The Cost Of Love And Sanity

by Jaye Cheríc

  “I know,” Izzy said, scanning the crowd.

  “I mean, how could he do that? And he had the nerve to try and scare me into thinking his way of thinking is right. Like if I don’t ascribe to being Mary Poppins, I’m destined to be alone forever. Was he high?”

  Izzy broke into laughter. “Okay. That was kinda weird.”

  “I tell ya. You date someone for months only to find out that they’re crazy.”

  Izzy chuckled. “Well, look at it this way. You said he was a little chauvinistic. From his argument, that’s obvious. This should be a relief.”

  “It would have been if he hadn’t made me so angry.” Alex tugged the knot she tied on her coat, bracing herself for the extra wind picking up.

  “Aww. I’m sorry it had to happen this way.” Izzy patted her on the shoulder.

  Alex shrugged and frowned. “At least it’s over.”

  “Exactly. And the best way to get over somebody is to find somebody else.” Izzy nodded at the man a few feet in front of them and nudged her.

  Alex glanced over at the medium-height man with kind eyes. He looked her way and nodded. She smiled in response but remained unmoved. She couldn’t imagine anything worse than sitting through a dinner with someone she didn’t know and didn’t care to know.

  Alex shook her head. “I don’t think so.”

  “Oh, c’mon,” Izzy said.

  Alex rolled her eyes.

  A man’s booming voice burst through the nearby speakers. “All right, everybody. It’s time to count down!”

  People bustled around, hunting for the best spot to see the fireworks.

  “Five…four…three…two…one. Happy New Year!”

  Alex watched the multi-colored fireworks light up the sky. The noise from party favors and cheers should have deafened her but she barely noticed. Images of her life flashed in between the blue, green and red bursts in the night. She closed her eyes and tried to think positive thoughts about the year ahead. Instead, she heard Phillip’s prediction of loneliness. She couldn’t help feeling a little disheartened.

  She hated the way she and Phillip ended but, at the same time, their personalities clashed too hard. On top of that, he didn’t respect her accomplishments. That meant he didn’t respect her. And that would always be a problem.

  Now she had another problem. She was 35, single with no children. She didn’t even have a man anymore. It hurt to be back at square one all over again. She still believed in real love. Where should she find it? It felt like with everything she’d accomplished professionally, she was still failing in life.

  Alex finally opened her eyes and looked up at the lights in the sky. The anxiety of another uncertain year almost suffocated her but she stuffed it back down before it could fully take hold. She took a deep breath and exhaled, just as Izzy grabbed and shook her.

  “Whooo! Can you believe it? Last year went so fast but we made it. Yay!” Her friend bubbled over with her usual infectious brand of energy. “I can’t wait to get started,” Izzy said, smiling so wide Alex thought she could see all her teeth.

  Despite her somber mood, Alex laughed. She admired Izzy’s eternal optimism. No matter what life or relationships threw at her, she always looked forward to the next day.

  After the fireworks ended, Alex and Izzy headed back to her car. Alex tightened her black trench coat around her fitted blouse and skirt. As soon as the two women jumped in, Izzy asked party questions.

  “Where are we going next?” Her medium-brown curls bounced with excitement.

  “I don’t know, girl. You know, I don’t do the party scene too much, unless it’s a company event. Have any ideas?” Alex asked.

  “I hear Club Aqua is supposed to be lit up.”

  “Aww. I’m not in the mood to dodge some guy with bad skin and stanky breath. Any other ideas?” she asked, with a pleading look in her eyes.

  “Not really. I mean, a club is about the only route right now. What do you have against clubs?”

  “They’re boring.” Alex shot her friend a frustrated look.

  “No. What’s boring is going home, changing into your pajamas and climbing into bed with your laptop and work scattered all over your comforter.”

  Alex raised her eyebrow. “I don’t know what you’re talking about,” she lied.

  “Or maybe you’ll mope around the house, feeling lousy about the way things ended with Phillip.”

  A wave of shame threatened to overtake Alex. Fifteen minutes into the New Year, and she already had plans to slide back into her old routine. She needed to move forward, not backward.

  Suddenly remembering that her best friend sat right next to her, Alex snapped out of her thoughts with the shake of her head. “I’m tired of the same ole, same ole.”

  “How do you know a club is the same ole, same ole? Doing what you’ve been doing is the same ole, same ole,” Izzy said.

  Alex’s brow furrowed. “I don’t sit in bed and work all the time. Look, if I want to do something different, I can.” She straightened her posture. “And I will.”

  Izzy smiled. “I know you will, Alex.”

  She threw Izzy a weak smile back. “Thanks.” She sighed. “Okay, I guess you win. We’ll go to Club Aqua.”

  “Yay!” Izzy shot her hands up. “I promise you won’t be sorry.”

  “We’ll see.” Alex waited to pull into the sea of cars, hoping she would at least be able to avoid the stanky breath guy.

  CHAPTER 4

  Club Aqua had all the components of a New Year’s Eve party. Drinks. Party favors. Lights. A ton of people. There were so many people that it was difficult to walk from one end of the room to another. On top of that, Alex could barely see anything in the smoke-filled space. Slight pathways through the dance floor made it a little easier to maneuver. She concentrated on finding those pathways so she could find a place to sit down. It looked like the only place to sit was up on the second floor. Alex longed to make her way to a comfortable chair up there. Izzy, on the other hand, was ready to get on the dance floor. The only thing that kept her from joining the other dancers was the drink in her hand.

  “Isn’t this great?” Izzy said.

  Alex shook her head. “Not really.”

  Izzy tooted her lips up. “You need a drink.” She proceeded to suck on the straw protruding from her glass.

  Alex leaned closer to her ear. “I need a seat.”

  “You can’t meet anyone sitting down,” Izzy said.

  “I don’t care.”

  As they continued to wade through the bodies on the floor, Alex turned to her right. She saw a girl dancing with two guys. One in the front of her, the other in the back of her. While they danced, the guy in the front attempted to move his hand up the woman’s shirt. He had almost accomplished his goal before the girl finally moved his hand. Alex rolled her eyes in disgust. Why did I let Izzy talk me into coming here?

  Alex and Izzy made it to the stairs to go up to the second floor. The stairs were the clearest thing in the building. They quickly made their way up the stairs and found a high table with a couple of chairs. Alex plopped down in a seat. Izzy sat across from her still engrossed in her drink.

  A scantily clad waitress with long brown hair and exposed cleavage approached their table.

  “Can I get you anything to drink?”

  Alex turned to her to respond but Izzy spoke first. “She’ll have a cosmopolitan and I’ll have an Apple Martini,” Izzy said.

  The waitress wrote down the order. Alex interrupted her. “Do you have any Daiquiris?” Alex asked.

  “Sure,” the waitress said.

  “Which kind?” Alex asked.

  “Whatever you want. Banana. Mango. Lime. Strawberry.”

  “I’ll have a Mango Daiquiri,” Alex said.

  The waitress nodded and wrote the order down. “All right. I’ll be back in a sec.”

  After she left, Izzy leaned toward her. “You had to go the safe route, didn’t you?”

  “You want me to get tore dow
n. That’s all.”

  Izzy chuckled.

  Right then, the DJ started playing a familiar, popular tune. The people on the dance floor and on the second floor jumped up, Izzy included. “Oooh. I have to go downstairs. I’ll be right back. Get my drink for me,” she called over her shoulder.

  Alex looked over the rail at the frenzied crowd. It was amazing what one song could do. She glimpsed movement out of the left corner of her eye. She turned her head and saw a couple wedged in the small space. At first glance, they seemed to be possibly moving to the music but, upon further gaze, it was apparent that the music had nothing to do with their movements; they were having sex in the club.

  She rolled her eyes. Ridiculous. Her waitress returned with a smile and the drinks.

  “Here you go. Mango Daiquiri for you and Apple Martini for your friend. Is there anything else I can get for you?” the waitress asked.

  “No. Thank you.”

  Alex sipped on her Daiquiri, savoring the fruity taste. She’d forgotten about the couple in the corner and started to relax enough to take in the scenery. If she were in to the club scene, perhaps this would be a decent club. They sure put a lot of energy into the New Year’s theme. Even the glittered ball on the ceiling said 2012 on it. Alex peered through the crowd on the dance floor, searching for Izzy. She thought she might be able to signal that her drink was there. No such luck. The mass of people on the dance floor had buried Izzy. What did Alex expect? Izzy was only about five-foot-two.

  “Excuse me.”

  Alex turned in the direction of the voice to see a husky man in a business suit. He smiled at her, revealing one silver tooth on the right side of his mouth.

  “I couldn’t help but notice you sitting here alone but with two drinks. Are you here with someone?” he asked.

  “Yes.” Alex actually hoped she didn’t have to clarify who she was there with. She hadn’t come to the club to meet anyone. She was passing time; that’s all.

  “A boyfriend?”

  “A friend,” Alex said.

  “Well, he can’t be too good of a ‘friend’ if he left a woman as exquisite as you alone at a table. If I were with you, I wouldn’t leave your side,” he said.

  Alex nodded. She was trying to be polite but she really had no interest in talking to him.

  The man placed his hand on his chest. “I apologize. I failed to introduce myself. My name is Lenard. And your name is…?”

  “Alexis.”

  “That’s a beautiful name.” He smiled.

  This is so corny. “Thank you.”

  He started to sit down in Izzy’s chair but Alex stretched out her hand.

  “Please don’t sit there. My friend will be back any minute,” Alex said.

  He eased back up from the chair. “Oh, of course. I don’t want to take up your time or get in the way. Here.” Lenard reached into his breast pocket and pulled out a business card. “Let me leave my card with you. It has my office and my cell number on it.” He handed it to her.

  She took it, fully intending to throw it in the nearest trash as soon as possible. “Okay.”

  “It was good to meet you.” He leaned over to whisper in her ear. “Call me.”

  At that moment, Alex frowned up. Lenard’s breath smelled like a dirty toilet. I told Izzy this would happen. She quickly looked the other way, trying to find relief for her nose. Anything would have smelled better than the air coming from his mouth. She blocked her nose with the back of her hand.

  “Same here. Bye,” she said.

  Lenard walked away. Alex breathed a sigh a relief. She couldn’t have pretended that she wasn’t affected by his breath much longer. She wiped her nose with her hand, trying to rid herself of the smell. It wasn’t working.

  Izzy returned to the table in the midst of Alex clawing at her nose. “What’s wrong with you?” Izzy asked.

  “Your friend needs to wash his mouth out with bleach,” Alex said, still rubbing her nose.

  “Who?”

  “This man who approached me.”

  “What? Did he talk dirty to you or something?”

  “No. His breath smelled like boo boo!” Alex raised her voice over the music.

  Izzy cracked up laughing and Alex followed suit.

  “Whoo! That’s awful to hear,” Izzy said.

  “It’s even worse to smell. I didn’t know whether to offer him a mint or some toilet paper,” Alex said.

  Izzy doubled over with laughter. In the distance, Alex heard the DJ playing the same song he had played earlier—the one that got everyone hype, including Izzy.

  Alex frowned again. “Um. I’m ready to go. You’re not ready to leave yet?”

  Izzy chugged her drink. “Not quite. Why don’t you get up and dance or talk to somebody cute?”

  “I’m afraid Mr. Stanky Breath has ruined that for me.”

  “Girl, everybody in here doesn’t have breath like that.”

  It didn’t matter to Alex. She’d seen and experienced enough. She’d never been a club person and this experience hadn’t converted her. The club was for people who only wanted to have a “good” time or a good laugh. Nothing else. You didn’t go there to find a mate. You went there to party it up. Alex was in a stage of her life where she had more serious thoughts than what type of alcoholic beverage she wanted. She had no patience for games. She enjoyed hanging out with her friend but Alex had to find a way to get out of there.

  “I hope not but I could really get out of here soon. When will you be ready to go?”

  Izzy sighed. “I don’t know. Why don’t you try to relax and meet someone new?” she whined.

  “There’s no one to meet here.”

  “Look at all these men around here. Surely, there’s someone worth talking to.” Izzy took a sip of her Apple Martini. “It’s New Year’s. I didn’t say you had to marry him. Talk to him.”

  Perhaps this little trip to the club was premature. It had barely been 48 hours since she broke up with Phillip. She wasn’t ready to get out there and actively look for someone else, particularly in this environment. This is what I get for trying to be a trooper.

  “Izzy, I appreciate what you’re saying and I know you’re trying to help but this isn’t for me right now.”

  Izzy looked at her sympathetically. “You’re right. This place is more for me than you. I’ll tell you what. Let’s have another drink and then, we’ll leave. We can go get something to eat.”

  Alex smiled. “Okay.”

  About thirty minutes later, the two women left the club and went to a breakfast spot. Alex didn’t walk into her house until 3:46 a.m. Even though the club was long behind her, she continued to wipe her nose, trying to rid herself of the stench from the stanky breath guy.

  She trudged up the stairs and headed for the shower. As she ran the lavender-scented shower gel and water over her medium brown skin, the toilet breath odor disappeared. The events of the last few days, however, rushed to her mind as quickly as the water beat down on her body. The more she thought, the more Phillip leaving seemed best for her. He was a jerk. Therefore, she had no chance at happiness with him.

  If she could stop herself from feeling lousy about their argument, she would be okay. She had to deal with the fact that she didn’t have anybody now and she didn’t know when she would find somebody else. Desperation crept up on her while she thought about her current prospect of having a family. If she kept losing relationships, she would have to have a child on her own. She sighed. She could do that but she really wanted a full family, complete with a husband.

  Noticing that her hot water had turned ice cold, Alex switched the shower off and stepped onto her plush white rug. She changed into her T-shirt and pajama pants and walked into her room. She turned her comforter back, bent her knees to the floor and clasped her hands together.

  “God, please keep me, my family and friends safe from harm. I also ask that you keep me focused and uplifted. I pray that you empower me to make the most of my life this year so that I might
be a blessing to others. But God, there is one more pressing thing on my heart that I must address. A favor to ask.” Alex took a deep breath and released it slowly.

  “I know that you have a man out there—somewhere out there—for me. I have no doubt about that but if Phillip isn’t it, could you show me who is? I mean, can I at least get a hint? I hope I’m not asking for too much. It’s just that this searching thing is getting old. Kinda like me.”

  Tears welled in her eyes but she refused to let them fall. She felt silly asking for such a thing but the Bible said, “Ask and ye shall receive.” She opened her eyes aware and somewhat ashamed of her own request. She unclasped her hands and stood up. Dashing to the bedroom door, she flipped the lights.

  Once Alex crawled under the covers, she took momentary comfort in the cool, clean fabric. She lay on her back and stared up at the ceiling as if she expected the answer to her probing question to magically appear between the creases. It didn’t. If anything, more questions followed with each passing minute. Squeezing her eyes closed, she turned on her right side. There was no use losing sleep over this.

  CHAPTER 5

  Alex’s night fell short of restfulness but she managed to get up in time to watch the football game. Or at least she tried to watch the game. By the time third quarter hit, she’d stretched across her chocolate brown leather couch, nodding in and out. She finally gave in, rolling into a ball and closing her eyes. They remained closed until the teams were walking off the field. The final score appeared at the bottom of the screen. 24-14. Sorry she missed the last two quarters, Alex smiled when she saw that her team won.

  She glanced up at the clock. Alex needed to go to the store, get some gas for her car and then come home to cook dinner. She really wanted to stumble into her room and fall out over her bed but that would not be productive.

  So, Alex propped herself up off the couch and staggered to her bathroom. As she washed her face, brushed her teeth and fixed her hair, she psyched herself up for the errands. Once she finished, Alex slid on her shoes and jogged back downstairs—picking up the pace before she could change her mind about stepping outside.