He smiled as he pulled her shift back over her shoulder. “You have not displeased me,” he said softly. “I will no longer require your services.” Her face took on a look of terror. She thought he was discharging her. “No, I do not require these types of services,” he explained. “You may return to your room.”
Somehow Hannah appeared to relax, and this brought on a new wave of regret. How could he have been so insensitive to her?
However, as he paced the room again, the room began to enclose around him. He needed to get out of this house. And he needed a drink where he could get his mind off the troubles in his life, and the pub in St. Mawes would be just the place.
***
Alice closed the door to the shop and locked it before looking up at the sign that hung above it. She felt no joy as she gazed at it. What she saw was as bleak as the dark clouds rolling in and matched how dark her spirit felt. She let out a sigh and crossed the road, passing only a few people who were hurrying home for the evening. She had not slept well over the past two days, the events of that fateful evening playing over and over again in her mind making it almost impossible to sleep. Try as she might, she could not help but feel more than just a little guilt for what she had done to Johnathan.
However, although he had been angry with her and had said hurtful words, she knew she was not the same naive woman she had been upon first arriving in Cornwall. The truth of the matter was that Thomas would never return, and she would marry a man she had come to love but did not love her in return. It was her fate, and she had to accept it as it was. Not every woman who came from an untitled family had the opportunity to marry an earl, and she had to be thankful that at least she would have the means to live a comfortable life. Plus, she had the shop to keep her busy and keep her mind off the fact that she was in a loveless marriage. Let her hats become her passion; she would welcome it.
The beach was empty as she stepped onto the sand, pulling the shawl close around her to keep the cold chill of the wind off her. The sun peeked from behind the clouds, forming a fan-like ray over the ocean. The waves came in, much stronger and louder than she had seen in some time and she closed her eyes to listen to their rhythmic banter. The sounds made her think of close walks of two people who loved each other, sharing secrets from their pasts and growing closer with each step. When she opened her eyes, a bird flew over her and she was once again brought back to reality. Her letter to Thomas, which Johnathan had taken, had never been sent. However, in her heart, she had finally said goodbye to him and had given her heart to another man, one she, at one point, could not wait to marry.
None of it mattered now, for Johnathan did not love her in return. And yet, though she had tried to make it seem that she no longer loved Johnathan, the truth was, she still did. She had fallen in love with the kind man who had brought her to this very beach. A man had used the waves as a way to illustrate and teach what she needed to know about having a business. A man who she thought had loved her in return.
Wiping at a tear, she looked up as the bird circled the sky above her and then flew off toward the horizon. The sun had disappeared once again, and though she knew she should return to the shop, she remained staring out over the ocean, watching the waves beckoning to her, mesmerizing her.
Tomorrow Johnathan would be by to collect her so they could begin the long journey back to Exeter. Perhaps she could explain to him the reason she had acted as she had and he would forgive her, for that was what she truly wanted. The shop, Cornwall, none if it was important. Only love. The thought of not having it is what had kept her up late at night.
The first drops of rain fell as she looked up at the sky and then back at the waves. They had grown even louder as they crashed recklessly on the beach, and a fine mist now washed over her as the waves rushed toward her. She closed her eyes one last time, wishing she could return to the previous week. She would tell Johnathan what she had seen, and perhaps he would have an explanation. Also, she would tell him the truth about Thomas, about how she no longer felt as strongly about the man as she now felt for Johnathan. However, she feared it was now too late for such talk. She had been plucked from the waves of life only to find herself back in the ocean once again.
But this time, she was drowning in sorrow.
Chapter Twenty-Six
The Broken Bell was a dark tavern frequented by men who preferred to either drown his sorrows in the alcohol of their choice or have a rowdy banter with their mates with very few who subscribed to somewhere in between. Johnathan was of the collective of those nursing their woes as he sat at a long polished wooden bar where the barkeep would be nearby to refill his glass as soon as it was empty.
The tavern had filled up over the past hour as the weather outside had darkened and storm clouds once again moved in, creating an odor of what remind Johnathan of a wet dog. To keep away the wretched smell, he kept his nose in the almost continuously full glass, even if the rum burned the hairs from his nostrils.
At the opposite end of the bar, an older gentleman swayed in his seat and a woman walked up to him, her dress so sheer one could see the outline of her lithe body, even in the dim lighting. She leaned in and whispered in the man’s ear and he turned a toothy grin at her. Johnathan suspected that a business transaction of their own would take place in the very near future between the two.
A cluster of sailors entered, each with a woman on his arm, and moved to an empty table in a far back corner. As they sat, Johnathan recognized the blue gown of one of the women, and he scowled. Why Alice chose to take pity on this Sally Canton, Johnathan did not understand. The way she conducted herself at this very moment was unbecoming of any woman, let alone one which was to be a companion of his future bride. She currently sat on the lap of the man Johnathan recognized as the sailor named Patrick who had befriended Alice. Johnathan watched the group without appearing to do so, although he doubted very highly that they would have noticed the King sitting in the same room, they were so engaged with their laughter and talk.
“I am beginning to wonder if the rain will ever stop,” a man sitting next to him said. Johnathan had been so engrossed in watching the group of sailors and their women, he failed to notice the man sit. He wore a well-tailored coat and trousers that spoke of money, and his bearing could only mean he was more than likely titled. Johnathan had hoped the scowl he wore would signal to everyone that he wished to be left alone, but apparently, that was not to be the case. Alcohol did have a tendency to make a man thick, even if they came from money, which clearly this man had.
“Well, it is Cornwall,” Johnathan said in reply. “It does tend to rain a good amount.” Then he extended his hand; the man was a gentleman after all. “Johnathan Blackmoore,” he said as way of greeting.
“Clarence Thomley, Marquess of Barnford,” the man replied with great pride as he shook Johnathan’s hand. The barkeep set a glass of amber liquid before him and the Marquess raised it to Johnathan. “May the sun come back into our lives as soon as possible,” he said.
Johnathan raised his glass and took a sip of his rum, his eyes not leaving the man next to him. Johnathan wondered why the man seemed set on speaking with him when he had any number of places to occupy. Johnathan did not know him, or perhaps he did but he did not recognize him. Either way, he preferred to be left alone, and thankfully, the man must have sensed this, for he turned to the man on his other side and began a conversation with him.
The door slammed open and a couple of perhaps twenty entered laughing as rain dripped from their clothing. They appeared quite happy, and Johnathan felt a pang of jealousy at their blooming relationship. The sight brought forth images of Alice, and though it crushed him what she had done, truth be told, he missed her. No, it was more than that; he needed her. When he was not with her, he found himself regressing to that angry man who viewed the world with eyes of detestation and jealousy, a man who did not smile. That had been the man he was before he had Alice in his life, and with her gone, that man was returning.
/> Reaching into his pocket, he pulled out the letter she had written to her lover. How could she claim to have loved him and yet at the same time write how she despised him? He had done everything he could to win her over: helping her with her shop, teaching her how to run a business, all of it had been his way of showing her how much he cared for her. Yet, if he told any man what he had done, he would have been ridiculed for the remainder of his life. ‘What would you expect,’ they would say. ‘No woman has a mind for business.’ But he had not cared what anyone thought, only her.
“My Lord?” a voice said.
Johnathan looked to his right. Patrick stood with his hat in his hands and his clothes as rough as the stubble on his face. “Patrick,” Johnathan said, giving the man a nod.
“It’s stormin’ out there pretty bad,” Patrick said and then offered a nervous smile. For what reason people felt the need to make conversation concerning the weather today, Johnathan did not know.
“It is,” Johnathan replied, simply because it was the polite thing to do. “So, are you celebrating something?”
“No, My Lord,” Patrick said. “Well, not exactly. Sally will be leaving with Miss Alice tomorrow to return to Exeter.” He gave a small flustered laugh. “Well, you’d already know that, wouldn’t you?” He cleared his throat when Johnathan did not even smile. “Anyway, we’re spending some time together before she leaves.”
Johnathan nodded and glanced over at Sally, who turned her eyes away as soon as she saw him look over. How peculiar, Johnathan thought. The woman had never been this shy with him before. Granted, she treated him with the sort of respect he would expect from any servant, but this act was more of guilt than reverence. He wondered if she was wearing any of the jewelry Alice had purchased with his money.
With a quick smile, Johnathan sat up straight and picked up his glass. “May I join your merry group?” he asked. He did not wait for Patrick to answer, but instead shouted out to the barkeep, “And I will be buying the next round for them.”
Those who had been sitting with Patrick went from surprise to elation and gave a loud cheer as Johnathan moved to join them. One man hopped from his chair and offered it to Johnathan before grabbing another for himself.
“To love,” Johnathan said with a lift of his glass.
“To love!” the other shouted, and everyone laughed. Everyone, that is, except Sally, who sat with her hands in her lap and her eyes on the table.
“Are you ready for our long trip tomorrow, Sally?” Johnathan asked in a jovial tone in an attempt to calm the woman.
“Yes,” she whispered. She grabbed her glass and took a drink, and Johnathan noticed that the only ring she wore was a simple silver band that would never have come from the same jeweler as those which Alice purchased. This eased Johnathan’s suspicions only slightly.
“Would you like another, My Lord?” Patrick asked with a nod to Johnathan’s now empty glass. He had not even realized he had drunk any, let alone all, of his rum.
“No. Thank you all the same,” Johnathan replied. “But if you would allow me, I would like to buy you another. Just tell the barkeep I said so.”
Patrick gave him a wide grin. “Thank you, My Lord!” he said before jumping up out of his chair and returning to the bar.
The rest of the group was engaged in sharing stories of some sort, Johnathan did not know about what for he had not heard a word they said, and with Patrick now gone, he decided to use this opportunity to speak to Sally.
“Sally, I would like to ask you something, and I would like you to be honest with me.”
Sally nodded, though she never raised her head.
“Why did Alice spend so much money? Dresses, jewelry, shoes, all of it. Does she only care about my wealth?”
Sally turned her gaze up at him with a guilty look. “Yes, My Lord. Her plan…”
“Please, you must tell me,” he urged her in a soft voice. “I promise to not be angry with you.”
She wiped at her eyes. “Her plan is to spend all of your money, if that is possible.” Then she looked up in a panic. “Please, My Lord, do not be angry at me, nor her. She is just hurting so badly. Alice is a good person, she really is.”
Johnathan shook his head, more confused than ever. “I do not understand. Why would she be hurting?” Was it because of Thomas?
“I cannot say, for I know it will only anger you and betray her.”
Johnathan let out a heavy sigh. Of course, the woman would be loyal to Alice. How could he convince her that he truly meant Alice no harm? “She once loved me and then stopped suddenly. What would cause her to do such a thing? If you want her to be happy, to be a true friend, please tell me why.”
Sally sniffed and took out a small square of cloth that resembled a handkerchief and wiped it under her nose. “Because she saw you…in the alleyway,” she whispered.
Patrick walked back to the table and Johnathan moved back away from Sally. His mind raced as he thought on what Sally had said. Everything began to fall into place. He had begun to notice the changes in Alice the day after he had visited the goldsmith. However, he had dismissed her odd behavior as his mind playing tricks on him after his encounter with Jane. Yet, that encounter had done much more damage than he had even considered.
He pushed back the chair so suddenly, everyone at the table ceased their conversation and looked up at him fearfully. “Enjoy your evening,” he said. “And I shall see you tomorrow,” he added to Sally, who gaped up at him as if surprised she was still in his employ.
After paying the barkeep, and adding one more round for the table of sailors to the bill, he rushed out of the tavern and into the downpour, immediately drenching every part of his body. Thunder boomed in the distance, and he hurried his steps to the shop only to find it locked. After banging on the door for several minutes, and not seeing even a sliver of light coming from the open door to the far back room, he glanced around him as if, somehow, he would catch Alice simply standing there waiting for him to see her. However, she was not anywhere in sight.
“Where have you gone?” he asked in a whisper. The rain pelted down against his face, the wind turning it into tiny needles that pricked at his skin. Alice should be home safe and not out in weather like this. Her only friend was Sally, and Sally was at the tavern. So where would the woman have gone?
Johnathan glanced across the road at the pier. It was a long shot, but perhaps she had gone to the beach. Although it was unlikely, he decided to at least take a look to be certain. Once he got to the beach, just enough dusk light was left in the sky to illuminate the single figure who stood in the middle of the beach, her arms wrapped around her as she stared off into the distance.
“Alice!” Johnathan cried out as he ran over the packed sand toward her. She turned toward him with reddened eyes when he reached her. “I need to speak to you,” he said breathlessly. “It is about Jane.”
“I know,” she said in a matter-of-fact voice. “I understand that she is what you need, and I will never say another word about her to you. I know my place.” Her despondent voice made him shiver. It was as if she had resigned herself to some horrible fate, and the thought made Johnathan’s heart sear.
He took her hands in his. “You do not understand,” he said with urgency. “Allow me to tell you the truth of what happened that day.”
“If you feel you must,” she said dully.
“Jane met with me, this is true, but she met me in the bank and pulled me into the alley. I did not want to be there, but I had hoped for some sort of closure on our relationship.”
Alice looked up at him skeptically. “But I saw what I saw.”
“You saw a woman kiss me, that is true,” Johnathan said. “What you did not see was me pushing her away and asking her to never speak to me again.” He grabbed her arms and pulled her close to him. “You see, Alice, that day when you and I kissed, it brought about a confirmation of something I was not sure of before then.”
“And what is that?” she asked breat
hily.
“That I love you,” Johnathan said as he gazed down into the beautiful green eyes before him. “I thought I knew what love was all those years ago when I thought I loved Jane. However, you see, I was not completely honest with you the day out here we shared our secrets. I was courting her, and she left me for a man of more title and wealth. A duke to be exact. It had crushed me, hurt me in more ways than I never understood. And then I met you and realized that what I had felt for her was nothing even close to love.”
“I do not understand,” Alice said. “What do you mean? How was I so different?”
He smiled down at her. “You wanted your business and nothing more. Never once did you complain of title or wealth, or even where you were living. You were happy with what you had been dealt, even after I offered many times to have you stay somewhere more befitting a lady. Over the past month, I saw what love truly is. It was you, Alice. Your smile, your view on life, they are what I need in my life. For without you, I become a man full of anger, and I no longer want to live in such a manner.”
The rain poured down upon them, but Johnathan cared not at all. He only wished to see Alice happy and if they stood all night outside in the rain, he would do so if that was what she wanted. He would not leave her side.
“I know you said goodbye to Thomas,” Johnathan said in a low voice, “and that it was a difficult undertaking for you. I ask that you allow me to love you, to show you how much affection I have for you. I was angry at your spending, that much I admit, but I see now why you did it. I will never hold a secret from you again, I promise.”
Alice nodded and bit at her lip. “Saying goodbye to him was difficult, but it needed to be done. You see, for years now I have hoped he would return to save me, to whisk me away with him. However, I, too, fell in love with you, although I fought those feelings for as long as I could. To be honest, it was because I did not want to admit what I had known all along once I said goodbye to him.”
“And what was that?” Johnathan asked.
The Spinsters Secret Page 21
