't mind."

  "Not at all."

  He reached for her hand now, almost in the way a man does when he's about to propose, although he didn't get down on one knee. That was a relief. Still, Caroline braced herself. What was he doing?

  "I just wanted to tell you how sorry I am for the way I treated you back in LA."

  "Oh, that." She sort of waved one hand. "That was-"

  "Don't brush it away," he told her. "It was a terrible thing to do. And I'm really sorry I was so spoiled and selfish. When I think of how I acted, I feel nothing but shame. And I would appreciate it if you would forgive me."

  She didn't say anything.

  "I know I don't deserve to be forgiven, but I'm asking."

  "Of course I forgive you."

  "Thanks. I know it can't undo what was done. But it does take a load off my shoulders."

  Caroline considered this. "You know, I feel better too."

  He squeezed her hand, and then let go. "Good."

  She considered telling him the rest of her story, about how the abortion prevented her from having children, and how that ended her marriage, but that would sound bitter. Really, especially after his apology, she felt no bitterness. Sadness, yes, for what might've been. But she wasn't bitter.

  "When Dale told me you were coming here, I thought he meant to live." Mitch looked disappointed.

  "This seems like a lovely place to live," she told him. "But my mom needs me in Clifden. It's a lovely seaside town too. Kind of like here, only much, much smaller. And I think I'm going to like that."

  "You mean the smaller size?"

  "Yes. I'm tired of the noise and the fast pace. I'm ready to go to the grocery store and expect to see people I know. I think it'll be fun."

  "It does sound nice." He sighed. "Would you have any objections if I came by to visit sometime?"

  "Not at all."

  "Do they have an airport?"

  "No, they're much too small for that."

  "Not even a municipal?"

  "What's that?"

  "You know, for small private planes."

  Caroline thought for a minute. "You know, I believe they might, now that you mention it."

  "That way I could fly up and save some travel time."

  "You have your own plane?"

  "Well, nothing fancy. But if the weather's good, it gets me where I want to go."

  "Then by all means, come on up."

  They talked some more, and to her relief, they didn't talk about the past too much. At least not about their past relationship. They did fill in other details surrounding their lives, and by the time Mitch announced he should go, Caroline felt like they were good friends. And she liked that.

  He kissed her on the cheek and promised to look into flying up to Clifden when he got the chance. Then he left, and Caroline assured Claudia and Dale that the encounter had gone well. "I'm actually grateful that you guys did this. It helped me to bury some old things."

  "So what do you think?" Claudia asked hopefully. "Any chance you two could get back together?"

  "Oh, I don't think so." Caroline shook her head. "Besides time and location factors, well, I just don't think so."

  "But you never know."

  "No. I suppose not."

  "Well, we won't keep you up. I know you want to make an early start in the morning."

  Caroline hugged them both, then went to bed. Of course, she couldn't sleep at first. No, her mind was fixated on Mitch. Although she continued to tell herself a relationship with him was not only impossible but impractical as well, she still couldn't help but wonder. What if?

  Chapter 27

  ABBY

  "You did what?" Paul demanded on Sunday morning.

  Abby poured coffee beans in the grinder. "You heard what I said," she calmly told him.

  "I just can't believe I heard you right, Abby." He looked truly angry. "Did you really tell Caroline McCann that she could stay here until she finds another place to live?"

  "Something to that effect." She turned the grinder on to drown out his yelling. She ran it a little longer than usual, and when she quit, the kitchen was quiet and she turned to see that Paul had left. Well, fine, let him be that way. She wasn't about to disappoint Caroline in order to appease Paul. She continued to make coffee, slowly and methodically, as if one false move would ruin the brew.

  Finally she clicked the on switch, but before the water started to drip, she pounded her fist on the countertop. Why did Paul have to act like this? Caroline was his friend too. Besides that, Abby reminded herself, this wasn't only Paul's home. She had the right to share it if she wanted. Why did Paul think he should be the only one to call the shots? Abby poured herself some coffee as she continued to have this mock argument with her husband that she was sure to win.

  She could hear the TV in the den, so she knew he hadn't left the house altogether. She also knew she needed to tread carefully; she wanted him to keep his promise to check out Marley's beach cabin. Already he'd complained about that.

  "I thought you hated for me to work on Sunday," he had said when she asked him last night. He'd come home late again, after supposedly "just playing golf."

  "Helping a friend isn't really work, is it?" she persisted.

  "Helping your friend, you mean."

  "So now I have my friends and you have your friends?"

  "Fine, Abby. I'll do it, okay? Now will you get off my case?"

  "I just don't see why you're making it into such a big deal." She knew she could've held back that last comment. It wasn't smart to push him too hard, not if she really wanted him to help Marley. But it was too late.

  "Crawling around beneath a house, poking around electrical wires, checking plumbing and septic tanks? If you don't think that's a big deal, why don't you do it?"

  That's when she'd backed down, showing approval, smoothing his ego, and applying all the little "management" techniques she'd mastered over the years. She didn't even ask him about where he'd been all afternoon. But, just the same, she wondered.

  The phone rang and, suspecting it was Marley, Abby grabbed it before the second ring. She didn't want to disturb Paul. "Hey, girlfriend," Marley said happily. "I'm on the way to the cabin. You guys want to meet me there?"

  "Let me check with Paul," Abby told her
. "If I don't call you back, it means we're on our way." Then Abby hung up and filled Paul's favorite mug with coffee, adding cream and sugar the way he liked it. She set this on a sandwich plate, then set two oatmeal-raisin cookies (Paul's favorite) next to the mug. She'd made the cookies yesterday afternoon, planning to use them to sweeten him up to doing this inspection for Marley.

  "Sorry to ask so much of you," she said when she handed him the plate.

  "Huh?" he looked surprised. "Oatmeal-raisin cookies?"

  "Uh-huh. I made them for you yesterday."

  "A bribe?"

  "Maybe." She smiled. "I'm sorry if I have friends who seem a little needy right now, Paul. But if you only knew how much I need them. You might be more willing to help them because you'd be helping me."

  He actually smiled now. "Since you put it like that." He picked up a cookie. "And since you sweetened the deal."

  She reached down and ruffled his hair. "I'm going to head out to meet Marley at Mom's," she told him. "You come along whenever you're ready." Hoping that had done the trick, she took off.

  Abby wondered what the other Lindas would think if they knew about the games she played with her husband-the ways she humored him, placated him, took the blame for his shortcomings. What would they say? They were all single, independent, and smart. Would they think she was stuck in their mothers' generation? Sometimes that's how she saw herself. And yet her mom was as liberated as any woman. After a relatively brief period of grieving after Abby's father died more than twenty years ago, her mom had been on her own and happy as a clam. Despite her troubles with Paul, Abby was not so sure she'd be that strong if he died suddenly from a stroke.

  When she pulled in front of her mom's house, Marley's little car was already there. Abby found the two of them sitting in the well-worn Adirondack chairs on the back deck. "Nice day," she said as she joined them.

  "So is Paul here?" Marley asked eagerly.

  "He's on his way." Abby leaned back against the chair's wood slats and sighed.

  "No hurry," her mom said. "That little cabin's not going anywhere."

  "Unless there's a tsunami," Abby pointed out. "Have you ever noticed how much closer to the water you are here?"

  "Isn't it nice?" her mom murmured.

  "And you have a key, right?" Marley asked.

  "Barb gave me a key to let you in." Mom chuckled. "I didn't admit that Bernice gave me a key a long time ago. That's what neighbors do."

  "And if I become your neighbor," Marley looked hopeful, "I'll want you to continue keeping that key."

  "You mean you won't change the locks?" Abby asked.

  "Why should I?"

  Abby shrugged. "I don't know."

  "My daughter is slightly paranoid," Mom told Marley quietly.

  "I am not paranoid." Abby frowned.

  "I'm just teasing, sweetie. But you are extra careful, you have to admit that."

  "Well, Paul's like that. I have to take his needs into consideration." But even as Abby said this, she knew it sounded odd.

  "But here's the thing," her mom continued, aiming her words at Marley. "If you want to be a woman alone, living on the beach, you need to be strong in your self-confidence and slightly unconventional to boot."

  Marley laughed. "Hey, that sounds like me."

  "Yes, you seem the independent type. I don't see you needing a man, like some women do."

  Abby felt left out. Also, she was still a bit out of sorts after her argument with Paul. "But Marley was married for a long time," Abby pointed out.

  "Legally married," Marley told them. "But John had been stepping out on me for years. And because of his flight schedule, I was independent most of the time. It was an odd sort of marriage." She laughed. "And I don't miss it a bit."

  "See?" Abby's mom said. "She is an independent woman."

  Abby felt angry. Were they suggesting that she was not, just because her marriage hadn't failed and because Paul was still alive? That seemed a little unfair. Before she could respond-and who knew what she was going to say-she heard Paul's pickup pull in.

  "Sounds like Inspector Gadget is here," she told them. They all got up and went out to meet him. Naturally, with an audience, Paul was his sweet, charming self.

  "Here's the key," Abby's mom said as she handed it over.

  "Do you need any help?" Abby asked.

  "Not unless you want to climb under the house to see the spiders or smell the septic tank."

  "I'll pass," Abby said.

  Marley looked torn.

  "You can go if you want," Abby told her.

  "That's the problem. I don't want to." Then Marley broke out into an old tune. "`I don't like spiders and snakes, and that ain't what it takes to love me."'

  "So I'm on my own." Paul looked relieved. "Well, it'll take about an hour or so. You ladies sit back and relax, and I'll be back with my report."

  After about thirty minutes Abby had an idea. "You know that Caroline is coming today?" she said to Marley.

  "That's right. I almost forgot."

  "Well, since everything seems to be under control here, I think I'll run to the store and pick up something for dinner. Everyone can come. You, too, Mom."

  "Thanks, honey, but tonight's card night for me and the girls."

  "Sounds fun," Marley told her.

  "Maybe you'll want to join us sometime."

  "Sure." Marley nodded. "I might."

  "So come by around six," Abby told Marley.

  While at the store Abby got a call from Caroline saying that she'd make Clifden around five. "Marley's coming for dinner," Abby told her as she shook the water from a head of leaf lettuce.

  "Sounds great." Caroline's voice was happy. "Can't wait!"

  As Abby waited in the checkout line, she tried to imagine how it would feel to be starting all over. Not that she wanted to leave Paul. She really didn't. But sometimes she just wondered.

  By the time Abby got home, Paul's truck was there too. There was another pickup backed in as well, and it was blocking Abby's side of the driveway. She parked on the street and went inside to see if she could get someone to move. But when she called, no one answered. She heard men's voices out on the back deck and went out to see that Paul and two other guys were putting what appeared to be a hot tub in place.

  "What is that?" she cried as she went closer.

  "You weren't supposed to see this yet." Paul held up his hands like he was trying to hide something, which was ridiculous, since the hot tub was the size of a small elephant.

  "You got a hot tub?" she said incredulously.

  "You've been wanting one for ages," he told her.

  "You got it for me?"

  "Who else?" Now he came over and gave her a hug.

  She was totally shocked. What had made him do this? "But it's not my birthday or our anniversary or anything."

  He kissed her forehead. "Can't I just get something because I want to?"

  She smiled up at him. "Of course."

  "Don't you like it?"

  "You know I love it."

  Now he frowned. "See why I was a little disappointed that Caroline was coming to visit?"

  "Why?"

  "I wanted it to be just the two of us to try it out."

  "Oh."

  "How's this look?" one of the guys called out.

  "It needs to move back a little." Paul went over to help them.

  "Well, I've got groceries to get out of the car," she called out. She was still stunned as she unloaded the car. She couldn't understand why Paul was being so nice. Especially since she had given him the cold shoulder for most of the week, thinking the worst of him. As she put the groceries away she mulled all this over, trying to make sense of it.

  She almost dropped a bottle of dressing when it hit her. A hot tub probably cost about the same as a nice diamond bracelet. Was this some sort of guilt offering?

  She looked out the window to see Paul happily filling his hot tub, as if he hadn't a care in the world. Suddenly she felt irked. If
the man was trying to salve his guilt, she wanted diamonds, not a gift he could use himselP. She was about to go out and give him a piece of her mind when the doorbell rang. It was too early for Caroline, but she hurried to get it anyway.

  "Marley," Abby said when she opened the door. "What's wrong with you?"

  "Didn't Paul tell you?" Marley looked like she'd lost her best friend.

  "Tell me what?"

  "He proclaimed my house a disaster area."

  "He did?" Abby reached out and pulled Marley inside. "Why? What happened?"

  "He hates my house. That's what happened."

  "But why?" Abby led Marley to a stool at the island in the kitchen. "Sit down and tell me about it."

  "He said the septic tank had to be replaced, and that there was dry rot, and the windows were no good, and"-Marley sniffed"and he called it a scraper."

  "A scraper?" Abby frowned.

  "As in it should be scraped off the beach and thrown away."

  "Oh, I don't think he-"

  "He said the smartest move would be to tear down the house and start over. He even offered to build it for me. But I can't afford that."

  "I know." Abby patted her shoulder. "Maybe it was a mistake having Paul look at it. He never has liked old houses." Abby remembered his final verdict on the Victorian house that she had loved.

  "I thought about it, and I suppose he's right. But it seems so sad to just tear the house down. I really wanted to rescue that house. She was starting to feel like a metaphor for my life. How can I just turn my back on her?"

  "Did my mom have an opinion?"

  Marley kind of smiled. "Yes."

  "What?"

  "She said Paul was full of beans."

  Abby laughed. "Yes, that sounds like what she'd say."

  "And she said that house was in as good a shape as her own house, and she wouldn't have the slightest qualm about living there herself."

  "So see? Maybe Paul's just throwing out the baby with the bathwater."

  Marley looked surprised. "That's exactly what your mother said!"

  "So we'll get you a second opinion."

  Marley seemed to consider this. "No. I don't think I need a second opinion."

  "You don't?"

  Marley shook her head. "I've been driving around town thinking about it all afternoon. Barb gave me a pretty good deal. I was ready to pay about twenty thousand more. So if I use that extra money to take care of the things that Paul said need to be fixed, I should end up with a fairly sturdy little beach cottage. Don't you think?"