The Cost Of Love And Sanity

by Jaye Cheríc

  “Come in!”

  “Hey. Hey! You got flowers.” Stanley walked in the room.

  “Yeah. Just a friendly gesture.” Alex waved it off.

  “Some gesture. Listen. We need some help with the new outline. You gotta minute.”

  “Sure. I’ll be right over.”

  As Stanley walked out the door, Alex made sure she’d tucked the card away in her drawer under several pieces of paper. As if sensing the card’s presence, her phone vibrated. She looked over and saw Nathan’s number—again. Something in her grew excited, despite her attempts to be level-headed. After a moment of standing still, the phone finally stopped and rung once signaling a message. Satisfied with her composure and self-control, she smoothed her skirt and walked out of her office.

  CHAPTER 14

  “Oh! So, he bought you flowers, huh?” Izzy teased.

  Alex shook her head.

  Izzy had a couple of hours to kill between hair clients and Alex left the office an hour and a half early. The two met up and walked through the mall that afternoon. Alex munched on a chocolate chip cookie, while Izzy licked her Rocky Road ice cream off the waffle cone.

  “Yeah. It’s no big deal.”

  “Alex? Please. Men don’t spend money on a woman because it’s no big deal. Okay? I mean, rich men might but the average Joe will not spend extra money on a woman unless he’s really into her. I don’t care how nice he is.”

  “All right. So, you have a point. That still doesn’t mean anything.”

  Izzy quickly licked the ice cream oozing down her cone. “You know what your problem is?”

  “No, but I’m sure you’re gonna tell me.”

  “Your problem is that you’re too negative. You’re not willing to believe in anything. Every time Nathan does something nice for you, you figure out a reason to dismiss it.”

  “Can you blame me? I gave him my number. He took a week to call. We make a date. He doesn’t show up. Every nice gesture is not cause to call a wedding planner. I’d rather be realistic about what’s happening. He’s already proven to be unreliable.”

  “How do you know that? He told you he had to help a friend fix his car. Is it so hard to believe that he may have actually done that?”

  Alex thought about the possibility that Nathan had told the truth. She also thought about their break up a decade earlier. She could still remember how she felt when she heard that Nathan had a little too much fun at a friend’s party. She confronted him about it and he admitted to getting oral from a dancer there. Heartbroken, she split up with him right then. For those next few days, he called her day and night, trying to see if they could work things out but her anger and hurt would not allow her to hear him absent of judgment.

  After numerous calls and emails from Nathan, Alex grudgingly agreed to listen to him in person for two minutes. He said he would call her that night to let her know when she could expect him. That night came and that night went. Not only did he not call but he never came by. She hadn’t seen or heard from him again until…the gas station. He seemed so happy and cheerful, walking over to her car—as if that night never happened.

  Thinking about the breakup took her breath away and made her eyes sting. She steadied herself on the inside and responded to Izzy.

  “What if I can’t trust him?”

  Izzy stopped mid slurp. “Then, I guess you have a decision to make. Either you’re going to give this a chance wholeheartedly or you’re going to run the other way.” Izzy pointed at her. “But be careful which way you go, Alex. You really need to follow your heart.”

  Alex grimaced. Gerard said follow her gut, while Izzy was telling her to follow her heart. These seemed like two different ideas. Trying to do both would certainly cause her a lot of distress. Since Nathan sent her the flowers, she didn’t even know what her gut wanted her to do. She only knew she didn’t want to look like a fool.

  Her heart, however, was another story. Sometimes it seemed that it had stopped reacting. Like maybe it only sat in her chest for decoration, while it allowed her head to take over all her decisions. It wasn’t that she opposed letting her heart lead but she really didn’t know where to begin. Her heart hadn’t done much for her in a long time. It had become much easier to think her way through life—making practical decisions along the way. All things emotional and romantic took a back seat. How was she supposed to all of a sudden start thinking with her heart now?

  She looked over at Izzy licking the ice cream off the back of her hand. The two women lived very different lives and, in some ways, Alex couldn’t imagine being Izzy but she had to admit one thing: she admired her friend’s resilience. Over the years, Izzy had become the poster child for heartbreak and romantic disenchantment but no matter how hard she’d get knocked down, she got right back up on the same horse all over again. Alex considered herself a strong woman but she didn’t know if she had Izzy’s type of strength.

  “What do you propose my heart is telling me to do?” Alex asked.

  “I don’t know. Only you can answer that question. But the fact that we’re having this conversation must mean something.”

  Izzy faced Alex. “You only talk about a man when he means something to you. You should give this thing with Nathan some more thought.”

  Alex took a deep breath to overcome the wave of anxiety that hit her at the thought of talking to Nathan again. She swallowed it down and gave Izzy a weak smile, while nudging her along.

  “Why?”

  “Let’s say I have a good feeling about this.” Izzy smiled wider.

  “Better than you had about Phillip,” Alex said.

  “Ha! Way better than I had about Phillip.” The women laughed and walked into Donovan’s shoe store.

  •••

  After her girls’ day out with Izzy, Alex headed home. Darkness set into the Southern sky. As she approached a grocery store, she remembered there were a few things she needed to pick up. She made a quick turn at the next light into the store parking lot. Once parked and inside the store, she reached into her purse and grabbed her brief list. She walked in the store and picked a shopping cart. Before she could get down an aisle, her cell phone rang. She shuffled through her purse for the phone and finally reached it at the beginning of the third ring.

  “Hello?”

  “Hey. Whatcha doin?” her mother asked.

  “I’m in the store picking up a few things.” Alex placed her purse in the basket and started to walk.

  “At this time of night? What did you have to get?”

  “Only a couple of items. I missed some things the last time I came.”

  “That’s because you don’t write a list. I’ve told you to sit down and create a list before you go to the store. Like talking to myself.”

  Alex rolled her eyes. As usual, it never took long for her mother to start nagging her about what she should have been doing.

  “Anyway, Ma…I have a list now and I’m here to pick up a few things. Did you want something else?”

  “Yes. I was planning to go to the movies this weekend. Do you want to go?” her mother asked.

  “I guess. What were you planning to see?”

  “I’m gonna see The Arc with that actress, Roxie.”

  “You usually don’t go to see her movies,” Alex said, surprised at her mother’s selection.

  “I heard it received good reviews. I hope they’re not exaggerating because she’s in the news right now.”

  “I don’t know but that’s fine. Let me finish grabbing the things I need.”

  Alex ended the call with her mother and continued to stroll down the aisle. She ended up on the condiments side. Alex saw the salt and stopped. Flashbacks of her last argument with Phillip ran through her mind. Gosh, have I really waited three weeks to buy the salt? Alex’s brow furrowed. How could she expect herself to manage taking care of a child, when she couldn’t even remember to buy a seasoning?

  Alex reached over and picked up the salt. On top of the weight of her sadness, the t
wenty-six-ounce box felt heavy. Yet, she managed to hold it in her arms long enough to place it in the basket. After picking up a few more things that were on her list, she went to the register and paid for the merchandise, barely noticing the friendly cashier’s greetings.

  Once she reached her car, she threw the plastic bag holding her few items in her passenger’s seat and dropped into the driver’s seat. Alex cranked the car but stopped short of shifting into drive. A tear welled up and spilled over the rim of her eyes. She blotted it with the back of her hand only to have another tear fall over. This time, she reached into her arm rest and pulled out a napkin. For a minute, she buried her face in the napkin, allowing the tears to flow.

  Something was happening to her. For the first time, she felt a pull toward change. She could not accept Phillip as the end of it all. She needed someone more supportive and he wasn’t even a nice guy. She had to refocus and create some type of improvement in her life. She hated feeling sorry for herself.

  When she dabbed the rest of the water from her face, her cell phone rang. She sighed and picked it up without looking at the caller ID.

  “Hello,” she mumbled.

  “Alex? It’s Nathan.”

  Alex sat up and cleared her throat. “Hello, Nathan. How are you?”

  “I’m good. I’m glad I was able to reach you. Did you get the flowers I sent you?” Nathan asked. His voice harbored a mixture of panic, concern and relief. Between the busy work day and her chitchat with Izzy, she didn’t think to call him back about the flowers. Ugh, that’s real polite, Alex.

  “Oh, yes. I did receive the flowers,” she said.

  “Good. Did you like them?”

  “Yes, they were very lovely. I meant to call you back but—”

  “It’s okay. Listen.” Nathan paused. “I completely goofed up our date last week but I’d really like to see you again.”

  Alex’s heart raced with anxiety. The moment of truth had arrived. She thought about her urge to transform her relationships. She also considered Izzy’s advice, trying to force those thoughts to overpower her own fears of getting played like a checkers game.

  As if Nathan could read her mind, he spoke again. “I really think we should talk about some things.”

  Alex rubbed her forehead, wondering if she would regret this. “Okay. How does Saturday sound?”

  CHAPTER 15

  Alex reached into her office mailbox and pulled out a few envelopes. One was a big brown envelope from a company she didn’t recognize. Curious about it, she opened it right then. While she read the contents of the envelope, Mr. Sims approached her.

  “Morning, Alex.”

  She turned quickly. “Morning, Mr. Sims.”

  “How’s everything?”

  “Awesome. Another busy day.”

  He nodded. “That’s true. How’s it going with the fair?”

  “I’ve generated a lot of interest with employers. Several are in the pipeline. We should be moving forward any day now.”

  “And how is Dan doing?”

  That’s a good question. Although she had vowed to get with Dan on their game plan, Alex hadn’t quite done that yet. Dan hadn’t reached out to her either. They hadn’t even spoken since the meeting—where they both received the bad news that they’d be working together. She hadn’t been avoiding the inevitable; she completely forgot. She had to handle this immediately.

  “I think he’s doing well,” Alex said.

  “You think? Have you all gotten together to work out details on how the fair is going to run?” Mr. Sims asked.

  “Our schedules have not allowed us to meet officially but we will be hashing everything out right away.”

  He frowned. “Okay. Well, make sure that you two link up as soon as possible. I expect you both to be prepared to report on the progress at our next meeting.”

  “And we will be hundred percent ready. You have my word,” Alex said.

  “Good. I’ll see you later, Alex.” He smiled and walked away.

  Alex stuffed her letter back into its large, brown envelope and made a beeline to the elevator. She pushed the button for the third floor and practically sprinted off the elevator when it opened there. She dashed through the sea of cubicles to look for Dan’s desk, which turned out to be no easy task. After spinning around in circles for a couple of minutes, she stopped and turned to the young woman with the name “Bernice” on her cubicle.

  “Do you know where Dan Reece’s desk is?” Alex asked.

  “When you turn right here, I believe it’s the second one on the left,” Bernice said.

  “Thank you,” Alex responded as she walked around the corner and looked to her left. There she found a cubicle with Dan’s name on it. He, however, wasn’t in it.

  “Great.” She glanced around, hoping to see him somewhere talking to a coworker. No such luck. She then stepped into his cubicle and grabbed a post-it and a pen and scribbled a note for him.

  Come to my office as soon as possible. It’s an emergency!

  She signed her name on it and stuck it on his computer screen so that he wouldn’t miss it. Alex rubbed her hands together. She felt a little better knowing that she’d taken action to get them on track.

  Alex went back up stairs to her office, dumped her mail on her desk and waited for Dan to meet her. She didn’t sit there doing nothing; she continued coming up with ideas for the fair, answering questions for her staff and analyzing reports but, in between all of that, she kept looking at the clock, wondering when Dan was coming. She hoped he planned to come. It would not look good on either of them if they weren’t able to cooperate for the sake of the project. Alex was not about to lose her job because Dan had an ego problem.

  She spotted the time on the clock again. Eleven thirty-two a.m. I refuse to let him leave for lunch before seeing me. I’ll call his desk and if he doesn’t answer, I’ll have him paged. Right after Alex picked up the phone to dial his extension, she heard a knock at the door.

  “Come in,” Alex said.

  Dan slowly opened the door as if he wanted to make sure he had permission to enter. “Did you leave a note for me?” he asked with uncertainty in his voice.

  “Yes. Come in.” She placed the phone back into its holder.

  Dan stepped into her office and closed the door behind him. He took a few steps in and stood in the middle of the floor. Alex tooted her lips upward.

  “Come on. Why are you creeping in here? My note may have been a little startling but nobody’s gonna bite you.” She laughed.

  Dan smiled a little. “I know. I guess it’s…well, you’ve never asked me to come to your office before.” He looked around. “It’s all right.”

  Alex nodded. “Thank you. Please, have a seat.”

  Dan obeyed. “So, um, what was the emergency?”

  “I ran into Mr. Sims this morning and he wants us to be prepared to talk in detail about our progress. So, I wanted to meet with you and get a handle on what we’re working on together, as well as separately.”

  He nodded. “Okay.”

  “In terms of the fair, what are you working on now?” Alex asked.

  “I looked at a few venues for it and got some prices. I can get them for you if you’d like to see them.”

  “Actually, that’s fine. We’ll be holding it at the Rockford Center. I’ve already checked it out and they have the space we need for an event of this magnitude.”

  Dan sat back in his chair and crossed his arms. Alex could tell that he didn’t like the fact that she’d already decided on a location without consulting him but that was too bad. She, unlike him, couldn’t afford to wait around for the day of the job fair to arrive and then look for a venue.

  “I thought you were working on employers,” Dan said.

  “I am.”

  He sighed. “If you have everything under control, then what do you need me for?” Dan sounded even more irritated as he spoke.

  I don’t. Mr. Sims thinks I need you. “There are still a lot of things tha
t we need to nail down.”

  “Like what?”

  “In order for the job fair to go off the way that we want, we need sponsors pronto. You know a lot of people because of the contacts you constantly have to make. I wanted to know if you could take on everything having to do with the sponsorships.”

  “Yeah, I do meet a lot of people.” Dan sat up in his chair and pushed his chin out. “Okay. I’ll do it.”

  “Great! Do you already have people in mind?” Alex turned to her notebook to write down Dan’s responsibility.

  “Yes.”

  “Really? Who?” Alex asked.

  “You’ll see.” He smiled wide.

  A knot formed in Alex’s stomach. You have to trust your team member. She cleared her throat. “Okay. Well, call anyone you know that might be interested in investing in something as important as this.”

  “Oh, I’ll work it out. I mean, we’ll work it out.”

  She smiled. Baby steps. “Good. I’m confident that this will be a breeze for you.”

  “Thanks, Alex.”

  Dan stood up and bounced out the door. Alex smiled. She’d done the right thing—giving Dan a chance to show what he can do. Something told her he would not disappoint. However, she planned to find some potential sponsors and keep them in her back pocket, in case he did drop the baton. Leaning back in her chair, she decided to break for lunch.

  CHAPTER 16

  When they were making plans, Alex requested a relaxed evening out but Nathan insisted on making it an official “date.” She knew one thing; she refused to get all dressed up like she had done before. Their last failed date made the second time he’d let her down. She had to command herself to think positive and believe there wouldn’t be a third time. Just in case, Alex opted for a pair of blue, boot-cut jeans, a white, buttoned shirt with a black body shaper under it, a black, stone-studded belt and silver heels. She conveniently swept her hair into an updo.