Man of Honor (Battle Scars)

by Diana Gardin

  The answer? All of those. She crawled under my skin and never left. She’s seated there like it’s her throne, her place to rule over me like the queen she is.

  “Sullivan!” Her voice interrupts our conversation at the perfect moment and she glides into the kitchen. She’s seriously the only woman I know who moves like that, like she’s always floating. It’s magnetic; drawing people toward her in her wake wherever she goes. “Let’s talk about tonight.”

  Chase’s muffled cough hides his amusement as I turn toward her with my entire body. “Right. You want to split them up tonight, right?”

  Mea’s adorable grin pulls her luscious lips up just a little higher on one side. “Absolutely. Don’t you want to give Dare a real bachelor party, just for a night? We can meet up later if you want. I just need a couple of hours with Berkeley to get a bachelorette scavenger hunt going.” She rubs her hands together like the dirty ideas are already rolling through her mischievous mind.

  I can’t help but smile at her. “Sounds good. We can handle Dare for a few hours, right, Chase?”

  Chase’s eyes are bouncing back and forth between the two of us. “’Course we can.” I can see his own set of questionable plans taking shape just behind his eyes.

  Mea’s beautiful brown eyes hold mine for a second. The girl is as sure of herself as anyone I know, but I can see a hint of uncertainty in her gaze. As she turns to leave Chase and me alone, I grab on to her wrist and give Chase a pointed look.

  It takes him all of five long seconds before he reads it and comprehends. Standing up, he slaps my shoulder and drops a kiss on Mea’s cheek before he leaves the room.

  I tug Mea onto my lap and she comes willingly, turning her body to the side so that her head finds a nesting spot on my chest. Moving my hand down her smooth skin until I’m holding her hand, I squeeze her delicate, slender fingers gently between mine. “What’s up, baby girl?”

  She runs a dark-polished fingernail over my collarbone, blazing a trail on the soft cotton of my thermal. My gaze drops to follow her trajectory; she traces the place where my heart is now beating an erratic rock song in my chest. When I lift my eyes again, hers are melted liquid pools of chocolate.

  Damn. She’s fucking gorgeous.

  “Well…” Her lip is sucked into her mouth as she hesitates and I control myself, somehow refraining from taking the succulent flesh into my own mouth to suck.

  “Well?” My voice has dropped low and rough. I can’t help it, she brings out the barest, basic natural instinct inside of me to take what’s mine and mark it. Procure, possess, protect.

  Her head drops against me again as she guides her finger down lower. When it reaches my abdomen and she traces the lines of my muscles there, I clench my teeth hard. When she crosses the threshold between my shirt and my jeans, dipping her finger below the denim, I hiss out a whispered curse.

  “Mea.” She’s exactly one breath away from unleashing the beast inside me. Does she know it? Is that what she wants?

  I can’t get this wrong. I need her to tell me what she wants. What she needs.

  “Earlier, on the ATV? You said ‘later.’ I was just wondering how much later you meant.”

  Every muscle, every breath, every heartbeat I have goes still while I evaluate her words. I allow my brain a second to think it through, because I can’t just plunge in with Mea. She’s worth the time it takes to make sure we’re on the same level, that we understand each other completely before I make any rash decisions. But damn if I don’t want to rip every single item of clothing she’s wearing right now off of her and plunge into her sweet, dark heat right here at this table.

  When she lifts her head to glance at me again, all that thought is lost. Her eyes are the softest velvet, the deepest secret, the sweetest story ever told. And they focus on me with the intensity of someone who needs her body pleasured in a way that only I can do.

  I’m on my feet then, cradling her against my chest as I eat up the distance between the kitchen table and the back staircase. She’s weightless in my arms as I climb the steps, cross the hallway upstairs, and fling open the door to my temporary bedroom.

  The afternoon sun is streaming in, and I say a silent prayer of thanks to whoever is listening. The first time with Mea again and I get to have her in the daylight? My cock twitches at the thought, ready to be freed from the cotton and denim separating him from the girl he seeks.

  I cross the room, and place her down on my bed. She slides back a little bit, allowing her legs to hang over the side as she stares up at me. Kneeling, I pull off her boots and toss them behind me. Unbuttoning her jeans, I slide them down the lithe, shapely curves of her legs. Her skin is perfect, buttery and soft and fragrant. There’re no girly floral perfumes for Mea. She’s all woman and her scent reflects that. The inviting spice of amber and musk floods my nostrils, mixed with the heady, intoxicating aroma of her arousal wafting toward me from her panties. I want to bury my head between her legs, but first I want her naked.

  “You’re sure? This is what you want? I’m what you want?” I throw the questions out there in hopes that she doesn’t back down. She’s a fighter, I can sense that in her and I’ve seen it firsthand. She’s been through more than enough shitstorms in her life to know when she’s making a mistake. I don’t want to be one of them. I want to be the opposite of a mistake for Mea.

  Whatever that might be.

  Her eyes, hooded with desire and locked in on my movements, lift to mine as she nods her head. “I want this. So much, Drake.”

  She says my name on a sigh that makes me weak. Tossing her jeans over my shoulder, I let my big hands slide up her thighs. Wrapping them around her ass, I yank her forward on the bed. “Take your shirt off. I need to see you. All of you.”

  She does as she’s told, and I watch while she yanks the gray fabric over her head. She lets it drop to the floor beside me, and I watch with fascination as her chest rises and falls with a big breath. Her breasts, small and perfectly round, nearly spill out of her lacy white bra. Reaching around behind her back, she unclasps it and her breasts bounce free.

  I lick my lips, because they’ve gone dry. “Fucking perfect. You know that, right? You’re perfect.”

  A shadow of uncertainty, similar to what I saw in her expression just downstairs, crosses her face.

  She really doesn’t know that. Someone hurt her…before. I’m not an idiot, I figured that out. But it left her broken. She can’t see herself the way I do.

  The thought sends a tidal wave of rage crashing through me. I can’t picture some asshole of a man putting his hands on her in order to hurt her. I don’t know the details, and I hope that the day will come soon when she trusts me enough to let me in on what went down. But until then, all I want to be to her is the reassurance she’s been missing.

  “It’s true.” I don’t mean to growl, but my thoughts make it impossible not to. “I’ll show you.”

  I gesture toward the windows, where light streams in. “Baby, has anyone ever made love to you during the day? With the light shining down on all the best, secret, most beautiful parts of you?”

  I know the answer before she shakes her head in the negative, and I push on, shaking my head in awe. “Because I can’t tell you how happy I am that the sun is shining right now. Every inch of you is about to be revealed to me so that I can worship you the right way. The way you deserve. The way your body needs to be served.”

  The muscles in her legs begin to tremble beneath my hands. Her head falls against one of her shoulders, and I gently push her back so that she’s lying down on the bed.

  I dip my head, burying my nose between her thighs and inhaling a deep breath. Her scent washes over me, and I’m suddenly too hot to function. With a groan, I stand and reach behind my head, pulling my shirt off in one smooth movement. Then I unbutton my jeans. My dick is free the moment I unzip them, and I’m happy as fuck I decided to forgo underwear this morning after my shower. The jeans are gone, but I still want to crawl out of my own
body and into hers.

  Kneeling again, I place kisses on the insides of her thigh. Just before I reach the apex, I switch to the other leg, smoothing my hands up the sides of her and back down again. There aren’t enough places to touch all at once. There aren’t enough places to lick her, to kiss her, to taste her. I’m so limited, because I’m only a man, but I want to eat her up. In one swallow.

  The tiny scrap of white cotton covering the center of my gravity at the moment need to come off. Almost like she’s reading my mind, Mea lifts her hips off the bed with a frustrated sigh. I can’t stop my grin as I take hold of the sides of her panties and tug them down her legs. Discarding them, I just take a second. To drink her in. Breathe her. Breathe her. Breathe her.

  She plants her pretty little feet on my bare shoulders.

  “Mea.”

  She glances down at me. Her voice is breathy and so damn sexy when she answers. “Yeah?”

  “I’m gonna eat up that pretty little pussy now. Not gonna stop, not until you know exactly how you should be worshipped. You ready for me, baby?”

  I pull back for a second searching her face. Because I need her to know that I’m not just asking her if she’s ready to be intimate with me. I’m asking her so much more, and I need her to read it in my expression. To hear it in my voice. To feel it in my touch.

  Her soft fingers land in my hair, tugging. Stroking. I close my eyes for a second, relishing the sensation. But they pop back open when she speaks.

  “I’m ready for you, Drake.”

  I stare her down for a second, checking for any sign that she doesn’t realize what she’s getting into with me. I know better than anyone that with the shit going on in my head and in my heart that there is no easy road. Not with me. But she nods, like she sees me for exactly who I am.

  And maybe she does, because isn’t she the one who’s been picking up the soggy pieces of me all over the bar for the last few months?

  Dropping my head, my tongue meets her slick wet heat. She cries out, and her fingers are no longer gentle in my hair. Her feet push hard against my shoulders. I take another taste, and everything that is Mea flows into my mouth, down my throat, into my soul.

  She tastes like the finest wine there is.

  Her pleasure, free flowing from her core and into my mouth, is the sweetest thing I’ve ever savored. I treat her like she’s fragile at first. Gentle swipes with my tongue through her folds and around her clit have her quivering in my hands. I can feel all of the tension inside of her coiled up in this one spot, and all I have to do is pull the cord for her to fall apart right in front of me.

  When her moans are doing things to my body that I’m scared I won’t be able to control, I graze her with my top teeth just before I pull her into my mouth and suck. Hard.

  A slew of curses like I’ve never heard from a woman erupt from this tiny, debilitating creature in front of me. Her hips lift from the bed as she comes, and just like I promised I would be, I’m right there to catch her. I can tell she’s still high, reveling in the stars above us, as I climb onto the bed beside her and pull her on top of me. Her body is liquid, her curves pressing against my ridges in the most alluring fucking way possible. I kiss her throat, her shoulders, pushing her hair off her face as she comes spiraling back down.

  Opening sleepy, lust-filled eyes, she smiles at me. Steals my breath. Rocks my world before she touches me.

  “Your turn.”

  I cover up my shock with a grin. “I want my turn to be inside of you.”

  With a sexy, satisfied smirk, she pushes up off my chest and positions herself right where I need her. Sucking in a gulp of air, I still her hips against me and reach for the bedside table. Remembering I’m not at home, I squeeze my eyes shut.

  “I really hope I packed some condoms in my suitcase.”

  Her slender shoulders give a flippant shrug. “Go and check.”

  I head to my bag, searching the small pockets until I come up with that tiny foil packet. Holding it up to her in triumph, I stalk back toward the bed.

  I’ve told her that I’m someone she can trust, and I’m more than glad I can back that up right now by keeping her safe.

  “Please, Drake. I need…this. I need you.”

  I climb back on the bed. Knowing I’ll never be able to say no to her.

  I cup her face with both hands, stroking her high cheekbones with my thumbs. “Tell me something. And I need the truth, or we don’t do this.”

  The wrinkle between her eyebrows shows her focus as she nods. “Okay.”

  Taking a deep breath, I ask the one thing that’s been bothering me for almost three years. “What did I do the last time that sent you running? I never want to make that mistake again.”

  She freezes; her wide eyes focus on me and every muscle in her body tenses up. I continue stroking her face with gentle circles, telling her with my eyes that she’s safe and that she can tell me anything. I can take it. I’m strong enough.

  Her voice is a whisper so soft and so wretched that my heart clenches almost painfully in my chest. It’s like with one look she’s reaching inside me and squeezing with all her might, reducing the beating organ to useless dust. I want to take in some air, but I’m drowning in her deep, sad gaze.

  “If I tell you, do you promise you won’t think I’m crazy?”

  Is it possible for twelve words to gut you, slice you in half like a midday meal?

  16

  Mea

  I’m ruining this. I’m so sure of it as I watch something in his eyes turn dark and tortured. He looks pained, like it’s hard for him to take a breath. My muscles, which have been frozen up until this point, allow me to move again and I make to remove myself from on top of him.

  But his hands, so warm, so damn comforting, move to my hips to hold me to him. “I don’t want you to go anywhere, Mea. I want to know what you have to tell me.”

  I search his face for any sign that he doesn’t really want to hear any in-depth descriptions of my own personal brand of crazy. But his face is nothing but determined, sincere, and fierce. I wish I knew what he’s thinking. What is he fierce about? What did I say that obviously physically hurt him?

  It should be awkward, having a conversation with a man while you’re sitting naked on top of him. Or maybe it shouldn’t be, but it always would have been for me in the past. There’s nothing but comfort and warmth right now, sitting with Drake. His hands, cupping my face with thumbs rubbing my cheeks so tenderly, make me feel safe and secure. The hard swell of his erection beneath me reminds me that he wants me still, in spite of the talking we’ve been doing for the past few minutes. The intimate and intense burn of his gaze on my face makes me feel important and heard. Seen.

  He sees me. That thought has my mind whirling in a thousand different directions. I tilt my head to one side, leaning into the roughness of his palm as I wonder, marvel, at this fact. No one, aside from my brother, has ever really seen me.

  Not the way Drake does.

  This feels important. Momentous, even. I’ve been trying for years to deny that the night with him even happened. I never thought I’d be telling Drake what it was that made me shut down that night. The one thing that made me decide I never wanted to see him again.

  Taking a deep breath, I blurt it out. “I have rules.”

  He blinks, his perplexity plain on his face. “Rules?”

  An intense heat flushes my face as I continue. “When it comes to sex, I mean. I’m always the one to call the shots. I’ve never had sex within the confines of a relationship before. So I would always pick the guy. Make sure he fit my criteria, you know? And then I would tell him up front about the rules.”

  Drake’s brow furrows as he tries to understand. “But you never told me about any rules, Mea.”

  Groaning, I throw my head back. Drake’s hands settle on my shoulders, smoothing down the wrinkles of my agitation. “I know! That’s the thing. With you, it’s always been different. That day at the garage that we met, I was comple
tely out of my element. That level of pure attraction that I felt toward you…it was something completely new to me and I had no idea how to handle it.”

  Drake sits up. I bounce on his lap a bit, but he steadies me with his hands as he draws me closer to his chest. And that chest distracts me for a minute as my eyes rove with hungry interest over the hard muscles and sprinkling of dark hair.

  “Electric. That’s how I always thought of it. It’s how it’s always been between us.” Drake moves his head around, trying to find my attention once more.

  I bob my head in the affirmative, grateful that he understands. “Yeah, I guess it has, hasn’t it?”

  My hair is all over the place, and Drake smooths the wild locks back from my face.

  “You didn’t tell me your rules that night. Tell me now.”

  Biting the corner of my bottom lip while I consider, I nod. As I talk, my heart rate picks up its rhythm, pounding an unforgiveable cadence against my ribs. “Um, I just have a few. First, I choose a guy who hasn’t been drinking.”

  Drake’s eyes narrow right before a deep sense of shame pours out of his shocked gaze. I say nothing, only watch him as he takes this statement in. Finally, he nods, swallowing hard. His Adam’s apple bobs in his throat, and it sounds like he choked on it when he speaks. “Go on.”

  I sigh. “Next, I always provide protection. And the guy has to wear it.”

  His face is a mask of stone, I can’t read anything in it. But his hands still touch me, holding me, soothing me. So I continue.

  “The last rule…is that the guy I sleep with can never, ever be on top.”

  It’s like I dropped a hammer in the room. Drake pulls back from me like he’s been slapped. “I wasn’t drinking that day.”

  I watch him with wary attention. “I know that. That’s why I slept with you.”

  His voice rises slightly. “And we used a condom.”

  “Yeah.” My stomach is clenching and unclenching, balling my muscles up and then expanding them again in a repetitive motion.

  “But…I rolled you over that night. It was so damn good, Mea. You felt amazing. And I rolled you over just before we finished. Are you telling me…” His voice trails off, and he coughs, as if he’s trying to expel something.